Thinking about building a house

So, I am pretty well tired of living in an apartment. I am getting ready to make the big move to ownership. There are just a few little problems I have to workout.

For many years now, nearly a decade, I have believed that I would purchase a town home or townhouse in my first foray into ownership. This is not unusual in Los Angeles county. Indeed, you can argue that it is the typical middle-class norm, especially if you are a single guy. However, 2009 came and went, and I was utterly horrified by how little prices declined during this period. Rather than coming drastically down to a rational point, the price of real estate stayed relatively high.

Whilst whorish politicians tell you declines in real estate prices are bad, I tell you precisely the opposite. Prices are vastly too high. Prices need to decline drastically. Rather than being a sign of illness in the market, declining prices are sign of improving health.

For those who do not know, real estate prices are utterly insane in Los Angeles county. Perhaps the prices here are not as bad as in San Francisco or New York, but they are terrible. The old banker's rules state that you never lend more than 2.5 times annual income out to anyone in the form of a mortgage. This is a maximum figure. As a good banker, you want to lend less than 2.5 times annual income. A couple hundred years of experience proved that this was the long-term stable and affordable mortgage a growing family could handle. Lending more than 2.5 times annual income is a recipe for financial trouble ahead.

Well folks, the mode, mean and median household income figures in Los Angeles county range between $76K and $85K. This is what the Smiths and the Jones make. They usually need two household incomes to reach that point. A couple of couples I know are right on that borderline. I find the figure believable. If you have a husband who manages movie theaters and a wife who teaches music, you wind up with around $85K.

Logic dictates that the middle class home in Los Angeles should cost around $255,000. That is what a healthy market will bear. That is what a healthy family can afford. I solemnly assure you this not the price of such a house in Los Angeles county. A small townhouse of some 1,500 sqft is more like $350K to $450K. This is a house I would be ashamed to raise my family in. It would pale in comparison to the 2,500 sqft house I was raised in back in Fresno California. The house I was raised in would cost between $550K and $800K if you were to purchase it in the San Fernando valley today. We weren't rich either. Mama was a high school teacher.

Incidentally, my mom purchased that house in Fresno back in 1976 for the price of $78,000 USD. This is just 3 years after Mike Martz was assistant coach at Bullard High School, just down the street. Incidentally, Bullard is my alma mater.

It is absolutely clear that we have arrived at an outrageous and preposterous point. The dysfunction in the market is so strong that every average middle-class home is totally unaffordable by every average middle class family. The prices need to come down. Sure, I can finance what I need, but I would be selling out my class if I capitulated to this market. I refuse. Let the real estate Barron's eat cake.

Like a true quad-Virgo, I have analyzed this problem from 360 different angles. I have almost/nearly reached the conclusion that there is only one workable solution: building a Japanese dome house, not buying an existing house. The indication is that I should build, not buy.

Just what is a Japanese dome house? I will tell you about that next time.

The poet of baseball, Yogi Berra

Just a few of my favorite Yogi quotes

A nickel aint worth a dime anymore.

The future ain't what it used to be.

Baseball is 90% mental. They other half is physical.

The sad truth is that 95% of the people are far below average.

Half the lies they tell you about me aren't true.

I never said most of the things I said.

We made too many wrong mistakes.

Even Napoleon had Watergate.

If the world was perfect, it wouldn't be.

I always thought that record would stand until it was broken.

I wish I had an answer for that, because I am tired of answering that question.

If you ask me anything I don't know, I'm not going to answer.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded.

It was impossible to get a conversation going. Everybody was talking too much.

You better cut that pizza into four pieces. I'm not hungry enough to eat six.

If you come to a fork in the road, take it.

If you don't know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.

It gets late early out here.

The other team could make trouble for us if they win.

You wouldn't have won if we had beat you.

It was just like Deja Vu all over again.

It's not over till it's over.

He hits from both side of the plate. He's amphibious.

How can you think and hit at the same time?

That's my boy

Tim Tebow is the son I never had. He even looks a little like me.

In all seriousness. Things are shaping up just the way I thought, except on the Clausen/McCoy front. They're a little transposed in these statistics here.

