Bod Pod IX... Meh!

The results of the Birthday Bod Pod are in, and in the famous words of Tedy Bruschi, that ain't what were looking for. That is probably a Bellichick saying.

The findings of the study are these:

• My scale weight was 203.734, down from 209.340,
• This is a loss of 5.606 gross pounds
• I now have 55.912 pounds of body fat, down from 62.414
• This is a loss of 6.502 pounds of fat.
• I know have 147.821 pounds of lean weight, up from 146.926 last time
• This is scarcely 0.895 of one pound increase of lean. I guess that beats a poke in the eye.
• My body fat percentage is now 27.4%, down from 29.8% last time.
• This is a 2.4% reduction in Body Fat Percentage, matching my BFP drop last time
• My body volume is now 89.135 liters, down from 92.042 liters last time.
• This is a decrease of 2.907 liters of body volume.

I guess anytime you increase you lean and decrease your fat, it's a pretty good week. The BFP reduction is equal to the one during the previous cycle. Still, I can't help but think it is a mediocre, mediocre, mediocre showing. I have done better before. I was hoping for my best cycle ever. This did not happen.

I should balance that sentiment out by meditating on the look of awe displayed on the Bod Pod operators' faces when they see my progress charts. I must admit that the purple trend line on the BFP chart is as constant as the Northern Star. It just keeps going down and down and down and down on a straight trajectory.

They openly say they wish they owned a trend line that looks like mine.

Still the pronounced saw-tooth pattern on my lean-weight is a spoiler and a bitch. I need to get my lean up to 160, post-haste. I am announcing a new plan to start training with my linebacker buddy as soon as possible. The lean has got to increase.

The cumulative totals the Bod Pod history show are impressive. In just 16 weeks:

• I have Reduced my BFP from 44.1 % to 27.4%
• My lean percentage has gone from 55.9% to 72.6%
• I have altered my body composition 16.7%.
• Cut my body fat weight from 114.090 down to 55.912 pounds
• That is a loss of 58.178 pounds of fat.
• I have cut 51% of my fat weight in 16 weeks.
• I still maintain a net positive 3.261 pounds of lean weight.
• My body volume has diminished from 117.111 liters to 89.135 liters.
• My body volume has dropped 27.976 liters. Think of 28 x 1 liter bottles of Pepsi vanishing from under my skin.

At the same time, we have the sobering fact that I remain in the high risk category. Anyone carrying more than 25% body fat is considered to be at high risk for obesity related health problems. As far as I've come in all this time, I'm still not out of the woods just yet.

Just how far do I have to go get out of the woods? The Bod Pod will change my check mark for the first time when I go under 25%. Unless I do better on this next cycle, it won't happen on September 16th. If I nail the same 2.4%, I will be sitting right on the 25% mark. They will still check the high risk box in that case. Even if I should score a -2.5% BFP reduction, the check box will only indicate moderate risk.

I won't get into the healthy category until I reach 19.99%. How far away is that? At present speed, it will happen in 6 weeks. This is presuming 6.5 pounds of loss each cycle, and no change in lean. In other words, a sub-average performance. This means it should show up on the October 14th Bod Pod. At that time, my body weight should be 184.233 pounds. I should have no more than 36.412 pounds of fat on my frame. Presuming a constant lean, I would have 147.821 pounds of lean mass.

There are better and happier scenarios, but let's not bank on it.

The fact is that my GP and Dr. Quilici have settled on the figure of 17-18% BFP as their ultimate target for my good health. When will that happen? 8 weeks from today is the earliest we should expect to see such a figure. It should show up on the October 28 Bod Pod.

204.8

I'm trying to make my first ever blog entry from my Verizon Android Thunderbolt. It ain't easy. It is a good time killer, as I am a prisoner at the DMV, waiting for my butcher's number to come up.

204.8 was the score this morning. This means I would be 203.95 on the Bod Pod. Less than 24 hours to go and I turn 45, and it will be time for the very important Bod Pod VIII. Let's hope it's great. At the moment, I have lost only 4.54 pounds of scale weight in this 2 week cycle. We also know that the name of the game is lean weight and Body Fat Percentage.

I am hoping for a 3% reduction in Body Fat Percentage this time.

206.2

Just weighed in a moment ago on the Tanita scale, and the score is 206.2. This means the Bod Pod would have me at 205.35 this morning. This is exactly 4.01 pounds less than the last Bod Pod test.

I have been very diligent about protecting my lean weight during this cycle. I executed my 4th Nautilus-style workout of this 2 week cycle yesterday. Two more will follow before my Friday test. Most of my weights and reps went up. This is usually an indication of increasing lean weight. It is usually impossible to increase in strength or stamina without some increase--no matter how small--in lean weight.

This is the right way to kick off the week. This is shaping up to be a very nice test indeed.

207.9 a new post-gastric bypass low

This morning, the digital read-out on the scale flickered back and forth between 207.8 and 208.0. Once again, the Tanita rounded up and not down. The official score is 208.0. For the sake of argument, let's presume I am 207.9. This means that the Bod Pod would show me at 207.05 this morning.

[Editor's note, sorry for the inconsistent math before correction. I wrote this before my morning Muscle Milk.]

