Tuesday, August 9, 2011

It never rains but it pours: it's the woman thing

So, it has been an uneventful couple of weeks on the woman front. Perhaps this is just because I have been training here at home more often (ROMing to death) and going to the gym less often. Perhaps it is because I have traveled several of the past few weekends, visiting with family members (only). Perhaps it is because I have had more basic survival issues at hand, like finding that big management break in a market tumbling by 635 points.

In any case, that period of relative calm broke big-time today.

Event 1: I got a priceless look of shock from one of the girls in the firm as I walked in this morning. I hadn't seen her in at least 4 weeks. She looked truly astonished, and she didn't try to mask it. She didn't say anything, and neither did I, but I knew what that look meant. I've dumped 4% of my body fat in that time. It makes a big difference. She reacted to that difference.

Event 2: There is a certain female, in my general environs, who is drop-dead sexy and she has always been nice to me. I've always had the feeling that she was borderline interested in me. That just stepped up to an entirely different level today. She was downright kittenish and flirty. She was strutting and pouting and pouring it on. It was an act, but it was an act with a goal in mind, that much is for certain. Her demeanor was fairly unmistakable.

There are only two huge problems with this girl: (1) She's a Sagittarius , and (2) she's married.

Believe me, I know Sagittarians well, and they have big, huge, giant problems staying within their marriage vows. They love adventure. They are fiery. I wouldn't put it past her (at all) to be interested in a fling. This is what worries me. For a traditional, cautious, uptight, conservative, stuffy, moralizing, taciturn, inhibited, Saturnine, shy Virgo (like me) this is absolutely out of the question. There is no chance (I mean zip, zero, nada) of me heading in that direction.

Can't play with them. Can't coach with them. Can't win with them. Can't do it.

Besides that, Sagittarius and Virgo go together like kids and poison candy, like drunken drivers and fast-cars, like cats and mice, like fire and ice, like hungry folks and rice, like Navy Seals and Al-Qaida agents. There are any number of famous catastrophes involving Virgos and Sagittarians getting together. If you don't believe me, just ask Donovan McNabb and Mike Shanahan. That little misadventure cost Washington dearly.

Although I admire Coach Spagnuolo quite a bit, I doubt we would be good partners in crime. I'll just give him the thumbs up from a safe distance... like 800 meters. I am sure he would appreciate the space.

Event 3: As I am walking out of work at the end of the day, I pass by a smoking area outside the building which I seldom see. There are two people, one male and one female, having a smoke break at the end of the day.

Completely unsolicited, the female belts out "My God! You look good! You look like you've lost a bunch of weight."

I take a good look at them both, presuming I have failed to identify people I actually know. Nope, not the case. I have no idea who these two people are. They don't work for my company. I don't know who they work for.

I decide there is no harm in being friendly so we converse briefly...

"Yeah, I have 115 pounds!"

"That's incredible! How did you do it?"

"Gastric bypass surgery did it for me."

"Well you look marvelous! Keep up the good work!"

I note that this is the second time she has said something flattering and in a flattering tone.

"You know, I can't believe how many people have noticed that I have lost weight. I always think I am fairly low-profile. It must be the Jerseys that allow people to recognize me."

"Yeah! It is!"

That was it. Some woman I don't know and never met before called me out on the street near work. How did that happen?

Event 4: I'm over at Robek's Juice getting a couple ounces of wheat grass and a smoothy. It is dinner time. Just as I down the 2 ounces of wheat-grass extract, and my face screws up like I just bit into a sour pickle, a pretty (and very young) girl approaches me and asks me

"Is that good?"

She has a huge shinny smile on her face. I'm coughing a bit from the intensity of the wheat grass.

"This is a pretty sharp dose, but yes, this is great stuff. There are some scientific controversies about wheat grass. Some folks say it's a sham, but the majority report says that that fresh ground wheat grass is terrific for your health."

We talked for about 2 minutes more about wheat grass. The dude behind the counter gives me my Acai smoothy, and I split. About 5 minutes later, as I arrive at my car, a funny feeling crosses my mind.

"You don't think that girl...? There is no way that...? She wouldn't have been...? She can't be more than 22 years old...? She wouldn't want...? She just can't be interested...?"

Folks, I think I missed an engraved invitation to get a telephone number. After thinking about it for awhile, I am fairly sure that was an outright-flirt. I missed it because I am totally unaccustomed to chicks flirting with me. Further, I have no natural expectation that girls young enough to be my daughter would want to flirt with me.

The Young Girl Thing...

Sirus 1.1 claims I have terrifying synastry with younger women. I'm not talking about 6 ot 7 years younger either. I'm talking 14 to 25 years younger. I didn't believe a word of it until recent events began changing my mind.

Sirus says I have virtually no good scores until 1978. Then there are a couple of Scorpios. In 1979, the scores shoot through the roof, rising to a theoretical max score of 537. This is an Aries woman born on 4/13/1979. There are plenty of Tauri, Capricorns, and Scorpios in that 1979 batch. I have plenty have scores over 300 in the year 1979.

After 1980, you can forget it. Anything goes. I have a cornucopia of high scores vs. Capricorn, Taurus, Pisces, Aquarius, Libra, Scorpio, Leo, Sagittairus. The scores range between 350 and 530 points. You name it, Dave. You can have anything you want. Help yourself.

The best of all possible scores doesn't occur until 3/12/1986. This is the theoretical Pisces female I have code-named La-La.

There is a huge batch of Leos scattered from 7/24/1987 to 8/10/1987. The total combined scores of some of these Leos rival those of La-La. Although somewhat lower in the romantic & sexual attraction score, these Leos have much higher communication, problem-solving, shared creativity and pleasantness scores.

It just keeps right on rolling and doesn't quit. I just recently discovered that I have 350 vs AnnaSophia Robb, who was born in 1993. She was just a little kid 10 minutes ago. She's a Sagittarius also.

Do I think that score is legit? I think she's drop-dead gorgeous. She's far and away, the prettiest girl among the teens in Hollywood. I have no clue what she would think of me. Sirus 1.1 suggests she would freak out; that her little-girl hormones would destroy her.

One of these days I am going to have to blog on the subject of Saturn in the 7th House, and all of it's consequences. I happen to have Saturn in my 7th House, which is Pisces.

When I write that blog you will get the distinct impression that God must be a mad joker. God must be clowning me or something. Why deny a man any chance of happiness until his 40s only to turn around and give him the entire world of young women at that point? It seems like sheer lunacy to me.

If I were a Sagittarius, I wouldn't question it. I would jump in head first and revel in it.