Some Random Thoughts on Sports this Monday Night

Both the Cowboy and Vikings seasons officially ended today

Towards the end of the off-season, most speculators believed that the Cowboys and the Vikings would be the two NFC Championship contestants come January. I gave a light and tentative endorsement to the Cowboy theory. I totally denied the Viking theory. It turns out that both teams are officially dead as of week 7 of the 2010 season.

Today, the MRIs revealed that Brett Favre has 2 fractures in his ankle and a chunk of bone & tendon that has ripped out of position. Get this, they have not officially ruled him out for Sunday’s game! BBAAAAHHHHAAA HHAAAAAAHAAHHAHAHA! That’s a funny joke. I get it.

Bullshit! Bull-fucking-shit! Brett’s career is now officially over. Call it quits. Just shut it down. Pack it in and call it a career. It is now over. He’s isn’t just officially out for this Sunday. He’s out for the rest of his life. The only thing that prevents us from calling a spade of a spade is pure media politics. In other words, denials and protestations to the contrary are absolute and complete bullshit.

Of course, this means Viks can pack it in and call it quits for the rest of 2010. They are officially no longer contenders, not that they were 27 hours ago either. Sure, they may go on to win 4-6 of their remaining games, but that will mean nothing in the playoff picture.

Then, as if things weren’t going badly enough for the Cowboys, catastrophe struck on ESPN Monday Night Football when Michael Boley sprinted through a gaping hole in the Cowboy offensive line and drove a chicken-winged Tony Romo into the artificial turf… hard. Tony suffered a broken clavicle bone in his left shoulder. He is expected to miss 8-10 games.

I categorically agree with owner Jerry Jones: There is no replacement for Tony Romo. The Cowboys may win 4 or 5 games down the stretch with Jon Kitna, but I seriously doubt it. Even if they do, it will mean poodly-squat in the playoff picture. The Cowboys are now officially done.

Hell widens its mouth for the Chargers

I am about two tens of a nanometer away from declaring the Chargers dead also. The only thing that prevents me from doing so is the presumed weakness of the AFC West. I think this presumption is extremely faulty. I am one tenth of a nanometer away from accepting the proposition that the Chiefs are the class of the West. I seriously doubt that the Chargers are going to have either a winning or a break-even record in 2010.

Early this afternoon, I heard Hacksaw Lee Hamilton raising hell over the Charger situation. He is not alone in raising hell, by any means, and his pain is genuine. He has been a Charger man for decades now. He drew a bulls-eye on the situation precisely and then said something very curious indeed. Hacksaw declared that he was thinking the unthinkable: The Chargers might not be a playoff team in 2010.

I laughed like hell at that line. Everything he had declared prior to that point pretty well proved that the Chargers were nothing resembling a playoff contender. Why soft-pedal the mandatory conclusion? Politics. It would be tough for such a prominent sports reporter in the San Diego area to hammer his favorite franchise so clearly on the air. It could cost him political capital. Better to sacrifice some honesty points, and appear loyal.

At this very moment, I am hearing Moochie spewing some horseshit about how the Chargers are still good enough to win the AFC West. No. You’re all wet there, coach. This has nothing to do with talent or the lack there of.

This has everything to do with labor strife. Hacksaw Lee Hamilton is correct, the Chargers have quit on A.J. Smith. Labor strife has reached a point now where the Charger players are playing selfishly to enlarge their stats and make a run at free agency with some other team. They are not playing to win.

Hell widens its mouth for the 49ers

I haven’t got the slightest idea of what is wrong with 49ers. I am inclined to blame Alex Smith, but that does not explain their inability to terminate last-minute game winning drives. They were supposed to have an elite defense. They have nothing of the kind. We have to look to Singletary for the reason why. Yes, he is one of the most respected dudes around, but something is seriously wrong with that defense.

I think the 49ers are also officially dead. If they make it to 8-8, it will be a miracle.

Giants vs Falcons in the NFC Championship?

I still believe the Saints and the Packers can factor in the NFC. However, it is getting clearer and clearer that the two most powerful football teams in the NFC are the New York Giants and the Atlanta Falcons. They are really starting to look good. They seem to be improving in every area, particularly in their ability to fight back into contention when they are down in the count.

