Thursday, January 12, 2012

Katie Perry and Tim Tebow?

Sometimes you come across an Internet blurb that is just too rich to pass up.  So it was today.  Unless you have been buried under a rock, you have probably heard the leading chick news of the day.

Katie Perry, famous pop-music diva, has scarcely been divorced for three days now, and her mama is dying to hook her up with my son.  That is, Tim Tebow, famous QB of the Florida Gators and Denver Broncos.

I'm shocked, delighted and horrified all at the same time.  As you well know if you read this blog, I have a thing for Katie Perry.  That Scoprio woman utterly knocked me out a couple of years ago.  It was like getting hit by Jack Tatum (also a Scorpio).  The shockwave went through my body and I dropped dead.  I was unconscious before I hit the floor.  I woke up with a 3.5 inch subdural hematoma.

As rule, Scorpio women never do that to me.  Only Pisces and Capricorn women have such tremendous knock-down power vis-a-vis yours truly.  This Scorpio woman is singular in the fact that she packs as much knock-down power as a double-barrel 12 gauge shotgun loaded with a pair of 3 inch slugs.  Believe me, I understand her appeal.

As you well know, Tim Tebow is the son I never had.  I should have been his papa.

I happen to have researched both of these characters fairly well.  I have studied their natal charts like the back of my hand.  I have a vested interest in both parties to this prospective nuptial.  I also happen to be something of a growing authority on the subject of synastry and compatibility.  So what is my verdict on this question?

I would speak to Tim as a father to his son.  I wouldn't do this, my son.  You are very, very Leo and almost entirely fire.  She is very, very Scorpio, and predominantly water.  There is a monumental Fire-Water conflict brewing here.  It won't work.  There are no two elements more incompatible than Fire and Water.

She also happens to be nearly 3 years older than you.  She is a 10/25/1984 Scorpio girl born in Santa Barbara.  You are an 8/14/1987 Leo born in Makati City, the Philippines.  She also happens to have been around the block a few times, as well as divorced, whilst you have been (purportedly) saving yourself for marriage.  That, in itself, is a mismatch I don't like.  No need to compromise now.

I would also warn you that she doesn't pick her guys well at all.  She's made serious mistakes here.  Her ex-husband is a Gemini, and an absolute mis-match for her.  You would be more so.  The numbers look pretty damn bad.

Now, I can perfectly well understand why her mom wants to put the two of you together.  It's obvious.  My boy is the best guy in the world, and of course she wants to acquire him for her daughter.  It's totally understandable, but this doesn't make it a good idea.

Listen, there is no end to the women who are desperate (and I mean absolutely desperate) to give birth to your babies.  I'm not just talking about in Florida and Colorado either.  You have inherited the title of the NFL's most eligible bachelor from Troy Aikman.  It's been vacant all this time.  No need to rush into anything.  You have an endless selection, and endless choices to make.

Incidentally, I noticed that Stacy Dales was giving you one hell of a bedroom voice when she interviewed you the other day.  She's a reliable Virgo woman, even though she's 9 years older than you, so I would have less objections there.

Now, if you are interested, I happen to know an absolutely perfect Leo girl, 3 years younger than you.  Believe me, I have very exacting and ruthless standards for perfection.  When I say she's a perfect girl, I mean she's really perfect.  I love her to death.  She would be much better for you.  She's a junior at USC.  She loves you to death.  Believe me, I know.  She told me so.  If you are interested, I will hook you up with Melinda.

I haven't had time to do a comprehensive synastry analysis on Tim yet, but (thus far) Tim's top total-combined score is a September 9, 1983 Virgo woman.  I am sure I can do better than that for you.  The next best so far is an Aquarius woman born January 29, 1987.