Some Random Thoughts on Sports this Monday Night

Both the Cowboy and Vikings seasons officially ended today

Towards the end of the off-season, most speculators believed that the Cowboys and the Vikings would be the two NFC Championship contestants come January. I gave a light and tentative endorsement to the Cowboy theory. I totally denied the Viking theory. It turns out that both teams are officially dead as of week 7 of the 2010 season.

Today, the MRIs revealed that Brett Favre has 2 fractures in his ankle and a chunk of bone & tendon that has ripped out of position. Get this, they have not officially ruled him out for Sunday’s game! BBAAAAHHHHAAA HHAAAAAAHAAHHAHAHA! That’s a funny joke. I get it.

Bullshit! Bull-fucking-shit! Brett’s career is now officially over. Call it quits. Just shut it down. Pack it in and call it a career. It is now over. He’s isn’t just officially out for this Sunday. He’s out for the rest of his life. The only thing that prevents us from calling a spade of a spade is pure media politics. In other words, denials and protestations to the contrary are absolute and complete bullshit.

Of course, this means Viks can pack it in and call it quits for the rest of 2010. They are officially no longer contenders, not that they were 27 hours ago either. Sure, they may go on to win 4-6 of their remaining games, but that will mean nothing in the playoff picture.

Then, as if things weren’t going badly enough for the Cowboys, catastrophe struck on ESPN Monday Night Football when Michael Boley sprinted through a gaping hole in the Cowboy offensive line and drove a chicken-winged Tony Romo into the artificial turf… hard. Tony suffered a broken clavicle bone in his left shoulder. He is expected to miss 8-10 games.

I categorically agree with owner Jerry Jones: There is no replacement for Tony Romo. The Cowboys may win 4 or 5 games down the stretch with Jon Kitna, but I seriously doubt it. Even if they do, it will mean poodly-squat in the playoff picture. The Cowboys are now officially done.

Hell widens its mouth for the Chargers

I am about two tens of a nanometer away from declaring the Chargers dead also. The only thing that prevents me from doing so is the presumed weakness of the AFC West. I think this presumption is extremely faulty. I am one tenth of a nanometer away from accepting the proposition that the Chiefs are the class of the West. I seriously doubt that the Chargers are going to have either a winning or a break-even record in 2010.

Early this afternoon, I heard Hacksaw Lee Hamilton raising hell over the Charger situation. He is not alone in raising hell, by any means, and his pain is genuine. He has been a Charger man for decades now. He drew a bulls-eye on the situation precisely and then said something very curious indeed. Hacksaw declared that he was thinking the unthinkable: The Chargers might not be a playoff team in 2010.

I laughed like hell at that line. Everything he had declared prior to that point pretty well proved that the Chargers were nothing resembling a playoff contender. Why soft-pedal the mandatory conclusion? Politics. It would be tough for such a prominent sports reporter in the San Diego area to hammer his favorite franchise so clearly on the air. It could cost him political capital. Better to sacrifice some honesty points, and appear loyal.

At this very moment, I am hearing Moochie spewing some horseshit about how the Chargers are still good enough to win the AFC West. No. You’re all wet there, coach. This has nothing to do with talent or the lack there of.

This has everything to do with labor strife. Hacksaw Lee Hamilton is correct, the Chargers have quit on A.J. Smith. Labor strife has reached a point now where the Charger players are playing selfishly to enlarge their stats and make a run at free agency with some other team. They are not playing to win.

Hell widens its mouth for the 49ers

I haven’t got the slightest idea of what is wrong with 49ers. I am inclined to blame Alex Smith, but that does not explain their inability to terminate last-minute game winning drives. They were supposed to have an elite defense. They have nothing of the kind. We have to look to Singletary for the reason why. Yes, he is one of the most respected dudes around, but something is seriously wrong with that defense.

I think the 49ers are also officially dead. If they make it to 8-8, it will be a miracle.

Giants vs Falcons in the NFC Championship?

I still believe the Saints and the Packers can factor in the NFC. However, it is getting clearer and clearer that the two most powerful football teams in the NFC are the New York Giants and the Atlanta Falcons. They are really starting to look good. They seem to be improving in every area, particularly in their ability to fight back into contention when they are down in the count.

I am really fucking sick of the East-Coast Bias

There is a clear law in sports: Your ranking is inversely proportional to your proximity to Bristol Connecticut. The closer you are to Bristol, the higher your ranking. The greater your distance, the lower your ranking.