I am really fucking sick of the East-Coast Bias

There is a clear law in sports: Your ranking is inversely proportional to your proximity to Bristol Connecticut. The closer you are to Bristol, the higher your ranking. The greater your distance, the lower your ranking.

As a UCLA graduate, I am no fan of Oregon, however, I cannot understand how they were cheated of the #1 ranking this week. How the hell did Auburn get it? How did they jump over Boise and Oregon? Ooooops! I forgot! Auburn is closer to Bristol than Eugene Oregon! That’s how they scored it. It is a clear-cut case of 100% pure unadulterated, unalloyed East-Coast Bias!

Let’s be clear: ESPN runs college football, both on their networks and ABC. Their impact on their BCS rankings is quantum. They are responsible for this travesty.

I love the World Series this year

Folks, I am not much of a fan of Baseball. I am no fan of the Rangers. I am no fan of the Giants. I am a life-long Dodger fan. With that said, I am going to watch every game of the series this year, and I am going to enjoy the fucking hell out of it.

Do you want to know why? ESPN has 982,288 tons of egg all over their collective face. I absolutely love the fact that the East Coast is shut-out of the World Series. ESPN analysts were utterly sure the Giants were (are) a team put together out of bubble-gum and duck-tape. They were also sure that the Rangers were no match for the mighty Yankees.

Why were they sure of this? Because Philly and NY are very close to Bristol Connecticut, that’s why. Their East Coast Bias was never stronger than in the run up to the World Series this year. They were so utterly sure that the Yanks would rematch with the Phillies this year it was pathetic. It made you wonder why they were even going to play the games.

I am so damn delighted that the Giants shoved a red-hot poker up ESPN’s arse that I am going to declare a temporary ban on my hatred for them. I am actually going to pull, gently, for the Giants. Again, ESPN’s bias is showing. They believe the Rangers will win the Series because Dallas is closer to Bristol than San Francisco.

Be assured, their logic is no better than that.

My comments on the "Ram News" of the day

So I get an interesting piece of bacon mailed to my email box each morning. It's a news filter that tells me the major stories swirling about my Rams in each past 24 hour period. It seems to work well. There were so many fucked up reports in this morning's bacon, the intensity of the fuckedness was so great, that I felt the need to comment here.

Why the Rams should trade for Jason Campbell

What, are you crazy? You mean to tell me we should pass on Bradford in favor of Jason Campbell? Whilst I am not an advocate of taking Bradford, that has to be the most preposterous, ludicrous, observed proposition I have heard this season. Let me make it painfully clear: Jason Campbell has not been successful in this league. This is because he is the inverse of the gunslinger QB: He is a kid who is afraid to take a shot down field. He may have some athletic ability, but the fear factor will prevent him from ever succeeding in a clutch situation. There is a definitely lack of confidence and moxie in Campbell's constitution. That is why he's not a franchise QB.

I can completely understand why the Redskins would love to pawn him off on us, but this does not mean we should be stupid enough to take the deal. A small vote of confidence here for Sam: Given protection, Sam will be 5 to 10 times the QB Campbell is in the NFL. Never pass on Bradford for Campbell. That is a sure-fire looser.

Are the Rams thinking of trading down?

I hope so. The signals have it that we are still entertaining offers for the #1 pick. If a good deal presents itself, we should be ready to take it. I am still up for the notion of drafting a couple of offensive linemen and Tim Tebow. Notwithstanding Michael Lombardi's view that Tebow will creep up into the bottom of the 1st around.

You know me. I am one of Tebow's biggest advocates. Still, I don't see him reaching the 1st round. It would be an honor he deserves, but I have witnessed the tremendous bias against Spread and Spread-Option QBs in the NFL first hand. There is a knee-jerk, visceral reflex reaction against the notion of taking any Spread or Spread-Option QB high, and this applies no matter how good the kid is. As I write this, there are still many questioning Bradford's credentials because he comes from a Spread offense. I am amazed Bradford has overcome it to the extent he has.

I have also witnessed how powerful the bias is towards QBs who have been a Pro-System in college. So great is this bias that some folks are treating Mark Sanchez as the benchmark for rookie QBs now, and they are advocating Jimmy Clausen as a high first rounder. Both propositions strike me as preposterous. There was a 6 or 7 game stretch last season where Sanchez was awful and he look like a huge bust. The playoff run made people forgetful, but he did not enjoy a good rookie campaign. I have said many times that Clausen has "bust" tattooed on his forehead and everybody seems illiterate when around him. The Pro-System bias is real, it is tangible, it is powerful, and it is largely wrong.