Not quite a pound less than I was 9 days ago. Hummmm... kinda scarry eh? Nah, not really. I've been completely focused on lean weight this time.

• Nautilus-style workouts with free weights and machines.
• The ROM.
• The shake weight.
• Core training.
• Push-ups.

Everything is focused on muscle strength and tone. I do believe this is producing tangible results. All my resistance levels are rising. My muscle tone has improved dramatically in just 4 workouts. My muscularity seems to be rising. Muscle memory is a wonderful thing.

I've been aggressive about raising the resistance on the Elliptical Cross Trainer also. I am now working exclusively at level 16, which is very, very intense. At level 16, I burn 365 kcal in just 22 minutes. This is 16.59 kcal beyond RMR/BMR every single minute. That's pretty brutal baby. Most people burn 8-10 kcal above RMR on the bike or the treadmill. A woman performing 1 hour of aerobic dance will burn approximately 7.5 kcal about RMR for the duration. We're talking about a cool 221.2% increase in intensity over that.

Everything is getting easier, and my capacity to do work continues to grow. I can't help but think that my lean/fat ratio is improving.

Provided that my fat loss has been strictly average, I should have lost 0.5 pounds per day on each of the past 9 days. This means 4.5 pounds of fat loss. Knowing that I am scarcely 1 pound lower in terms of absolute weight, the indication is that I have regained 3.5 pounds of lean.

Is this possible? Yeah sure, given muscle memory, it is possible. Remember, I lost 2.556 of pure lean on the last test. That weight might have snapped back as a result of re-hydration. I might have added a new pound in the past 9 days.

If all this is true, my fat weight should now be approximately 57.5 pounds and my lean should be equal to (207.05 - 57.5 = 149.55). My BFP should then be equal to 27.77% this morning. This is progress folks; -2.03% of progress, to be precise.

Since I have been averaging 1% of fat loss per week for the duration of my testing, -2.03% in just 9 days is very fast-paced progress indeed. It is disappointing that such rapid progress still leaves me with 27.77% body fat, which is still considered obese and high risk. I still have a considerable distance to travel.

Is it legit to consider people with 27.77% body fat obese? Consider the following facts. When you go to the butcher's counter, lean ground beef contains around 10% fat. Not so lean beef contains 15% fat. Fatty pork contains about 20% fat. I contain 27.77% fat. I contain more fat than the ground pork on at the butcher's counter. I still contain my bones and my vital organs... at the present moment. If you made a fillet of Dave, that fillet would certainly contain more than 27.77% fat.

Now, isn't the fatter meat the tastier meat? Don't all the super-star chefs on the Food Network say "Zero percent fat, zero percent flavor"? Doesn't Michael Symon say that the most tragic term in the English language is "Lean Beef"? Of course they do.

But with that said, I still have rendering-out to do. I think it is fair to say a man should meet the standards of not so lean beef before we can call him healthy.

I am way behind schedule

Way back on Saturday, June 18, 2011, I posted a blog in which I laid down some conservative hypothetical numbers regarding where I should be at this time. I just had a look at those hypotheticals and compared them to my real-world performance, and it doesn’t look good folks. I am behind the power curve by a considerable margin. The take home story is simple: I need a burst and breakthrough.

Here is the situation in a nutshell:

• According to my hypothetical projections, I should have been at 32.52% body fat on July 22
• The actual figure was 34%
• I should have weighed in at 219.938 pounds on July 22
• The actual figure was 221.2
• I should have had 147.95 pounds of lean on July 22
• The actual figure was 145
• I should have had 71.88 pounds of fat on July 22
• The actual figure was

The situation looks equally glum for this coming Friday. Take a look at these projections

• I should weigh in at 210.138 this Friday
• Right now, the bathroom scale is stuck at 218, meaning I am around 217.
• I think it unlikely that I will just suddenly plummet 7 pounds in the next 2 days.
• If I am lucky my weight will fall 4 pounds in the next two days, and my lean will improve.
• I am guestimating that my total body weight will be 213 this Friday. I hope I can hit that mark, but it may be difficult
• Speaking of lean, I should have 147.95 of lean on Friday. Let’s hope it is better than that.
• My Body Fat Percentage should be 29.59% this Friday. This would require a 4.41% drop from last time. That is far-fetched and unprecedented.

I have to admit that I am struggling a bit with the question of why my weight and fat levels aren’t dropping faster. I suppose everyone suffers a few plateaus during the course of a long marathon of weight loss, however, I am at a loss to explain why this is happening to me during a moment when I am intensifying the workout tremendously.

Just how much work have I done? Consider the following table for today alone.

Order	Exercise	Minutes	Kcal
1	Bike	22	268
2	Eliptical	22	348
3	Rower	21	237
4	Treadmill	15	192
5	Bike	16	195
6	Bike	13	150
7	Eliptical	16	250
		125	1,640

As you can see, I damn near burned half a pound worth of fat in the workouts alone today. This doesn’t include the 25 minutes I spent in the saunas tonight, either. 150 minutes is quite a long time to spend training and steaming.

With effort like this, I believe my progress should be dramatic, and I should be on schedule. I am bitterly disappointed that this doesn’t appear to be the case. Unless I get a big surge in lean weight this week, I am going to be very unhappy with my progress come this Friday.

