Sunday, January 29, 2012

Diego's Umbrella's new video

So I mentioned that my brother's band has a new music video out.  They debuted this video on Friday night, and I was there for the event.  A lot of the folks who made the video were present in the venue for the event.

The band is never seen at any point during the video.  It mostly features a very good looking woman in variety of ladies undies.  That's always fun.  It also features a dude she is attempting to woo.

Some very homosexual guys in the band wasted a lot of time after the video, praising how handsome the guy was.  I was offended on multiple levels.  First, you never talk about the goddamn guy in the video.  Second, I am obviously 10,000 times hotter than this poor bastard.  He is unworthy of the honor of smelling my farts.

The girl was present at the show, and she was nearby as I conversed with my brother and several members of the band after the show.  She looked very unhappy.  That's because she wanted to be with me.  It's perfectly understandable, really.  I can't totally understand her despair.  She's on my radar.  I'm considering asking for an introduction.

I gotta get serious about MySynastryEngine

Since football season ended for me 2 weeks early this year, it is now officially the off-season.  This means I need to find something else to do with my weekends and spare time besides working out, washing, cooking, eating, and sleeping.

Might be a good time for a date, right?  Sure, but I doubt that will be an every-night, or even every-weekend event this off-season.  Who knows... perhaps I speak too soon.  Since I have now officially been knighted THE sexiest bastard on God's Earth, I just might have a date every weekend this year.  After-all, dudes such as Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, and George Clooney are unworthy to lick the sweat of my jockstrap now. I am far better than any of those three gentlemen, although I have to admit that in his younger days, Clooney was close.

All the more reason to chose wisely, which brings me to the subject of MySynastryEngine.  Every single day for the past year or so, I have visited sites such as Wikipedia, IMDB and IAFD looking up the birthdays of people I love and hate, feel attracted too, or am repulsed by.  My little black book has grown to well over 1,200 names and birthdays.   All of them have charts and records stashed in my Sirius 1.1 database.  Most of these folks can also be found in my Janus 4.3 database.

I have learned a lot about how the Sirius engine does things, and I am absolutely convinced that there are some serious mistakes in emphasis here.  Most of the points of emphasis do not match well with the sorts of things I read about classical synastry analysis.  I have learned a lot about the people in my black book, and just how and when Sirius 1.1 takes a left turn at Albuquerque.

To be precise, Sirius 1.1 places a heavy stress on the composite chart, or the relationship chart.  What is a composite chart?  A composite chart takes the position of your Sun and her Sun and averages them together.  If your sun is located at 1 degrees Taurus, and her sun is located at 28 degrees Virgo, you composite sun is located at (178 + 31) / 2 = 104.5 degrees, which is equal to 14.5 degrees Cancer.  You do this for every planet position in the chart.

So what the hell does this mean?  If you take a Taurus guy and average him with Virgo girl, you get an average Cancer tranny?  What the hell is that suppose to signify?  This point is a mathematical fact of quite dubious value.  I am skeptical that this tells us anything important.

Complicating the issue is the fact this tactic is a new innovation, just as is the Davison Relationship Chart.  This technique of averaging positions has not been used for even 100 years now.  I have serious doubts about any innovation that new.

Somehow, India has managed to have a very long and successful history of arranged marriages via a type of synastry analysis without either of these two techniques.  We're talking about 3,000 years of arranged marriages that actually work, and that were set-up on the basis of consequential synastry analysis.

Would we not be better served if we studied the way these match-makers work, and use their techniques?

I am convinced that the composite chart and the Davison Relationship charts introduce error, rather than clarifying facts about romance, sexual attraction, basic agreement levels, pleasantness and peace, etc.  Based on these two tools, the Sirius engine has generated a sizable number of false positives and false negatives.  A straight-elemental comparison of the first five (or personal) planets yields a far more accurate results... most of the time.

The rest comes from the House positioning of planets, just as the Janus 4.3 engine correctly emphasizes.  If Janus only had a numerical scoring system, it would be a better engine (today) than the one offered in Sirius.

My approach to writing a synastry engine WILL NOT be based on the composite chart or the Davison Relationship Chart.  I will do a straight elemental analysis of the first five (personal) planets.  My synastry engine will be based on sweet old-fashioned notions about soft aspects generating the best levels of over-all compatibility.  My engine will be loved in India, where the match-makers have a 3,000 year history of arranging actual marriages that are usually successful.

I could write and finish this engine in one week, if it were not for one little impediment:  I need to calculate the correct position of all the astronomical bodies.  Don't you use an ephemeris for that?  You can.  You can even find one here.  Translate that into you software DB if you can.

However, I have read many interesting cases made against the accuracy of these ephemera.  Many NASA-like folks say that the positions specified by these tables are inaccurate.  A precise location can only be obtained by grinding out the solution using the best current formulas.

Would it were that I only knew what those formulas were.  I really need to take a class in astronomy.  I need to find a sympathetic prof who can show me the formulas I need.  He or she can critique my implementation of these formulae in code.

Once this is done, I can grind out the rest of my solution in fairly short order.  The road-block is the accurate calculation of planetary position.  More than two years ago, my obsession with this project began with a simple and fun project to write some code that could calculate the position of the planets.  Now it looks like the project is coming around full-circle.  Where it all began is where it all comes back to right now.  I need to resume my original project.

The Jungle Gym XT

As I mentioned in a previous blog entry about abdominal/core workouts, the TRX suspension system has now become an indispensable component of my workout these days.  Just in case you didn't read that blog post, I'll give you the cliff's notes:  Suspension exercise is the key to developing a sexy six-pack.  You won't develop a six-pack by doing sit-ups or crunches.

I seriously doubt you can develop one by using the Solution, the Ab-Glider or event the Rack in isolation.  Put all three of these devices together, and you have a decent chance.  However, I think suspension exercises (such as those done with the TRX straps) could probably get the job done without any other assistance or recourse.

This makes suspension exercises the prime mover in developing a six-pack.  Suspension work is the most powerful ab work.  Nothing else is as effective.  Nothing else is as important.  Does this mean you throw away the Rack, the Solution and the Ab-Glider?  Hell no!  Keep doing those exercises as well.  Everything helps.

Now that you understand how important these straps are to my current program, consider my horror on Wednesday night when I discover that the gym coaches have locked up the TRX straps in the storage room treasure chest.  The treasure chest is locked-down with a combination lock.  I can't get in.  I can't use the straps.

I ask the nice folks at the help desk if they can open the treasure chest for me.  They apologize and say they can't.  The treasure chest contains the private property of the gym coaching staff.  They have the right to lock-up their private gear if they want to.  They are often generous enough to allow the good people of the gym to user their stuff, but if they want to lock it up...

So there was no TRX suspension work for me on Wednesday or Thursday night.  Neither was their TRX suspension work on Friday or Saturday, primarily because my brother's band was in town.

Naturally, I knew immediately that my workout cannot be made dependent on the vagaries of tender mercies of the gym coaches.  I was going to have to take action.  I needed my own straps.  If this is an essential tool, I need to own it.  I need to be able to use it at will.

Imagine my horror when I discovered that TRX charges between $199 and $250 for their average packages!  What a shock!  How can such a rude little device cost so much?  It only goes to prove Yogi Berra's point:  A dollar ain't worth a nickle anymore.

Naturally, this was the moment when I swung into consumer-mode.  I began grinding the search engines, looking for a better price.  I also began trolling the Amazon reviews, looking for an alternative.  This is where I struck gold.

It turns out that the most helpful review of the TRX product was written by a very knowledgeable strength coach who rated the Jungle Gym XT as the most effective product in this category, regardless of price.  He said he would select the Jungle Gymn XT over the TRX, even if it cost more than the TRX system.  It was a better design product, and fabricated from better materials.  Fortunately for us, the The Jungle Gym XT is less than half the price of the common TRX packages.  It's about $97 bucks.  This makes it a no-brainer choice.

I was excited.  I bought the Jungle Gym XT immediately, on impulse.  20 seconds later I was wondering why I jumped so quickly.  I decided to visit the YouTube to see what I had just purchased.  About 30 minutes spent there convinced me that I made the correct decision.

Not only are the Jungle Gym XT videos on YouTube better done and more illuminating, they feature demonstrations of much more advanced & challenging exercises.  Further, you can clearly see why any strength and conditioning coach would prefer this set of straps over the TRX straps.