As a UCLA graduate, I am no fan of Oregon, however, I cannot understand how they were cheated of the #1 ranking this week. How the hell did Auburn get it? How did they jump over Boise and Oregon? Ooooops! I forgot! Auburn is closer to Bristol than Eugene Oregon! That’s how they scored it. It is a clear-cut case of 100% pure unadulterated, unalloyed East-Coast Bias!

Let’s be clear: ESPN runs college football, both on their networks and ABC. Their impact on their BCS rankings is quantum. They are responsible for this travesty.

I love the World Series this year

Folks, I am not much of a fan of Baseball. I am no fan of the Rangers. I am no fan of the Giants. I am a life-long Dodger fan. With that said, I am going to watch every game of the series this year, and I am going to enjoy the fucking hell out of it.

Do you want to know why? ESPN has 982,288 tons of egg all over their collective face. I absolutely love the fact that the East Coast is shut-out of the World Series. ESPN analysts were utterly sure the Giants were (are) a team put together out of bubble-gum and duck-tape. They were also sure that the Rangers were no match for the mighty Yankees.

Why were they sure of this? Because Philly and NY are very close to Bristol Connecticut, that’s why. Their East Coast Bias was never stronger than in the run up to the World Series this year. They were so utterly sure that the Yanks would rematch with the Phillies this year it was pathetic. It made you wonder why they were even going to play the games.

I am so damn delighted that the Giants shoved a red-hot poker up ESPN’s arse that I am going to declare a temporary ban on my hatred for them. I am actually going to pull, gently, for the Giants. Again, ESPN’s bias is showing. They believe the Rangers will win the Series because Dallas is closer to Bristol than San Francisco.

Be assured, their logic is no better than that.

Oh Christ... not another Favre feeding frenzy

Oh Christ... not another Favre feeding frenzy

This time folks, the joke is on you. You're making fools out of yourselves, and don't blame it on us. I'm speaking of ESPN and the NFL Network. Right now a maximum intensity feeding frenzy is in progress because... [drum roll] Brett Favre borded a plane headed for Minnesota. No shit, eh? Did you expect him to drive? Why is that news?

The obvious certainty that he would take a plane rather that drive was completely lost in the hystrical panic the news caused. Special agents are covering the scene of the depature and the scene of the arrival 24/7. I'm talking about wall-to-wall coverage. This is right up there with Elvis has left the building. It's almost as big a Buckwheat getting shot.

This frenzy resembles both the Huricain Katrina and the death of Pope John Paul Frenzies. It is not quite as big as the death of Michael Jackson, but it is close. If this story were a favor of ice cream, it would be named Banna Christ Ape Shit. Let's face the facts folks. It is the 2nd comming of Jesus Favre, or Brett Christ.

CBS News posted a mock story that Brett Favre's plane crashed and their were no survivors. The other forum members posted their appaulse [CLAP! CLAP! CLAP!]

In all seriousness folks, is he the greatest QB in history? Nope. Is he the greatest QB in the league? Nope. Is he the #1 guy in the Fantasy pool? Nope. Is he the #1 QB in the NFC? Nope. Is he over 40 and surgically repaired? Yep! Did he throw the INT that terminated the Vikings in the NFC Championship game? Yep. Is Minnesota the most populace state in the nation? Are the Vikings the defending world champs? Nope! Are the Vikings the best team in football? Nope! Is this the richest state in the union? Nope. Is the state of Minnesota deeply steeped in footbal tradition? Nope.

Why then are are going absolutely frickin' bonko?

Let's face the facts folks, the big media covers the stories they want to cover, just the same way I do on my little blog. For some obtuse and eskew reason, this story interests them more than others do. I don't understand why. However, the coverage of this story is massively disproportional to the significance of this story.

So did the Vikings smoke out Favre?

About a week ago, the Football world was "rocked" by the news that Brett Favre had retired... again... but then he immediately unretired... again. I don't know if it was for the 3, 4th or 5th time. I lost count. Somebody just called out the number 3.

The false report surfaced through Pro Football Talk and ESPN. It went around like wildfire. I will never understand the reasons why. The NFL Network jumped on it, and two agents were tasked with the job of confirming or denying these alegations. Mike Mayock at Vikings' camp, and Coach Marriucci, Brett's original position coach in Green Bay.