It's Cinco De Mayo

It's Cinco De Mayo. Besides being Mexican Independence Day, it also the 90th Day since my gastric bypass surgery. In theory, I am all healed up. My body has finished recovering from the surgery. I am no longer in the recovery phase of the game. I am now in the "life beyond surgery" phase of the game.

I guess that means it is time for a full blow progress report.

First of all, my surgeon (or at least his team) is/are pretty happy with my progress. I have had no complications. Thus far, no vitamin or mineral deficiencies have appeared. My exercise load has shot through the roof. My knees are better. Oh yeah, I just happened to have lost 46.8 pounds in the past 90 days, and 67.4 overall.

I started this odyssey at 330 pounds. After two weeks of liquid dieting, I weighed in at 309.4. This was my weight at the Providence St. Joseph Hospital, just before surgery. Today, I weighed in at 262.6. I've been tracking this thing pretty carefully.

As you know, 262.6 is not precisely where I expected to be on Cinco De Mayo. Whilst laying in my Hospital bed, I though I would be at 237 or 238 come today. I expected the early rate of loss to continue right up to the present moment, and Doctor Quilici assured me that 70 pounds of weight loss within 90 days of the surgery was typical.

On the other hand, each time I've checked in with Team-Quilici, they've assured me my progress is just fine; even a bit rapid. They insist that they want to see no more than 0.5 pounds of weight loss per day on average. I'm a little ahead of that at 0.519 per day. If I were losing weight any faster, they would consider that dangerous.

Why? Follow this logic. One pound of fat contains 3,500 kcal of energy. To lose a single pound of fat, you must consume 3,500 kcals less energy than you expend, over some interval of time. Concomitantly, you must maintain a deficit of 1,750 kcal per day in order to lose 0.5 pounds of fat per day over a long period of time.

Since my surgery 90 days ago, I have averaged 0.519 pounds of fat loss per day. This means I have maintained an energy deficit of 1,816.5 kcal per day, on average. Scientifically speaking, there is no other way I could have arrived at my present result. 1,816.5 kcal is a big energy deficit. I've skipped an entire daily meal-plan for an average woman, each day, every day, for the past 90 days. Any more might be dangerous.

Of course, 0.5 pounds a day for 90 days should result in 45 pounds of loss. This leaves me in quandary. I don’t understand Quilici's statement regarding 70 pounds in the first 90 days. If he was thinking of total losses, combining liquid diet and post-gastric bypass weight loss, the figure of 70 pounds makes a lot more sense. I got damn close to that figure with 67.4 pounds.

Others who were not so carefully to maintain their lean mass might lose more and hit 70. That isn't the good kind of loss, tho. Also, I just might have been heavier than 330 at the start of the liquid diet. I wasn't tracking my weight that closely in those days. It was too depressing. If my weight were 333 at the start, I nailed the average; but that's only a possibility.

What is the final goal? Just what am I shooting for? Where is the finish line? When do you declare victory?

It depends on which doctor you speak with. Dr. Bachner (my knee surgeon) insisted on a 30% mass reduction. He believed this was the minimum mandatory necessary to keep my knees functioning. Dr. Saedi (my GP) recommended 18% body fat as the maximum allowable fat ratio. Those two figures correlate reasonably well. They are in accord.

Presuming that I still have 190 pounds of lean mass, and presuming the goal is 17% body fat is the goal, my target body weight can be computed as follows: (190/ (1 - 0.17). This is equal to 228.915 pounds. At this point I would have 38.915 pounds of fat and 190 of lean.

The docs indicate that they will declare victory at 231. It would be wise to go a bit further than the minimum standard, though.

Based on a lean mass figure of 190 pounds, as tested before my liquid diet, my body fat percentage today is 27.65%... and falling. Of course, this is provided my lean mass has not changed.

I should have a new series of composition tests done to determine whether my lean mass has changed. My GP did an informal Tanita test a month ago, and it indicated that I had 192 pounds of lean mass. Why not use this figure? It is not as reliable as submersion/buoyancy/displacement testing. Until I go through a full re-test, I will continue to work with the 190 figure.

Any change upward or downward in my lean mass will jar the figures considerably.

Based on all the figures I've been keeping, when will I reach the goal-line? Sometime in early July. Anywhere between 7/1/2011 and 7/8/2011 I should cross the goal-line.

Incidentally, I will be visiting my brother and sister in San Francisco on June 11. My little sister hasn't seen me since Christmas. I will be 86 pounds down at that point. My brother hasn't seen me since a few days after the surgery. I was at 307 at that time. They both aught to be stunned if I show up at 244.