What are the obvious points of improvement in this architecture?

  1. The Jungle Gym XT consists of two independent straps, not one strap.
  2. Each strap of the Jungle Gym XT anchors independently to your cross-bar
  3. It is much easier to widen and narrow the anchors of the Jungle Gym XT on the bar
  4. It much quicker and easier to shorten and lengthen the straps of the Jungle Gym XT.
  5. The handles of the Jungle Gym XT consist of two V-Shaped hard-graphite stirrups.  These stirrups will hold your feet much more safely and securely than the loose material of the TRX strap.
My Jungle Gym XT has not arrived just yet, but I am very excited and looking forward to using it for the first time.  In the meantime, I am struggling to make due with the Ab-Glider, the Solution and the Rack.  The Rack has become my primary focus, and it is doing a very nice job for me.  Still, I want to get going with the Jungle Gym XT.

You can read another British Gent's opinion about the subject right here.  Check out one of the nicest videos on the Jungle Gym XT:

Somewhere between 180.4 and 181.6

We're coming up on the 1 year anniversary of my gastric bypass surgery.  We're essentially 5 days away.  More that 51 weeks have elapsed since the surgeons re-piped my guts.

Hard to believe a year has already come and gone.  I entered Providence Hospital in Burbank on Friday morning, February 4th, 2011.  They released me on January 6ths around 2pm.  I was home in time for the Super Bowl.  This year, the Super Bowl falls on Feb 5th.

So, I haven't reported on my fitness level much in this new year of 2012.  This week, my weight has been hovering between 180 to 182.  Yesterday morning, I clocked in at 180.4.  Just a few moments ago, it was 181.6.  These are normal fluctuation having to do with hydration level, time of day, whether you just evacuated, or just ate, just came out of the sauna, or just finished a little Mac-N-Cheese.

Regardless, this is the lowest my weight has ever been during my entire adult life.  Prior to this epoch, my lowest (consistent) body weight was around 192 pounds.  This was during my time in the U.S. Army.  This was circa 1989-1991.  This is when I was around 22-24 years old.  Hearken back to the end of the Joe Montana epoch in San Francisco 49er history.

Here we are, some 22 years later, and I am around -10 pounds lighter than that.  Furthermore, I fairly certain that I am leaner, and that I have greater muscle mass levels.  I didn't do much weightlifting during my time in the U.S. Army.  Army fitness was about body-weight calisthenics and cardiovascular fitness.  We did a lot of running in formation.  I also did some biking and Olympic rowing in those days,  I had no idea what a kettlebell was in those days.

Not many guys can say they are lighter, leaner, and stronger at age 45 than they were at 22.  Fewer still can say this if they were in pretty good shape at 22.  I can.  I am downright gaunt these days.  Muscle definition is showing all over my arms and shoulders.  The splits between muscle groups is pronounced on my calves and starting to show on my thighs.  Big gnarly vascularity shows in my calf muscles and forearms.

Most folks who see me have no clue I was ever fat.  Most people think I am a goddamn liar when I tell them what happened in 2011.

I have a fairly hilarious story to report for you on this point.  My brother's band swung through SoCal on the last leg of their current tour this weekend.  I caught the act on Friday night at the EchoPlex where they debuted their new music video.  Saturday night, they played in Santa Barbara, roughly 60 miles away from me, where my Mom caught his act.

Ben and I had dinner with our mom last night in Santa Barbara before the show.  Her response to my latest physical changes were hilarious.  She told me I was looking terribly gaunt; emaciated like a super model.  I just had to begin eating more.  I was going to have to set my wrist watch alarm and eat on a schedule.  I was just going to have to make an effort to eat more.

It is very mama-like for a mama to ask her son if he is eating enough.  It is very mama-like behavior to insist that your son eat better, or more.  However, I can solemnly assure you I have never heard any such talk before during my 45 years of life... At any point.  Never has my mother counseled me to eat more, or insisted that I eat on a more frequent schedule.

My brother and I ever rotflmao-ing over this, when he decided to pour fuel on the fire.  He mentioned I was about 20 pounds lighter than he is (currently) and a couple of inches taller.  Ben also mentioned that he believed I looked downright lanky now.  Of course, there was a mischievousness involved here.  He was trying to stir things up for the hell of it.

Of course, eating on a more frequent schedule is a good idea for body building purposes.

I just wish I could get over this carpal tunnel syndrome so I could rejoin a proper CrossFit gym and get back on the regular program.  I am enjoying my own private workouts, but I am certain I could learn more, and push harder with a full program and a regular coach.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

100% Sports Blackout

So, football season ended a couple of weeks early for me this year.

I am about 72 hours into a 100% sports blackout.  By that I mean that I am conducting a 100% boycott of all sports broadcasts, news, entertainment and information.  I am talking about a 100% free-sports free diet of media.

This means:

  1. No bloody ESPN TV.
  2. No bloody ESPN radio.
  3. No bloody
  4. No bloody NFL Network
  5. No bloody
  6. No bloody Fox Sports Radio
  7. No bloody

Nothing!  I mean jack-nothing.  The next time I tune into the NFL Network, the calendar will say Feb 6, 2012.

I have no intentions of watching the Super Bowl this year.  I will go to the movies for a double-header on Sunday Feb 5, 2012.  I'm not sure what I will see.  Perhaps the new Underworld movie.   Perhaps Man on a Ledge.

This fast is not without pain.  I am missing some of the pre-draft senior games, which are terrific for scouting prospects.

Most painful off all, I caught the two hour BioHD documentary on the Bee Gees.  I was arrested and transfixed in horror, shock and awe.  It only goes to show the kind of hell can be unleashed upon the face of the by one Virgo and two Capricorns when they turn to the dark-side and use their powers for evil.

Just in case you were wondering why I am executing a 100% sports blackout, the answer is simple:  I am pissed about this match-up.  The last thing I ever needed to see in this life is the fucking Patriots in the Super Bowl again.  It is worse still that they will play the New York Giants.

This naturally means a 14 day food-fight between Boston and New York.  Lots of New York Dry-Wall technicians & Boston Longshoremen flicking boogers at each other for 14 days.  I don't need that.

This is a Super Bowl of very limited regional interest.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

It's a wretched and disgusting Super Bowl this year

Are you excited about this Super Bowl match-up?  If so, your from Boston or New York.  That's all.  Only this and nothing more.  There is nothing here for a West Coast guy in Los Angeles to be interested in.

Couldn't be worse if you ask me.  This exactly the match up we didn't need to see.  This is the worst of all possible combo scenarios given our four contestants.  Now we have to listen to endless bullshit about Bellichick getting a shot at redeeming his erstwhile undefeated season.  We have to listen to endless bullshit about the Giants proving that SB42 wasn't a fluke event.

In short, it is going to be absolutely horrendous 14 day period until we can get this goddamn fucking sonofabitch bastard whore season over with.  The NFL Network's viewership is going down by one DVR count.  ESPN's viewership is going down by one count.  I won't be tuning in for any of this.

I'm watching the FoodNetwork, BioHD, and ScienceHD.

I don't need to listen to any of this hype.  I am not interested in the narrative you are about to weave.  I do not need to listen Boston yelling at New York and New York yelling back again.  It's an All-East-Coast food-fight just made perfect for goddamn fucking ESPN.

To all of the Sports Writers of America:  The Super Bowl narrative you are about to weave absolutely sucks.  I'm talking about a raw-red stinker of a lousy sports story.  Fuck you in the ass... twice... hard... with no lube!

I just might skip the Super Bowl this year.  The last time I did that, it was Super Bowl XXIV.  That was a good one to skip, by the way.  Horrible game.  Worst ever.

All I can say is this:  The Giants better win this game.  You know you will never hear the end of the fluke talk if you don't.  If you double-down and jam the Patriots a second time, it will be quite glorious.  You will be able to give Boston the finger forever more.

I have to say, it was an utterly disgraceful win the Patriots got away with.  You know the story.  Everybody has reported on it.  If Lee Evans doesn't drop the game winning touchdown pass, the Ravens go to the Super Bowl.  If Billy Cundiff doesn't follow that immediately with a shanked field goal, we go into overtime.  What a disgraceful and ignominious way to back-door your way into the Super Bowl.  This is highly characteristic of Bellichick.

This wasn't Joseph's fault folks.  He played well enough to win.  He didn't lose this battle for you.

