The hottest damn chili peppers the world has ever known

Anyone who reads this blog knows I have more than a casual interest in culinary things.  One of those culinary things involves spicy foods.  I like cooking with chilies.  I like Jamacan Jerk Chicken.  I like Red Beans and rice.  I love Chicken Gumbo.  I use real 90,000 cu Cayenne pepper.  I like hot sauce.  I like habenero pepper jack cheese.  I don't like jalapeno peppers, but this is mostly because they are weak and their flavor is terrible.  Give me the Habenero.


The chemical burn of the chili is measured in Scoville Units.  The Scoville scale is a measure of how many grams of water it takes to wash out 100% of the Capsaicin found in the chili you are testing.  The more Capsaicin, the more water it will take to eliminate it.  The more Capsaicin, the hotter the burn.


A few years ago, I blogged about my efforts to grow the infamous Ghost Chili, AKA the Bhut Jolokia.  I was unsuccessful.  My pepper crop failed.  I was very disappointed.  At the time, the Ghost Chili was the undisputed world's heavyweight champion of hot chili peppers.  It's devastating stuff too, according to all reports.

How devastating is the Ghost Chili?  Just to give you an idea, a typical Jalapeno will score about 1,000 SU on the Scoville Scale.  Because of tremendous quality control problems, some Jalapeno will go as high as 5,000 SU {which is another great reason to avoid using this lousy chili}.

This is nothing in comparison to the Ghost Chili.  The Ghost Chili will typically score about 1,000,000 on the Scoville scale.  That is three orders of magnitude higher.  We're talking about a 1,000:1 increase in power.

This means you would need 1,000 Jalapeno pepper to equal just 1 Ghost chili.  It only takes 100 Habenero peppers to equal a single Ghost, but that is no comforting thought to most of you.  Most of you would go white with terror over the thought to putting 100 Habenero peppers in a pot of soup.  You would be doing something like that if you dropped a single Ghost chili in your stew.

Unfortunately for the Ghost Chili, the old king is dead.  Long live the new king. Early last week, the L.A. Times broke the story that a new king had been crowned.  The new boss is the Trinidad Moruga Scorpion.  The Scorpion is properly named, as this evil bastard is pure poison.  It is 20% more powerful than the old king, pepper for pepper, ounce for ounce.  The old boy routinely scored 1,000,000.  The new kid scores 1,200,000 Scoville Units.

The good news is that the Scorpion is said to have a wonderful flavor.  We are told that when when the Scorpion is properly diluted in a sauce, you get a salsa so delicious and addictive, you just can't stop eating it.  Some authorities are already confidently predicting that the next ICS Chili champion will probably make use of the Trinidad Moruga Scorpion.

You are fucking around with pure hell though.  Be careful.  I know.  I have already obtained my supply.  We've had two very fun-filled days with the stuff at work.  Most of us have given it a try, and the results are hilarious.  This is fun-filled return to the days of high school and college.  It's been more fun that a barrel full of monkeys loaded with MDNA.

I have sampled the goods.  The aroma is overwhelming.  It's almost like getting a whiff of smelling salts.  The ground chili powder made from the Scorpion will clear your sinuses.  Just a few grains on your pinky will light-up your entire mouth.  Two doses will cause sweat to break out on your forehead and upper lip.  The flavor is decent.  It will be better when mixed with real food.

The funny thing is how many smiles and laughs break out afterwards.  Believe me, it's not a miserable experience.  Scientific rumor has it that human beings enjoy Capsaicin because it inflames the pleasure centers of the limbic system in the brain.  There is a true pleasure in this stuff.

This is the shit, jack!  I'm not bullshitting you:  I don't think you will ever find anything hotter than this stuff, and it is fun too!  It makes Cayenne seem trivial in comparison.  Nothing on God's Earth that blocks or tackles or runs or throws can compete with this thing.  This is devastating.

I plan to use this in a Mac-N-Cheese this weekend.  I am going to dilute a few sprinkles of Scorpion powder in 24 ounces of milk, and 16 ounces of cheese.  This should be sufficient to make the burn tolerable.  I am still expecting a hot Mac.

Next, I will make Red Beans and Rice.

Pepper Jack Mac

A word of warning before we begin:  Consuming a generous helping of Pepper Jack Mac can induce feelings of Euphoria after the fact.  This one was baked up in a nice Emile Hendry Burgundy-clay pie plate, preheated in a 400 degree oven.

So what is Pepper Jack Mac?  It's Mac-N-Cheese made with Habanero pepper Jack cheese rather than cheddar.  Vermont Sharp Cheddar is the type Thomas Jefferson (a Libra) chose to make his famous american original.  It's very nice, but not particularly sharp.  A great deal of flavor can be injected by selecting Habanero Pepper Jack cheese over cheddar.  You might try them in a 50/50 combo blend to see if you like it.

I do not recommend Jalapeño Jack because the Jalapeño has a nasty, bitter flavor.  The pain you experience eating a Jalapeño does not come from any capsaicin burn.  Rather, it is your taste-buds rejecting that acrid and bitter flavor that is very unnatural on the pallet.

Contrary to some popular opinion, the Jalapeño is not a hot pepper.  It scores only a 1,000 on the Scoville rating system.  The Habenero is 10x hotter, scoring a 10,000, and it is still not that hot.  The notorious Ghost Chili (Bhut Jolokia) is a really hot pepper.  It scores 1,000,000 (one million) on the Scoville scale.  The Jalapeño also suffers greatly from quality control issues.  Some have no flavor at all.  Some will blow your mouth out, and not in a good way.  Avoid the Jalapeño.  It's fairly worthless and useless.