Start

------------------------------------------------

Starting weight := 330

Weight on surgery day := 309.4

Today's Weight := 262.6

Total Lean Mass := 190

Total Fat Mass := 72.6

Fat Percentage Today := 27.65 %

------------------------------------------------

Ideal Fat Percentage := 17.00 %

Ideal Body Weight := 228.915662650602

Ideal Fat Mass := 38.9156626506024

Distance from Ideal Weight := 33.6843373493976

------------------------------------------------

Days since Start := 104.468055555556

Days since surgery := 90.0722222222222

30 Days Post-Surgery on := 3/6/2011

45 Days Post-Surgery on := 3/21/2011

60 Days Post-Surgery on := 4/5/2011

75 Days Post-Surgery on := 4/20/2011

90 Days Post-Surgery on := 5/5/2011

------------------------------------------------

Total weight loss := 67.4

Weight loss since surgery := 46.8

------------------------------------------------

Loss per day (overall) := 0.645173298589414

Loss Per day since surgery := 0.519583050638376

------------------------------------------------

Mass reduction percentage := 20.42 %

Completion Percentage := 68.08 %

Pounds to Half Way Mark := Already Done

Days to halfway := Already Done

Half way point := Already Done

Projected Easter Weight := Done 268

Projected Easter Revised := Done 268

Projected Weight 5/5/2011 := Done 262.6

Revised projection 5/5/2011 := Done 262.6

------------------------------------------------

Weight at 90% mass := 297

Weight at 80% mass := 263.4 on 5/3/2011

Weight at 70% mass := 231

------------------------------------------------

Date for 90% mass := Already Done

Date for 80% mass := Done 5/3/2011

Date for 70% mass := 7/4/2011 11:14:11 AM

------------------------------------------------

Fat Percentage at 90% mass := 36.03 %

Fat Percentage at 80% mass := 28.03 %

Fat Percentage at 70% mass := 17.75 %

------------------------------------------------

Revised Date for 80% mass := Done 5/3/2011

Revised Date for 70% mass := 7/7/2011 11:14:11 AM

Distance from 70% mass := 31.6000000000001

------------------------------------------------

Visit San Francisco Date := 6/11/2011

Days until San Francisco visit := 37.03125

San Francisco visit projected weight := 243.359190156048

San Francisco visit revised projected := 244.084375

Total loss before San Francisco visit := 86.6408098439524

Projected Body Fat Percentage := 22.16 %

------------------------------------------------

Last Quilici Last appointment date := 3/28/2011 11:00:00 AM

Days since last appointment := 38.0097222222222

Last weighin at Quilici's office := 281

Loss since last appointment := 18.4

Next Quilici Next appointment date := 6/28/2011 11:00:00 AM

Days past surgery (appointment) := 144.0625

Projected appointment Weight := 234.547566767409

------------------------------------------------

So my body forced an early transition today

So as regards my liquid diet, I hit the wall today. Tomorrow would have marked the 28th and last day of the liquid diet under normal circumstances. Had things gone according to plan, I would have begun transitioning to semi-soft foods such as yogurt, cottage cheese, and soft fruits tomorrow.

Instead, I broke the liquid diet about 15-16 hours early, around 4:00pm in the afternoon. That was when I had my first yogurt and soft 8 grain crackers. Why? Well I'll tell you about that.

This was a weak day, not a week day mind you. I got out of bed feeling a bit weak. There was no significant weight loss this morning. Yesterday I weighed in at 299.2. This morning it was 299. Sound good? It's not really.

My breakfast protein drink went down hard this morning. You might even say it even caused a bit of an upset, when they normally never do. About an hour later, I found myself fighting an epic battle with constipation. I felt like I was breaking down concrete blocks with my bowls. I assure you, that was no fun. So great was the battle that there was even a trace of blood in my stool... Once the concrete blocks came out. Then it was diarrhea.

My lunch time walking workout was very weak. I even had to stop early, something I never do. I just couldn't finish. I was really hungry, but I couldn't look at another protein drink. I felt it was responsible for concrete in my bowls. I wanted fiber and I wanted yogurt, but I did not give in.

At work, I was hyper fatigued. So much so, that I was little good to anyone. I fired off a couple of automated services I am responsible for and I snuck out the door. I headed for Whole Foods where I acquired some very nice Greek yogurt, in honor of the Iron Chef Michael Symon, as well as some pineapple and blue berries.

Naturally, I ate the moment I got home. Six ounces of blue berry yogurt and about 14 small crackers (no larger than a Cheeze It). Having flavors and textures pass down my throat for the first time in 27 days was a trip. It felt and tasted weird.

Fortunately, everything went down just fine, and I feel fine. I am a little tired, but it was a difficult day, and it is 10:33pm. It is good to know that the reconstituted plumbing is working. It's another sign that my recovery is ahead of schedule.

I doubt my doctors would freak over the early transition. After all, it is only 15-16 hours. Further, the difficulties with the protein drink may well be signalling that my body has had enough and is well-ready to go in a new direction.

One interesting aside: When I began this journey 27 days ago, my body weight was just about 330 pounds. As I mentioned, I weighed in at 299 this morning. I have already shed 31 pounds, and I expect the loss figure to be greater tomorrow; perhaps 297 if I am lucky and on target.

If so, I will have already shed 10% of my total body mass, in just 28 days. Also, my total weight loss competition percentage will stand at 33.33%. I needed to drop 99-100 pounds to make my ideal target weight. I will be one third of the way to the goal line.

It is difficult to believe I have come this far in so short a period of time. In many respects, it has been a brutal process, but the time has flown by. It feels like I just started. Before you know it, I'm going to be there.

Has this made any difference to my knee pain? You bet. It's almost gone. Of course, you might want to credit the Lortab (liquid Norco) that Dr. Qullici prescribed for me, but I am using that sparingly. I can already walk on thread mill for 1.4 miles at 3.4 mph without significant pain, before, during or after the exercise. That's a huge win.