No need to worry about McCoy just yet. It's not the first time Mike Holmgren has worked with a young guy who threw some interceptions. This will get straightened out.

Clausen looked better than I expect, but not as good as the Notre Dame forensics team would have you believe. All-in-all, that is a better showing than I expected from him.

The real story here is how well Tim Tebow did. If the little rotten SOB hadn't dropped his second pass it would have been a beautiful touchdown bomb. Yes, I know he suffered bruised ribs on the touchdown run. Don't worry. They will outfit him with a flack jacket and everything will be alright.

Some say that his old motion showed itself again. Wanna know a little secret? It doesn't matter, it never did, and never will in the future. A lot of great ones--including Johnny U--had a funky throwing motion. You notice that the funky motion got him the highest rating of the day, and it would have been higher had the touchdown bomb been caught.

I told you so.

Now the NFL Network is openly discussing the fact that the Rams have a bad offensive line and that it has been bad for a long time. They are no longer toting the Billy Devaney line. The pios kant is going out the window. Have a look the video here.

Poor Sam. Poor, poor Sam. Sam, if I was the boss, I wouldn't drafted you just to flush your career down the crapper.

Born under a bad star (for football)

Right now the NFL is running a hype commercial for NFL Redzone with a cover of the famous song featuring the lyric "I can never break away from you." That keeps me thinking about the infamous Heath Ledger quote from Broke Back Mountain "I wish I knew how to quit you." You see, I've got this bad thing for sheep and goats. No, it's not what you think. It's actually worse.

Boy... swore I was going to quit those Rams in 2010. Just when I thought I was out, they keep dragging me back in, or so says Michael Corleone. I've already posted a few more blogs about 'dem Rams when I swore I would not.

Naturally, I blame astrology for this terrible affliction. I was born under a bad sign for football. My mom is an Aries. It just so happens that my Moon is in Aries. My brother's moon is also in Aries. I am not yet sure of my sister's moon position.

Aries is the fire Ram. The image of Aries, god of war mind you, is of a fiery battering ram charging through a battlefield and knocking down strongholds. They often wonder why Rams, a prey animal, are depicted fighting Lions, Tigers and Bears. Because it is the ancient symbol of the god of war, Jack. Study a bit of Greek and Roman culture and you will find out about these things.

If that were not enough, there is this other little astrological sign called Capricorn which is depicted variously as a goat, or a ram, or a mermaid ram. Strange that Capricorn is often called a sea-goat or sea-ram when Capricorn is an earth sign. Well... you know by now... I have a serious thing for these Capricorn women, and that is probably an understatement. Whilst Taurus is frequently sited as the optimal solution for a Virgo male, Capricorn is a very close 2nd. Virgo-Capricorn marriages are extremely common, and usually highly successful. Whilst there have been a number Taurus women who have captivated me, Capricorn always seems a wee bit stronger. The Capricorn clan is the odds on favorite to capture this Virgo sooner or later.

So I have this strange subconscious, symbolic predilection to pull like hell for these guys with the horns on their helmets. I'm not talking about the Viking horns either. This a bad predilection for football, especially these days.

When I became a Ram fan some 30 years ago, the Rams were the 3rd winningest team in NFL history by percentage. How did I know that? The Raiders boasted openly every year they had the #1 winning percentage of any time in the league. The Cowboys were listed (by the Raiders) as #2. The Rams were listed (by Raiders) as the #3 team. Don't take my word for it. Watch the Raider films from 1978, 1979, 1980, 1981. Al Davis will tell you about it. Both of those teams are a hell of a lot younger than the Rams. Both the Cowboys and the Raiders were founded in 1960. The Rams were founded in 1937.

Now here we are, some 30 years later, and the Rams winning percentage is nowhere near that good. The past 30 seasons at 16 games apiece have not been all that good to Rams fans. The Georgia era was not a good one. Yes we've had some good campaigns, but we narrowly avoided being the worst team of the 1990s, and the 2000s were not as good as they should have been. Now as the new decade begins, we are off and stumbling again, with a highly questionable rebuilding program. The man orchistrating this program has his Sun in Pisces, and his Mercury in Aquarius, just like my own brother Ben.

