Virgo-Pisces Alliance No.227: Plotting the perfect pasta dish

Oh how lost is my FoodNetwork!  As you know, football season has ended.  This means that there is only one thing to watch on the old HDTV, and we ain't talking about basketball.  We're talking about cooking shows.  Food season begins the second that football season ends.

Unfortunately, the Food Network has rolled over and died in the past year.  I didn't mind much last year, as I was undergoing rapid weight loss after gastric bypass.  This year, the state of the Food Network has become insufferable.

Why?  Let me enumerate the reasons why!

1. The Food Network is no longer in the teaching business.
2. The good old teachers such as Alton Brown, Tyler Florence, and Giada DiLaurentis have a minimal presence on the Food Network these days.
3. It seems that the Cooking Channel, in low-def only, has now become the haunt of all those who would like to improve our culinary knowledge and skills.  Better low-def than nothing, but the Cooking Channel really should make the leap to high-def soon.
4. The Food Network has gone over to the reality show dogs.  Am I alone here when I say that there is simply nothing worse than these stupid game-shows masquerading as reality shows?  Reality shows were bad enough, but now that they have gamed them, these shows are even worse.  Unfortunately, this absolute rubbish is the prime-time substance of the Food Network.  I am utterly  disgusted beyond words.  I cannot pour enough scorn and venom on this programming strategy.
5. Alton Brown doesn't seem to be cranking out any more episodes of Good Eats.
6. Tyler Florence is busy running a restaurant in Mill Valley California, recharging his culinary batteries, according most insider reports.  He's not doing any new episodes of Tyler's Ultimate.
7. Only Michael Symon is cranking out good teaching programming at this point, and only for the Cooking Channel.  He has never done a true teaching program in HD.

Nevertheless, it is quite clear that Michael Symon has slid right into the spot formerly occupied by Tyler Florence.  Astrologically, this is to be expected.  Tyler is a Pisces.  Michael is a Virgo.  These are 180 degree opposites, but more alike and complementary than you would ever expect at first glance.  The demographic Tyler appealed to is exactly the same demographic Michael Symon will appeal to.  You would expect their audience test scores to be very similar.

Is there anything more than that?  Well, I am certainly glad you asked me that question.  If you can, view the following episodes of Tyler's Ultimate and Symon's Suppers back to back, and tell me you don't see any resemblance in the food or meal plan.

1. Tyler's Ultimate Sunday Gravy, first aired on 2/27/2010
2. Symon's Suppers Childhood Favorites, first aired on 2/9/2012

In episode 1, Tyler is preparing a spaghetti  meal with pork shoulder, ribs and meat balls.  He braises these items in a sauce very similar to the base sauce for Bolognese.  In episode two, Michael Symon is cooking with his mother and father.  He prepares a spaghetti meal with ribs and meat balls in a base sauce very similar to Bolognese.  

Michael Symon proceeds from the statement that this is his mama's recipe, and his favorite from childhood.  You can't help but feel a conversation is taking place.  You cannot help but feel that Michael Symon is developing a dialectical culinary conversation with Tyler.  Obviously, these two gravies are vastly more similar than dis-similar.

Evidently, Mike's mom didn't use pork shoulder.  Too bad... the pork shoulder looked sensational.  I would not leave out the pork shoulder.  Also, Symon's use of Ricotta cheese in the meat balls is critical.  Tyler did not use Ricotta in his meatballs.  I would not leave out the Ricotta.  I am sure those meatballs were sensational.

Symon also braises with a cheese rind.  That is a sensational trick I learned from an Italian gent, and it works like crazy.

If that is not enough for you, then consider the following pair of episodes:

1. Tyler's Ultimate Winter Comfort Food, first aired 1/17/2007
2. Symon's Suppers Sunday Suppers, first aired 2/2/2012

In episode #1, Tyler prepares Tagliatelle Bolognese.  In episode #2, Michael prepares Tagliatelle Bolognese.  The key difference is that Tyler uses beef and pork with some panchetta.  He finishes with some Italian Parsley.  Michael Symon used some sensational Lamb shoulder and finishes with Mint.