An interesting footnote: My order of Spanish Bomba rice just arrived today from HotPaella.com. I got 5 Kilos at a nice discount; 5 kilos is 11 pounds. Carrying the box up the stairs was enough to put a little extra strain on my right knee. This caused a wince or two of pain.

27 days ago, I used to haul 3 boxes worth worth of extra fat weight up and down those stairs. No wonder I was in pain.

FAQ about Gastric Bypass

Intro

So, my family members began bombarding me with questions about gastric bypass a few days ago. I guess they had a million questions, but wanted to wait until I had recovered a bit before asking them. Like my buddy Colin, they are still in a state of shock that I actually went through with it. Since most friends, relatives and significant others will have questions like this, I thought it might be interesting to compile these questions into a FAQ document, just like the kind you see with software websites.

1. I took a look at the animated explanation of the surgery. How could you allow them to do that to you?

The first time I saw the animated presentation explaining the surgery I was flat-cold horrified. I said things like:

1. You actually did that to someone?
2. And it was legal?
3. They gave you a license to do that to people?
4. And you want to do that to me?

2. Weren’t you afraid of dying on the table?

Gastric Bypass is a bit risky. The surgeon makes serious alterations to your internal organs. 1 out of every 1,000 patients dies as a result of the surgery. Since something like 220,000 people has gastric bypass last year, this stat would indicate that something like 220 people died last year after having the surgery. The stat may seem minor, but for those who died, mortality was 100%. You don’t want to become a statistic like that.

I researched the question quite a bit. Some of these folks died as a result of malpractice. I minimized that risk by getting one of the best surgeons in the business, and staying in a first-rate hospital. Most died because their medical conditions were far worse than mine. Most who died were not only 100 pounds overweight, they had advanced diabetes with advancing heart disease. I had none of these conditions. I was about 100 pounds overweight, and that is all.

Before putting me under, the Anesthesiologist asked me his standard list of 21 questions: Asthma, diabetes, heart condition, medicinal allergies, cancer, blood pressure, seizures, epilepsy, narcolepsy, etc. In all cases, the answer was no. He turned to me and said, “Well, except for your weight, you seem to be in excellent health. You should ride through this pretty easily.”

After the fact, I almost agree with that statement. I wouldn’t exactly call it easy…

3. Do you feel weak and woosey?

Occasionally I feel weak and woosey. Interestingly enough, going to the gym and walking a mile on the treadmill fixes the situation by kicking my system up a notch. I do feel a little bit deprived at this point, but there is nothing that can be done about it. The system needs time to mend itself.

4. Do you feel deprived of food?

Sometimes. Ultimately, I know this too shall pass. My system just needs some time to heal from the change that just happened. I need to take this vacation from food. Everything is going to be alright.

5. Do you dream about food?

Nope. However, my culinary imagination has been running hot lately. I am scheming a Spanish sofrito Mac and Cheese with Chorizo and a Kashmire Saffron released by lemon juice... just for instance. I have some other big ideas as well... regarding Gumbo and Chili.

I really, really, really want to make a batch of Chili Con Carne in my pressure cooker.

6. What about the big weight regain we see people experience after surgery?

When considering weight re-gain after surgery, you have to know what type of surgery was done in the first place. There have been at least four different types of bariatric surgery approved by the FDA at different times. They are not equal in effect. The four types are:

1. Duodenal Switch
2. Rouex en Y
3. Lap-Band
4. Sleeve Gastrectomy

Duodenal Switch was incredibly effective, but it was considered too aggressive and created nutritional problems later on in life. It is no longer approved by the FDA. However, this did bring the famous radio D.J. Big Boy down from 505 pounds to 225 pounds pretty well permanently. I said 'pretty' because it was only about 11 years ago that he had the surgery. He has not gained his weight back.

Lap-Band doesn't work. 50% of all cases fail to make their ideal target weights. Most people gain the weight back. Many have the band removed, which puts them in precisely the predicament they were in before. It was a bad idea that is ineffective. It is still FDA approved, however, I think they are going to be taken off the approved list soon. This is the so-called 'safe' out-patient bariatric surgery. The problem is that it doesn't do much of anything. That's why I discarded this option.

Sleeve Gastrectomy cuts the stomach down quite a bit, but not as much as Rouex en Y, and there is no change to the intestines. People lose weight on this one, but it may or may not be permanent. They've only been doing this for about 4 years now so it is hard to tell if it is lasting. I would suspect the results will be mediocre in the long term. That's why I discarded this option.

Rouex en Y is the gold-standard for bariatric surgery. They've been doing it for about 15 years now. 98% of patients hit their ideal target weight. 15 years later, 85% of that excess weight is still gone. Only about 15% has come back. This is attributed to normal weight gain due to aging and a slowing metabolism.

7. So why does the Rouex en Y work?

It's drastic and draconian. A morbidly obese individual typically has a stomach 4 liters in size, or just over 1 gallon. They cut that back to 2 ounces. That is a reduction from 135.2 down to 2. It will expand, and mine has already expanded to something like 5 or 6 ounces, but it will never reach it's original size. They say it tops out close to 1 quart to 1 liter or about 32-33.8 ounces. This is still only 25% of the original size.