Dr. Mike ran around to all the Vikings executives asking about the truth of these rumors. They denied everything. They stated they had no known developments in the case. Marricci started text messaging like crazy with Favre. Favre claimed he hadn't said a word to anyone. Brett wondered how this hurricane story got started.

In the end, Favre wound up declaring that he would play if the health and condition of his ankle permits.

Mission accomplished. Favre has been smoked out. He's not on the fence about retirement anymore. He will play if he is health enough. So he's only kinda on the fence, but it is on a medical fence. He doesn't want to retire.

I am going to be real blunt: The Vikings started the title wave of bullshit. They had one of their low-level execs plant... errr.... leak this false report to Florio and some folks at ESPN, which started the title wave. ESPN might have tried for further confirmations, but Florio had already published the scoop. This took ESPN off the hot-seat for initiating the bullshit, so they ran with it.

ESPN even attributed this to protected sources leaking the news from inside the Viking organizations. I am sure that is accurate. I am sure they did leak it, and on purpose. The purpose was to smoke Brett out, and find out what was really on his mind. As I said before, mission accomplished.

Of course, the Vikings turned right around and denied everything. So did Favre, and that is the important part.

Folks, this happens all the time. During the 2010 draft, Devaney planted the story that Sam Bradford didn't want to play for the Rams, and would hold out, perhaps even petitioning for a return to Oklahoma in a bid for the 2011 draft if selected by the Rams.

The story smelt like horse shit the second it surfaced on ESPN. Still, it gave Rich Eisen the opportunity to put the question directly to Sam Bradford on NFL Total Access (when he appeared with the famous Dr. James R. Andrews.). Sam looked stunned. He denied everything, and then he brooded for the rest of the interview.

He looked pissed and sad. "Who is trying to blow my opportunity to be selected #1!" You could read his face. You didn't have to be a psychic Pisces to read his mind. Mission accomplished. Bradford has been smoked out.

Ever since the NFL Network emerged, we have been seeing more and more of this kind of thing. If officials of any team need to smoke out any hidden position, all they need to do is issue the false report through ESPN and then pose the question on NFL Total Access. It is a perfect media hammer and anvil for smashing down those walls of secrecy.

I wonder how ESPN feels about being manipulated like this? I wonder how the player confidentiality guys feel about this hammer and anvil play?

I don't believe in the Viking theory

In this blog I will issue my 3rd or 4th annual official-rejection slip regarding the Viking theory. I have lost official count. I expect to be right for the 3rd or 4th consecutive year. I have been right these past several years.

Folks, it's all Mike Mayock's fault. Dr. Mike is my official draft guru, pissed though I was with him in this year of 2010, and he is usually the most reliable guy in the league. He has earned a lot of clout for that reason. It is largely due to his voice that we (I mean you) think that the Vikings are a legit Super Bowl contender.

Nope, they're a pretender to the crown.

Mike Mayock is a guy with a couple of biases. We have to compensate for those biases if we are to find the truth of the matter. Dr. Mike is from Philly, and he is an Eagle fan. They always get an inflated score from Dr. Mike. Dr. Mike also covers the Vikings during pre-season. The Vikings always get an inflated score, especially on the talent card.

The Viking tribe suffers from a very strange version of myopia, if you ask me. Let me tell you about it.

About a month ago, when I was returning to Los Angeles from Fresno after the 4th of July, I stopped by Ikea. I just happened to be wearing Jared Allen's jersey on that day. As I checked out with a few new things for the Barbecue, a guy approached me asking with great anxiety regarding whether Favre would return or not.

Of course, I'm not actually a Viking fan, but this guy was. He thought he had found a kindred spirit. This is a common problem for me. It happens often.

It's difficult for me to explain that I am a non-aligned fan of the sport called football. It's hard for me to explain to a guy I just met out of the blue that I have 53 NFL jerseys in my collection, and I wear a different one every day. I have found it is usually easier to have a brief conversation with the dude about whatever team I happen to be wearing on the given day.

I answered him directly "I think it's a given that Favre is going to be back."

He continued "I sure hope so! The Vikings should have won the Super Bowl! The Vikings are so much better than the Saints! They turned it over 7 times, and the Saints still only managed to win it in overtime by a field goal!"