About that #2 pick in the 2012 Draft

Given my dearth of commentary on the Rams lately, you might conclude that I am not too particularly crazy about the coaching moves we've been making.  You would be right about that.

I got a text message from my apartment manager (who happens to be a 40 year Ram-fan) the other day.  It read: "Your silence speaks volumes."


I like Gregg Williams.  That's the only positive thing I can say right now.  I think things would have been a lot better with Hugh Jackson at the helm offensively.

But this is not what I sat down to blog about today.  What I wanted to comment about is the up-coming 2012 NFL Draft.

If I understand things correctly, I take it that there will be three football teams engaged in a bidding war to acquire our #2 pick over-all in the up-coming 2012 NFL Draft.  Those three teams are the Redskins, the Dolphins and the Browns.  XM Radio combined with the Internet is pretty amazing stuff when it comes to intelligence collection.

The most fascinating rumblings of them all are radiating out of the Dolphins camp.  It would appear that Dolphin owner Stephen Ross has a massive man-crush on Baylor QB RGIII.  Scuttlebutt says that Ross believes Robert Griffin brings the talent and the star power necessary to make the Dolphins the talk of Miami again.  Rumor has it Ross is willing to give up a Roman Emperor's ransom to get him.  We're not talking about a King's ransom.  We're talking about a sum well north of that figure.

Many Dolphin fans seem to agree.  I am hearing outlandish talk about the potential offers.  I'm talking about the kind of offers that makes a season skeptic like your author salivate grotesquely...  all over the nice leather seats in my Hyundai Genesis.

Although I grimace as I write this...  We have to entertain those offers.  We have to be prepared to move down in the draft, even if it means losing Justin Blackmon.  You know I don't say that easily, or with a devil-may-care attitude.  I've wanted to draft this kid for a couple of years now.  It would hurt like hell to lose him now.

Nevertheless, the kind of loot they are talking about tossing in our direction is just too rich to pass up.  We have to be open to serious negotiations.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

My 6-Pack Ab Circuit

About a month or so ago, I became obsessed with developing my abs.

The reason was pretty simple. I was horrified by the fact that a deadlift of 135 pounds had become challenging for me.  The proximate cause of the difficulty was the weakness of my abdominals.  Good ab strength is necessary for a big deadlift.

Once upon a time, I would deadlift 315 pound bars off the floors of sports stores with no belt, no warm up, and ordinary running shoes on my feet.  I would do this suddenly, without warning, and with one quick thrust so no one would have time to object.  It wasn't particularly hard either.  Given a warm up, and the right gear, I could rip 515 off the floor.

How pitiful I have become, I thought.  Corrective action had to be taken.

The Ab Glider and the Solution

Step 1a was purchasing The Ab Glider.  Yep, this is the device hocked by Elisabeth Hasselbeck.  It's pretty good too. Step 1b was purchasing The Solution, offered by Body by Jake.  This is a good machine, and I enjoy using it more than the Ab Glider.

My Apartment is such a clutter of exercise equipment it is preposterous.  I don't know how I live here anymore.

The morning after my first combined use of two devices, my guts were pretty dang sore.  That quickly changed.  Both devices got pretty easy pretty quickly.  At first, I could barely do the basics.  Now I can pretty much do any of the movements pretty well.  I know it has only been about a month, and I know I have gotten pretty good results from these two little devices, but at the same time, I have been disappointed.

I have been disappointed that my obliques have not developed at the same rate as my abs.  I have also been disappointed that I still don't have a 6-pack... after just one month.  I've also been developing a great deal of skepticism that a 6-pack can be developed by using these two devices.

The Rack

About a week or so ago, I decided to enter Stage-2 of the development process.  I decided to buy the Rack, the device designed by Owen McKibbin.  Before buying this inexpensive device, I had been convinced that there were (at least) 4 core exercises that would be difficult or more expensive to duplicate with other devices.  What are those exercises?

  1. The ab crawler
  2. The reverse ab crawler
  3. Inclined Yoga Plank Twists
  4. Bicycle Kicks
  5. Knee raises
I also thought it would make a nice anchor for sit-ups and (possibly) a decent platform for frog-kicks.  In short, that was more than enough justification for it's minor cost.  It turns out that there is much more you can do with it.

TRX Pro Kit

The TRX straps are something quite unlike anything I've seen or used before. I encounter them for the first time about a week ago, when I saw them just hanging around in my little CrossFit Gym in Woodland Hills. I wondered what they were and just how they might be used. As it turns out, it is an instrument of advanced core development. I was delighted when I discovered the following video that gave good instruction regarding how to use the device.

Tying it all together into a circuit

Tonight, I decided I was going to execute my first-ever ab-only workout circuit. I planned to hit my abs from every direction possible. I was going to combine all of these good exercises to make my abs respond. I wanted to do my first workout on the way to a great 6-pack. This is what I came up with:


  1. The Solution Crunch
  2. The Solution Obliques
  3. Ab Glider Crunch
  4. Ab Glider Pendulum


  1. Suspended Crunches
  2. Suspended Pike
  3. Pendulum (Obliques)
  4. Pendulum Crunch (knees to elbows)
  5. Body Crunch (like an Ab wheel)
  6. Standing Oblique Twist
  7. Suspended Yoga Plank/Pike
  8. Suspended Isometric Plank

The Rack

  1. Anchored Feet Situp
  2. Ab Crawler
  3. Reverse Ab Crawler
  4. Frog Kicks
  5. Frog Kick twists
  6. Yoga Plank Twists
  7. Standing Knee Raises
  8. Bicycle Kicks

I did all of this tonight. I can assure you, I can feel every inch of my mid-body right now. I have little doubt that if I do this routine a couple of times per week, I will develop a wicked 6-pack. Owen McKibbin and Ryan Gossling are in trouble now.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

You better be ready for the Harbaugh Bowl II

I have been increasingly sickened by the hype leading up to the AFC & NFC Championship games.  The drivel logic, poppycock reasoning, and bullshit theory I am hearing these days is the purest examples of East Coast bias a-la ESPN and Bristol Connecticut that I have encountered in the past 5 or 6 years.  It is ferociously disgusting and a violent abomination to the eye and ear.

I take great solace in the fact that ya'all are about to have 10,000 pounds of egg on your face.  Not a quantum of solace but great solace.  Better hedge your bets, chumps.

The AFC Championship

Let us begin (in alphabetical order) with the AFC Championship game.  All the fools of football are utterly convinced that Baltimore Ravens don't have a chance in this game.  Why?  Because Tom Brady is better than Joe Flacco.  Believe me, your reasoning is just that simple.  It ain't any better than that.  When confronted by your simpleton-logic, you may attempt to improve on it a bit, or simply defend it, but this is your argument.  Only this and nothing more.  

Well what about the rest of the teams in question?  It doesn't matter, you say.  Brady is better than Flacco.  The Patriots will win.  This is essentially the same argument that was made about the Broncos and Steelers.  Roethlisberger is a clutch guy and much better than Tebow.  The Broncos have a 0.00000000000000% chance winning.  You saw where your logic got you, didn't you?  Still you have not take corrective action and mended your ways.  You have not discarded the super-simpleton theory you cleave to, have you?

You are forgetting that this is always a team sport, the ultimate teams sport, and very seldom a quarterback dual.  One QB does not defeat another.  One team defeats another.  If you don't think so, you are absolutely and completely wrong, point-blank period.

Only four facts need to be evaluated to understand why the Ravens are going to win this game:
  1. The Ravens have the most elite defense in the NFL, point-blank period.  It doesn't matter what the bullshit yardage stats say.  Four of the NFL's top 25 players are concentrated on that unit.  They are the best defensive unit in football.
  2. The Patriots do not have anything approaching an elite defense, and they don't have anything approaching a top 25 player either.
  3. When the Ravens play an elite team, they rise to the occasion and win.  They defeated playoff teams like the 49ers, got two wins over the Texans, two over the Steelers, two over the Bengals.   This includes clutch-QB play from Joe Flacco, who brought them back in the final moments against the Steelers.  When they play an inferior and rebuilding squad, like the Chargers, they have a tendency to look past the opponent and lose.  I don't think they are looking past the Patriots.
  4. When the Patriots play a playoff team, they mostly loose.  Consider back-to-back losses to the Steelers and Giants.  They were also had by the Bills.  They nearly lost to both the Cowboys and Redskins.  When it comes to beating playoff teams, they have beaten the Broncos and the Broncos.  That's it.  An 8-8 squad that wasn't even supposed to contend this year.   The Patriots are not a powerful team, no matter what Bristol Connecticut and ESPN would like you to believe. 
Since the Ravens are not talking much trash right now, I will do it for them.  