No friends, the Habanero is the real chili pepper.  It has a very nice and sweet flavor after a decent capsaicin burn.  This is the chili as mother nature intended.  That is why this pepper is the foundation of the entire Jamaican culinary tradition.  Incidentally, Jerk Chicken and Pepper Pot are absolutely delicious.  If you haven't tried them, you are truly missing out on the finest thing in life.

Habanero Jack Cheese is outstanding in every respect.  It has enough sting to make it interesting, but the milk protein and fat both cut the effect down so that anyone can enjoy the sweet tangy flavor the Habenero injects into (what is otherwise) a very dull cheese.

Baking this cheese into a Mac-N-Cheese, concentrates all these flavors by removing water, carmelizing,  and adding salt to the equation.  What you get is a pretty powerful culinary experience.  We're talking about flavors that explode in your mouth.  It's a big-bang experience, and not in a bad way.  It also leaves you with a very nice after-glow.

Biologists who have studied why humans seem to like capsaicin-tinged foods have come to the conclusion that capsaicin stimulates the pleasure regions of the Limbic system.  Eat enough capsaicin, and you will encounter feelings of euphoria not unlike those experienced after a tremendous workout.   These feelings are usually encountered no more than 15-20 minutes later.  The net effect is that we walk away from the table with a feeling we had a heck of a meal.

The recipe I used was essentially the one Alton Brown cooked up in "For Whom the Cheese Melts II".  This  was the episode where he taught little Alton how to make a Mac-N-Cheese.  You can see it here:



I made a few simple modifications.  The recipe is simple:

• 1 ounce flour
• 1 ounce butter
• 16 ounces of heavy cream
• 8 ounces skim milk
• 8 ounces Habanero Pepper Jack
• 8 ounces Super-Sharp Cheddar
• 2 ounces Panko bread crumbs
• table spoon dry mustard powder
• half-teaspoon paprika
• 4 ounces diced onions
• 1 bay leaf
• salt
• pepper
• 1 stick of Rosemary
• 3 twigs of thyme
• 2 eggs

The prep and cooking technique was the same.  I used fresh herbs in this case, and they brought a ton of flavor to the party.  This one really popped.

The worst aspect of the entire procedure is grinding the cheese, but this need not be an issue if you have a decent food processor.  I have one of the best, and it made very short work out of 16 ounces of cheese.  Two grinds and I was done.

World-Class Mac-N-Cheese

Damn... I'm feeling pretty good n' happy right about now. I just made one hell of a Mac-N-Cheese. Possibly the greatest of my career. I am willing to call it world class. I did some pretty nice things with it.

The method was essentially the Thomas Jefferson Mournay Sauce approach which most people use, but I put plenty of wrinkles in it. Here is the list of ingredients I used:

1. Herb infused canola oil (savory, thyme, rosemary)
2. Chevre goat milk butter
3. A little We Olive extra virgin olive oil
4. Italian high-gluten #00 flour
5. Spanish hot and smoky paprika
6. Himalayan pink rock salt
7. 90,000cu cayenne pepper
8. Herbs de Provence
9. Mustard powder
10. 5 cups of whole Vitamin-D milk
11. 1 cup heavy whipping cream
12. 8 ounces Asiago cheese
13. 5 ounces Parrano Unle Kaas cheese
14. 3 ounces Manchego cheese
15. Half of big red bell pepper, diced
16. 2 Shallots, diced fine
17. 8 small cloves of garlic, diced fine
18. Panko bread crumbs
19. Croutons.
20. USDA organic Conchiglie macaroni

Basically, I went through the following steps:

1. Mixed all my dry ingredients in a small mixing bowl
2. Stripped the skins off my cheeses and used my mighty Cuisinart FP-14DC and shred my cheese.
3. I boiled my pasta for 10 minutes. I wanted it slightly under-done, or super al dente. I strained it and let it rest. I wanted it moderately dry for the mix in.
4. Pulled out my Duxtop 1800w induction cooktop
5. Placed my 15 inch Lodge cast iron skillet on top of it.
6. Began pre-heating the skillet. I tested the temperature with my laser thermometer to ensure we were hot. Never put cold fat in a cold pan. Everything will stick. Hot pan, cold fat, no stick.
7. Drizzled my Canola all over a 455 degree pan, thus reducing the temperature slightly
8. Threw in 2 ounces of Chevre butter, and swirled it around to encourage rapid melting.
9. Thew in my veggies and Sautéd
10. Once the veggies were slightly wilted and browned, I began stirring in the dry ingredients, making a roux.
11. Stirred in the milk and cream.
12. I kept stirring until I reached a measured temperature of 170 degrees. The laser told me I was at this temp.
13. Reduced the the induction power and began stirring in the cheese to melt it.
14. Stirred in the Conchiglie pasta, ensuring a complete mixing.
15. Placed the entire skillet into a pre-heated 350 degree oven for 40 minutes, or until I had a nice browning effect on the top.
16. Pulled it out of the oven, and let it rest for 15 minutes a bit before serving.

Folks, let me assure you that this is delicious stuff. I like the Parrano flavor so much, I think I will dump the Gruyère I normally use on a semi-permanent basis.

As you know I've been starved out with Gastric Bypass, and I am sure my doctors would have a mild heart attack seeing this comfort food monstrosity I have constructed. I needed this folks. I was pretty ornery this weekend due to caloric deprivation.