Beyond that, they bypassed the first three feet of your upper intestines. This is the region of the system most responsible for processing and absorbing heavy fats. This means you no longer absorb fat well. Only about 20% of all consumed fat calories can be absorbed by your system, for the rest of your life.

Any nutritionist will tell you that it is difficult to gain weight when 80% of all of your fat calories are always and automatically removed from your diet, whether you consume large quantities of fat or not. Fat calories are usually the prime mover in weight gain. Fat contains 11 calories per gram Protein and Carbohydrates are just about 4 calories per gram.

It sounds crazy, it sounds dangerous, but the truth is that it works. The insurance firms are approving this surgery at an amazing rate because the medical facts show that this conquers the problem permanently and has amazing side effects.

8. Have you had any complications?

Nope.

9. What was the worst part of the surgery experience for you.

Having the fucking drainage grenade hanging out of my left side during the 3 days in the hospital. The thing probably saved my life, as it does for all pateints, but it bothered the fuck out of me. This despite the Dilaudid. The drainage grenate is a little rubber-plastic grenade looking thing attached to a plastic tube that weaves it's way through your gut. The tube has small holes in it. They squeeze the grenade till it collapses so that it applies a mild suction on the tube. This drains loose blood and fluid in your gut.

The removal moment was shocking, and laid me on my ass for a good 15 minutes. The nurse simply jerked the 12 inches out of my gut like a rooster pulling up a worm. The cut where the tube was inserted is still the angriest looking wound on my belly.

10. Have you had any bad food experiances yet?

Yep. I ordered a 24 ounce 800 Pound Gorilla (perfect contradiction) from Robek's Juices, and it did not sit well. The 800 Pound Gorilla is a high protein drink composed primarily of soy milk, yogurt, and peanut butter. It is blended super-smooth, so I thought it would be fine.

I consumed only a 4 or 5 ounces before I had to stop. I felt like I had a 14 pound bowling ball stuck in my gut, jamming its way down. That was some true discomfort. The mass was not the problem. I had cosumed 8-10 ounce servings of protein drinks before. I thought the trigger was the peanut butter. Peanut butter does contain some rather complex proteins fibers and fats.

The funny thing is that stored the rest of the drink in my refrigerator. Last night, more than 24 hours later, I drank some more. This time it went down fine. This is hard to understand. Would 24 hours of healing be sufficient to make this difference? Maybe, maybe not...

10. When do you transition to solid food?

I'm scheduled to make my first jump to semi-solid food either Friday (2/18) or Saturday (2/19), give or take. At that time, I will be able to try yogurt, cottage cheese, eggs, and over-cooked chicken soup. I have a pressure cooker. Believe me, I can over-cook if I want too.

From there, it will be another two weeks before they will allow me to try anything more substantial, like a sandwich, or an Italian dinner. This means I will be celebrating Lock-Out Day, March 4th 2011, but returning to solid food.

11. What do you plan to eat on 3/4/2011?

I really want to make a Chili Con Carne right now. I may do a Bolognese just because I love it so much, and it doesn't contain any capsaicin, which the active 'hot' chemical in spicy foods.

Finalizing Gastric Bypass plans

So whilst I wasn't watching football, exercising, cooking, eatting, showering, or using the restroom, I was filling out paper work this weekend.

Paperwork for what? For gastric bypass surgery, that's what. Well, how much paperwork can there be for such a thing as that? A shit load. There were some 38 pages of forms to fill out with another 13 pages of instructions explaining how to fill out the 38 pages of forms. I guess they intended to finish off the Amazonian rain forests forever when they constructed this bastard of a program.

Bastard is the technically correct word also. More about that in a second.

Stand back for a split second when I vent. Whilst you do, remember that I am a Quad-Virgo, the most observant dude in the zodiac.

With in the 38 pages of documentation I filled out were the following things:

1. Weight-age guestimates (how much did you weigh at XX age?

2. Diet histories (What are the names of the diets you have tried?)

3. Weight loss history (How much weight have you lost and regained?)

4. Diet Journals (Write down everything you eat for 5 days)

5. Psychological profiles (Were you sexually mollested as a youth?)

6. Eliminator filters (Do you want Gastric Bypass so you can become a super model?)

7. Perscription records (What perscription and non-perscription medication are you taking?)

I could go on. There were lots of things to fill out. It was a load and half.

What I found most irritating was the inconsistency of philosophy present in so many of the documents. Implicit within the psych survey is the notion that you are fat because of Freudian issues. Implicit within the diet journal is the Platonic notion that you simply lack knowledge of how many calories you consume. Implicit within the diet history record is the proposition that you may not have tried normal diets, or tried hard enough. I could go on and on.

What astute observer would fail to note the handiwork of several clashing world views? What logical theorist would fail to recognize a pile of documents assembled in a committee through a political process?

Folks, the medical industry is not of one mind on this subject. I know that. However, the fact that Gastric Bypass is now the formal approach to lifetime obesity indicates that we have finally come to some biological clarity on this issue.

Since the dawn of biological anthropology, we have known that there are three physical body types:

1. Ectomorphs: Very skinny people.

2. Endomorphs: Very fat people.

3. Mezomorphs: The perfectly athletic people.

Furthermore, those anthropologists who specialize in this subject have known what makes them different for some time. Yep, that's right. We've know for some time what makes them different, and it ain't what you think it is either.