Tom Brady will be checking his prostate after every play in the early going of this game, just to make sure it still up in there.  That's because the Raven defense is going to be knocking it loose.  This will cease sometime during the second quarter because Brady will have a bird's-eye view of that prostate after T-Sizzle shoves his head up his ass with one violent thrust.

Say what you will about Tom Brady, but I don't think he can throw the football very accurately with his head shoved up his arse.

As far as I am concerned, the Patriots are the longest of the long-shots still left in this tournament.  This is the one team that doesn't have a chance.  This game features one heavy-weight and one rooty-poot.  In case you were wondering, the Patriots are the rooty-poot.

The NFC Championship Game

After witnessing the massacre of the Patriots, we can move on to a truly epic contest:  the Giants vs. the 49ers.  Everybody knows this going to be the game of the day.  This is going to be the nail-bitter and the big drama.   This is the one where both teams can win.  This is the heavy-weight fight.

In terms of record, the 49ers are clearly the better team.  On paper, the Giants are clearly the better team. Eli looks like the better QB.  However, Alex Smith is astonishing everybody.  Both have very violent defenses.  The 49ers are much higher ranked, but the Giants are peaking right now.

I think the 49ers win.  I'll tell you why.

Everyone is talking about how the Giants are peaking right now, but I will tell you the dirty little secret ESPN is keeping in the closet.  The 49ers are peaking right now also.  They have never played better than they did in there last game.  Further, they are the more consistent team.  Finally, they are at home.

I think this is going to be an epic contest.  We have to muddle through a poor AFC Championship game so we can get to a real contest.  I am looking forward to this one.

In conclusion, you better be ready for the Harbaugh Bowl.  It's going to happen.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Karina Smirnoff loves Tim Tebow

According to the New York Daily News, Karina Smirnoff wants to dance with Tim Tebow.  She says Tebow would be a worthy successor to the NFL's panoply of former contestants on Dancing with the Stars.  This includes such super-luminaries as Emmitt Smith, Jerry Rice, Kurt Warner, Hines Ward, Warren Sapp, Jason Taylor, and Lawrence Taylor.

You can read about it here.

Karina took it a bit further than that. She declared that all she wants for her birthday is to see Tim Tebow dance on Dancing with the Stars.  Incidentally, her birthday is 1/2/1978.  She just turned 34.

I have to warn you my son, Karina has big a thing for you.  You may like her as well.  My computer indicates that the two of you have some pretty hot synastry.  This is despite the fact that she is a Capricorn and you are a Leo.  It won't be that pleasant, but there is some serious heat there.

Based on these numbers, it's pretty clear that she intends to cougar you.  As a Virgo guy, I extend to you my sincerest envy.  I would jump on Karina Smirnoff without one instant of hesitation.  But this is to be expected.  I am a Virgo guy, and she is a Capricorn lady.  That's a natural.  Furthermore, she's a perfect trine (120 degrees) away from me.  That's the best of all angles.

Capricorn and Leo?  Not the most normal match up.  It's a 150 degree angle known as the inconjunct.  This means you two have nothing in common.    Still, you two have some lovely scores.  Much better than those of Katie Perry.

Well son, you may be unfamiliar with this breed of woman, so let me give you the scouting report.  Don't under-estimate the power, aggression and strategic cunning of the Capricorn woman.  Capricorn is a femme earth sign, but it is the greatest of the cardinal leadership signs.  These are super-disciplined, driven competitors, who work relentlessly to get what they want.  They are accustomed to winning.

You need to think about a female version of Don Shula, Chuck Noll, Sean Payton, Jim and John Harbaugh. All those guys are Capricorn coaches.  If she coaches you, she will use this style and approach.

Believe me, I would accept coaching from a woman like this, but I am a natural-born sucker for a Capricorn woman.

Still, it would be best for you to let your ribs heal up and spend every waking moment doing quarterback drills with John Elway.  It would be ill-advised to allow this delicious, delectable, scrumptious, delightful temptress to divert your attentions from your primary mission this off season.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

The Catch III

Well, that was the best damn contest I have seen in a long time.  In case you missed it, the 49ers just defeated the Saints 36-32.  The game winning play was loaded with types and shadows of playoff victories past for the 49ers.

With 9 seconds left on the clock and the 49ers trailing 32-30, Alex Smith took a quick drop and nailed Vernon Davis over the middle, at the goal-line.  Davis was hit immediately, but held onto the football, falling forward into the endzone for the game-winning touchdown.

It looked almost exactly like the play Steve Young & Terrel Owens executed to defeat Brett Favre and the Packers once upon a time in the playoffs.  Vernon Davis came off the field crying, almost exactly as Terrel Owens did.  They called Young & Owns play "The Catch II".  This was named after the famous Joe Montana to Dwight Clark play that won the 1981/82 NFC Championship game for the 49ers.

If that is the case, then this Smith to Davis play should become known as "The Catch III".

By simply taking you through the winning play, I have short-changed the drama of the game.  34 points scored in the 4th quarter.  Four lead changes in the final four minutes.  Multiple 2-minute drives executed well by both QBs.  It was a struggle all the way. This was one hell of a battle.  I am sure we will be seeing it on the NFL Network this Monday night.  It's already a classic; an instant classic.  The fans are currently ranking this game a 96 on scale of 1 to 100.  That score may go up.

So the 49ers go on to the NFC Championship Game, presumably in Green Bay, but we better not count our chickens before they're hatched.  This game, in itself, was a shocking upset.  Most of us did not believe the 49ers could score enough to win.  A very similar doubt hangs over the Giants.  They may prove us wrong also.  If so, these 49ers will host the NFC Championship game at Candlestick next week.

For me the most amazing moment came before the 49ers first 2-minute drive.  My buddy Colin was sweating bullets, saying "I wish we had Tebow."  I told him, "Maybe it's better that you don't.  With four minutes to grind down, you need to run this drive slow."

The 49ers did not run slow.  The 49ers went down the field based on two big plays.  Alex Smith nailed Vernon Davis on the bomb.  Then, showing shades of the Zone-Read Spread-Option he and Tebow both ran in college, Alex Smith ran the QB Sweep to his left out an empty-backfield shotgun formation.  He went 28 yards for the touchdown.

What was that about Tim Tebow?  Let's remember, Alex Smith was doing the ZRSO thing before Tebow was.

What is this world coming too?  QB's running the football out of the spread for playoff winning scores in the NFL.  Dogs and cats living together in sin!  It must be the end of the world.  The Maya were right, weren't they?

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Brutality in the Gym

It was one hell of a night at the gym.  I re-jiggered my workout circuit this evening and focused on speed.  I moved rapidly from exercise to exercise not allowing any rest-time between exercises in the circuit.  I chained together a sequence of eight (8) exercises in this circuit.

It went like this:

  1. Kettlebell halo
  2. Kettlebell clean and press
  3. Kettlebell swings
  4. Kettlebell sumo chins
  5. Bar-dips
  6. Knees to chest
  7. Pull-ups
  8. Inclined perfect push-ups
I repeated the circuit with 12kg, 16kg, 20kg, 24kg kettlebells.  I intended to continue with the 60 pounder, but I was just flat-busted after the fourth rep of this circuit.  I mean I was totally busted.  The best I could do was just one more set of 60 pound swings.  I also did one set of 10 reverse ab-crawls with The Rack.  

The total workout from entry to exit was less than 40 minutes.  That includes setup and breakdown.  I was really fast tonight.  It paid dividends.  I can feel the effects of the overload.  This was the best workout in sometime.

The one bad thing about this workout lay in recovery:  I forgot to bring a protein drink with me.  I raced home to make sure I didn't miss my window.  I was fairly blurry-eyed and delirious as I mixed my drink.  I could feel myself gradually coming back to life over the 10 or 12 minutes after downing that mixture.

I look forward to many more of these kinds of workouts.  Rapid circuit training is much better at producing massive system-overload and triggering an adaptive response.  This particular combination of Kettlebells and body-weight exercises seems fantastic for building a functional body, not mirror-muscles.

