Everyone is swinging on Jay Cutler's nuts like Tarzan

As the NFL Network reported in the immediate aftermath of the NFC Championship game, players around the league were swinging on Jay Cutler's nuts like Tarzan during the contest. This continued on ESPN with my #1 pick of 1994, my homeboy Trent Dilfer. Dilfer also swung on Cutler's nuts. The Chicago fans took a page out of Cleveland's book by burning his jersey. {!!!!!}

I felt it was very strange that the Bears brought Cutler back to the sidelines in battle-dress, but I wasn't ready to question Jay or the doctors at that point. The immediate word was "some sort of injury to Cutler's knee..." That is nothing to fool around with. I know the devastation of knee injuries. I've had two knee surgeries in the past 14 months. A knee injury fucks up everything in life.

I find it curious that there was no such talk about Maurkice Pouncey over on the AFC Championship side of the fence. He had a sprained ankle and he missed most of the game. This once again proves that the QB gets entirely too much attention; too much credit when the team wins and too much discredit when they lose. If you are nameless and faceless OL guy, you can leave the game with an ankle problem. Well wishers will pray for your return. If the QB goes down with a knee, we're going to burn his jersey. Naturally this is pure bullshit.

We have confirmation that Jay Cutler has a grade II MCL tear. I think he will be seeing a top-notch surgeon soon. I'll bet that the famed Dr. James R. Andrews will get the call. We'll have to wait and see if Andrews will perform surgery on Cutler, but I wouldn't rule it out. This injury is serious, and nothing to sneeze at. I hope all you guys can taste that stinky foot in your mouth.

If there is a lesson in this, the Bears need to be a little more careful in handling these situations in the future. We have to understanding that there are some very strange politics surrounding the QB position. If Cutler had come out in civilian cloths, on crutches, in an air cast, none of these things would have happened. Seeing him in full dress sent a strange message. When the 3rd string emergency guy came into the game, you should have sent Jay to the locker room. He couldn't come back in anyway.

How 'bout da Bears?

The Bears mad a big splash in free agency this year acquiring the top two free agents on the board: Chester Taylor and Julius Peppers. The also got former Ram Brandon Manumaleuna. These were all good acquisition, but the most important acquisition this year is Mad Mike Martz, one of my favorite guys in the entire world. You know why. I don't need to explain that statement.

So what are the chances for the Bears this season. Regrettably, I don't think they are that good. Chicago is going to be caught in the middle of a prize fight between two heavy weights in the NFC: the Vikings and the Packers. Unfortunate, they still have big problems on the offense line. I truly believe that the Bear offensive line was Jay Cutler's downfall last season. You can't blame a QB who gets such dreadful protection.

There is another and more important issue. At the time Cutler was acquired by the Bears last season, former Bear QB Jim McMahon did an interview for Myers and Hartman. McMahon issued the disclaimer that he is no longer closely following NFL football, but he still has some savvy about the Bears. He said he loved Cutler's talent and skill, but he serious doubted that Cutler would continue to produce as he did in Denver.

You see Chicago has always been a run-first smash-mouth franchise, and there is a reason for that fact. The team plays in an open air stadium, on the shores of Lake Michigan. They have one of the worst facilities in the league, especially in the merry merry months of November and December, where the playoff shakeout always occurs. [San Francisco has the absolute worst facility in the League.] Given the cosmic wind that comes off lake Michigan and the outer-space cold the players endure, it is extremely difficult to throw the football well during November and December in Chicago. As an organization, the Bears have never trusted any QB to throw the football that much. They have always built and rebuilt themselves as a nasty smash-mouth running team.

Fans in Chicago could be heard beginning a discourse about getting a Domed stadium shortly thereafter.

Ergo, the two biggest factors militating against The Greatest Show on Turf in Chicago are:

1. The lack of offensive linemen
2. The dreadful cold wind coming off the shores of Lake Michigan.

You have to admit, both of these factors are going fuck with Mike Martz's vertical passing attack. I think Cutler is the most talented QB that Mike Martz has yet worked with; though we should have caution that there is a lot more to being NFL QB that pure physical talent, or even mechanical polish. If talent was all you needed, Brady Quinn would have made it in this league. You also have a natural turf field and a lack of wide receivers working against you. These are not the conditions under which you launch a Greatest Show on Turf attack.

I recently saw Jeff Joniak on NFL Total access, and he was quite sanguine about the Bears' offensive prospects. He felt they had a shot at scoring 30 points per game. I honestly doubt it. You need some linemen and some better receivers for that task. Mike only achieved this feat once in his career, and that was in St. Louis. Those were 'Perfect Storm' conditions also.

