Monday, August 9, 2010

So it turns out Katie Perry is a baptized in the Holy Ghost Pentecostal

I'm in love. I can't help it. I know this is not good for me. I need to put this away.

I'll tell you a little chapter of my life I haven't mentioned before. Once upon a time, between age 30-37, Dave was a full-blown evangelical pentecostal kind-of-guy. I started out with the Internation Church of the Foursquare Gospel (Church on the Way) and moved over to the Assemblies of God, my local church in my local hood. It was Faith Tabernacle on the corner of Olympic and Purdue. They actually elected me an elder there. I was Deacon Dave at the time, not to be confused with David Deacon Jones.

I know these people. They good people. It is very regrettable that they are so easily exploited by charlatan bandits, but you will never find a nicer bunch of people. Kind, generous, friendly, happy, unassuming, etc. You will know them by their fruits. These are good people.

How did it all ended? I don't want to talk about it. It was very sad. Having a big brain and a big IQ is a liability sometimes. After doing exactly what the preachers told me to do--study to show myself approved--I reached the point where you could not make sense out of it. That was a problem for a cerebral guy like me; one I was not willing to overlook. I am not happy about this.

As you know, Katy Perry is on the cover of the Rolling Stone this month. She has the feature article on the inside as well. It turns out papa is a good 'ole Pentecostal Holiness preacher. I liked those guys. It turns out Katy prays in tongues, and she defends the practice.

It's like brother Swaggart used to say: Mahanda bakula berechete! I used to quote Jimmy on that statement often. Incidentally, I was a big fan of Swag. He was the Pentecostal Elvis. I actually flew down to Baton Rogue for Easter of 2000 to hang out at his church. It was great.

You may say I am crazy, but Katy has a special shine on her. I could tell. This is probably why she knocked me out cold: slain in the spirit. It was a Holy Ghost explosion.

Naw! That's a bad pun... I take that back. My apologies.

The author of the Rolling Stone piece makes the case that Katy is actually a good girl, who just pretends to be a little bit bad. It is a stage act in a performance art. This despite the mushroom incident.

You know what? I believe him, even though I have a somewhat flimsy case to stand on. I have a hunch about this girl. The acorn doesn't fall that far from the tree. These stage acts are usually bullshit laden.

Consider Beyonce. I have never bought into her stage act. I regard Beyonce as a very hard-driven, ambitious, achievement oriented business woman. She does her best to project the image of a wild woman and sexual fire storm. I have never bought that line of hype. She has never convinced me that there is a shred of authentic legitimacy to that image. I think you would find a female Donald Trump if you actually met her and got to know her.

By the same token, I don't buy Katy Perry's hype either. Although she posses cheese-cake and pretends to be very naughty, I don't get the slightest impression that she is a wanton slut or porn star. That's why she knocks me out. It is not often that you get a good look at a good & sexy girl. Instant knock-out.

In all seriousness folks, 5 days after suffering the 3.5 inch subdural hematoma, I pretty well think the same thing I thought at the time. This one is very special. We have not seen a bombshell of this variety in my lifetime. I have laughed at lot of the so-called sex symbols the music industry has set before us over the past 30 years. I'm not laughing now.

The best way to describe her is this: If a mad scientist created a genetic hybrid of Betty Paige and Marilyn Monroe, and then raised her in a wholesome Pentecostal household, that offspring would be Katy Perry. The girl just can't help it. Don't hate her just because she is drop-dead sexy. That's just what God gave her. I don't know why, but I am not questioning it either.