With that said, the muscles are looking pretty good in the mirror.

Katie Perry and Tim Tebow?

Sometimes you come across an Internet blurb that is just too rich to pass up.  So it was today.  Unless you have been buried under a rock, you have probably heard the leading chick news of the day.

Katie Perry, famous pop-music diva, has scarcely been divorced for three days now, and her mama is dying to hook her up with my son.  That is, Tim Tebow, famous QB of the Florida Gators and Denver Broncos.

I'm shocked, delighted and horrified all at the same time.  As you well know if you read this blog, I have a thing for Katie Perry.  That Scoprio woman utterly knocked me out a couple of years ago.  It was like getting hit by Jack Tatum (also a Scorpio).  The shockwave went through my body and I dropped dead.  I was unconscious before I hit the floor.  I woke up with a 3.5 inch subdural hematoma.

As rule, Scorpio women never do that to me.  Only Pisces and Capricorn women have such tremendous knock-down power vis-a-vis yours truly.  This Scorpio woman is singular in the fact that she packs as much knock-down power as a double-barrel 12 gauge shotgun loaded with a pair of 3 inch slugs.  Believe me, I understand her appeal.

As you well know, Tim Tebow is the son I never had.  I should have been his papa.

I happen to have researched both of these characters fairly well.  I have studied their natal charts like the back of my hand.  I have a vested interest in both parties to this prospective nuptial.  I also happen to be something of a growing authority on the subject of synastry and compatibility.  So what is my verdict on this question?

I would speak to Tim as a father to his son.  I wouldn't do this, my son.  You are very, very Leo and almost entirely fire.  She is very, very Scorpio, and predominantly water.  There is a monumental Fire-Water conflict brewing here.  It won't work.  There are no two elements more incompatible than Fire and Water.

She also happens to be nearly 3 years older than you.  She is a 10/25/1984 Scorpio girl born in Santa Barbara.  You are an 8/14/1987 Leo born in Makati City, the Philippines.  She also happens to have been around the block a few times, as well as divorced, whilst you have been (purportedly) saving yourself for marriage.  That, in itself, is a mismatch I don't like.  No need to compromise now.

I would also warn you that she doesn't pick her guys well at all.  She's made serious mistakes here.  Her ex-husband is a Gemini, and an absolute mis-match for her.  You would be more so.  The numbers look pretty damn bad.

Now, I can perfectly well understand why her mom wants to put the two of you together.  It's obvious.  My boy is the best guy in the world, and of course she wants to acquire him for her daughter.  It's totally understandable, but this doesn't make it a good idea.

Listen, there is no end to the women who are desperate (and I mean absolutely desperate) to give birth to your babies.  I'm not just talking about in Florida and Colorado either.  You have inherited the title of the NFL's most eligible bachelor from Troy Aikman.  It's been vacant all this time.  No need to rush into anything.  You have an endless selection, and endless choices to make.

Incidentally, I noticed that Stacy Dales was giving you one hell of a bedroom voice when she interviewed you the other day.  She's a reliable Virgo woman, even though she's 9 years older than you, so I would have less objections there.

Now, if you are interested, I happen to know an absolutely perfect Leo girl, 3 years younger than you.  Believe me, I have very exacting and ruthless standards for perfection.  When I say she's a perfect girl, I mean she's really perfect.  I love her to death.  She would be much better for you.  She's a junior at USC.  She loves you to death.  Believe me, I know.  She told me so.  If you are interested, I will hook you up with Melinda.

I haven't had time to do a comprehensive synastry analysis on Tim yet, but (thus far) Tim's top total-combined score is a September 9, 1983 Virgo woman.  I am sure I can do better than that for you.  The next best so far is an Aquarius woman born January 29, 1987.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

I am the Egg McMuffin of Drip-Sexy!

Yesterday, I visited with Team-Quilici in Burbank for the first time since September 29.  I weighted in at 195 pounds last time.  This time I weighed in at 183.  My blood pressure was a cool 110 over 62.  My heart rate was clocked at 55 bpm.

I met with Dr. McVay, who took care of me in the hospital after surgery, and she seemed genuinely stunned by my progress.  Of course, I was wearing one of my signature skin-tight Under Armour turtle neck shirts that paints my progress in bold relief.  There was no faking or mistaking that look on her face.  It was an irritated expression that said "Excuse me, where is my patient?  Who the hell are you?"

I am your patient.  

That was when the stunned reaction occurred.  I can't blame her for being stunned.  Just since 5/13/2011, I have lost some 38 liters of body volume.  If I asked you to carry 38 liters of Pepsi to the car, you couldn't carry it all in one haul.  Could you carry 19 x 2 liter bottles in one haul?  That's not the total volume either.  That's only a partial figure.

She loved the Bod Pod progress charts I showed her.  She was amazed that I have been officially classified as a member of the healthy group.  She totally understood what a bastard the Bod Pod test is... probably better than you and I do.

She went through the scripted questions to see if there have been any emerging complications.  A funny moment occurred when she hit this scripted question:  Are you having any problems keeping the weight off? She realized I was 12 pounds down from the last visit and 1.4 pounds down from the Bod Pod test last Friday just as I said "I'm still going down."

I've done so well that Dr. McVay has officially released me from the program for a year.  I am not supposed to go back and see them again until 1/14/2013... if our human civilization should happen to make it that far.

Not only that, but this morning my weight was back down to 181.4.  I don't know what happened to that 1.6 pounds over night, but it vanished.  I didn't do much last night outside of watching a brutal BCS Championship game.   "I'm still going down."

I think it is safe to say that I have exceeded there wildest expectations, but I am not going to stop here.  I'm going on.

Tonight, I entered a new phase of training.  I added the Rack to my workout.  Contrary to the hype, the Rack is not a Panacea, but it is an excellent way to work your core, and add a few body weight exercises to the regime.  I took it with me to the gym tonight, and I integrated the Ab Crawl, Bicycle kick, bar dips, an frog kicks (ne crunches) into the workout.  The Ab Crawl is a bitch.  The Bicycle Kick is worse.

I did a quick circuit routine that included all of the following exercises:

  1. Halo
  2. Swing
  3. Sumo Chin
  4. Bar Dips
  5. Bicycle Kicks
  6. Pull ups
  7. Ab Crawl
I repeated that circuit 5 times with each of the following kettlebells:  12kg, 16kg, 20kg, 24kg, 60 pounds.  The whole workout took only about 40 minutes, including setup.  I was so busted after the final circuit with 60 pounds, I could not perform the Turkish Get Up correctly.  I lost control and flopped over as I was getting up.  I took that as a warning that I was courting an injury, so I stopped.

At first, I was displeased with the workout.  As I drove home, I changed my mind.  I realized that this was a very CrossFit workout.  I feel pretty dang worked at this point.  I am going to sleep well tonight.  I think I was very successful.  

Sunday, January 8, 2012

How 'bout that Tebow 27.5? And Thomas too!

So, I need to catch-up on some much needed sleep, and I really shouldn't be blogging right now.  However, I just couldn't let this night pass without sticking it right in the collective-eye of the critics.

If you listened to even 45 minutes of analysis this week, you know well that the Denver Broncos had an absolute 0.0000000000000% chance of wining this playoff game today.  That is absolute zero, ziltch, zip, nada, nothing.  They had no chance to win.  Everybody agreed with Merril Hodge.  Tim Tebow stood no chance against Dick LaBeau's defense.  The Steelers were going to eat him alive.

Folks on NFL Live made bold predictions that the Broncos would be absolutely shutout by the Steeler-defense.  That is, the Broncos would score zero, ziltch, zip, nada, nothing in terms of points in this game.

It turns out that Tim Tebow shot 10 for 21 for 316 yards and 2 touchdowns.  The Broncos put 29 points on the scoreboard.  That's 29 more than they were supposed to put on the board.  Tebow had a QB efficiency rating over 125.  Ben Roethlisburger had a QBR of 75.  Tebow out-QB'd Roethlisburger by some 50 points worth of QBR.

How 'bout 'dem apples?  That's a pretty sizable QBR differential, ain't it?  Surprising that the Steelers were able to hang in there as long as they were with a QBR differential like that.  A 125 next week will probably give the Denver Broncos a pretty good QBR differential also.

