Friday, November 6, 2009

The Girlfriend Experience

The Girlfriend Experiance (2009) by director Steven Soderbergh is absolute, unmitigated, wet, runny, steaming, stinking, stenching cat-poopooh. And that's just my first shot fired.

I rented the Blu-Ray through Netflix. I am sure glad I did. I would have been pissed if I saw it in the theater. This way, I only had to watch 14:14 seconds before banging the gong-show gong and sending it back in the mail. Little harm, little foul.

I just took a look at the 7 expert critical reviews posted on Netflix about this movie, and it is proof positive that critics have their heads hammered so far up their asses that they can't pry them loose with a crowbar. I am absolutely certain beyond a shadow of any doubt that they are absolutely and completely wrong, and not even remotely close to being right about this film. I mean 100% wrong with a 100% chance of being 100% wrong. I am talking about a 0% chance of being even 1% right.

There is absolutely nothing about the Girlfriend Experience that is not absolutely cliche, hackneyed, banal, obvious, drivel. If you ever watched Cinemax, you have seen this crap 300 times before. Yes, it is that sort of crap. The movie is lousy as an investigative study of a mindset, and it is lousy as pornography also. It can't titillate. It can't educate. We are talking about an utterly rotten waste of time.

What did we see in the first 14:14 of this movie? What did we learn?
  1. Johns want to talk about their money problems with hookers. No shit?
  2. Johns don't really want working girls to be themselves. No shit?
  3. Working girls frequently have boy-toy boyfriends, who are themselves a little warped and bent around. No shit?
  4. Hookers are actually more interested in money than sex. No shit?
  5. Hookers often get paid to fuck guys they would fuck for free. No shit?
  6. Hookers sometimes have trouble with the size of John. No shit?
  7. I understand the hooker and her boytoy break up in the end. Ergo, it is tough for a working girl to maintain a relationship outside her profession. No shit? Who knew?
I could go on folks. Steven Soderbergh was obviously trying to summarize the last three Maxim magazines he read. Worse still is the constant intrusion of the politics of October 2008 into the picture. If he was trying to focus only on human relationships, maybe the movie could have been focused. However, talking heads constantly pop up talking about the Banking Meltdown of 2008, and what Obama intends to do about it. They say absolutely nothing of any import. These are uneducated parrots, trying to echo what they heard on some talk show.

So why the hell did Steven Soderbergh make this wretchedly pseudo-intellectual, pseudo-artistic, pseudo-profound, pretentious piece of shit? It is obvious. He was trying to capitalize on the meteoric rise of Sasha Grey, a porn chick who many expected to become the biggest thing ever in the industry. His camera is obviously enamored of her, so perhaps there was more there also...

The interesting thing is that Grey's real career is already sunsetting. Her star has descended considerably in the past 6-7 months. She ain't the draw she used to be. Not coincidentally, this obnoxious movie may have had much to do with it. It is a little shocking to see Grey in 1080p in a so-called "real" movie. She doesn't do very well. She can't really act, and she doesn't really look good enough to win a part like this in a serious production. Maybe she won the part because this isn't a serious production.

This is evidence of something Chris Streams and Gazzman used to say. These two "producers" used to say they would do everything possible to forestall an adoption of either HD-DVD or Blu-Ray. Why? Because the talent can't stand up to the scrutiny of the high-def camera lenses, that's why. They both said, independently, that they would have a very difficult time maintaining the illusion of beauty and glamor in a 1080p environment.

Now that that conversion is happening in that industry, a roster shake-up and rebuild is in progress.

While Grey looks good standing next to her competitors in her true market, she doesn't look like she can stand toe-to-toe with her competitors in "real" Hollywood. They can out-flank her pretty easily. This is the difference between a college football star and a pro football star. She may have made a real career mistake taking this part.

In a hilarious and ironic twist, this so-called legit flick may have over-exposed the Pornstar.