Symon also reduces his sauce to a chunky thickness, he then loosens the reduction with pasta water.  I do this myself.  You concentrate the sauce as much as possible to a paste, then you re-hydrate with that starchy and salty pasta water.  This greatly enhances the flavor of the sauce.

You can't help but feel a conversation is taking place.  You cannot help but feel that Michael Symon is developing a dialectical culinary conversation with Tyler.  It is a fascinating conversation as well... At least from my perspective.

Personally, I would mix Pork and Lamb, use Black-forrest smoked bacon, and finish with Mint.  I would also home-brew my own fresh Tagliatelle pasta.  In fact, I just decided I am going to do this tonight.  Tonight is the night.

I am shocked Michael Symon didn't do his own fresh pasta in this particular episode.  I have seen him do this a hundred times before.  I got my vacuum-sealer stunt from him. That is when I really took my own home-pasta to the next level.  

Returning to the ultimate home gravy, for just one moment, I am going to have to do this recipe soon, but I won't do it until I have a bunch of people to help me eat it.  This stuff looks just too precious to waste.  It also is intended to be shared.  I know that just by taking one look at it.

A quick shout out to Tyler:  We need you to come back, man!  The Food Network just ain't the same without you.  We need you to do some new material, and we need Michael Symon to do his first HD teaching show.  Both shows needs to go into a prime-time slot, back to back.

I promise you, oh managers of the Food Network, that you will dominate that time slot if you will put this deal together.  Trust me.

My brother cutting Brussels Sprouts

So my brother just shared this epic video with me a few hours ago. I thought I would throw it up here on the blog.

I sharpened his Tyler Florence knives to the shaving point during Thanksgiving. This is purportedly the first time he attempted to prep anything with his Santoku after Thanksgiving. Tis a very small demonstration of my sharpening skills

He's looking a lot like Che Guevara these days.

Did the Food Network cancel my main man Tyler?

Over the last month or two, my favorite Chef Tyler Florence has become extremely scarce on the Food Network. You can no longer find him in his customary 8:00 AM slot week days, nor can you really find him anywhere else. This is very disturbing.

Of course, Tyler may just be on hiatus at the moment, recharging his batteries. Rumor has it that he has been opening a new restaurant in Mill Valley California, one of my several former addresses, and things have not been going well with the staff. These things may be pre-occupying him. We hear further rumors that he will be appearing as a judge on new season of "The Next Iron Chef".

On the other hand, there are rumors that his last mini-series (The Great Food Truck Race) belly-whop-flopped in the ratings, and the Food Network handed him the responsibility for the loss. I will admit that I thought it was a whacky way to introduce us to an interesting development in the food industry these days. The introduction to the Food Truck movement was actually a lot more interesting than the rest of the series.

Incidentally, I should mention that the Kogi truck was parked right out in front of a new Condominum complex in my neighborhood this morning and afternoon. I have been mulling over the options of buying into this over-priced joint for several months now. The appearance of the Kogi truck at this location was like an appearance of the albatross at sea. It was a sighting of the bird of good fortune.

I was quite pissed-off that it just too damn early after surgery for me to try out their unique Korean/Mexican fusion cuisine. Oh well... Some other time.

For those who don't know about the Kogi truck, it is probably the most celebrated food truck in all of Southern California. This team has been the subject of numerous pieces by NPR, PRI, the Food Network, and the Cooking Channel.

Roy Choi, the owner and executive chef, is absolutely hysterically funny in most interviews. I will never forget the time he described himself as a "Culinary gangsta; a straight-up street thug slangin' tacos out of the back of a truck in the hood!"

No shit, eh? But I digress...

Let's hope Tyler hasn't broken his dick introducing us to an assortment of culinary gangstas slangin' food out of the back of a truck. Let's hope Tyler gets back on the tube quickly with a new show and a new format.

How I became a fan of Tyler Florence.