Of course, everybody is still buzzing about the first-ever overtime period after the recent rules changes by the NFL Competition Committee.  We were supposed to have an OT period in which both teams got a chance to touch the football.  Nope, didn't happen like that.  Tebow took the snap on the 20, hit Demaryius Thomas at around the 50 with a sweet pass, and Demaryius took off.  Nobody could stop him.  One stiff-arm later, Thomas was in the End-Zone.

Overtime lasted one-snap and just 11 seconds.  That was the most sudden sudden-death I ever saw.  I've been watching NFL Football since 1979 folks.  That's longer than some of you have been alive.

It should be noted that Demaryius Thomas is a December 25th, Christmas Capricorn baby.  He is showing some tremendous chemistry with this Leo kid named Tim Tebow.  I have a feeling these two are going to be a famous combo.  Thomas averaged 51 yards per reception nailing 204 yards on just 4 receptions.

In all seriousness folks, I have no idea how the geniuses out there in television-land came to conclusion that the Broncos stood no chance against the Steelers.  Just looking at the Steeler injury list, which resembled a small telephone book, you absolutely could not rule out the Broncos.

It's time for you buggers at ESPN to confess:  You had a religious belief that Tebow and the Broncos couldn't win this game.  It was a faith-based position, not a position based on fact or logic.  It was a metaphysical position.

I'm laughing like hell at you, and I am wondering when you are going to stop cheering against this kid.

So the Rams talked with Steve Sarkisian also?

One published report indicates that the Rams made contact with form USC offensive coordinator and current Washington Huskies HC Steve Sarkisian.  Kroenke wanted him to fill our currently vacant offensive coordinator position.  You can read about it here.

Sarkisian would have been a nice fit for the job, IMHO, as he is a bright offensive mind, a former QB, and a Pisces dude.  He would have had good synastry with Sam Bradford.

Unfortunately, Sark has already turned us down.  He simply had no interest in the position.  It's just too much of a lateral, if not southward, move in the pyramid.

I am worried that we are addressing our deepest needs last.  Fixing our offense is our most pressing, urgent, imperative goal of the off-season.  Our offense is what is stopping us.

Catching up with the Rams

I've had a couple of funny nights and days (in a row) due to Bod Pod testing and dietary change.  For these reasons, I haven't had a lot of time to blog about what's up with my Rams.  There have been a lot of news bits flying around on the wire.  The purpose of this entry is to filter and condense them all here.

#1 Stan Kroenke and the Patriot-Way

Imagine my distress when I came across a piece in the Boston Herald declaring Stan Kroeneke's admiration of the Patriot-Way? You know how I feel about this subject.  The Patriot-Way is just a fig-leaf covering Bellichick's totalitarian approach to doing business.  It's another way of saying 'my way or the highway' from a Bellichick perspective.

Since this guy hasn't managed to win a playoff game since he was caught cheating, I see no real point in lionizing this little bastard.  He's easily the most over-rated coach of all time.  Furthermore, this guy has no coaching tree, as is often mistakenly alleged by the media.  His sycophants continue to flunk-out in both the Pro and the college ranks.  This guy is no Paul Brown.  He is no Bill Walsh.  He is no Tom Landry.  He is no master innovator, nor is he a coach of coaches.  Fuck Bellichick.  May he eat shit and die.

According to the quotes, Kroenke read "Inside the War Room", which is subtitled "Building the perfect football team".  Kroenke proclaimed that this book described a wonderful business culture in which there were clear-cut responsibilities, clear cut assignments of final authority, and no escape from final accountability.  No shit, eh?

This immediately raises question marks in my mind.  What the hell does Bellichick know about building the perfect football team?  At the the end of the day, this dude is famous for just one thing:  Never having had an undefeated season.  Yep, you read that right.  Straight word to the moe-foe there.  Furthermore, the purported 'defensive genius' has the last-ranked defense in the NFL.  What does he know about the perfect football team?

Stop licking this guy's ass, for Christ's sake.  It is most unseemly for for a weak-minded fool to apply the yardstick of his wretched intellect to the game of Pro Football.  It is disgraceful for the same wretched fools to be caught licking the arse of Bellichick in public.

With that said, I am all in favor of clear-cut responsibilities, final say, and unavoidable final accountability... just as long as it doesn't all end up in Bill Bellichick's hands at the end of the day.

#2 Kroenke releases Josh McDaniel's from his contract

And McDaniel's immediately rejoined the Patriots' staff.  Speaking of Bellichick sycophants who flunk-out all over the place... and speaking of the Patriot-Way..

If Stan Kroenke's vision lies in New England, you sure can't prove that by his #3 move.  After sacking GM Billy Devaney and HC Steve Spagnuolo, the only coach under contract with the Rams was Bellichick Sycophant Josh McDaniels.  For approximately 24 hours, I was sweating bullets over the question of whether Jeff Fisher or Josh McDaniels would become the next Rams-HC.  Knowing that:
  1. The Rams were reluctant to change offensive coordinators and systems for a 3rd time in Sam Bradford's brief 2 year career.
  2. That Kroenke was (is) in-love with the Patriot-Way.
It was somewhat logical to conclude that McDaniels had to be in the running for HC.  Then sigh not so, but let him go into hey nonny, nonny.  McDaniels was released from his contract either Friday or Saturday morning, and he resigned with the Patriots sometime Saturday afternoon.

Good riddance.  I never liked the guy in the first place.  I still blame him for the destruction of a pretty good Denver Bronco team.  As you know, I just don't like Bellichick sycophants.  

I regret the fact that Sam has to go through another offensive transition, but if we face the facts, we must realize that he had no chemistry with McDaniels in the first place.  Those two gave it a try, but they just didn't mesh well at all.  Sam never grasped McDaniels' passing scheme, and McDaniels seemed unable to help him master it. The lines of communication were down.  This is all the more curious since McDaniels runs a spread offensive not all that different from the one Bob Stoops runs at Oklahoma.

There's something wrong with that McDaniels kid.  He is a weird Taurus.  As a Virgo, I aught to love the guy.  I don't don't.  Furthermore, as a Taurus, he aught to have great chemistry with a Scorpio like Sam Bradford.  Clearly, he didn't.  Further, he aught to have good and cordial relations with an Aries like Bellichick, but he shouldn't worship at the guy's arse.

There is something bad-wrong about that Josh McDaniels kid.  He just ain't right.

#3 All signs are pointing towards Jeff Fisher

In the past 24 hours, a significant number of facts have become evident.

  1. Most of the so-called 'coaching A-Listers' are not interested in returning to the job in 2012.
  2. The pool of available Head-Coaching Candidates has never been thinner than it is today.
  3. There aren't many hot coordinators in the league right now.
  4. Stan Kroenke wants to end the coaching carousel in St. Louis by bring in a veteran head coach.
  5. The only guy who fits the suit is Jeff Fisher.
We've seen many other news blurbs about the Rams having the edge because of Sam Bradford, the Dolphins loosing their grip on Jeff Fisher, Fisher being close to delivering his decision, etc. Jason La Canfora has been on the record for a week now declaring that Fisher would be the next coach of the Rams.  Chris Mortensen has certainly backed these claims up.

As you know, I am not particularly pleased by any of this.  I don't think we made a sufficient effort to bring Gruden out of retirement.  Money talks.  Let's buy him out of Monday Night Football.  If you made him a whopping offer, I bet you he would come along.

So why do I object to Jeff Fisher?
  1. I already made my case about his mediocre record.  No need to cover this again.
  2. I don't think he will go well with Bill Polian.
  3. I don't think he will go well with Sam Bradford.
  4. He comes from the defensive side of the field.  He was a DB with USC and Chicago.
  5. Our problems are on offense.  We need an offensively-minded, point scoring head-coach.
  6. Given the fact that the NFL has illegalized defense, and given the fact that you have to look around for a yellow flag every time you hear the pads pop, I am not sure you can even hire a head coach from the defensive side of the field anymore.  Believe me, I choke as I write this.  I am from the defensive side of the field.

I just don't think Jeff Fisher meets our most pressing needs.  It would be better to bring back Mike Martz as head coach.  I would favor that move.  I can't believe the Bears have released him from his contract.

#4 Gregg Williams for DC

A number of reports, particularly those from Adam Schefter, state that Gregg Williams will be the next defensive Coordinator of the Rams.  Why?

