Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Struck down by the Thunderbolt!

So I got my very first look at Katy Perry's "California Gurls" video this morning. I know I am a couple of months late to the party. You'll have to pardon me, but I don't track pop music. Pop music is not Metal music. I am a Metal puritan. I rarely go outside my Metal domain.

Well folks, this is good reason to go outside the domain. You'll have to pardon this blog entry a bit because I am still a little dazed and confused after seeing this video. It was like getting hit by Jack Tatum. The shockwave went through my body, and I dropped dead. Lights out! It was a one-punch knockout. I have a pretty serious concision at the moment.

God damn those Capricorn women... They do it to me every time! Cut down by the thunderbolt again! So here we have another Capricorn specimen who can stand shoulder to shoulder with Paz Vega. Wow... What did I tell you about Capricorns? Did I not say these were the Goddess women? Why does anybody even listen to Lady Gaga when you have Katie Perry around? I mean fuckin'a man!?!?! I don't know what you see here, but I see what I like. That much is certain.

I want to go on the record and declare that there is a 100% chance that this track will come in at #1 on the Top 40 chart for 2010. There is a 0.00% chance of this track coming in any lower than #1. The video will be the landslide-winner. Number 2 won't even be close.

Just one little analytical problem here: Katie Perry was born in London England on December 30th, 1980 from Australian parents, and she is an Australian citizen. So in what sense is she a California girl? If you want you citizenship, you will have to marry me woman.

But this is a small technicality... Of course, this little detail would never escape the most observant dude of the zodiac, would it? Sunkissed skin so hot it melts my Popsicle. Listen, you can climb up my candy-cane snake anytime you want.

Notice she has Sagittarius on Venus, like Sam Bradford. Fire on the love planet. I got Leo. That's a nice match-up.