So, it turns out that Tyler won the Home Run Derby in 2008 as well as 2009. I caught an older episode of Tyler's Ultimate from 2008 in which he made Moroccan Brick chicken, with Flatbread, Couscous and a yogurt dressing. Once again, Tyler blew my brains out. I have scheduled project Marrakesh for this weekend.

http://www.foodnetwork.com/tylers-ultimate/ultimate-brick-chicken/index.html

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/brick-chicken-with-apricot-couscous-recipe/index.html

Brick Chicken! Now if that isn't a backyard grill masterpiece for Football fans I don't know what is. I was getting a bit tired of the beer can, so now here comes the brick! Perfect fit! Right on time. In all seriousness, this was one hell of a lineup, and smoldering with appeal. Tyler suggested preparing this for somebody you really want to impress and it will make you look like a Superhero. I have no doubt this is the case. When he did the taste test, he claimed it was way off the chart. I have no doubt this is the case, and it might be an understatement.

Of course a few mods are in order. Since I am already well versed in how to make pizza dough (thank Alton) there is no need to go to the pizza joint around the corner. They suck anyway. Two days rising in the frige should give that #00 15.5% gluten Durham wheat some serious flavor. I think I will load the dough with some Caraway to give it a bit of a rye tang. I happen to have some saffron loaded couscous I would like to use. This is that magic moment.

This once again reaffirms why I became one of Tyler's biggest fans. This dude brings in the meal plans like no other. Remember, you are dealing with most observant and critical dude in the Zodiac. I don't impress easy. When I say this guy is the most impressive chef on the Food Network, you should take note.

So did I ever mention how I became a big fan? More than a year ago, a lovely Capricorn female here in the office challenged me to go green. This meant joining a plant growing contest here in the office. Naturally, I could refuse her nothing, as I have this ineluctable thing for Capricorn women. This offered me an opportunity to show off my research & engineering skills. I intended to win the contest.

In short, I went out and got a 7 pod Aerogarden Classic hydroponic garden with the international herbs kit. It is still sitting here right next to me at work, although it is now growing Bhut Jolokia pepper seedlings. The Herbs die after about 6 or 7 months. This was a year ago, remember? The original herb kit is a pretty splendid thing. Guess what it contains?

1. Thyme
2. Chives
3. Italian Basil
4. Purple Basil
5. Dill
6. Mint
7. Parsley

If it had rosemary instead of purple basil it would be the perfect thing for Tyler. I have never seen him or anyone take advantage of the power of purple basil. Believe me, purple kills everything else.

Anyhow, about 3 months into the project, I started looking around for ways to take advantage of these herbs. Tyler Florence is the guy who most consistently employs fresh, rather than dry, herbs. He constantly admonishes his audience to avoid dry herbs. He exhorts us to use fresh herbs just about every day. I quickly zeroed in on Tyler as the best coach for the job I had in mind. I was right.

In case you don't know, Tyler is 100% correct about fresh non-dried herbs. Further, if you have never clipped an herb, crushed it and thrown it in the pot within moments, you are missing out on the finest flavors in life. I remember the first chicken & pesto pasta I made with these Aerogarden herbs. It was fucking flavor explosion, and I am not joking. You never smelled aromas like that, or tasted flavors that strong.

This is why I frequently salivate when I see Jamie Oliver walking around in the woods cutting herbs. I know he is about to drop a flavor H-bomb on some unsuspecting soul. The refrigerated herbs from Whole Foods are okay, and you get some of the effect, but they are not like fresh cut herbs. The dried stuff pretty well sucks, even if you sweat them in olive oil, which is the best thing you can do with dry herbs.

Right now it is the summer of my discontent. All my gardens have died. Incidentally, I now have 5 of them. I have no fresh herbs at the moment. I really can't replant at this time. I go in for gastric bypass in a month or so. If I plant now, the new gardens will not be mature before surgery. They will mature by Christmas. Christmas should be my peak period of weight loss, and well before I can eat a good Chicken Pesto Pasta. Therefore, now is not the time to plant. After surgery, I can replant. 90 days later, they will reach first clipping. That should be around the time when I can begin to cook somewhat normally again.

I just have to sweat out the next month with crappy dry herbs and sub-par fresh herbs. Not fun. My cooking is taking a hard hit from this situation. I was knockin'em dead with those fresh hydroponic herbs. Now I am dropping down in power to a more run-of-the-mill chef. I don't like that.

