Thursday, January 27, 2011

I will not miss the "Never miss a Super Bowl Club"

I can't wait for the season to end this year. Let's finish this fucking 2 week stretch and get it over with. I never want to see the "Never Miss a Super Bowl Club" again.

I've commented on NFL sponsors many times before. My last adventure in this land of opportunity involved Pomplamoose, whom I grew fond of. Of course, I'm not fond this time. It would seem that Visa is intent upon driving us mad with a new form of Chinese water torture: They are going to keep hitting us with one goddamn commercial after another about four old geezers who have never missed a Super Bowl. The geezers have seen them all... from the stadium seats.

Don't get me wrong: This would have made a splendid 15 minutes piece on 60 minutes. Their story is quirky and interesting. Unfortunately, 60 Minutes declined to do a story on them. Instead, Visa decided to saturate our football time with commercial after commercial about them.

Of course, the objective is to convince you that you should go to the Super Bowl and finance it on Visa cards. Do you know how much a trip to the Super Bowl will tack on your Visa card? Don't be surprised if it ends up being $10,000, even if you are trying to be conservative. Ordinary working people don't go to the Super Bowl... ever... under any circumstances.

Many of the things they say about the event seem downright ludicrous to me. I think it is time to set aside mass-debt consumption and drink a little of the New York Yankee's famous reality potion again.

Do you know the origin and genesis point of the current labor strife between the NFL and the NFLPA? Neither do I, but there are many who claim they do. Rumor has it that the NFL commisioned a very expensive survey of 15,000 self-described rabid NFL fans. The study was economically stratified, racially representative, geographically dispersed, age-spaced, etc. Much to their shock and horror, the front office discovered that only approximately 2% of all NFL fans have ever seen an NFL football game live, in person, at the stadium. 98% of all NFL fans have never sat in the bleachers for an NFL game.

The top reason was total cost of the outing, and especially the cost of a ticket. Ordinary people cannot afford to see a game, period. Naturally, this does not seem like a healthy thing. The NFL bosses are said to be wonder how the overwhelming interest in the NFL can be maintained without fans experiencing that communion of the saints that takes place in the stands. Hence the fight over cost-capping and cost-controls.

I myself have seen one game. I watched my Rams play the Redskins in RFK stadium for the 1986/87 NFC Wildcard round. Sam Bradford had not been born yet. We lost that one. I only managed to see the game because someone had greased my dad with tickets. At the time he was working in diplomacy in Washington D.C. I have never seen a game--from the stands--since early 1987. Maybe he was crawling by then. One of the key reasons is total cost. Another is the fact that we just don't have any teams here in L.A.

Human jealousy being what it is, you can imagine that the "Never Miss a Super Bowl Club" is generally rubbing people the wrong way. Of course, Mr. Excitement is a perfect dick. He's missed babies being born, but he has no intention of ever missing a Super Bowl... ever... for any reason. He says this with a great degree of self-righteous indignation. Well, we can certainly see you have your priorities right Mr. Horses-ass. Congratulations on achieving the status of enlightened-being in this lifetime.

Does everyone want to go to the Super Bowl and be there? I think the answer is clear: Only if your team is playing and with a high degree of probability that they will win. I don't want to be there unless the Rams are playing. I wouldn't want to be there if the Rams were blown by 20 in the game. I am sure glad I wasn't there for SB36. I don't blame Adam Carrola for walking out of the Stadium and watching the game at the Hotel. I probably would have done the same thing. That was a devastating, spirit crushing loss that derailed us. Of course, one of the assholes in the "Never Miss a Super Bowl Club" claims that as one of his favorites. He's obviously from Boston.

My two cents about going to the games? I, personally, would rather see it at home. Traffic is a bitch. Parking is a bitch, and costs $35... or $990! Marching 2 miles from parking to the stadium is a bitch. Paying $250 per ticket is a bitch. Sitting in a stadium where everyone is smoking is a bitch. Paying $10-12 for a beer is a bitch. Not being able to see the replay is a bitch. Bitch, bitch, bitch. I think the experience is just better at home. I feel I would be missing on the premier analytical experience if I go to the stadium to see the game.

I understand the entire impetus towards luxury stadiums is to overcome some of these difficulties, but not others. Ticket prices and beer prices will go up as a result of all the stadium construction costs.

I will soon have much to say about the construction of a luxury stadium here in Los Angeles County. That subject has been heating up lately as if it were inside an industrial strength salamander grill.

In any event, I will be overjoyed when we no longer see the Visa commercials for the "Never Miss a Super Bowl" club.