I wish you guys lot of luck. I want Mike and Lovie to be successful together again. I think you will win more than you did last year. As far as taking out both the Vikings and the Packers... I don't think so. Provided that the Lions have an excellent defensive draft, they will be more troublesome also.

Perhaps two more victories and a 9-7 record. I think the Bears will be a lot more competitive with top end teams. I think they will be a lot more threatening than last season, when they really struggled. I felt the Bears were fortunate to go 7-9 given the degree of their struggles last season. You guys struggled to beat my Rams. That was not impressive. Ergo, I think we can reasonably say that the 2009 Bear team finished with a soft 7-9 record. However, I just don't see a very soft 7-9 turning into more than a robust 9-7 this year.

Memo to Devany: Make sure we sign Brandon Marshall

I won't bother to rehash all the meladrama going on in Denver between the owner the coach and Brandon Marshall. The bottom line is that there relationship is going to end on a sour note. Brandon has been deactivated for his final game in a Bronco uniform. He will become an unrestricted free agent thereafter. Despite the fact that they are playing the Chiefs, I think the Broncos miss the playoffs. The Ravens will take the Raiders to the electrical shed.

We can expect Marshall to make a play for Chicago. I am almost certain he wants to be reuinited with Jay Cutler. They were turning into a famous combo together. Nobody was more pissed about Jaygate than Marshall. During a teleconference interview with the NFL Network, Marshall was careful to make sure he was filmed in front of the painting of himself and Jay Cutler embracing after their first Pro touchdown together. That speaks volumes.

I know Chicago would love to have Brandon. I know Jay would love to get him back. I know it is a long-shot for the Rams to intercept this process successfully and get Marshall to come to a team with no established NFL quarterback. However, money talks. We should make Brandon a nice lucrative offer. If Chicago gets him, we should make it expensive as hell for them.

Personally, I can't think of a better security blanket for a rookie like Tim Tebow, Colt McCoy or Jevan Snead. Would you like to ease the passage of a young rookie QB into the NFL? Get him a killer reciever like Brandon Marshall.

Denver is the new Wallstreet. The Broncos the new AIG.

The Denver Broncos are experiencing a meltdown of epic proportions. If there were any chance of them being sold in pieces to the rest of league, I would say that the Denver Broncos rivals AIG as the most dysfunctional corporation in the nation. Since there is no chance of the Broncos folding or being dismembered, I just can't make the AIG comparison... as much as I would like too.

Jaygate: just what the fuck happened?

A few weeks ago, FAF (Free Agency Friday) hit, and the New England Patriots traded Matt Castle to the Kansas City Chiefs. Looked fine on paper. Then all of sudden there is all this gossip circulating around the league from sources inside the Vikings', Chiefs', and Lions' headquarters that the Broncos were shopping Jay Cutler around, trying to trade him out of the Conference and Division. Why? To acquire draft picks. Why? Some of these picks were to be used to acquire Matt Castle, formerly of New England. Some were to be used to rebuilt Denver's sagging defense.

The deal never happened. Why?

Rumor has it that the Broncos were demanding too much of the Lions, who would have loved to build around Culter. Both parties would have liked to do the trade. They just couldn't agree to terms. More specifically, the Broncos wanted both of the Lions' 1st round picks, but eventually fell back to the #1 pick overall, and the 2nd round pick. Neither package was acceptible to the Lions. They felt the first overall pick was more than sufficient gold to seal the deal. Denver did not feel the #1 pick in the draft was good enough for Cutler. Then the Patriots completed their trade with the Chiefs, terminating the affair.

When this deal fell through, the Broncos became increasingly desperate, contacting the Vikings first, and then the Chiefs. This is the first clear-cut sign that the organization knew it had fucked up, and the relationship with Cutler was compromised.

Then the leaks started to flow. Sources inside the Broncos organization--loyal to Cutler--told Jay that the organization had been shopping him around, and trying to acquire Matt Castle. Jay Cutler, known for his passionate temper, hit the fucking roof. Rumor has it that he and his agent had a number of red-hot phone conversations with Pat Bowlen & McDaniels.

This is where the fun begins. Bowlen & McDaniels denied everything. They claimed the Chiefs & Lions contacted them with offers, inquiring if Cutler would be available if the price is right. Bowlen & McDaniels insisted that they told all would-be-bidders to fuck off. Cutler was never on the market, period.