Replanting the gardens will give me something to do in the aftermath of the surgery. When they blossom again, the winter of my discontent will be turned to glorious spring time by these little sons of bitches.

My Favorite Chefs

One of the leading theories in pedagogy states that it doesn't mater so much the subject you are teaching so much as what and who your are being when you teach. The role model you present is more important than whatever trivia you are covering today.

A great science teacher presents a role model of how a scientific mind approaches a mysterious problem, devises a working hypothesis, and designs experiments to refute this hypothesis. In this way, you teach a kid how to do science, you don't tell him a story about science. A really crappy college political-firebrand presents a role model of how a really crappy college political-firebrand approaches a "problem", i.e. by screaming about it like a fool. In this way, you teach a kid how to scream like a fool. You don't tell him a story about screaming like a fool.

You teach the kid how to fish, you don't tell him a story about fishing trips.

So it is in cooking. It doesn't matter if one of the following five chefs is cooking some really nasty seafood with testicles, tentacles, claws, antennae, snails, clam shells and compound eyes floating around in the sewage. Although this is a dish I would never prepare myself, I can still watch anyway, because these 5 present a roll model showing how a great chef efficiently organizes the process of preparing complex dishes. Organization and fundamental technique in cooking is like blocking and tackling in football. Everything logically reduces to these two fundamentals.

Jacques Pépin

I love watching this guy work. He focuses a lot of fundamental techniques at the same time that he prepares some pretty sophisticated stuff.

He will go out of his way to show you how to properly crack an egg (on a flat surface). He role-models simple ideals, like selecting a knife just slightly bigger than the item you are trying to cut, or using a board just slightly longer in hypotenuse than your knife's length.

He is calm cool and collected as he cooks. He never panics. He loves what he is doing. He's not worried about getting it wrong. He is not bothered by the slight wobble in any given preparation of any given dish. Of course, this means you shouldn't worry about it either.

I also like the fact that he isn't afraid to use microwaves, and that he is a fan of French enameled cast iron. So am I.

He is also a dead-ringer for my Uncle Patrico. I mean these two guys look like virtual clones of one another. I'll bet my Uncle could easily sneak into a major cooking event in New York wearing a name tag that said "Jacques Pépin". A lot of people would buy that fake and never even suspect they were tricked. Of course, the Ecuadorian accident vs. French accident would give him away.

Tyler Florence

This is probably my favorite chef. Nobody on the Food Network does a better menu than this guy. I love the older shows where he travels around the globe (mostly to European destinations) to track down the most traditional and authentic recipes, and then do a slight American refry. His original Paella episode in Season 1 was utterly priceless. So was the omelet episode.

The new format for the show is encyclopedia of recipes I am going to put together one day. That Julia and Julia movie is going to be replayed as Tyler and Dave. Sooner or later, I am going to try every recipe in Tyler's book.

Tyler is a traditionalist. I like the fact that he doesn't go too far off the reservation. When he riffs on theme, he usually tries to do so culturally traditional ways. When I have prepared dishes for ethnic guests, I have done so from Tyler's vault, and the guests have usually been stunned that "I got it right". They wanted to know how I learned how to do Swedish Meatballs, or Indian food. Guess where I learned it?

Alton Brown

The arch scientist. The great teacher of organic chemistry principles. The guy who tells you "Why" and not so much "How". Some deride Alton as a geek. If so, I am a geek also. This is my kind of geek scientist.

I am a "Why" guy. How is interesting, but why is better and more important. If you know why, how can always be strategically improved. You also know when people are making mistakes in food prep. How so? Because you know why.

Alton's treatment of the Maillard Reaction was a major moment of revelation for me. The Maillard Reaction is ultra-important, but that was just the key, that wasn't the revelation. Nope, the revelation was that all cooking boils down to a series of chemical reactions. That was when I got my first good look at the whole iceberg. If I ever write a cookbook, it is going to be titled A Series of Chemical Reactions.

