Showing posts with label Esquire Magazine. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Esquire Magazine. Show all posts

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Rihanna is chosen by Esquire as the Sexist Woman Alive 2011

Hard to believe it has already been a year since Esquire Magazine declared Minka Kelly to be the Sexist Woman Alive (2010).  I guess it has been.

I blogged on the subject back in March of this year.  I have a pretty massive set of synastry scores vs. Ms. Kelly, according to Sirus 1.1.  I wouldn't care to deny that either.  It's not unusual for Virgos and Cancers to have a thing for each other.  It happens every day.  It is considered a 5 star match-up.

I have a strong hunch that this Esquire feature must be run by a 1966 Virgo born in close proximity to me.  He just went and selected another water-clan female who I have fairly substantial scores with.  This time it is the notorious, even infamous, Rihanna.

Rihanna is 23 year old woman born February 20th, 1988 in Saint Michael, Barbados.  She is a Pisces female if there ever was one.  For the record, my Synastry scores versus Rihanna are as follows:


 1. Romantic and Sexual Attraction:  167
 2. Similarity of Interests and Temperament:  171
 3. Mutual Success and High Achievement:  25
 4. Problem Solving, Communication, and Mutual Understanding:  113
 5. Mutual Kindness, Friendliness, Pleasantness, and Peace:  46
 6. Aggressiveness, Competition, Power, Success, or Violence:  163
 7. Adventurousness, Surprises, Disturbances:  53
 8. Shared Creativity, Imagination, and Inspiration:  128

As always, and for the record, any score above 150 is considered extremely strong.

Frankly the line-up of planets is more favorable than the scores indicate.  It would be difficult for a test-blinded Astrologer to justify how low these scores are.  Her Moon is in Aries, conjuncted with mine.  Her Mars is located at 28 degrees Sagittarius, which forms a nearly perfect Trine with my Venus at 22 degrees Leo.  My Mars is located at 5 degrees Leo, forming a near perfect Trine with her Venus at 13 degrees Aries.  It is a criss-cross Mars-Venus Trine situation.  Fire, fire, fire baby!  The exception is the Sun sign, in which case we have an opposition, the most powerful angle for attraction.

It's hard to justify the score of 167.  Am I disputing this score?  In this case, the answer is no.  I am comfortable with the verdict of 167.  I wouldn't care to move it higher.  I might want to move it lower, but that might be a dishonest move.

Frankly, those scores pale in comparison to Minka Kelly's.  For the record, you can see those scores here. Rihanna's scores can't hold a candle to those of the theoretically perfect Pisces female born 3/12/1986.

To say that I am ambivalent about Rihanna would be the understatement of the century.  I have spoken many times about the love-hate-love ambivalence astrological opposites experience toward one another.  This is certainly one of those cases for me.

On the positive side, I have to admit that I love Rihanna's music.  It is a guilty pleasure for a Heavy Metalist like me.  I can't seem to make it through the day without listening to Rude Boy at least 10 times.  This is probably my favorite song.  That may be an understatement.  I am steadily wearing out the CD in my car stereo.  I am playing it to death.  For the record here is that video:



On the negative side, you will never find a Pisces girl at her naughty, nasty, bad worst like this one is.  Consider some quotation from the Esquire article declaring Rihanna the Sexist Woman Alive (2011).

She grabs her own radiant ass--she handles it, offers it--like it's a rump roast.  She squats and spreads her legs, settles a hand between them, where it stays. Caresses her breasts.  She masturbates a dancer with the help of cane.  She pretends to go down on the keyboardist.
Rihanna doesn't really dance... Altogether it amounts to choreographed oozing.
She picks a member of the audience to have simulated sex with.  She guides the subject over to the platform in the middle of the stage.  She commands the subject to lie back.  She straddles the subject.  She grinds.  This part is not simulated.
... She is the indisputable champion of carnal pop.  At this moment, in this room, she is the essence of Fuck.
This dude is not going to get high marks for his prose poetry, but he does capture the essence of the phenomenon.  She is the next closest thing to a Porn Queen dancing at a strip joint.  Like I said a moment ago:  This is a Pisces woman at her naughty, nasty, bad worst.

As reserved, wholesome, conservative, and retrained as a Virgo woman is, that's how exhibitionist, dissolute, sensual and carnal a Pisces woman is going to be.  It is a perfect Matter-Antimatter dichotomy.

Grant that this is a relatively extreme case, but it is hyperbole that makes a very fine point.

I still find it bizarre and offensive that we polar opposites attract one another as powerfully as we do, but I cannot deny that we do.  Perhaps it is because we Virgos are not quite as wholesome as we pretend to be, and the Pisces are not quite the sensual party animals they pretend to be.  Perhaps we are just trying to balance-out by combining our strengths.  I don't know...

Ben Roethlisberger (a Pisces) was reportedly relieved to be busted by the Comish (who is himself a Pisces guy) because it relieved him of the obligation of being BIG BEN:  The hardest drinking, rootenist-tootenist, most carnal bad-boy the world has ever known.  He said he got caught up in an image he was never comfortable with, and this reputation forced him into things he was never comfortable with.

You have to wonder if Rihanna isn't in exactly the same spot Ben Roethisberger was at this point in her career.  Perhaps she isn't quite the carnal monstrosity she pretends to be, but she is caught in a game of "Can you top this!"

Maybe not.  Oh well, it was just a thought.



Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Minka Kelly named the sexist woman in the world by Esquire Magazine



So my dear friends at the Bleacher Report sent me an update this morning, as they do every morning, and one of the headlines indicated that Derek Jeter's girlfriend/fiancée was named the sexist woman alive by Esquire Magazine.

"Oh, that's interesting", I thought, "Just who is this girl?"

It turns out that this is Minka Kelly. I hate to tell you this, especially in view of the material I am about to cover, but I have only ever seen Minka in one movie. The Roomate was that movie. No offense to Miss Kelly, but that was an egregiously obnoxiously wretched catastrastroke. It was offal. I mocked this movie as the Cupcake Wars implementation of Single White Female.

It wasn't Minka's fault. I want the asshole who green-lighted this project to step up and kiss the gunners daughter. It's his fault. We will flay every square inch of his skin off with one of my dullest knives.

Folks, I hate to brag and I hate to boast, but Derek Jeter better hope I never meet his girlfriend. I will take her away from him, and I don't need a hundred million dollars to do it. I have pure raw sex appeal working for me.

You see, Minka is a Cancer. I am a Virgo. There is a lot more to charts than that, but suffice it to say that I can clean-whip Derek Jeter in this battle. He doesn't have a snowball's chance in hell. I mean zip, zero, ziltch, nada, nothing.

Derek is also a Cancer. Astrological incest is not usually recommended. There are situations where you can get away with it, but usually the chemistry just isn't that good between two individuals of the same sign. Take it from me. I have few super matchups with Virgo, but they they are very few and very far between. It is like that for all of us.

Let's take a look at the specific synastry numbers, folks:
Derek Jeter and Minka Kelly
Category Totals
1. Romantic and Sexual Attraction: 0
2. Similarity of Interests and Temperament: 229
3. Mutual Success and High Achievement: 191
4. Problem Solving, Communication, and Mutual Understanding: 67
5. Mutual Kindness, Friendliness, Pleasantness, and Peace: 80
6. Aggressiveness, Competition, Power, Success, or Violence: 54
7. Adventurousness, Surprises, Disturbances: 39
8. Shared Creativity, Imagination, and Inspiration: 54

Read it and see the truth. This adds fuel to the fire which holds that their relationship is just a media contrivance. We all know that Derek Jeter is no one-woman man. He is one of the legendary pussy-bandits in the history of New York City. I know that is saying an awful lot, but he can back that up. Many say his exploits far exceed those of Tiger Woods.
The two of them, like so many stars before them, may want to be seen in public together because it is good press for both.

Now, let's have a good look my scores versus Minka Kelly:

David A. Leon and Minka Kelly
Category Totals
1. Romantic and Sexual Attraction: 252
2. Similarity of Interests and Temperament: 257
3. Mutual Success and High Achievement: 30
4. Problem Solving, Communication, and Mutual Understanding: 298
5. Mutual Kindness, Friendliness, Pleasantness, and Peace: 50
6. Aggressiveness, Competition, Power, Success, or Violence: 278
7. Adventurousness, Surprises, Disturbances: 204
8. Shared Creativity, Imagination, and Inspiration: 238

As you can clearly see, I destroy Jeter in every category across the board, save two:
  1. Mutual success and high achievement.
  2. Pleasantness and Peace
I believe the first score is reasonable. I doubt I can add anything to her career potential. I am sure he brings more to that table. The second is questionable. I am a pretty amiable guy. It would be interesting to delve into the reasons behind that score. The high disturbance score might be the answer there. External agitation might spoil things.

Do I agree with that sexual attraction score? Yeah, it seems reasonable to me. She could well be a 252. Remember, anything over 150 is considered extremely strong. This is 168% of extremely strong. I could see myself flipping out over her, if I had a shot at her. What is more interesting is that this score suggests it would be reciprocal.

One pro astrologer who work on this application told me "the score is determined by the least interested party." Even if Minka is the least interested party, the score is 252.

You see folks, Cancer and Virgo go together better than Cancer and Cancer. I win, if I get a chance.

Now I can hear the chorus of doubters out there saying "Wait, ain't you the 44 year old dude who just had Gastric Bypass."

Yep that's me, and I just went inside 279. I am 51 pounds down with 48 to go. I am more than half way to the destination. Interesting things are already starting to happen. I don't want to go into any details, but there have been some interesting signs that certain females in my world are beginning to take up positions in the market. Its as if they are looking for a put option.

Over the course of my life, many have told me that I have a pretty good looking face on top of some pretty broad shoulders. If I have heard it once I have heard it a thousand times "Just lose some weight, and the women will come-on to your fairly directly. They won't beat around the bush, and you won't have to work at it."

Of course, this is not why I had the surgery. Crippling pain was what forced it. I would never have chosen this path if pure physical pain hadn't forced my hand.

Just three days ago, one of my fellow programmers at work was noticing how much weight I have lost since surgery. He asked me how much. I told him. He was stunned by the number.

"That fast!" he said "How soon will you reach your target weight?"

"June the 16th" I replied, although a subsequent visit to the doctor's office forced me to revise my estimate to July 8th. It's a long story.

We were both tired. It was the end of a very long day. We were both yawning. As my buddy yawned, he looked out across the empty farm of cubical were all the data entry girls sit during the day.

"Man, when I think of what might go on around here in June..." he said. He didn't finish the sentence.

I laughed like hell. I told my brother and my dad that story, and they both laughed like hell also. The funny thing is that they think the same thing.

Don't laugh. I'm getting there, and I have special advantages now. I have inside knowledge.