Friday, August 6, 2010

I don't believe in the Viking theory

In this blog I will issue my 3rd or 4th annual official-rejection slip regarding the Viking theory. I have lost official count. I expect to be right for the 3rd or 4th consecutive year. I have been right these past several years.

Folks, it's all Mike Mayock's fault. Dr. Mike is my official draft guru, pissed though I was with him in this year of 2010, and he is usually the most reliable guy in the league. He has earned a lot of clout for that reason. It is largely due to his voice that we (I mean you) think that the Vikings are a legit Super Bowl contender.

Nope, they're a pretender to the crown.

Mike Mayock is a guy with a couple of biases. We have to compensate for those biases if we are to find the truth of the matter. Dr. Mike is from Philly, and he is an Eagle fan. They always get an inflated score from Dr. Mike. Dr. Mike also covers the Vikings during pre-season. The Vikings always get an inflated score, especially on the talent card.

The Viking tribe suffers from a very strange version of myopia, if you ask me. Let me tell you about it.

About a month ago, when I was returning to Los Angeles from Fresno after the 4th of July, I stopped by Ikea. I just happened to be wearing Jared Allen's jersey on that day. As I checked out with a few new things for the Barbecue, a guy approached me asking with great anxiety regarding whether Favre would return or not.

Of course, I'm not actually a Viking fan, but this guy was. He thought he had found a kindred spirit. This is a common problem for me. It happens often.

It's difficult for me to explain that I am a non-aligned fan of the sport called football. It's hard for me to explain to a guy I just met out of the blue that I have 53 NFL jerseys in my collection, and I wear a different one every day. I have found it is usually easier to have a brief conversation with the dude about whatever team I happen to be wearing on the given day.

I answered him directly "I think it's a given that Favre is going to be back."

He continued "I sure hope so! The Vikings should have won the Super Bowl! The Vikings are so much better than the Saints! They turned it over 7 times, and the Saints still only managed to win it in overtime by a field goal!"

My face screwed up like I had bit into a sour pickle. I nodded my head and we parted ways. I am sure this Viking fan believed I was feeling the pain of defeat when he saw the expression on my face. On the contrary, I was feeling pain of an absolutely preposterous and bass-ackward argument. His argument would have infuriated my high school logic teacher to no end.

Let me get this straight: Adrian Peterson put the ball on the carpet 5 times and Favre threw 2 more interceptions in his illustrious career, ergo the Vikings are dramatically better than the Saints???? Bullshit! Bull fucking shit! NOW HERE THIS: FUCK THAT SHIT! If that isn't the stupidest argument I've ever heard it is damn close to #1.

The only reason the Vikings stayed in the game was because Sean Payton called the most curiously conservative game I have ever seen him orchistrate. He kept shutting it down during the game, believing that the Vikings were self-destructing. He believed the Vikings were punching his ticket to the big-dance. Every time the Vikings would tie it, Payton would unleash hell on them again, and the Saints would take the lead back.

The Saints were a heck of a lot better than Viks. It wasn't as close as it looked.

Mike Mayock says that the Vikings are loaded. I categorically reject that statement. The receiver corp is impressive, and the defensive line is impressive. I don't see a whole lot there besides that. The defensive backfield is dog-shit. The offensive line is mediocre to poor, blocking well for the run, and modestly for the pass. The linebacking corp is average to better than average.

Favre is just a brilliant damn QB when he isn't throwing those big INTs to terminate NFC championship games. Adrian Peterson is a breakaway threat when he isn't putting the ball on the carpet 5 times in the NFC Championship game. You give those two guys way too much damn credit. This is the most over-rated backfield in 20 or 30 years. Truth be told, both of these gifted athletes have absolute spoilers, nasty ruinations, and critical flaws.

For these reasons I do not believe in the Viking theory. I do not believe they are a serious contender. I do not believe they are serious threat in the NFC. I do not believe they are a threat to win the Super Bowl this season.

Now flukes do happen. The Federal DEA investigation could crush the Saints' title defense. The Falcons may unexpectedly collapse. The Cowboys may suffer an epidemic of injuries. No surprise team may emerge in the NFC. The Packers may not be what we think they are. Favre's ankle may be just fine.

If the constellations all lineup in this fluky manner, the Vikings might windup hosting the 49ers for the NFC Championship. This would give them an unexpected, moderately unobstructed run to the Super Bowl.

I seriously doubt this will happen. It is more likely that Favre's ankle will not be okay, and the Vikings will suffer an unexpected collapse in 2010.