Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Now that Clausen has come out

Don't even think about drafting him. I want to go on the record bright and early: Notre Dame QB Jimmy Clausen is an absolute bust. Full stop. No equivocations. No qualifications. He is the second or third coming of Rick Mirer, but Mirer was better. He is not as good Brady Quinn, he is no Darryll Lamonica, he ain't even close to Joe Theismann, and don't you even fucking dare to bring up Joe Montana. If you draft him you will regret it.

The kid has never done anything to impress me and he will not qualify under the Parcell's Tuna QB formula for at least two reasons: (1) He came out early, (2) he did not win 23 of 30 starts. He may fail on other components of the tuna test as well. These are just the particular points I am certain about.

When I ask people why they think Clausen is an NFL prospect they simply say two things: (1) He started for 3 years at Notre Dame, (2) He played for a great NFL coordinator in Charlie Weis. The first point is factual. The second is a lie. Charlie Weis was no great coordinator. Adequate, yes. Great, no. He sure belly-whop-flopped on a bed of nails at Notre Dame didn't he?

With that said, price matters. If I could get him with a third rounder, I would consider it, but I am almost sans interest in this kid. He just ain't my kind of a guy. If I had Colt McCoy and Clausen in front of me at the top of the 3rd round, it would be no contest. Colt would take it by a landslide.

I say these things with emphasis because I am literally terrified that my Rams may be thinking about drafting this kid. He is from Oaks Christian school, and some fools may be thinking he can be the hometown hero when the Rams return to L.A. in 2012. Perish the thought! If we take Clausen, we will set the program back 5 years; we will be losers until 2016. You don't want to arrive in L.A. with four busted years ahead of you, so do the right thing and avoid him.

I should also mention that I am terrified that my Rams will pass on a true killer, commando, snake-eater, head-hunter, demolition, hitman like Ndamukong Suh in favor of Clausen. Jesus! What a catastrophe that would be!