Sunday, August 14, 2011

Considering the glass slipper quest


As you well know, I am re-forging my body in the fiery furnace of my will. If the documentary evidence is any indication, the effort is producing results. I have some limitied anecdotal evidence that this is having an impact on members of the opposite sex.

With the understanding that this was not the reason why I had Roux-en-Y gastric bypass, I can see no reason why I shouldn’t take advantage of the other positive side-effects of this arthritis remedy. But when? When shall I go forth on this quest?

Setting the time frame

Saint Augustine of Hippo was famous for saying: da mihi castitatem et continentiam, sed noli modo. Give me chastity and continence, but not yet! My perspective is quite the opposite. Give me a high-end dating service and the nightlife, but not yet!

As far as I am concerned it is still the preseason. I am not ready for the regular season. I am not in playing shape just yet. Just when will this moment come?

Well… to be quite frank with you, I would at the very least like to have a healthy body fat percentage, before being placed in any situation where I might eventually need to disrobe. Does that make any sense to you? I hope it does.

The last visit to the Bod Pod indicated that I had 32% body fat. If you have looked carefully at any of the photographed Bod Pod documents I have posted on this blog, you may have noticed a box of information called “Body Fat Ratings”. There are a series of check boxes for different ratings. My rating is currently “High Risk: High Body Fat”. This is because my body fat percentage is still higher than 25%.

Now I fully understand that these ratings are statistical. They may not describe me at all. I may well be able to beat the crap out of their benchmark-expectations for a guy with 32% body fat. If they tested me now, I might well beat their chemical and cardio respiratory benchmarks by several hundred percentage points. That’s no joke. I probably can.

Still, I see reason in what they are saying. I have not obtained a healthy body fat percentage, or arrived at my goals, but I press on to take hold of that for which the surgeons took hold of me. This one thing I do: I forget what is behind and battle towards that which is ahead. I press on towards the prize.

I won’t be officially healthy until I reach 20%. Now when will that be? One week ago I was 12% off the mark. Due to the massive surge I have experienced this past week, I have reason to believe my BFP is now below 30%. If so, I am now less than 10% away from the mark. By next Friday, I could well BFP of 28.275%. This will leave me 8.272% away from the mark.

Of course, this extraordinary drop is courtesy of busted set-point, and a massive surge. Through this long process, the secular trend has been a 1% drop in BFP per week. If I should happen to hit my immediate goal this Friday, It must be understood that these results are not typical.

Rationally speaking, I should not expect a healthy BFP for 9 weeks, that is, 8 weeks from next Friday. Rationally speaking, this means October 14 is the logical date for Healthy BFP day. Rationally speaking, this means I should target Halloween as the season for my debutant ball.

Oh jeeze… I’ve never been a big fan of Halloween. I’ve never exactly hated it either, but this is when the freak flags fly. I don’t particularly love this notion, but you have to play the cards you are dealt.

The Game plan

The incidental moments with women in public are entertaining and delightful, but I have little or no confidence in theory that this is how I will meet my prize. No, no, no. I am far too exacting, precise, perfectionistic, and goal-oriented to do things in this random and haphazard way.

As you know, the objective is to meet women born on 3/12/1986. Sirus 1.1 claims this is the optimal solution date. Women born on this date have the highest of all possible total combined scores versus men born on 9/2/1966. Incidentally, it works in reverse also. Men born on 9/2/1966 have the highest of all possible combined scores versus women born on 3/12/1986. They can’t do better. We can’t do better… according to the match maker software in Sirus.

Incidentally, you should be able to reverse the sexes also. According to this logic, my birthday buddy Salma Hayek should go after Danny Jones, singer of the band McFly. He will blow her head off, and visa-versa.

Now, if I happen to finish my synastry engine before October 14, I may have a better target. I doubt this will be the case. I’m juggling far too many balls in the air right now to finish by October 14th. Even if I should finish my project, and even if it chooses a different optimal solution, my curiosity has been piqued. I am going to have to meet at least one female born on 3/12/1986 just to see what it is like. I have to put Sirus to the test.

The plan calls for the use of Zoosk at the moment, but this may change. I may find a better solution.