My face screwed up like I had bit into a sour pickle. I nodded my head and we parted ways. I am sure this Viking fan believed I was feeling the pain of defeat when he saw the expression on my face. On the contrary, I was feeling pain of an absolutely preposterous and bass-ackward argument. His argument would have infuriated my high school logic teacher to no end.

Let me get this straight: Adrian Peterson put the ball on the carpet 5 times and Favre threw 2 more interceptions in his illustrious career, ergo the Vikings are dramatically better than the Saints???? Bullshit! Bull fucking shit! NOW HERE THIS: FUCK THAT SHIT! If that isn't the stupidest argument I've ever heard it is damn close to #1.

The only reason the Vikings stayed in the game was because Sean Payton called the most curiously conservative game I have ever seen him orchistrate. He kept shutting it down during the game, believing that the Vikings were self-destructing. He believed the Vikings were punching his ticket to the big-dance. Every time the Vikings would tie it, Payton would unleash hell on them again, and the Saints would take the lead back.

The Saints were a heck of a lot better than Viks. It wasn't as close as it looked.

Mike Mayock says that the Vikings are loaded. I categorically reject that statement. The receiver corp is impressive, and the defensive line is impressive. I don't see a whole lot there besides that. The defensive backfield is dog-shit. The offensive line is mediocre to poor, blocking well for the run, and modestly for the pass. The linebacking corp is average to better than average.

Favre is just a brilliant damn QB when he isn't throwing those big INTs to terminate NFC championship games. Adrian Peterson is a breakaway threat when he isn't putting the ball on the carpet 5 times in the NFC Championship game. You give those two guys way too much damn credit. This is the most over-rated backfield in 20 or 30 years. Truth be told, both of these gifted athletes have absolute spoilers, nasty ruinations, and critical flaws.

For these reasons I do not believe in the Viking theory. I do not believe they are a serious contender. I do not believe they are serious threat in the NFC. I do not believe they are a threat to win the Super Bowl this season.

Now flukes do happen. The Federal DEA investigation could crush the Saints' title defense. The Falcons may unexpectedly collapse. The Cowboys may suffer an epidemic of injuries. No surprise team may emerge in the NFC. The Packers may not be what we think they are. Favre's ankle may be just fine.

If the constellations all lineup in this fluky manner, the Vikings might windup hosting the 49ers for the NFC Championship. This would give them an unexpected, moderately unobstructed run to the Super Bowl.

I seriously doubt this will happen. It is more likely that Favre's ankle will not be okay, and the Vikings will suffer an unexpected collapse in 2010.

So Favre has retired, aye?

Right now I am extremely annoyed. According to News.Google.com, some 1,108 news reports have gone up in the past hour or two regarding the retirement of Brett Favre. So this is unprecedented, right? We've never seen him do this before...

Yeah, but this time he's going to get in front of the cameras and cry his eyes out. So this is unprecedented, right? We've never seen him do this before...

Yeah, but this time he is experiencing real problems with the ankle. So this is unprecedented, right? We've never seen him do this before...

Whilst I am inclined to take these reports a bit more serious than the other half-dozen or so weepy retirement conferences Brett Favre has had before, I am still waiting for him to dress 2 hours before game-one of the 2010 season. This might not be over yet.

So what if it is over? What then, Dave?

Fine! I'm just fine with it. God bless, and enjoy your grandkids, Brett.

Awe, but it's the end of an era! It's the end of a legend!

In the immortal words of Herm Edwards: So what? The guy never really meant anything to me. I was extremely annoyed at how overrated he was. The Brett Favre I remember is the one who threw the 6 interceptions against the Rams in the 2001-2002 divisional playoff game. You know, the one who ended the last four NFC Championship games he played in with an interception.

I am talking about the tragically flawed gun-slinger, the riverboat gambler. I'm talking about the guy who had so much confidence in the strength of his arm he thought he could drill a bullet right through the chest of defensive back and into the hands of the WR standing behind him. I am talking about the sandlot QB who scrambled around like a chicken with his head cut off, flinging it downfield on a prayer. You know, they guy who draws plays up in the dirt?

The fact is that Favre had incredible athletic gifts, and the greatest of them was durability, but I never wanted him on my team. You see, you can beat 10 or 11 rooty-boot teams with a sandlot gunslinger like Brett Favre. You can do that pretty much every year. You can get into the playoff tournament most of the time with a guy like this.

The problem is that you'll never win one. I still marvel that the Pack won it in 1996. Don't get me wrong. I like and admire the Pack, but I still marvel they won the Super Bowl with Favre at the helm.

