Thursday, August 4, 2011


Something damn peculiar is going on inside my body. I stood on the scale this evening when I got home, and the scale said 224.0. I have to admit that my eyes bulged out of their sockets when I saw that figure.

There is some strange metabolic hanky panky going on inside my guts, and I don't quite know what to make of it. Consider the following:
  • I rose a bit late this morning and got on the bike immediately after my customary trip to the bathroom and the scale.
  • When I finished my morning workout, I was concerned that I would be late for a morning meeting, so I skipped my morning protein drink. I thought I had one stowed away in the frige at work.
  • When I got to work, the boss was launching scud missiles, and some fool had thrown away my protein drink as part of a frige clean-out. Thanks a lot.
  • I didn't get my first calorie until 12:30 pm, at which time I had a Myoplex.
  • I did my lunch-time olympic rower anyway. 21 minutes 221 kcal 4,300 kilometers.
  • I had half a burrito over the rest of the afternoon before standing on the scale.
How in the name of God do you gain two pounds on that program? There are a plethora of conventional answers:
  1. You are retaining water, and need to sweat.
  2. You are constipated, and Magnesium Citrate is the remedy.
  3. It's a temporary metabolic anomaly
  4. The anabolic steroids are working
  5. The party is over and you getting fat again
Answer 1 is at least partially wrong. I am sweating like a pig. Answer 2 is entirely possible, but where do you get two extra pounds from in my menu? Even with a complete block, I didn't take in that much matter. Number 3 is the strong card, just because it is so bloody vague. What steroids? I cycled off the pro-hormone formula 2 weeks ago. There ain't no such thing in my current regime.

This leaves us with answer 5: The party is over and you are getting fat again. I seriously doubt that. If you witnessed the medical film and know the colossal damage they did to my digestive tract, it is bloody unlikely that I will ever be able to gain weight rapidly again. Especially this rapidly.

Let's hope that I wake up from this nightmare tomorrow morning to discover that I am at a new all-time low, like 215. I realize that this is bloody unlikely. I will deem myself fortunate if I can push it back down to 218. This will, at the very least, yield a 3.2 pound over-all loss. Right now I am starring down the gun barrel at a 3 pound gain.

Of all the Bod-Pod tests I have done, tomorrows test look to be the most fascinating of them all. Curiosity is killing me. I am dying to see just what the hell is going on under the hood here.

At the moment I can see no reasonable, or even plausible, explanation for what has been going on during the past week. The Bod Pod is the only scientific test I know of that can shed some light on the subject.