Greg got his start in Jeff Fisher's coaching tree.  Gregg Williams has no contract for the 2012 season.  He is a coaching free-agent.  Although some have mentioned him as a potential HC candidate, and although there are openings available, it seems increasingly unlikely that Gregg Williams will get an HC position this year.  Many dispute whether he has the demeanor of a head coach, and whether he can delegate authority.

Further, we know there are now issues surrounding the hiring of an aggressive defensive coach as your HC, thanks to the NFL Competition Committee.  Anytime the pads pop, you have to look around for the yellow flag.

I am not sure why Gregg Williams would want to leave New Orleans.  I am not sure why he would rather work with Jeff Fisher than Sean Payton.  I am not sure why he would leave a good thing when he's got one.

Still, Schefter is almost never wrong.  This report has to be taken seriously.

#5 Jeff Tedford for OC

If Fisher is the head coach, and Williams is our DC, who will be the man tasked with repairing our woeful offense?  This is the Achilles' heel of our football team, you know?  We suck because of our offense.

Some rumors are circulating--very underground--that Stan Kroenke wants Jeff Tedford, head coach of the Cal Berkeley Bears to fill this position.  I am not sure Tedford would be interested in semi-demotion from head coach to offensive coordinator, especially when some consider him worthy of a full NFL HC position.  Still, the rumor is circulating that Kroenke has reached out to Tedford.

If he will take the position, I am all for it.  Tedford is my homeboy.  He's from SoCal originally, but he went to Fresno State where he was a very memorable Bulldog QB during my High School years.  He became the OC of the Oregon Ducks, and then the head coach at Cal.  I happen to be a UCLA guy.  He's been a serious thorn in our Bruins' side for years now.  Let's fetch him out of there to coach the Rams.  He is responsible for the early development of a QB you may have heard of:  Aaron Rodgers.

Jeff also happens to be a November 2, 1961 Scorpio dude.  Sirius 1.1 claims he has extremely high synastry scores with Sam Bradford, something Josh McDaniels didn't have.  They should be very good together.

#6 No sign of Bill Polian

At the moment, there is no sign of the Rams or Kroenke communicating with Bill Polian. The only word published on Bill Polian all week long stated that he was interested in the vacant Chicago Bears' position.

As you may imagine, my outlook is glum. I really, really, really want to see Bill Polian take over this organization. Bring Chris along with you.  There is nothing wrong with the way the Rams do things that cannot be addressed and corrected by hiring Bill Polian.  I am sure this guy can fix the organization.  He's fixed every organization he's ever been in, no matter how dysfunctional.

At the moment, all reports state that the Rams want to pair an experienced veteran HC (read: Fisher) with a young and hungry GM (read:  somebody Fisher would select).  Given the notion that Fisher is doing the selection, can you guess who we are talking too?  Titans VP of Operations Lake Dawson and VP of player personnel Ruston Webster.

So we are going to be the Titans-West instead of the Giants-West now, eh?  I am not too pleased by that.  I would sooner be the Colts-West.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

I dunno if I can do this Paleo thing...

So, a few moments ago the score was 183.4 pounds on my Tanita bathroom scale.  Yesterday morning, my weight was 184.754 on the Bod Pod.  As you know, the Tanita weighs heavier than the Bod Pod by about 0.8 pounds these days.  I would guestimate that the Bod Pod would place me at 182.6 this morning.

What happened to those 2.1 pounds?   My itinerary last night cannot explain it.  I did not hit the sauna.  I did not get a massage.  I did not purge out my intestines with Magnesium Sulfate.  I did not take Tylenol.  I did all of these things on the evening of the 5th, before the Bod Pod.  Yesterday, I simply ate two Paleo meals, and drank two additional whey protein drinks.  I also worked out like a kettlebell savage last night.

This is a tantalizing result, and very suggestive.

But now comes the rub:  meal #2 consisted of chicken, nuts and blue berries, and it produced one hell of a sticking event.  A sticking event is a side-effect of roux-en-y gastric bypass in which certain food types 'refuse' to clear the pocket stomach for an extended period of time.  The gut-pressure this produces results in a very uncomfortable feeling.  You feel as if you have a drainage plug stuck in your gut.  It blocks everything from passing, including water.

I hardly slept a wink last night.  I doubt I slept at all.  I tried to relax on the couch and then in bed, but I didn't really sleep.  Eventually, the sun came up.  I am anything but well rested right now.  Strangely, I do feel as if I have a good amount of metabolic energy this morning.  Mentally, I am very frazzled right now.  Physically, I am ready to go exercise.

Certainly, I cannot afford a repeat of last night.  If the paleo diet produces sticking events like this, I just can't do the paleo diet.  One of the symptoms the paleo diet was designed to correct is poor sleep.  I cannot afford to go sleepless again.

I am going to stick to it today, and eat my final meal of the day no later than 6:00pm.  If I stick again, the paleo diet is over and out.  If I sleep well tonight, game on.

Still, you have to wonder about that sudden evaporation of 2.1 pounds.  My weight has gone this low before.  I have seen these figures and lower.  However, my body is feeling pretty hard and toned this morning.  I think I look leaner.

Tantalizing results for just 24 hours.  Very suggestive...

Friday, January 6, 2012

Bod Pod XV: I am now officially a member of the healthy class

It's been quite some time since Bod-Pod XIV:  49 days to be precise.  November 18, 2011 was the last time I stepped into the Bod Pod naked.  As a consequence of physical injury, exhaustion, the holiday season, and a need to spend money elsewhere, I decided to shutdown the Bod Pod testing for a little while.

That time is now over.  Back to work.

I am generally pleased with my latest results.  I didn't make massive progress, but I made important progress.  A major milestone has fallen:  The Bod-Pod software now rates me as member of the healthy category, rather than a  member of the moderate risk category.

The facts of the case of are these:

  1. My body weight decreased from 186.898 to 184.754, a net reduction of 2.144 pounds
  2. My body fat decreased from 40.180 pounds to 35.266 pounds, a net reduction of 4.914 pounds
  3. My body lean increased from 146.718 to 149.488, an increase of 2.77 pounds.
  4. My Body Fat Percentage (BFP) is now 19.1%
  5. My Body Lean Percentage (BLP) is now 80.9%
  6. My body volume decreased from 80.731 liters to 79.416 liters, a loss of 1.315 liters.
  7. As I mentioned before on this blog, any BFP between 15% and 20% is considered a healthy BFP.  19.1% qualifies me as a member of the healthy class.
Now it is time to mount the assault on the 15% barrier.  This next barrier will put me in the officially athletic category.  It is a mark of excellence for a 45 year old man to be ranked as officially athletic by a 100% pure bastard of a testing tool like the Bod Pod.  I want that distinction.  I want them to pin that medal on my chest.

Just to give you an idea of how difficult it is to move the BFP needle downward, consider the following facts.  When I began testing on 5/13/2011, I had 114.09 pounds of fat hanging from my frame.  Today, I have only 35.266 pounds of fat clinging to my frame.  That is a loss of 78.824 pounds of fat.  I lost 69.01% of my total stock of body fat.  At the same time, I only succeeded in moving my BFP from 44.1% down to 19.1%.  I only reduced my body BFP 25%.

Doesn't seem fair, does it?  That just doesn't seem right.  How can a guy lose 69.01% of his body fat and only move his BFP downward 25%?  This even more problematic when you stop to think that I increased my lean mass 4.928 pounds during that period.

Nevertheless, both of these statements are mathematically true by definition.  I lost 69.01% of my total stock of body fat, and it was only sufficient to move my BFP down 25%.  I think this is the best possible illustration of what a bitch the Bod Pod test really is.  This machine is pretty hard to impress.

I am under no misapprehensions about how easy the next barrier (15%) is going to be to breach.  I know it will be hard.  The further I go towards perfection, the more elusive it gets, the more effort it takes, and the more time it takes.

Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more!  Cry "Havoc!" and let slip the dogs of war!

In order to breach this next barrier, I am seriously considering taking the CrossFit Paeleo challenge.  You can read about it here and here.  This is all the rage in the CrossFit movement.  I have read pretty outlandish claims for this diet & training regime.  Just this month, the print magazine Fitness-RX pretty much guaranteed a loss of 10 pounds of pure fat and the addition of 10 pounds of lean in just 30 days, if the program is executed correctly.

Now, I have lost more than 10 pounds of pure fat in a single month.  I have done this many times.  During the high-tides of summer 2011, I lost about 12 pounds of pure fat each month, every month, month after month.  I have the Bod Pod records to prove it.  However, I never succeeded in adding 10 pounds of pure lean in any month during this phase of the game.