You see, a gunslinger like this can cap 10 or 11 teams each year because there are usually about 20 teams in league that can't really play football. About 10 of them are really bad. The others are all missing critical pieces. Only 12 teams qualify for the playoffs. Only about 6 of them are good. Of those, only 4 will qualify for the Conference Championship games.

When a gunslinger like Favre goes up against a high-quality team, without missing pieces, playing at a high championship caliber, he dies. That's what happens. You can't bring sandlot football rubbish up again a quality team like the 2007 New York Giants or the 2009 New Orleans Saints. You can't run the quick-draw gunslinger play against this type of team. They will kill you.

Personally, I have to tell you that Favre is nowhere near as great as they say he is. His massive stats are a function of his durability and his number of games played. Those are endurance records. He threw for more yards than anyone else because he threw for more years than just about anyone else.

Are you saying you discount Brett Favre's achievements? Yep, uh-hun, that is exactly and precisely what I am saying. I discount Brett Favre's statistical achievements.

Of course, he still belongs in the Hall of Fame, but don't even try to give me any of this shit about the greatest of all time. I don't want to hear any weepy speeches either.

Favre Watch 2010

For those of you who occasionally tune into the NFL Network during the deep-off-season, there is one truth that simply cannot be denied. They are always conducting a Favre watch. So far, in the past two weeks, I am 4-5 in hitting the Favre watch when tuning into the NFL Network. I don't know why I am so unlucky. Certainly, they must be showing some other programming at some point... or maybe not.

Certainly, this is the most worthless story of the off-season. Not just this off season, but every off season. Jim Rome openly mocked the last event of the Favre watch stating succinctly that Brett held a news conference to say he hadn't yet made up his mind. That's it. Perfect summary. 'Nuff said.

Just to help the NFL Network understand that the Favre watch really isn't a good news story, I went around the Los Angeles area conducting interview-based research to see how much the people like this story. What did I find? It just might break your heart, Rich

In honor of the fact that Twilight Eclipse is the most important chick flick since 27 Dresses, I decided to start with Kristen Stewart. When asked how she likes the Favre watch she responded in the following manner:

I guess she doesn't like it.

So I asked a cute Japanese chick who was just a bit down the street what she thought of the Favre watch. She said the following

So I asked an old lady in the coffee shop, and she said the following.

As I began to tire of chicks throwing down the digitus imputicus, I decided to ask Sister Mary Teresa of the St. Ignatius church what she thought of Favre watch 2010.

After being shocked by this Nun's response, I wondered what Jesus would do. I went in the church, genuflected in front of the blessed sacrament, and said a short prayer. I didn't like what I saw.

I think it is safe to say that Jesus is not into the Favre watch at all. He was in no mood at all for this kind of question. I thought it would be best to ask God the Father for a second opinion.

After so many rejections I thought it would be good to ask a real football man about the Favre watch, so I went to Bud Adams, owner of the Titans.

That was downright disappointing. At that moment I was fortunate enough to bump into former POTUS George W. Bush, so I asked him what he thought of the Favre watch.

At this point I understood that the Favre Watch was in serious trouble. Trying to obtain a fresh perspective, I asked a little kid what he thought of the Favre Watch.

At that point I thought it was a good idea to ask Clyde, star of Clint Eastwood's Every which Way But Loose, what he thought of the Favre Watch 2010.

I conducted many more ad-hoc interviews, and snapped many more photos, but the results were the same in all cases. I could go on but why labor the point. Perhaps at some point I will update this piece and publish some additional results from this survey.

There is a moral to this story. I love morals. I think morals are good for yah! Don't you? The moral is simple: it's tough to trump up a non-story and make it a story. Generally, the people just won't buy into it.

So how many Jerseys does Brett Favre have anyway?

So I was just cruising a Chinese NFL-Clone-Jersey site and I happened to notice that they have a ton of Brett Favre jerseys: More than he has ever worn during his NFL career. The only pair they don't have is his original Atlanta Falcons jersies. SSSSHHHHHHH! Hush your mouth, Dave! Don't give them any fucking ideas!

The NFL's Top 10 Gunslinger QBs

So I just got done watching the Top 10 Gunslinger QBs for the second time. What did I think?