Anyway, this is my short reasoning explaining why I doubt Tebow will make it to the 1st round. But I digress. In summary, I do hope we trade the pick, get a 2nd 2nd, and select Tebow.

With that said, I think the chances are remote. Many have evaluated this draft as I have. They believe the best QBs will be found in the 2nd and 3rd rounds. Our chances for doing a deal hinge on finding someone who is in love with Ndamukong Suh and/or Gerald McCoy. I don't know that this will happen.

Not so fast, says the Rams' GM: No decision on the Heisman QB

Several pieces from the associated press and others synthesis in the following manner:

1. Do the Rams really want Bradford?
2. Why are they offering a trade if they do?
3. Devaney has stated fairly emphatically that releasing Mar Bulger (on his birthday) does not constitute a lock on Bradford at the #1 slot.
4. Bradford declares that he and his agent are totally in the dark about what the Rams want. They have not tipped their hand to him at all.
5. The Rams are negotiating with Bradford, but so too are they negotiating with Suh, McCoy and Clausen.
6. It is wretched to think so, but is reasonable to suppose that if the Rams still hold the #1 when the countdown commences, they may chose the cheapest bargain. This may boil down to a money deal.

With that said Bernie Miklasz of the St, Louis Post-Dispatch tried to explode this notion a piece he penned this morning. You can read it here. He basically says the following.

1. Stop the charade
2. You ain't fooling anybody
3. It's obvious you love Bradford
4. You've done everything shy of filing personal adoption papers in court.
5. You had better protect this kid with a good offensive line.
6. Upgrade the receivers
7. Don't rush Bradford
8. Put Pat Shurmer in charge of Bradford's development

Bernie is in St. Louis. He supposedly has access to the organization. So too does D'Marco Farr. Both of these guys have turned around lately and are saying all the signals are towards Bradford at this point. I am going to have to trust them on this, but from where I sit, here in Los Angeles, they look mighty indecisive and willing to reconsider.

I don't want to digress much here, but I would dismiss the Pat Shurmer notion. Why do you have any confidence in that guy? What Quarterback did he ever develop? Donovan McNabb? Please... he predated Shurmer by a long shot. Kolb? Nah, I don't accept that as positive case yet. If he shows strong like Rodgers, perhaps I will. I he does a great job with Bradford, perhaps I will.

Right now I want him fired, and I want Mike Leach in charge.

Rumors of Possible Haynesworth Trade Not Rumors

Is a trade for Haynesworth in the works for St. Louis? No, these are not rumors, just bullshit. John Clayton of ESPN threw that one out, supposedly... although I did not hear him do so on the air.

Look, Haynesworth is an over-paid prima donna who doesn't want to play nose tackle, although he did precisely this with the Titans. The guy did not perform well last season with the Redskins, and this is why they are shopping him. He isn't worth the $100m contract Snyder gave him; still one of the most preposterous moves I've seen in free agency. Several experts, including Mike Mayock, said he was a system player, who owed much of his greatness to the scheme he was in. They didn't think he would fair well away from Tennessee. Boy does that seem prescient now! Haynesworth did not do well away from Tennessee.

Now you have the complete task of explaining to me why the Rams, a team with cash-flow problems in the middle of an ownership change, would acquire a $45m expensive rookie QB and a $100m overpaid prima donna DT in the same season? The #1 pick is already described by many as a money-pit. Why complicate the situation by seeking Haynesworth's $100m contract also?

Are you stumped yet? So am I. I do not believe this plan is economically feasible for the Rams at this stage of the game. Ergo it is bullshit.

Dilfer says it would be a catastrophic mistake for the Rams to select Bradford

My home-boy Trent Dilfer was asked to comment on Devaney's statement that selecting Bradford is no sure-thing. Dilfer applauded this comment, and made a few controversial statements. What were they?