That would have been fine except for the fact that Vikings, Lions, Patriots and Chiefs all broke THE MAN CODE. They confirmed Denver's infidelity to Cutler. They each confirmed that they had been contacted by the Broncos FIRST. None of them ever expected Cutler to be on the block. The whole affair might have died with a well-placed lie. Alas, such was not to be. That was when Cutler really got pissed. First, Bowlen fires his coach and mentor Mike Shanahan, then McDaniels give him a vote of no-confidence by trying to deal him, then they both lie to his face and try to cover it up.

Jay is now declaring that his days in Denver are over. His relationship with the Broncos is irrepairably busted, and he wants to be traded.

So who is right in all this?

I think I speak for the majority of NFL fans--not Bronco fans--when I say that I am absolutely flabbergasted by what has happened in Denver lately. This is almost inconceivable. If a gypsy woman had stared into a Crystal Ball and prophesied this, I would have laughed like hell at her and declared her a fraud.

Let's start with the facts: The Broncos had Mike Shanahan a proven offensive genius who had led them to back-to-back Super Bowl victories. They had Jay Cutler, the man touted as the most promising young Quarterback in the league. He is already a Pro-Bowl QB. Just a little more proof, and everybody was prepared to accept Cutler as an elite NFL QB. The Broncos had the #2 ranked offense in the league by points. I can tell you that they had a smooth rhythm moving down the field which was a true pleasure to behold. They looked like an offensive Juggernaut coming to life last year. Cutler looked totally confident and in control almost all the time. Yes, he had a few bone headed plays, but didn't Bart Starr, Bradshaw and Montana have some stupid plays early in their careers also? Hell yes they did!

Then it kinda collapses. The Broncos don't make the playoffs. The next thing we know, Mike Shanahan has been fired. He has a teary news conference where he declares that Pat Bowlen is still his best friend. Jesus... Speaking as a Ram fan, I was utterly shocked. I wanted to sign Mike Shanahan immediately.

Then Bowlen announces that he has hired Josh McDaniels, OC of the Patriots. Jesus... You fired Mike Shanahan to sign this esquinkly little 32 year old shit with absolutely no credentials to his name? You want Josh McDaniels, not Mike Shanahan? SHIT! Speaking as a Ram fan, I was pretty fucking surprised. I was wondering what the hell was going on in Denver. I thought for sure Bowlen would select a defensive coordinator like Steve Spagnolo, now the chief of my team, to be their head coach. Maybe we screwed them. Maybe they screwed themselves. What ever the case, I was sure that the new administration would leave the offense alone and work exclusively on fixing the defense.

Now Pat Bowlen, one of the most respected owners in the league, nay one of the pillars of the league, allowed this no-name dude McDaniels to break the one working part of his football team? OMG WTF? Unbelievable...

The majority of Hall of Famers on the NFL Network are pretty horrified by these events. They can't believe Denver would give up on Cutler. They have no idea what the hell Bowlen & McDaniels were thinking. Everybody is scandalized.

What every happened to if ain't broke don't fix it?

I really feel bad for the people of Denver. The Broncos were on the rise. I was certain they would win the division and be a contender in 2009. I believe the Chargers are vulnerable, and there is nobody else in the West. Oh yeah... I forgot that the Raiders and Chiefs are there... but that is still nobody. Now McDaniels has done it. He has effectively wrecked the team. He has set them back 5 or 6 years. I think they are toast in 2009.

So how would I fix it?

There are only two courses of action if you are Bowlen:

1. Complete a trade with Detroit for the #1 pick.
2. Rollback all the changes made since the season ended.

If you take option #1, expect the Lions to hold you over a barrel. They know you are despirate now. By taking this option, you announce your only real hope is to acquire Matthew Stafford... and pray he is as good as Cutler... eventually. Detroit can stick a gun in your ribs and demand that you give them a sweetener. Maybe one of your two WR. That would hurt like hell.

How the hell can Bowlen execute option #2? It is very simple:

1. Fire McDaniels
2. Go on bended knee to Shanahan (who claims you and he are BFFLs) and ask him to return.
3. Make him responsible for smoothing things over with Cutler
4. Publicly announce that you fucked up, and are rolling back changes.

Speaking as a computer programmer, I can tell you that we do option #2. When we accidentally write bad stored procedure which garbles data and messes up the DB, we rollback. We put the old data back in place. We put the old code back in place. We clean up the mess. We have to publicly announce that we fucked up. We restore the system. It hurts. Nobody likes to fuck up. Nobody likes to eat crow. Nobody likes to clean up the mess. Yet this is the only way to keep the organization healthy and on track. We gotta fix it.

Both are very difficult paths to trek. I really pity Bowlen. Never give a young fucktard this much control again. That was a serious error. I think the people of Denver will cheer option #2. If you are headed in the wrong direction, turn around