Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Take my Offensive Coordinator… Please!!!!

Mike Sando

Mike Sando, ESPN Blogger for the NFC West, claims that President Mike Holmgren of the Cleveland Browns is very interested in acquiring Pat Shurmur, offensive coordinator of the Rams. Jim Thomas says the same thing. It is unclear whether this would be for the head coaching vacancy or for the offensive coordinator post in Cleveland. Ultimately, I just don’t care.

I have only one response to that story: OH THANK YOU LORD JESUS CHRIST!!! Take him Mike! Take him! We’ll release Pat from his contract effectively immediately. Oh happy day!!! We’ll owe you a big one if you do us the favor. I can’t tell you how happy I am to hear it.

Congratulations to Pat Shurmur on his new post!

No need for a fight now

Just as I was sitting down to hash out my attack strategy, just as I was working on my apologetics for firing Pat Shurmur, this joyous news came down from the heavens. Let us hope is true. This will prevent many a fight online. Now I don’t have to swing on Pat Shurmur’s nuts like Tarzan. This is a great relief.

Many of us are still not happy with Shurmur’s play-calling ability, or lack thereof. He got better this year, and he might be better still next season with a good receiver like A.J. Green to work with, but I don’t want to take that risk. I honestly don’t think we can make it to a Super Bowl with play calling like this. You just don’t go from where Shurmur is now to a chess grandmaster is a couple of seasons. He is pretty far off the mark right now.

Why not let him go?

Those who object to ditching Shurmur do so for two reasons: (1) It will adversely affect Sam Bradford’s development, (2) Some suspect that Steve Spagnuolo is the culprit behind our extremely conservative offensive play calling. I take both of those objections seriously, but I don’t ultimately find cause for keeping him in these arguments.

First, none of us want to do to Sam Bradford what the 49ers did to Alex Smith. Certainly, the 49ers massive inconsistency at OC has something to do with the failure of Alex Smith. However, if we are going to make a long-term commitment to an OC and an offensive philosophy, I would rather make that commitment to Mike Leach, former coach of Texas Tech.

Second, I too harbor fears that Steve Spagnuolo just might have a bit of the old Marty Schottenheimer inside his skull. Let’s hope not. For those who don’t remember. Marty was a very detail-oriented Virgo HC, with a tremendous defensive resume, who always shut down his offense after scoring 10-17 points. Marty ball is synonymous with shutting down your offense once you have a 4 point or greater lead. This was a dude notorious for trying to ride a 4 point lead to victory in playoff games. The results were terrible. He always made the playoffs, and he always lost. Virgos hate gambling and taking risks, and this was the most risk-averse Virgo I ever saw.

Of course, we all hope that head coach Steve Spagnuolo is no such figure. I would like to exonerate him on this charge, just because he is doing such a fantastic job with the defense, and motivating the troops, but I know my logic is fallacious. Let’s just say I am keeping an eye on Steve, watching for signs. Sagittarians are not supposed to be risk-averse folks. Rather, they have a strong tendency to get a wild-hair up and take massive unwarranted risks. Right now, I am blaming Shurmur’s lack of talent for our lack of good offensive strategy.

Quick-time spread baby!

Many a Ram observer commented during this season about how slow we were to adopt spread formations and move to a hurry-up offense. It became clear early on that Sam could not only run a quick-time spread in the NFL, but that he looked more comfortable doing it. We got great results when we ran the quick-time spread. We should have used it early, middle and late. It should have been a frequently seen component of our offense, not a once-in-a-while thing.

Anyone who watched Oklahoma football in the past three seasons knows perfectly well why Sam is comfortable and productive in the quick-time spread. Anybody who has watched the New England Patriots play this season knows that this system works well in the NFL… if you have a good QB. We do. Let’s move on with the program.

Mike Leach is the one and only clear-cut Spread-Genius, currently unemployed, and ready to walk in the door for an interview. Let’s get him. Incidentally, he is a Pisces just like GM Billy Devaney. Pisces goes pretty well with Scorpio. He should work well with Sam Bradford.