Understanding what chemical reaction you are going for, and how it can be screwed up, is utterly crucial to getting your results. For instance, I just put $1,200 in grilling equipment on my balcony this past Sunday. I did so for one specific reason: I realized I was not obtaining sufficient heat from my stove to produce a good and decent Maillard Reaction. I just dumped my aluminum cookware because I realized that just about all caramelization and seasoning processes work best on naked iron.

You won't learn why any of this is true unless you attend chemistry class with Alton. I can't agree with him about Shun knives and Kosher salt, but that doesn't matter.

If you haven't heard Alton's detailed breakdown of how Yeast works, you are just missing out on the finest things in life.

Sunny Anderson

Sunny has contributed two crucial favorites to my food menu: (1) Shepherd's pie and (2) Mac-N-Cheese.

I hate to say this, but Sunny's soul-food Mac-N-Cheese, beats up Tyler's French Mournay sauce approach royally. Frankly, it's not even close. I have to thank Tyler for the Panko bread crumbs, and the bacon garnish, but Sunny's approach is the more flavorful. Everybody seems to take the Mournay approach used by Thomas Jefferson. I think that is a mistake. Try Sunny's approach. It's better.

Sunny does Mac-N-Cheese by preparing a cold sauce with the following dry ingredients: flour, paprika, black peeper, cayenne pepper, mustard powder, sugar, salt. It also has the following wet ingredients: sour cream, heavy-whipping cream, half-n-half. She uses the following cheeses: Sharp cheddar, and Habanero Pepper Jack. She cuts the cheese into cubes rather than shredding it.

Just a few tips about Sunny's approach:

1. Put some Thyme, Garlic and Savory in that cold sauce.
2. The Mac-N-Cheese should be cooked in an Emile Henry Flame-Top roasting pan. Spread it out thin. Don't go tall. More surface area means more caramelized brown cheese crust at the top, and more Socorrat at the bottom. Both the crust at the top and at the bottom are crucial to flavor.
3. 350F is not sufficient to trigger the Maillard reaction. Increase the temperature to 400F-425F. Reduce cooking time to 30-35 minutes. Finish in the broiler for 5-10 minutes.
4. Cover the top with Panko bread crumbs. Garnish with well-browned bacon or panchetta, which ever you prefer.
5. You might stuff ripped chunks of day-old bread into the top of the Mac-N-Cheese.

Sunny's Shepherd Pie is totally non-English. It is a soul-food respin on the process, but this is another dramatic improvement, much like her Mac-N-Cheese. She goes off the reservation by adding double-thick tomato paste to the hamburger, adding in onions, garlic, savory herbs to the meat. She develops a lot of flavor there. Instead of simple peas and carrots, which are good, she makes an elaborate vegetable layer including things like egg plant, squash, peppers, carrots, etc.

I made this for the first time about a day or two before my brother showed up unexpectedly for a weekend visit. I had a large glass Pyrex roaster full of the stuff. I had eaten one small corner of the dish the night before. My brother utterly annihilated that Pyrex. It was all gone by Sunday. I hardly had any of it. Ben turned down meals at the Goucho Grill and Mazzarino's Italian Kitchen for more Shepherd's pie. He went wacko over it.

I have to say, I like it too. I make both of these on a regular basis now.

Jamie Oliver

Nobody loves cooking more than Jamie Oliver. If you want to see a guy who loves what he does more than anybody else, watch this guy. You are watching an artist in love with the thing he is painting. Jamie is rejoicing while he is cooking. He's having a good time, and it shows. I think he would rather be cooking than doing just about anything else in the world.

It is fun watching a guy have fun. It is fun watching a guy do his favorite thing in the world. Jacques Pépin signs off by saying "Happy cooking!" to his audience. Jamie is that happy cooking guy. Jamie's roll model is an important one. He shows that cooking is a form of creative recreation and relaxation. You have a good time. You don't approach it with stress. It's like a video game: You are highly concentrated, but you are relaxing and having a good time.

The first time I ever saw Jamie Oliver, I was looking for a video manual on how to make Tagliatelle Bolognese. I had lost my episode of Tyler's Ultimate (it is time to replay that one guys) and I was jonesing for a refresher course. I decided to look at YouTube. Jamie's video came up first.