1. Bradford is not close to being the #1 athlete in this draft. I would accept that statement.
2. Bradford faced a lot of soft defenses in the Big-12. It is an interesting point. In the 2009 BCS game he faced a hard-ass SEC defense in Florida, and put 14 points on the board, not 60.
3. Clausen is the most pro-ready. Ooopss! I knew he had to fuck up somewhere. Trent, quit injecting Fentanyl into your veins. Don't make me send you to rehab. Come out of narcotic induced delusions and read the tattoo on Clausen's forehead that says "BUST". I am telling you now that this kid is never going to make it in the NFL. You will all be scratching you heads in a few years saying "What happened?" You criteria is wrong. The pro-system doesn't predict shit. It is a meaningless indication of nothing in particular.
4. Colt McCoy may be the kid who winds up having the best pro career. It is an interesting idea. I have mulled that notion over several times. Colt looks damn good to me. I am still betting on Tebow, but my secondary bet is on McCoy. Implicit within this declaration is the notion that the pro-system is a meaningless indication of nothing in particular. Colt is a spread QB.

I don't agree with Trent's somewhat hysterical use of the term 'Catastrophic'. I do believe Bradford will become a great passer... give a steel-reinforced concrete offensive line like that of the Jets. We do not have such a line, ergo we run the risk of making him a medical bust. Even in Bernie's article, I still see major cases of denial about the state of our offensive line, which is still 3 players away from being solid. Bradford is a terrific kid, but with such poor protection, he is in for great difficulty.

The grand sports media conspiracy and ESPN

Well, well, well... how the tide has turned for Tim Tebow this morning. Todd McShay appeared on NFL Live last night and said very flattering things about Tebow's progress. Colin Cowherd, a famed Tebow detractor, hosted Herman Edwards this morning and had a discussion about Tebow. Cowherd moderated his position extensively... With Herm Edward's help. Everyone on ESPN seems to be warming to Tebow. Mel Kiper Jr has not been heard on this subject.

All of this reminds me of grand media conspiracy I have heard about many times over the past 20 or so years. You see, the sports media needs consumer/customers. Media outlets need you every day. Big dips in interest are really bad business. It's hard to make up for the big dippers during the big spikes. If there were any strategies one might employ to even out interest to some degree, it would make a big difference to the bottom line.

Are there any such strategies? Sure. How about if we build up a super hero, and then we tear him down, and then build him up again. A larger than life figure in trouble is a compelling news story indeed. We see it all over the place. Especially if and when the kid is tremendously popular, sticking him in a rough patch will make for a compelling drama. You can produce an award winning soap opera as the kid tries to dig himself out of a hole.

So you build 'em up to tear 'em down, and tear 'em down to build 'em up.

Tebow's draft journey sure looks like it matches this profile. It looks like ESPN may well have applied one of their cookie-cutter templates for drama to Tim Tebow. Tebow was the perfect dupe for this as well. A tremendously popular kid, perceived as being too perfect, loaded with athletic ability and achievements. Fans in every one of the 32 NFL markets are campaigning for their teams to take Tebow.

Guess what folks at home? Tebow has no future. He just isn't an NFL Quarterback. Bad mechanics, comes out of the spread, he can't read a defense, and he's stupid. He's a good guy and all, but he just can't play NFL football. It's tragic really.

There is a traumatized reaction in the nation. People all over the country gasp. Fans in all 32 NFL cities look at each other in astonishment, and demand clarifications of this verdict. ESPN is happy to oblige. Just tune in. Kiper will give you the word.

Disappointed fans ask themselves if it is really true. Some lemmings go along with it. Those with age, experience, and confidence in their eyes reject Kiper's conclusions. An Internet battle of the blogs ensues. As the war heats up, ESPN's NFL team and the NFL Network do much better business than expected during this off season.

Then Tebow stumbles at the Senior Bowl. The critics become ferocious. The defense bears down. Tebow does well at the combine. Bullets are exchanged. Tebow does very well at his ProDay. NFL HQ invites Tim Tebow to come to Radio City Music Hall on draft day.

Suddenly ESPN turns around. Tebow is really an okay guy. With a year or two of development, he will find his way in the NFL. He's a developmental project, but he will be fine. Tebow got some pretty fine endorsements last night on NFL Live. Troy Aikman, Archie Manning, Bob Greise, and John Gruden all gave him ringing endorsements. It's looking good for Tebow again.

The people are relieved. We would hate to see such a great kid disappointed in life. Rejoicing begins in the nation. The 32 campaigns to draft Tebow go back to regular business.

