Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Denver is the new Wallstreet. The Broncos the new AIG.

The Denver Broncos are experiencing a meltdown of epic proportions. If there were any chance of them being sold in pieces to the rest of league, I would say that the Denver Broncos rivals AIG as the most dysfunctional corporation in the nation. Since there is no chance of the Broncos folding or being dismembered, I just can't make the AIG comparison... as much as I would like too.

Jaygate: just what the fuck happened?

A few weeks ago, FAF (Free Agency Friday) hit, and the New England Patriots traded Matt Castle to the Kansas City Chiefs. Looked fine on paper. Then all of sudden there is all this gossip circulating around the league from sources inside the Vikings', Chiefs', and Lions' headquarters that the Broncos were shopping Jay Cutler around, trying to trade him out of the Conference and Division. Why? To acquire draft picks. Why? Some of these picks were to be used to acquire Matt Castle, formerly of New England. Some were to be used to rebuilt Denver's sagging defense.

The deal never happened. Why?

Rumor has it that the Broncos were demanding too much of the Lions, who would have loved to build around Culter. Both parties would have liked to do the trade. They just couldn't agree to terms. More specifically, the Broncos wanted both of the Lions' 1st round picks, but eventually fell back to the #1 pick overall, and the 2nd round pick. Neither package was acceptible to the Lions. They felt the first overall pick was more than sufficient gold to seal the deal. Denver did not feel the #1 pick in the draft was good enough for Cutler. Then the Patriots completed their trade with the Chiefs, terminating the affair.

When this deal fell through, the Broncos became increasingly desperate, contacting the Vikings first, and then the Chiefs. This is the first clear-cut sign that the organization knew it had fucked up, and the relationship with Cutler was compromised.

Then the leaks started to flow. Sources inside the Broncos organization--loyal to Cutler--told Jay that the organization had been shopping him around, and trying to acquire Matt Castle. Jay Cutler, known for his passionate temper, hit the fucking roof. Rumor has it that he and his agent had a number of red-hot phone conversations with Pat Bowlen & McDaniels.

This is where the fun begins. Bowlen & McDaniels denied everything. They claimed the Chiefs & Lions contacted them with offers, inquiring if Cutler would be available if the price is right. Bowlen & McDaniels insisted that they told all would-be-bidders to fuck off. Cutler was never on the market, period.

That would have been fine except for the fact that Vikings, Lions, Patriots and Chiefs all broke THE MAN CODE. They confirmed Denver's infidelity to Cutler. They each confirmed that they had been contacted by the Broncos FIRST. None of them ever expected Cutler to be on the block. The whole affair might have died with a well-placed lie. Alas, such was not to be. That was when Cutler really got pissed. First, Bowlen fires his coach and mentor Mike Shanahan, then McDaniels give him a vote of no-confidence by trying to deal him, then they both lie to his face and try to cover it up.

Jay is now declaring that his days in Denver are over. His relationship with the Broncos is irrepairably busted, and he wants to be traded.

So who is right in all this?

I think I speak for the majority of NFL fans--not Bronco fans--when I say that I am absolutely flabbergasted by what has happened in Denver lately. This is almost inconceivable. If a gypsy woman had stared into a Crystal Ball and prophesied this, I would have laughed like hell at her and declared her a fraud.

Let's start with the facts: The Broncos had Mike Shanahan a proven offensive genius who had led them to back-to-back Super Bowl victories. They had Jay Cutler, the man touted as the most promising young Quarterback in the league. He is already a Pro-Bowl QB. Just a little more proof, and everybody was prepared to accept Cutler as an elite NFL QB. The Broncos had the #2 ranked offense in the league by points. I can tell you that they had a smooth rhythm moving down the field which was a true pleasure to behold. They looked like an offensive Juggernaut coming to life last year. Cutler looked totally confident and in control almost all the time. Yes, he had a few bone headed plays, but didn't Bart Starr, Bradshaw and Montana have some stupid plays early in their careers also? Hell yes they did!

Then it kinda collapses. The Broncos don't make the playoffs. The next thing we know, Mike Shanahan has been fired. He has a teary news conference where he declares that Pat Bowlen is still his best friend. Jesus... Speaking as a Ram fan, I was utterly shocked. I wanted to sign Mike Shanahan immediately.

Then Bowlen announces that he has hired Josh McDaniels, OC of the Patriots. Jesus... You fired Mike Shanahan to sign this esquinkly little 32 year old shit with absolutely no credentials to his name? You want Josh McDaniels, not Mike Shanahan? SHIT! Speaking as a Ram fan, I was pretty fucking surprised. I was wondering what the hell was going on in Denver. I thought for sure Bowlen would select a defensive coordinator like Steve Spagnolo, now the chief of my team, to be their head coach. Maybe we screwed them. Maybe they screwed themselves. What ever the case, I was sure that the new administration would leave the offense alone and work exclusively on fixing the defense.

Now Pat Bowlen, one of the most respected owners in the league, nay one of the pillars of the league, allowed this no-name dude McDaniels to break the one working part of his football team? OMG WTF? Unbelievable...

The majority of Hall of Famers on the NFL Network are pretty horrified by these events. They can't believe Denver would give up on Cutler. They have no idea what the hell Bowlen & McDaniels were thinking. Everybody is scandalized.

What every happened to if ain't broke don't fix it?

I really feel bad for the people of Denver. The Broncos were on the rise. I was certain they would win the division and be a contender in 2009. I believe the Chargers are vulnerable, and there is nobody else in the West. Oh yeah... I forgot that the Raiders and Chiefs are there... but that is still nobody. Now McDaniels has done it. He has effectively wrecked the team. He has set them back 5 or 6 years. I think they are toast in 2009.

So how would I fix it?

There are only two courses of action if you are Bowlen:
  1. Complete a trade with Detroit for the #1 pick.
  2. Rollback all the changes made since the season ended.

If you take option #1, expect the Lions to hold you over a barrel. They know you are despirate now. By taking this option, you announce your only real hope is to acquire Matthew Stafford... and pray he is as good as Cutler... eventually. Detroit can stick a gun in your ribs and demand that you give them a sweetener. Maybe one of your two WR. That would hurt like hell.

How the hell can Bowlen execute option #2? It is very simple:
  1. Fire McDaniels
  2. Go on bended knee to Shanahan (who claims you and he are BFFLs) and ask him to return.
  3. Make him responsible for smoothing things over with Cutler
  4. Publicly announce that you fucked up, and are rolling back changes.

Speaking as a computer programmer, I can tell you that we do option #2. When we accidentally write bad stored procedure which garbles data and messes up the DB, we rollback. We put the old data back in place. We put the old code back in place. We clean up the mess. We have to publicly announce that we fucked up. We restore the system. It hurts. Nobody likes to fuck up. Nobody likes to eat crow. Nobody likes to clean up the mess. Yet this is the only way to keep the organization healthy and on track. We gotta fix it.

Both are very difficult paths to trek. I really pity Bowlen. Never give a young fucktard this much control again. That was a serious error. I think the people of Denver will cheer option #2. If you are headed in the wrong direction, turn around