Well... as always. I found some things disconcerting and irritating. First off, there is no proper definition of what Gunslinger is. This is one of those very loose expressions (like Riverboat Gambler) which is adjectival. It just modifies a verb. It isn't a noun, even if it looks like one. It helps describe the action of a certain play where a QB goes into a high risk situation and knocks out the play.

If I followed this documentary correctly, I would have to surmise that a Gunslinger QB is all or most of the following:

1. A guy with a strong arm
2. A guy who throws it deep
3. A guy with big passing statistics
4. A guy who may or may not have a good passer rating
5. A guy who takes massive risks.
6. An Evel Knievel daredevil quarterback.
7. A guy who makes you scream "NO! NO! NO! YES!! YES!!!"
8. A guy who may or may not have some country boy nasty habits
9. A guy with a loosing record in Championship games or didn't make it to the big one.

So in essence we are talking about a second tier kind of quarterback who is exciting to watch, but has serious blemishes and negatives also. We are talking about Evel Knievel quarterbacks who risk life and limb and break their bodies and bones in dangerous stunts.

By that token, certain men like Automatic Otto Graham, Roger Staubach, Johnny Unitas, Joe Montana, Steve Young, and Peyton Manning don't show up on the list. These guys got winning records in the big one, and they have no significant weaknesses in their game. Great quarterbacks, one and all, but not gunslingers. These guys don't take risks.

In contrast, the #1 gunslinger of all time, Brett Farve, has a .500 record in the Super Bowl. He has very well documented defects in his game. Definitely a crazy gambler, and everybody knows it. I don't think Brett would even be interested in trying to deny it.

Conspicuously not mentioned are dudes like John Elway, Fran Tarkenton, Ken Stabler. You may eject Tarkenton and Stabler for weak arms and shorter passing skills. What about Elway? He gets ejected because he was way too damn good to be on the second tier list.

By that token, I am not to pleased to see certain men like Kurt Warner, Dan Fouts and Dan Marino on that list. Yes, Kurt is 1-2 in the Super Bowl. He also has the second highest pass efficiency rating of all time behind the one and only Steve Young. He is a high precision passer. Marino had no known weaknesses in his game. He threw some interceptions, and some costly ones, but he was far more deadly than costly. This was the exception not the rule. Dan Fouts was an almost godlike quarterback, who taught most of the modern guys how to throw the ball. He doesn't belong on the second tier. None of these guys do.

So in short, I think this is a fucked up list. I don't know anything about Slingin' Sammy Baugh outside of his legend, but if he is one of the top 5 players ever to play the game, and the greatest player of the early era, you just can't put him on the second tier of QBs. That's a fucked up thing to do to the guy.

Warren Moon is another borderline case. The Run 'N Shoot makes this very murky muddy water indeed. I had the feeling Moon could have run the West Coast and had insane efficiency numbers like 109.6 for his entire career. However, this is a maybe. He ran the Run 'N Shoot. As a consequence, he ran an offense that was a gambler and gunslinger offense. It was a system subject to occasion catastrophic breakdowns. Too many option routes. When the QB mispredicts the WR, or the WR misses a read: POW, BAM, SLAM! Massive interception for a defensive touchdown.

How might this list be corrected?

Take Marino, Fouts, Warner and Baugh off the list. Substitute Stabler, Tarkenton, Randal Cunningham and some other guy on the list. Tony Romo is a gunslinger. Put him on the list.

One very key point of note: I just about had a heart attack laughing when we got to number 1. The first report on this selection came from Miss America. That "Uuuuuummmmm!!!" she gave looked to me like she had just taken a bite of delicious chocolate ice cream or something. I just about lost my bladder there. A minute or two more and my buds would have had to call 911 and scream "He's not breathing!" I laughed so hard I had stomach cramps. I almost passed out. I couldn't get a breath of air in.

Miss America gave us a look of delight, appetite and satisfaction all at once. That is what my mom used to call a yum yum! look. Mom used to tell me I need to watch girls for the yum yum look. This is how I would know for sure... Girls just can't fake the yum yum look, said my mom. Most won't even think about trying to fake that look.

Incidentally, my brother calls this the chocolate eye. The eye expression girls have when they bite into really good chocolate.

Seeing a chocolate eye yum yum look on Miss America's face vis-a-vis Brett Farve was totally unexpected. She looked to me like she would like nothing better than to bite down on Brett Farve's ass and be dragged to death. If Brett wants to have a few more kids, he knows where to throw his balls.