Ectomorphs have very inefficient digest tracts that make them prone to waste food energy. If they consume more calories than a particular, biologically determined figure, the excess food energy will be excreted in the form of feces. Yep, that's right, they shit it out. They can't put a pound of weight on. Their systems won't allow it. All excess energy is ejected from the system.

Endomorphs have ultra-efficient digest tracts and metabolisms to boot. Endomorphs can process and extract just about all usable macro and micro nutrients from the foods they consume. Any excess is immediately stored as fat and laid away for an emergecy famine situation. This is true for many micro-nutrients as well. Fat soluble vitamins are stored up with fat inside fat cells. Unfortunately, the super efficient metabolism of the endomorph is capable of throttling-down to remarkably low levels when energy is scarce. The objective is to conserve reserve energy to the greatest degree. This makes dieting ineffective without lots of exercise.

Mezomorphs are the perfect people. These are the people we would all like to be. They have the optimal solution. Their digestive tracts and metabolisms are capable of extracting the uttermost farthing from food energy when they are engaged in body building. They are also capable of squandering and excreting most excess food energy when they consume it. Their metabolisms will throttle-down in famine conditions, but not to the remarkably low levels Endomorphs will. Mezomorphs can be energic, even when very hungry.

Darwinian biologists have considered the relative merits and demerits of these three categories, many times, and you might be surprised by some of their conclusions.

In the Environment of Evolutionary Adaptedness (EEA) ye good ole Endomorphs would be the most hearty survivors of ice-age conditions. We are constructed to survive those harsh ice-age conditions better than the rest of you. Boom and bust environments don't necessarily kill us off. We can survive things like Hollicosts better also.

Yep, that's right. Us disgusting fat people are Peistocene hunting and gathering survival machines. Were not fast, but we're pretty damn strong. We may not be pretty, but we are highly efficient.

Unfortunately, the extremely skinny people would only make out in pretty fair weather and good resource conditions. Come a hard freeze or a bad famine and they are dead.

The mezomorphs are an interesting case. Much argument has taken place about the theoretically perfect people. Their superior muscle-weight-speed ratios predict success. However, they have little protection against the cold, and little energy reserves for famine conditions. To make a long story short, most believe they would survive hard conditions, but be in poorer health, and far less prepared for reproduction, when good times begin to return.

You see, fat women have a lot of energy stored up and prepped for reproduction. They would emerge from a tough winter better prepared for spring fun. This is why some guys really dig fat women. You can make a very Darwinian case that it is adaptive to favor big, fat, strong women. Computer simulations have shown how the tribe with the thickest women can win in hard times.

Unfortunately, we are no longer living in the Environment of Evoluationary Adaptedness. We no longer live in boom 'n bust conditions. We live in a purpetual boom time. Copious quantities of calories are availible to us at all times. We have more food energy availible to us than we can ever need. Further, we no longer need run after our prey. We sit at desks typing all day.

What happens when you confront humanity with and endless supply of year-round calories, and a very sedentary life-style? Well, the ectomorphs shit out the excess energy, and stay skinny. The Mezomorphs need to workout to stay perfectly fit. A little diet here and there may help them also. The endomorphs... well, we balloon up like the Goodyear blimp Columbia. That's what happens to us.

Now, if we all still died well before the age of 50, most of this wouldn't matter much to an endomorph like me. I would probably be dead already. However, advanced Western medicine has extended our lives to absolutely incredible lengths. The doctors think I can live another 30 years... easy. Probably 40 years if I get Gastric Bypass.

Before continuing, I should mention that these facts of biological life leave little room for Freudian molestation explanations. They leave little room for Platonic knowledge and education based explanations. The nature of the endomorph basical rules out any potential for diet success. Guess what? This is why surgeons do gastric bypass surgery now. Since we now know that endomorphs are natural and biological type, why the intense pile of paperwork written from contradictory theoretical perspectives?

Only because the paperwork was assembled in a political committee by people who did not agree with one another. That is to say: for bad reasons.

But back to my main point.

I had to get over a lot of anger this past weekend. I have to admit, I bitterly resent the shitty choices life has set before me.

Dr. Bachner and Saedei have been clear with me: either I take 125-130 pounds off my highly-arthritic knees, or I can be sure of needing a wheel chair sometime in the next 6 years. Bone-on-bone grinding increases in my knees daily, the pain increases daily also. As the pain increases daily, I become more and more sure they are correct. Further, Bachner will not perform knee replacement surgery unless I loose this weight. Neither will most other qualified orthopedic surgeons.

This is horn one of the dilema: The wheel chair

I can escape the wheel chair, but not without considerable pain and consequences. The Surgeon will staple off approximately 90% of stomach, effectively making it useless tissue. Further, he will bypass the first 36 inches of my upper intenstine. After this, whenever I encounter a heavy fat substance, I will automatically throw up. Also, if I consume something with a bit too much carbohydrate, I will quickly be punished with physical pain very similar to that of a heart attack.

Remember, the surgical modifications to my system have been expressly designed to produce these results.

To avoid spending the next two or three decades of my life in a wheel chair, I need to allow the doctors to put scalpuls to my abdomine and wreck my perfectly efficient digestive track, and screw up my conservationist metabolism. For a fee, they will be happy to slice and dice my guts in this manner.