Some very bitter college football fans who lost to Florida are extremely pissed, and write some fantastically overwrought rants. Check this one out. That one is so overheated, so over the top, it must have been designed over the course of several days or several minutes.

Anyhow... I am pretty irritated with myself. How the hell did I fall prey to such a simple diversionary ploy? At ripe old age of 43, after 30 years of observing the sports media, how did I buy into this stunt?

Because I am one those guys campaigning for my team to take Tebow, that's why. Still I should have been smarter about this.

OH! So now McNabb is going Cleveland, aye!

There are three great lies in American life:

1. The check is in the mail
2. Donovan McNabb is about to be traded
3. I promise not to cum in your mouth

You guys are so full of shit your eyes are brown. You guys have absolutely no street cred left. I am talking about 0.0000 street cred. You have cried wolf too many times, and now nobody believes you. [A few hundred too many if you ask me.] You have proven that there are lies, damn lies, and then there are McNabb rumors.

You are just jerking the chains of Philly fans with fabricated lies. When McNabb starts game 1, week 1, 2010 FOR THE EAGLES I vow to give you so much hell you will wish you had never invented any of these false reports. I am not going to let you live this down. I am going to drop it on your heads like a trip hammer every time you turn around.

Remember: I am a Ram fan. I really don't give a damn about Philly or McNabb. The problem is that I smell a rat. You guys are just manipulating and lying to get Philly fans to tune in. I think that is a total violation of journalistic ethics... if you have any.

I want Mel Kiper Jr.'s video track record on YouTube.com

Memo to ESPN:

In the spirit of full disclosure, transparency and accountability, I would like you to dig up the video tapes of Mel Kiper Jr.'s reviews and ratings on the following Quarterback candidates for the NFL draft:

1. David Kilingler Bengals 1992
2. Tommy Maddox Broncos 1992
3. Dave Brown Giants 1992
4. Rick Mirer Seahawks 1993
5. Heath Shuler Redskins 1994
6. Jim Druckenmiller 49ers 1997
7. Ryan Leaf Chargers 1998
8. Tim Couch Browns 1999
9. Akili Smith Bengals 1999
10. Cade McNown Bears 1999
11. David Carr Texans 2002
12. Joey Harrington Lions 2002
13. Patrick Ramsey Redskins 2002
14. Byron Leftwich Jaguars 2003
15. Kyle Boller Ravens 2003
16. Rex Grossman Bears 2003
17. J.P. Losman Bills 2004
18. Alex Smith 49ers 2005
19. Jason Campbell Redskins 2005
20. JaMarcus Russell Raiders 2007
21. Brady Quinn Browns 2007

I would have expected someone to have posted these videos on the YouTube.com already, but such is not the case. I looked hard, but could find no trace of these videos. Has the record been expunged? Did someone post a few of these embaressing videos? Did you order YouTube.com to remove these videos for copyright violations?

If Mel Kiper Jr. is as good as you pretend he is, then you have nothing to hide. You can post these historical videos proudly as a sign of confidence in Kiper's ability to detect and warn the NFL of dud quarterbacks. He will provide us with the correct diagnostic. On the other hand, if Mel Kiper Jr. is what I say he is--the Pastor Benny Hinn of the NFL Draft--he will probably say some things in those videos that would cause NFL fans to howl with laughter in retrospect.

I seem to recall glowing praise for some QBs like Ryan Leaf, Tim Couch and David Carr. Hearing the words of Kiper once again on names such as those listed above might prove extremely damaging to Mel Kiper Jr.'s status as the doyen of draft gurus.

Reliving the words of Kiper Jr. will be highly instructional in this fine year of 2010 when your cohort are driving the stock of a fellow like Jimmy Clausen way up the board. Reliving the words of Kiper regarding these legendary busts in NFL Draft history would provide us with a grain of salt to temper current words of praise for future busts.

Alex Marvez said what about our offensive line...?

So I was just listening to Myers and Hartman on the Launching Pad, and they had (as per usual) a very special guest with them. This time it was Alex Marvez. Marvez was there to discuss the combine. He is in Indianapolis right now.