With all due respect to Ben, I wouldn't trust him to rebuild the Rams. Given the task, I am sure Ben would punt the ball to me. I would do it better, and he would gladly admit that fact, I am sure. The Star Goddess Janet Scialis claims all Virgos truely and sincerely believe they can do the job--whatever job--better than anybody else on the planet. That's no bullshit, and that convinction is usually true. That's no bullshit either.

Never before have I been so burned up by personnel moves, and non-moves by Rams. That's saying an awful lot. Believe me, there have been a few episodes where I was utterly at odds with the teams' decisions. This usually foreshadowed despirate times ahead. I hated the drafts we had at the end of 1980s and begining of the 1990s. Those drafts are now legendary fiascos in NFL history. They setup a lost decade and a move to St. Louis.

Never before have I wanted to decapitate a GM so badly. Never before have I wanted to execute a Coup De Etad with myself at the forefront. I am really damn tired of this futility. Somebody is going to have to start making some good moves. If they won't do it, I would be only too happy to sieze control run the show.

Who knows what these past few disasterous drafts will do to a team already at the bottom of the heap? Logic dictates that I should run, not walk, away. Still I seem powerless to break free.

How I became a fan of Tyler Florence.

So, it turns out that Tyler won the Home Run Derby in 2008 as well as 2009. I caught an older episode of Tyler's Ultimate from 2008 in which he made Moroccan Brick chicken, with Flatbread, Couscous and a yogurt dressing. Once again, Tyler blew my brains out. I have scheduled project Marrakesh for this weekend.

http://www.foodnetwork.com/tylers-ultimate/ultimate-brick-chicken/index.html

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/brick-chicken-with-apricot-couscous-recipe/index.html

Brick Chicken! Now if that isn't a backyard grill masterpiece for Football fans I don't know what is. I was getting a bit tired of the beer can, so now here comes the brick! Perfect fit! Right on time. In all seriousness, this was one hell of a lineup, and smoldering with appeal. Tyler suggested preparing this for somebody you really want to impress and it will make you look like a Superhero. I have no doubt this is the case. When he did the taste test, he claimed it was way off the chart. I have no doubt this is the case, and it might be an understatement.

Of course a few mods are in order. Since I am already well versed in how to make pizza dough (thank Alton) there is no need to go to the pizza joint around the corner. They suck anyway. Two days rising in the frige should give that #00 15.5% gluten Durham wheat some serious flavor. I think I will load the dough with some Caraway to give it a bit of a rye tang. I happen to have some saffron loaded couscous I would like to use. This is that magic moment.

This once again reaffirms why I became one of Tyler's biggest fans. This dude brings in the meal plans like no other. Remember, you are dealing with most observant and critical dude in the Zodiac. I don't impress easy. When I say this guy is the most impressive chef on the Food Network, you should take note.

So did I ever mention how I became a big fan? More than a year ago, a lovely Capricorn female here in the office challenged me to go green. This meant joining a plant growing contest here in the office. Naturally, I could refuse her nothing, as I have this ineluctable thing for Capricorn women. This offered me an opportunity to show off my research & engineering skills. I intended to win the contest.

In short, I went out and got a 7 pod Aerogarden Classic hydroponic garden with the international herbs kit. It is still sitting here right next to me at work, although it is now growing Bhut Jolokia pepper seedlings. The Herbs die after about 6 or 7 months. This was a year ago, remember? The original herb kit is a pretty splendid thing. Guess what it contains?

1. Thyme
2. Chives
3. Italian Basil
4. Purple Basil
5. Dill
6. Mint
7. Parsley

If it had rosemary instead of purple basil it would be the perfect thing for Tyler. I have never seen him or anyone take advantage of the power of purple basil. Believe me, purple kills everything else.

Anyhow, about 3 months into the project, I started looking around for ways to take advantage of these herbs. Tyler Florence is the guy who most consistently employs fresh, rather than dry, herbs. He constantly admonishes his audience to avoid dry herbs. He exhorts us to use fresh herbs just about every day. I quickly zeroed in on Tyler as the best coach for the job I had in mind. I was right.