This is horn two of th dilema: Gastric Bypass.

Pick your poison: The wheel chair and an early death at some 450 pounds, or we will intentionally wreck you digestive tract causing permanent life-long difficulties of a different sort. Which option do you like better (A) or (B)?

Personally, I don't think I am such a rotten bastard that life should set before me such an incredibly crappy choice. What crime have I committed? What evil have I done that the fate should hammer me so? I bitterly resent having to make this decision.

I have to tell you, it was a fight and a half to finish that paperwork this weekend. I accomplished the mission after I finally accepted the following argument: What you were living some 30 years ago, and arrived at this point when there was no such thing as Gastric Bypass surgery? What then? You would simply have no choice. You would go into the wheel chair and die (sooner rather than later) as 450 pound man. Would that be a better fate?

On the upside, which is considerable, they say loosing 130 pounds takes 15 years of age off your body. Insulin levels, blood surgar level, triglycerides, steroid hormones, COX-1 and Cox-2 protegladins, stress hormone levels, everything improves dramatically with the reduction of that much weight. You can set aside the level of fatigue saved by not dragging 130 extra pounds around everywhere. Just focus on the blood chemistry. If all this is true, I can expect to regenerate to age 29, as I am now 44. Lest that sound crazy to you, I have heard and seen a few clinical studies that would blow your brains out.

By the start of the 2011 NFL Season, I should weigh something like 195 to 200 pounds. I will appear to be a solid mezomorph, as long as I keep my cloths on. My knees shouldn't hurt much on a daily basis. The pain will be controllable with simple over-the-countlike Excedrin and Aleve. My doc will be willing to do my knee replacement surgery for me.

There is an upside, but it is a costly thing indeed. Those costs cannot be dismissed.

My blender cup is made out of Lexan. Is yours?

So, as I am preparing mysefl for duodenum Y gastric bypass, I decided to invest in a top quality blender. I purchased the Blendtec Total Blender with the 96 ounce cup. I chose this make and model primarily because the 96 ounce cup comes equiped with a 4 inch blade (if you want to call it that) which features some pretty radical geometry. Other blenders don't even come close to these specs.

When you have bypass surgery, you will eat out of blender for 60-90 days before you can take solid foods. you blender will become a de facto component of you digestive tract, so you had better chose your gear extremely carefully.

I was willing to spend money to guarantee superior results. I spent nearly $400 on this device, a fact which most would consider preposterous. I am more than happy with this purchase. This device has completely exceeded my expectations, and with $400 on the table, I had some pretty stellar expectations.

Whilst I still have a stomach, I have been perfecting my tagliatelle bolognese. Tyler Florence claims the key to the bolognese sauce is the texture. It should be ultra-smooth, like baby food. Believe me, you never had it smoother than I do it. The Blendtec utterly devestates the raw hard vegetables (not to mention bacon) and turns it into a puree you just wouldn't believe. It takes just 50 seconds. From hard carrots, garlic, celery, onion, olive oil, mushroom bacon, herbs, parsley, bell pepper, tomatoes, tomato paste, wine, and milk down to puree bolognese in just 50 seconds of blending.

I feel sorry for any chef who does it any other way. I got you whupped in terms of speed and efficiency. This thing is the Brandon Marshall of blenders. It's a game-changer.

You should check out some the (very) funny videos on a website called "Will it Blend?" The videos busted me up sever times. They are amazing and even sometimes sickening. That's my blender, or a version of it, at work. I love the look on the old guys face as he destroys air guns, iPads, hockey pucks, electromagnets, golf clubs, etc.

I love tools that are massively over-engineered, and make short work of a task. I don't like laboring. I don't like wondering if my tool can get the job done. I want it to be more than capable. This is the case with programing systems, computers, and kitchen gear. I don't like fucking around with rubblish.

Believe me, when it comes to over-engineered, you've never seen anything like this before. This blender has a 3 horsepower, 1560 watt engine. To put that in perspective, very powerful garbage disposal units frequently have 0.75 horsepower engines. Yep, my blender is 4 times more powerful than a very strong disposal.

The most powerful food processors by Cuisinart and KitchenAid only boast a 1,000 watt engine. Many are only 700 watt. My blender is between 156-223% more powerful than these food processors.

Isn't that overkill? Yep, and I love it.

My blender cup is made out Lexan. What is Lexan? Lexan is a hyper-tough plastic they use to make aircraft windows & canopies, space helmets for astronauts, and bullet-proof windows for limos. If you watch those videos, you will see my blender destroying iPods, magnets, golf balls, hocky pucks, steel golf clubs, etc. The cup is hardly damaged at all by the process. The reason is simple: It is made out of Lexan.

The blade is patented, made out of some secret composite steel, and doesn't look anything like any blender blade you've ever seen. It's pretty radical. The speed exceeds 300 miles per hour at top speed at the tips. The blade is 4 inches long. Most blenders boast a paltry 0.67 inch blade. Yep, that's amazing.

The best thing about it is that it is the sensor microwave of blenders. It senses resistance to blend process. When resistance falls, the blender shuts itself off. It senses when it should stop.

All this will pay off handsomely when the doctors cut my guts out.