You may laugh, but I honestly thought I was watching a SNL sketch in which Nigel Tufnel, fictional leader of Spinal Tap, was doing a mock cooking show. Jamie does look like Nigel from Spinal Tap. Then I realized this was no joke. The dude in question had serious skill. He knew what he was doing. In just a bit more than 6 minutes, he gave up the entire approach to making fresh-cut, home-made Tagliatelle.

That was quite a revelation. I had no idea what made Tagliatelle distinct as a type of pasta. I knew after I watched the video. It denotes a hand-made egg pasta which is floured, folded, and cut by hand with a knife. This is not extruded or machine cut stuff. You make little tangly nests of pasta noodles with your hands.

Tyler did the show on the Ultimate Tagliatelle Bolognese, HOWEVER, there remains one key way in which you can improve the recipe. You don't buy the Tagliatelle. You make it yourself, fresh.

Incidentally, I just did that last night. I decided to baptize my grill by doing a grilled Tagliatelle Bolognese last night. The results were pretty sensational. I cut the Tagliatelle myself, just like Jamie did.

The plot to grill...

Boy, Meats, Grill... That is the way it should be been spelled. Why didn't Bobby Flay see the obvious extra-double?

I have a confession to make: Never been much into grilling or barbecue in my life. I have no objection to eating plenty of the stuff, I just haven't cooked much of it. Yes, I know that makes me a wanton communist. You can't be much of an football fan if you don't grill. If I have an excuse, it is merely that apartment life has its limitations.

Recently, I have decided to get around those limitations. I can't precisely put my finger on the moment. Maybe it was when I learned that Paella is a grilled dish. Maybe it was when I failed to achieve the perfect Millard reaction when attempting Tyler's ultimate cowboy steak. Maybe it was when I learned that my cheap-ass, apartment provided stove had a maximum BTU rating of 8,000 per burner. In case you didn't know, 8,000 BTU sucks. Maybe it was when I learned that Viking burners can hit 16,000 BTU easy. That is exactly twice the heat of my top burner. Maybe it was when I learned that Lazyman Grills can deliver a walloping 60,000 BTU per burner, for around $400. Yep, that's right, per burner. Be careful with that, sounds terrifying and intriguing. Maybe it is the good spirited full I see Bobby Flay engaging in all the time on Grill it! and Boy Meets Grill.

So I have developed a list of good reasons for purchasing a quality grill.

1. My stove is deficient.
2. I am apartment dweller, and cannot replace my 'management provided' stove
3. I have a balcony which has gone unused for three years. I've never been interested in it. It is much larger than I ever realized. I can put a grill there.
4. A good grill is better than a good stove. No bullshit. They cost less and crank out much more heat.
5. Propane trumps Methane. Methane is the natural gas your gas company pumps into your house. All chemists will tell you that Propane is better fuel and more earth-friendly also. Propane = 2,488 BTUs per cubic foot, methane = 1000 BTU per cubic foot
6. If I move my cooking operation outside, I will not heat-up my apartment. The dog-days of summer are coming. I do not want heat up my apartment or pay $200 per month in electrical bills per month, as I did last year.
7. You are supposed to grill Paella
8. You are supposed to grill cowboy steaks

Being a fan of induction, I was originally planning to take a Fagor portable induction unit outside. That plot died for two reasons. First, the portable Fagor units don't have much push to them. The BTUs are low. Only your best-quality indoor induction cooktops can compete with a good gas-grill in terms of BTUs. Also be warned that it is difficult obtaining BTU ratings from Induction vendors. They want to quote watts, which is basically meaningless. One guy's Induction range is more or less efficient than the other, so watts don't translate hard-and-fast into BTUs.

Second, there are no electrical outlets on my balcony. Yep, I know, that's pretty wretched. I would have to run some sort of an extension cord out of the apartment to the balcony, or get the company to make a mod for me. I do not want to do take either approach. It isn't worth it. A good propane grill will out-perform the Fagor induction system, and they generally requires no AC outlet. Electrical starters are usually done with a few AA batteries. Just a little spark will do it.

