Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Born under a bad star (for football)

Right now the NFL is running a hype commercial for NFL Redzone with a cover of the famous song featuring the lyric "I can never break away from you." That keeps me thinking about the infamous Heath Ledger quote from Broke Back Mountain "I wish I knew how to quit you." You see, I've got this bad thing for sheep and goats. No, it's not what you think. It's actually worse.

Boy... swore I was going to quit those Rams in 2010. Just when I thought I was out, they keep dragging me back in, or so says Michael Corleone. I've already posted a few more blogs about 'dem Rams when I swore I would not.

Naturally, I blame astrology for this terrible affliction. I was born under a bad sign for football. My mom is an Aries. It just so happens that my Moon is in Aries. My brother's moon is also in Aries. I am not yet sure of my sister's moon position.

Aries is the fire Ram. The image of Aries, god of war mind you, is of a fiery battering ram charging through a battlefield and knocking down strongholds. They often wonder why Rams, a prey animal, are depicted fighting Lions, Tigers and Bears. Because it is the ancient symbol of the god of war, Jack. Study a bit of Greek and Roman culture and you will find out about these things.

If that were not enough, there is this other little astrological sign called Capricorn which is depicted variously as a goat, or a ram, or a mermaid ram. Strange that Capricorn is often called a sea-goat or sea-ram when Capricorn is an earth sign. Well... you know by now... I have a serious thing for these Capricorn women, and that is probably an understatement. Whilst Taurus is frequently sited as the optimal solution for a Virgo male, Capricorn is a very close 2nd. Virgo-Capricorn marriages are extremely common, and usually highly successful. Whilst there have been a number Taurus women who have captivated me, Capricorn always seems a wee bit stronger. The Capricorn clan is the odds on favorite to capture this Virgo sooner or later.

So I have this strange subconscious, symbolic predilection to pull like hell for these guys with the horns on their helmets. I'm not talking about the Viking horns either. This a bad predilection for football, especially these days.

When I became a Ram fan some 30 years ago, the Rams were the 3rd winningest team in NFL history by percentage. How did I know that? The Raiders boasted openly every year they had the #1 winning percentage of any time in the league. The Cowboys were listed (by the Raiders) as #2. The Rams were listed (by Raiders) as the #3 team. Don't take my word for it. Watch the Raider films from 1978, 1979, 1980, 1981. Al Davis will tell you about it. Both of those teams are a hell of a lot younger than the Rams. Both the Cowboys and the Raiders were founded in 1960. The Rams were founded in 1937.

Now here we are, some 30 years later, and the Rams winning percentage is nowhere near that good. The past 30 seasons at 16 games apiece have not been all that good to Rams fans. The Georgia era was not a good one. Yes we've had some good campaigns, but we narrowly avoided being the worst team of the 1990s, and the 2000s were not as good as they should have been. Now as the new decade begins, we are off and stumbling again, with a highly questionable rebuilding program. The man orchistrating this program has his Sun in Pisces, and his Mercury in Aquarius, just like my own brother Ben.

With all due respect to Ben, I wouldn't trust him to rebuild the Rams. Given the task, I am sure Ben would punt the ball to me. I would do it better, and he would gladly admit that fact, I am sure. The Star Goddess Janet Scialis claims all Virgos truely and sincerely believe they can do the job--whatever job--better than anybody else on the planet. That's no bullshit, and that convinction is usually true. That's no bullshit either.

Never before have I been so burned up by personnel moves, and non-moves by Rams. That's saying an awful lot. Believe me, there have been a few episodes where I was utterly at odds with the teams' decisions. This usually foreshadowed despirate times ahead. I hated the drafts we had at the end of 1980s and begining of the 1990s. Those drafts are now legendary fiascos in NFL history. They setup a lost decade and a move to St. Louis.

Never before have I wanted to decapitate a GM so badly. Never before have I wanted to execute a Coup De Etad with myself at the forefront. I am really damn tired of this futility. Somebody is going to have to start making some good moves. If they won't do it, I would be only too happy to sieze control run the show.

Who knows what these past few disasterous drafts will do to a team already at the bottom of the heap? Logic dictates that I should run, not walk, away. Still I seem powerless to break free.