Tuesday, August 24, 2010

I don't know if I can eat another hot dog ever again...

Ground beef either. So, in the past 48 hours, I had the misfortune of watching several documentaries I've stacked up on the DVR. These were "How it's Made" and "Man Made Marvels" documentaries. I recorded them months and months ago, but never got around to them until the past 48 hours. They went into great detail about butchering, hotdog & sausage making, and good 'ole ground beef.

Politicians have an old saying on this subject. There are two things you should never watch as they are being made: sausage and legislation. This is one of Hillary Clinton's favorite sayings. She quotes it often. Many others do also. Regrettably, I totally understand this saying now. Further, it applies to hot dogs and good 'ole ground round also.

Unfortunately, you can observe a lot just by watching, as Yogi Berra taught us. I am the most observant dude in the Zodiac, and I don't like anything but practical information. Sooner or later, this was bound to happen.

Bouy... the look on the face Armour hot dogs representative was one of profound discomfort and unease as he began to guide the camera men through the Chicago factory where your kids' hot dogs get made. He explained the process hesitantly, and his eyes shifted frequently to look at the faces of the videographers he was talking to. He looked very ill-at-ease as presented the process. Obviously, he completely understood what impact this would have on the audience. He was probably was afraid of loosing market share, or botching the market outright.

I used to wonder why my dad used to go off like a bomb about hot dogs. When he wanted to deride child abusers and neglectful parents he would say things like "These are the kind of parents who would feed hot dogs to their children." He would say things like "The poor stupid bastard can't learn anything. He was malnourished in childhood. His mom only gave him hot dogs to eat."

I used to think these comments were borderline crazy. He obvious had seen the factory, or saw documentary films like this long before I ever did. I am now inclined to agree with him.

Folks you don't want to know the cheek, gums, lips, eyeballs, intestines, scrotums, sphincters, organ meats, and hoof gelatin fillers they throw into your hot dogs and hamburgers. I used to wonder why Alton Brown insisted on buying chuck steak and having the butcher grind it for him. I used to wonder why they called hot dogs "throw away meats". Goddamn nasty stuff there.

No more for me. I am done.

Only select German sausages, Spanish Chorizos, and ground chuck for Dave from now on. Don't worry about the price. I can afford it.