Many experts will tell you it is damn near impossible to lose fat and gain lean simultaneously.  Believe me, I know it.  My Bod Pod records will show you that I have lost fat and gained lean simultaneously, once or twice, only to see my lean gains evaporate into thin air under the pressure of further weight loss.

Still, I am going to give this a try.  If I succeed, my body weight will remain 184.754 pounds in 30 days, however, I will have only 25.266 pounds of body fat left, and my lean weight will be 159.488 pounds.  This will move my BFP all the way down to 13.675481992270803338493347911277%.  How about that precision?

Monday, January 2, 2012

Oklahoma St. defeats Stanford 41-38 in OT

I hope all Ram-fans were watching the Fiesta Bowl this evening. Stanford's kicker missed two critical field goals which basically gave the victory to Oklahoma St.  Still, it was one hell of a battle.  However, the much bigger story is Justin Blackmon.  He scored three touchdowns in this game and announced that he will be entering the 2012 draft.  We knew it.  You can read about it and see it here.

This should settle all questions about who our Rams should select with that #2 pick.  I am hearing all manner of rubbish about the Rams selecting a corner with that pick.  You can shove that bullshit.  That pick is going to be used to weaponize Sam Bradford.  That means Justin Blackmon.  He's our kid.  We're taking him.  He will be catching passes from Sam Bradford.  Nobody needs him more than we do.

Justin Blackmon's current #10 ranking won't have anything to do with the decision making process.  You just take a look at that 67 yard catch and run he made against Stanford and you know that #10 ranking is absolutely wrong.  He's way too low.

I want to go on the record saying that Justin Blackmon is my absolute favorite kid in the 2012 draft.  In recent years, Jake Long, Tim Tebow, and A.J. Green have held that title.  This year it is Justin Blackmon.

In case you were wondering, Blackmon is a Capricorn kid, and Sirius 1.1 does show a very high set of synastry scores between me and Justin.  There is a Capricorn-Virgo thing here, but this doesn't have anything to do with my evaluation.  Even the average talent scout knows this kid is special. 

I got big balls

Pardon me whilst I gloat for a few moments.  I am having a very good day.  My team has unloaded Billy Devaney and we have the opportunity to replace him with Bill Polian.  That will terminate a whole bunch of dysfunction in our organization, if we can pull it off.

I am rising a loaf of pumpernickel bread in the kitchen, and...

Better still, I purchased a 70 pound Cap Kettlebell  and proceeded to worked out like a vicious beast at my gym this evening.  This was my drill list

  1. Dumbell bench press
  2. Halo
  3. Swing
  4. Turkish Get Up
  5. Sumo Chin (facing the wall)
  6. Clean and press

I benched with a pair of 70 pound dumbells.  The Gireviks are quite correct.  The 70 pound dumbell is a lot lighter than 70 pound kettlebell.  I would invite you to lift and see.   I used my 60 pounder in the Halo, Swing, and Sumo Chin.  I used the 70 pounder in the Swing and the Sumo Chin.  I can't halo with the 70 pounder just yet.  Soon!  Very soon!

More important than any of this was my success with the Turkish Get Up.  I was able to perform 5 good reps with each arm using the 20lb kettlebell for the first time.  For the very first time, I felt as if I was performing this exercise with good control and decent form.  I did not bang-up my knee caps, which is an important thing to a surgically repaired dude like me.

Best of all, my hands feel pretty decent.  My left feels normal, and my right is just a little numb.  I am pretty happy about that.

Furthermore, an unidentified female entered the crossfit gym, and just felt an overwhelming compulsion to man-handle one of my balls.  She grabbed the 60 and asked how much it weighed.  I told her 60.  She felt compelled to try swinging it, and she did a pretty good job for 6 or 7 reps.  I was impressed.

You know that is an extremely flirtatious thing to do.  She was trying to send the message that she was a good strength match for me.  We'll see.  I didn't feel a particular synastry reaction with this woman.

The biggest news of the day: Bill Polian has been fired

Wow... shock of shocks!  The rumors were true.  Jim Ersay, owner of the Colts, has fired Bill Polian.  Rumor had it that Ersay was irate over the position Peyton Manning's contract has placed the organization in.  A tool that was intended to retain Peyton for the remainder of his career has backfired and become the booby-trap that virtually assures Peyton's release this off-season.

You know this is the one and only error that brought down the thunder.

I hope Silent Stan is listening out there somewhere.  Readers of this blog know how I feel about Bill Polian.  I fucking love that guy!  I think he is the best damn executive in the league.  He's been elected the NFL executive of the year 5 times, and that doesn't give him enough credit.  He's better than that.  Several years ago, I wrote a blog entry about how much I would love see Bill Polian take the helm of my Rams.

Now it is possible.

Let's get the Polians to take over command of the organizations.  Let's make it a father and son organization.  Trust me Stan, you're going to love this guy.  You're a Leo.  He's a Sagittarius.  It will work. You'll have a nice accord and it will produce the results you want to see.

The 2011 NFL Season is over... mercifully enough!

So the regular season ended yesterday.  Thank God!  Not a moment too soon if you ask me.  You may be experiencing a sense of loss, but not me.  If you are a Ram-fan, you have been waiting for the end of this nightmare for sometime now.  It couldn't end soon enough.  You are glad you finally woke up from a long and tormented sleep.

The deed has been done.  Steve Spagnuolo and Billy Devaney have been fired.  You can read about it here. As you know, I have been gunning for Devaney for the better part of two years.  His poor eye for talent and his sub-par drafts are what got us here.  You can seriously question his priority list also.  I am less keen to see Spags go.

Now it is time for the real work to begin.  Now we have to begin the rebuild in earnest.

I will be out of my mind with rage if we hire Jeff Fisher.  I won't have it.  That just might be the end of my 31 years as a Ram-fan.  I don't care what anybody says, Jeff Fisher is not a coaching A-Lister.  His record with the Oilers/Titans was very mediocre.  He never won the Super Bowl, we beat him in the Super Bowl, and his Titans often failed to make the playoffs. He was the most over-rated coach in the league during his long tenure with the Oilers/Titans.

The only big credit to Jeff Fisher's his name is the fact that he knows how to last in a Bush-League organization.  I want Stan Kroenke to know that if he hires Jeff Fisher, he's sending the wrong message.  He's sending the message that he wants a coach who can last in a Bush-League organization... like the Rams.

Furthermore, I am hoping and praying the Chargers will not fire A.J. Smith.  I am hoping and praying he will not  even be available for the Rams' candidate list.  Hiring A.J. will certainly be the end of my 31 years as a Ram fan.  I hate that guy with a passion.  He is an A-Lister on the ass-hole list.  He is one of the few 100% pure, unrefined, unadulterated assholes in the NFL.  Most assholes have at least a few trace quantities of impurities in their asshole nature.  Not A.J. Smith.  He is 100% pure asshole.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

2011 (2012) NFL Season, Week 17 predictions

So, I am going to squeeze in my last regular season predictions of the year 30 minutes before game-time.  It just so happens that the final week of the 2011 season falls over on the 2012 side of the boundary.  In years past, we'd already be deep in the playoffs by this point.

I don't have much time to analyze these choices, so I won't.  Suffice it to say that there are only four games I am interested in this time around.

  1. Ravens v. Bengals is a good one with playoff implications.  This is a tough choice.  I like both teams.  I just think the veteran and slightly more talented Ravens will take this game.  They elevate for big games.
  2. Lions v. Packers is very interesting now that the Packers have deactivated everybody.  The Lions want this game.  
  3. Colts v. Jags is very, very import for purposes of determining the NFL Draft order in 2012.  The Colt management wants to lose this game.  Rumor has it that the players are not on board with that decision.  Rumor has it that the players chanting "Win one for Peyton!"  If they lose, Peyton's career in Indiana may be over.  If they win, the situation gets mighty damn complicated.  Effectively, the players can sabotage management's plans to replace Peyton by wining today.
  4. Cowboys @ Giants is a one-game play-in bracket, just like those found in the NCAA basketball tournament.  Win and your in.  Loose and you are on the hot-seat.  Winner take all, baby.  Eli is more clutch than Romo, so I am picking the Giants.  This despite the fact that the Giants are a lousy home-team.