Friday, August 19, 2011

If you weren't so young, I'd flirt with you!

So I just had a lengthy phone conversation with my dad. We talked on many subjects, one of which was my birthday. He just reminded me of the funniest event of the day. It slipped my mind completely, due to the bad news regarding my lean weight.

When you go for a Bod Pod analysis at California Health and Longevity Institute, the first thing you have to do is report to the business desk and pay your $65 fee for the service. You are then given and invoice which you carry over to the labs. Shortly after this, you step on the scales, get in the egg shell, and they hand you your paperwork. This is the workflow.

So, following that pattern I walk over to the business desk. The lady behind desk seems to recognizes me and she greets me by name. This surprises me. She had either prepped by looking at the schedule, or she recognized me. I chose the former.

"My, my. my, your program sure is generating results! You look so good! If you weren't so young, I would flirt with you!"

I hate to break this to you, but she was flirting with me. Still, this was a very strange opening salvo.

Now, she probably could have determined that I have been losing a lot of weight by looking at the results of my Bod Pod tests. However, that information is supposed to be confidential and kept under lock and key in the corporate database. Still, in most business settings, this doesn't prevent people from seeing anything they are interested in.

She could have easily seen my birthday and age printed on any of my documents. If such was the case, she would have know I am half way to 90. That just ain't young anymore folks. I know 40 is supposed to be the new 30, but Jeeze...

To make this even more puzzling, we must consider the fact that this woman was certainly much younger than I am. She was certainly in that age range where it is difficult and dangerous to estimate a woman's age. Still, she was an absolute, outside, preposterous maximum of 40 years old. I would put her at 33-34 if I was going to venture a guess. I would put her birth year no earlier than 1976.

I studied her face to see if she was jesting. No, she was not jesting. The comment was intended as a deniable flirt. I am sure her intention was to say: I shouldn't be flirting with a younger man, but I am going to do it anyway. If you are interested, I am.

Needless to say, I was a little dumbstruck, speechless, stunned, astonished, etc. I had no witty retort at that moment. The thought ran through my mind: Does this woman actually think I am younger than she is, or is she manipulating? I have replayed the mental videotape 30 times now, and I am sure this was not a manipulation. This was a deniable flirt.

I should have asked her: How old do you think I am? I did not. I said nothing. I stone-cold flipped. It seemed that this woman was blissfully unaware of my real age. This would imply she hadn't looked at my documents, or read them carefully. This would imply that she actually noticed me, and perhaps had a synastry reaction, during a prior visit. This would imply she had been looking forward to my next visit.

Implications, implications, implications... they are mind blowing are they not? Incidentally, you are reading the blog of a guy who weighed in at 330 pounds just 6 months ago. You have to understand this kind of thing is going to blow my mind.

So here we had the case of a 33 to 35 year old woman who thought she might cougar me. Just imagine how surprised she would be if...

I suppose this is going to happen folks. Let's hope the next few cases turn out better than the last one. My dearly beloved little Leo (who just turned 21 today) un-friended me on when she discovered my birthday clearly printed on my profile. This includes my birth year. She can do the math, trust me. I made no secret of my age, but evidently it flipped her out when she saw it in print.