In case you don't know, Tyler is 100% correct about fresh non-dried herbs. Further, if you have never clipped an herb, crushed it and thrown it in the pot within moments, you are missing out on the finest flavors in life. I remember the first chicken & pesto pasta I made with these Aerogarden herbs. It was fucking flavor explosion, and I am not joking. You never smelled aromas like that, or tasted flavors that strong.

This is why I frequently salivate when I see Jamie Oliver walking around in the woods cutting herbs. I know he is about to drop a flavor H-bomb on some unsuspecting soul. The refrigerated herbs from Whole Foods are okay, and you get some of the effect, but they are not like fresh cut herbs. The dried stuff pretty well sucks, even if you sweat them in olive oil, which is the best thing you can do with dry herbs.

Right now it is the summer of my discontent. All my gardens have died. Incidentally, I now have 5 of them. I have no fresh herbs at the moment. I really can't replant at this time. I go in for gastric bypass in a month or so. If I plant now, the new gardens will not be mature before surgery. They will mature by Christmas. Christmas should be my peak period of weight loss, and well before I can eat a good Chicken Pesto Pasta. Therefore, now is not the time to plant. After surgery, I can replant. 90 days later, they will reach first clipping. That should be around the time when I can begin to cook somewhat normally again.

I just have to sweat out the next month with crappy dry herbs and sub-par fresh herbs. Not fun. My cooking is taking a hard hit from this situation. I was knockin'em dead with those fresh hydroponic herbs. Now I am dropping down in power to a more run-of-the-mill chef. I don't like that.

Replanting the gardens will give me something to do in the aftermath of the surgery. When they blossom again, the winter of my discontent will be turned to glorious spring time by these little sons of bitches.

Oh Christ... not another Favre feeding frenzy

Oh Christ... not another Favre feeding frenzy

This time folks, the joke is on you. You're making fools out of yourselves, and don't blame it on us. I'm speaking of ESPN and the NFL Network. Right now a maximum intensity feeding frenzy is in progress because... [drum roll] Brett Favre borded a plane headed for Minnesota. No shit, eh? Did you expect him to drive? Why is that news?

The obvious certainty that he would take a plane rather that drive was completely lost in the hystrical panic the news caused. Special agents are covering the scene of the depature and the scene of the arrival 24/7. I'm talking about wall-to-wall coverage. This is right up there with Elvis has left the building. It's almost as big a Buckwheat getting shot.

This frenzy resembles both the Huricain Katrina and the death of Pope John Paul Frenzies. It is not quite as big as the death of Michael Jackson, but it is close. If this story were a favor of ice cream, it would be named Banna Christ Ape Shit. Let's face the facts folks. It is the 2nd comming of Jesus Favre, or Brett Christ.

CBS News posted a mock story that Brett Favre's plane crashed and their were no survivors. The other forum members posted their appaulse [CLAP! CLAP! CLAP!]

In all seriousness folks, is he the greatest QB in history? Nope. Is he the greatest QB in the league? Nope. Is he the #1 guy in the Fantasy pool? Nope. Is he the #1 QB in the NFC? Nope. Is he over 40 and surgically repaired? Yep! Did he throw the INT that terminated the Vikings in the NFC Championship game? Yep. Is Minnesota the most populace state in the nation? Are the Vikings the defending world champs? Nope! Are the Vikings the best team in football? Nope! Is this the richest state in the union? Nope. Is the state of Minnesota deeply steeped in footbal tradition? Nope.

Why then are are going absolutely frickin' bonko?

Let's face the facts folks, the big media covers the stories they want to cover, just the same way I do on my little blog. For some obtuse and eskew reason, this story interests them more than others do. I don't understand why. However, the coverage of this story is massively disproportional to the significance of this story.

Ah ha! It's the old Sesquiquadrate in the 4th harmonic aspect ratio trick

So you really aught to see this very important video I found on YouTube.com

So as you can see, it is the old sesquiquadrate in the 4th harmonic aspect ratio trick. Of course... I should have thought of that. There's nothing you can do in that situation except run 65 toss power trap from Tight-I. Neither 60 prevent slot hook and go, nor 22 shotgun zebra choice will work here. Don't even think about 70 chip, 50 gut, or sprint right option.

I hate it when this happens.