Saturday, December 19, 2009

Pedro Almodóvar

Straight up: I hate Pedro Almodóvar. I am not going to beat around the bush about it. I hate his Gay ass, and I hate him with a passion. I hate him because he is one string guitarist, strumming one note, all fucking day, every day of his life, ad nauseum. The guy has made something like 31 movies, and all of them are about exactly the same subject. They have just one theme, and one theme only. He is a one trick pony. He is a one card shark.

Just about any other film maker who was so repetitive, redundant, and uncreative would have certainly come under fire by now for being a cretin. Not Pedro. You see, he is a Gay Latin male, and he is artistic, and he understands women better than any other modern artist. We must bow down and worship his big Gay ass. It is a flaming Gay ass, and this fact shall enhance our worship of it.

Ordinarily, I would simply brush off a guy like this after first contact and never think about him again. This has become impossible for a good reason. I cannot believe that this guy has approximately 1 billion female fans in North America, South America, and Europe. Most of the women I have admired over the past 15 years think he is simply marvelous. It is obnoxious to hear this repeatedly when you know otherwise. Now, there is a new PA movie called Los abrazos rotos (broken embraces) which every Latin female must rush out to see immediately.

Let me give you the scoop on Pedro Almodóvar: The nominal plot of his movies (what ever movie it is) is always a formality and decoy. The movie is never really about what it pretends to be about. Every movie is always about the same thing. All of his movies are about middle-class, Latin women, approaching middle age, somewhere between 29-41, who do not have a stable or satisfactory man in their lives, they are struggling in life, and they are neurotic. As he has said several times in his movies, they are cows without bells. They don't belong to anybody. They don't have a firm rock to stand on. Ergo, they are neurotic as hell.

Test me and see if I am wrong about this. You go have a look for yourself. You find me just one case where there is an exception. I triple-dog-dare you. If you think you have found one negative test case, you better look under twice. I guarantee I can prove you wrong.

You would think that the Feminists would attack a guy like this. Wasn't Feminism supposed to be about female empowerment and independence? We don't need men around to make our lives complete? We seek more than marriage and children? Go and do everything men do? We don't build our lives around a man? I thought that was what they were preaching?

Nope, the Feminists never attack Pedro Almodóvar. This is strange given the implicit theme that Feminist ideology was a mistaken. Unspoken yet implicit inside all of Pedro Almodóvar's movies is the constant indication that Feminism allowed Heterosexual men to have the milk without buying the cow. That is why they are now cows without bells.

I am about to communicate a difficult thought to you. I happen to concur with Pedro Almodóvar's basic philosophy. I happen to know for a fact that the overwhelming majority of women in this world, sans a good man, and between the ages of 29-41, are neurotic as hell about it. I happen to know that they can't be happy like this, and that life is a struggle for them. I happen to know for a fact that Feminism busted a sacred deal that took thousands of years for generations of women to construct (to their own benefit). Still, I don't need to see that proof text 31 fucking times. Please, make your fucking point once or twice, and then move on to some other subject matter. You cannot be considered a creative genius if you keep hammering the same 1 note on a 1 string guitar.

I also happen to think that the amazing popularity of Pedro Almodóvar is an utterly pathetic commentary on the cultural state of affairs that the Sexual Revolution and Feminism have brought us to. Also it proves that women just love to have a big Gay man around who understands them. What a good BFF!