Hartman made the great point that Sam Bradford is damaged goods. Surely, the Rams could never pass on Ndamukong Suh to selected a damaged QB like Bradford? Marvez is obviously backing Schefter and Clayton, as he called out the Rams administrators for passing on QBs two years in a row when Bulger is clearly not the solution. Hartman replied (correctly) that the Rams could never protect a rookie QB with the rubbish offensive line they (we) have.

This is where it got stunning: Marvez declared that he totally disagreed with that statement about the Rams' offensive line. He felt that was a greatly improved group last year, and they would be further improved this season with 1 more year of experience for Jason Smith. He declared with vehemence that the Rams could not continue to pass on young quarterbacks.

Oh... Jesus... where do I begin to deconstruct the lies!

I don't blame Marvez for following the Rams lightly, and not keeping track of current events. Many do not. They do not consider us relevant in the NFL anymore. They have not for several years now.

There was a point last season where what Marvez said seemed to be true. It was fugacious, to borrow a word from that sesquipedalian Steve Young. In the five offensive line positions, the Rams had 5 primary starters last season:

• Left Tackle Alex Barrow -- A very serious fuck up. One of the most penalized OL men in the league over the past 5 years. Personally responsible for about 30-40% of Marc Bulger's injuries over the past several years. Crap-ass pass protector.
• Left Guard Jacob Bell -- an itty bitty teeny weenie guard with a serious tear in his hamstring now. Lost for the season. Never had much drive in his legs. He will have less after the hamstring tear. He's not a bad guy, but he isn't a great guard.
• Center Jason Brown -- now this is a badass. If we had more like him we'd be just fine.
• Right Guard Ritchie Icognito -- Worst case of 'Roid rage in NFL history. Cut by the team for conduct detrimental after massive numbers of unsportsman like conduct calls. He had one hell of a straight right punch, and he knew how to taunt the officials before game winning field goals.
• Right Tackle Jason Smith -- Made a few rookie mistakes but looks fundamentally solid. This is another badass in progress. If we had more like him we'd be just fine.

So where do we stand going into 2010?

• Incognito is gone.
• I believe Barrow will not be back. If we bring back we will regret it. He sucks. I would trade him for a postage stamp if anybody in league would give me one.
• Jacob Bell may be back, but he is not a solid solution at Left Guard.
• Jason Brown is a badass
• Jason Smith is a badass

Ergo we have 2 out 5 positions solidly filled. Ghee... let me think... Can we protect a rookie QB like Sam Bradford with just 40% of an offensive line? No, fuck no.

Marvez! Pull your head out of your ass! Check on current events before making stupid declarations! You fucked up.

If we draft Sam Bradford, it will end in tears

Broken dreams and flying machines laying in pieces on the ground.

Adam Schefter has guaranteed that the Rams will select Sam Bradford #1 overall in the NFL draft in April. I guess he wants to burn his street cred, which is pretty good. Unless we all forget about this false prophecy he is likely to wind up with a great deal of egg on his face. Devaney politely bitch slapped Schefter for cause.

I am fairly certain that Schefter and ESPN are just talking to brew talk. It is the off season. We still have almost two months to go before the draft. Schefter and his ilk are expected to be active this week because of the combine, but strict combine reports don't market well. Spectacular rumors about the first pick do sell well, even in the off season. This means that it is the best week of the year for absolute bullshit rumors.

Just on the off chance that Devaney and Spagnuolo are thinking about doing something stupid, I want to lay a heavy prophecy of doom on all you. *_IF_* we the Rams select Sam Bradford with the #1 pick (or any pick) in the 2010 NFL Draft:

1. Bradford will become the next Jim Plunket; a Heisman trophy QB full of promise, destroyed by physical injury. .
2. Sam will not play long behind our craphouse offensive line.
3. You will see the Marc Bulger pattern re-emerge.
4. It will all end in tears
5. Shahid Khan, or Kroenke, or both will fire Devaney and Spagnuolo in just 2 years time when it becomes clear we went bust on the #1 pick, selecting an injury plagued quarterback.
6. No progress will be made at all.
7. We will ruin the young man's otherwise promising career.
8. At best he will fame-on with some other team after years of disappointment, and be voted the comeback player of the year after he leads somebody else to the Super Bowl.

No, ESPN. Drafting Sam Bradford is the absolute wrong thing to do with the #1 pick. In fact, it is a straight up stupid argument. Every argument ESPN has made in this case is confounded, fallacious, anti-factual, and fabricated out of nothing.

Or let us hope so...

The Browns victory and the Great Marketing Conspiracy of the NFL

So, everyone is shocked this morning by the Browns' amazing upset victory over the defending world champion Steelers last night. Most experts believe that this constitutes the death blow to the Steelers' title defense. At this point, it would be very difficult for the Steelers to make it into the playoffs. It should be noted that they said the same thing about Philadelphia last year.

All day long, the NFL played odes of love to the Steelers' illustrious history. We saw all 6 (count 'em 6) America's Game episodes on the Steelers: 1974, 1975, 1978, 1979, 2005, 2008. You would never have known that this team was skidding on a 4 game loosing streak.

The Steelers showed their love for that mighty send-off by allowing the Browns to lay a Cleveland Steamer on their Super Bowl Rings. The Steeler OL couldn't block, the receivers dropped passes, and the defense couldn't tackle. Wow... 5th loss in a row.

Ad meanwhile the NFL network and ESPN were broadcasting evidence of player-coach divisions in New England. At the same time we still had fools claiming (on HDTV) that the Patriots are in the hunt for the championship.

So, here we have two teams that have won 5 of the 8 Super Bowls played so far this decade. Both are either in danger of getting out, in disarray, and in the midst of loosing streaks. At this very moment in time, the NFL and ESPN are throwing roses and chocolate coins at them. I wonder why this would be? Is this a clear cut case of dynastanalingus? Is this something else?

A friend of mine proposed the following theory: When you have spoiled fans, and a bad season, it is difficult to keep the fans engaged and watching. As a spoiled fan, you can tune out during a botched season real early. God knows I couldn't bear to watch my Rams in the latter stages of 2000 or 2002. It was too painful.

Certainly, with all the bad news in New England, it is difficult to keep the fans engaged. I know a friend of mine from Boston, Joe Morais, has stopped watching NFL football entirely. It hurts him too much. Certainly, now that the Steelers are out of the running, Pittsburgh and that entire region will have less reasons to tune in for the on-going NFL season.

I suspect the NFL network and ESPN both know this. I suspect their marketing data told them this a decade ago. I suspect neither the NFL network nor ESPN would like a reduction in viewership in these two regions. Ergo, you have your paid schills declare that the Patriots are still in the hunt. It is pretty clear that the Steelers are out, so you have to be honest about that. However, the more you can prevaricate about the Patriots, the better for ratings.

Whoa!!! Hold on there David! Are you suggesting that the sports journalists at ESPN and the NFL network are lacking in journalistic integrity? Are you saying that they don't dispassionately seek the truth?

Hell nah! I am saying that they are a bunch of fork-tongued lying assholes who telling wild yarns to keep the audience watching... for money. "Lacking journalistic integrity" or "failing to dispassionately seek the truth" doesn't quite hit the nail on the head. Journalistic integrity? They ain't got none!

The De Facto Champions?

So just before the Fastest 3 Minutes in Sports, Chris "Boomer" Berman seemed to lament that the defending champion Steelers were on the ropes, and that the De Facto Champion Patriots were looking more human than ever?

Whooohhhh..... What?!?!?! SAAAHHH WHAT?!!??!? The what? The Patriots are what? Did you refer to the Patriots as the De Facto Champions? Now how in the fucking hell can such a preposterous statement ever be justified? AH! I forgot! Chris is the big man at ESPN! He lives in Bristol Connecticut! He is one of the foremost exponents of the East Coast bias! Since the Patriots play near ESPN HQ, they are obviously the De Facto Champions.

I have loved Chris for a long time, but we have to order that man a mandatory drug test. It takes about 10,000 pounds of brain damage to call a team that has not won the Super Bowl in 5 years the De Facto Champions. If you were not actually brain damaged, you would realize that the Patriots are on the downslope of rebuilding, and they are on pace for a 10-6 season. That kind of brain damage just doesn't happen naturally, all by itself. There must be some pretty harsh narcotics involved. Drug testing is in order.

Hey, Chris! Didn't Brady look like the greatest QB of all time on that Red-Zone interception, or the INT at the end of the game? He also choked when he over-threw Wes Welker. Be honest for just a minute: Your boy looks like shit. They did better last year with Matt Castle. They should have kept him and traded Brady.