I reached a series of intriguing initial conclusions:

(1) I can get a grill which is better than a stove

(2) I can get it for less than a stove

(3) I can put it on the balcony and do something with that space finally.

So now the next question that logically follows is: Which grill do I buy? This is a super question. This is the question posted on a billion blogs and reviews all over the frickin' web. I will take my swing at this question next time. You can expect me to follow a logical path to an optimal solution also.

Titanium Cutlery...?

So, after he delivered the magnum opus on the Cowboy Ribeye steak, I got interesting discovering just what cutlery Tyler Florence was using in his kitchen. Interestingly enough, the answer is: His own brand of Titanium blades... sort of.

Understand, he just introduced these items at the end of 2009. The overwhelming majority of his TV shows were recorded prior to this point. Ergo, you will see him cutting with a German Chef's knife almost all the time. Looks like a ducedly fine blade also.

Second, these blades aren't exactly titanium. They are titanium clad high-carbon steel. Most of the sharpness freaks believe high-carbon steel destroys everything in terms of sharpness. Well... I've got news for you. You need to have a look at Cubic Zirconia. Ceramic is a lot sharper than high carbon.

Evidently, the big problem with high-carbon is that it rusts, stains, reacts with food, leaves a little of itself in your food, etc. Evidently, cutlery theorists believe they can contain reactivity, staining, rusting, etc. by simply encasing or cladding, a cast high-carbon steel blade in Titanium. Titanium is not as impervious to the elements as Cubic Zirconia, but it is dramatically better than any other metal known to mankind.

I thought I saw Tyler wielding a ceramic black blade like mine recently, but such was not the case. It was one of his own Titanium blades.

In any case, he got me to buy in. I've been looking around for a high-carbon blade with Kullens on it to do some cheese & panchetta chopping. He's got it, and more. Further, the price is cheap. It's basically $40 per blade. At that price, I can't afford not to try it. Who knows, maybe they are fantastic.

Doesn't sound cheap to you? It is, trust me on this one. Ronco and Ginsu won't get it done... for long. I had those Ronco knives. I cut myself many times because it took a lot of thrashing force to get it done. All it takes is one slippery thrash and you are bleeding.

This is why I like Kyocera. Everything cuts immediately. Very little effort is required. Using good blades, your more like surgeon with a scalpel than a butcher with a cleaver. Shun has given me some good results. It will be interesting to pit Tyler's Titanium v. Alton's Shun.

Are you ready for a throw down?

I already know that these metal blades can't compare (in terms of sharpness) with Cubic Zironia. You need to conduct a serious study of edge width before commenting on this subject. Edge science is pretty straightforward. Edge width defines sharpness. A steep angle (15 or 16 degrees) helps, but it is the thinness at the razor's edge that defines how sharp it is. It is pretty easy to measure this exactly these day. You just point a circular red laser straight at the edge, and the width of the split at first refraction is your edge width.

Laser refraction measurements scientifically end the question of who is sharpest, but not who is best. You can still argue you want stainless steel for this reason, or Damascus for that, or high carbon steel for the next reason.

In any case, Tyler has convinced me to give his knives a shot at the title. Hopefully I will love them. I don't plan to open any tomato cans with them, as Bobby Flay does with his Shuns.

Tyler Florence won the home run derby

Wow... I just finished watch Tyler's ultimate cowboy-style ribeye steak episode! Oh my GAWD! Was it that good? In Texas they would reply with a SHE-YIT! That's like saying "foeget about it!" in Brooklyn.

Believe me, you have to see this to believe it. The steaks, the onion potato tart, the creamy swich chard, the garlic & herb breadcrumb garnish; it was strictly a masterpiece. My shirt was wet I was salivating to much. I have to try this who meal plan. It's just amazing. If you really want to blow somebody's brains out, invite said individual over for this meal.

Regrettably, a lot of women here on the West Coast resent the idea of a Cowboy steak. The sushi. I hate sushi. Its a girlee thing. They think it is femme to dress up and go eat sushi. Ergo, you would have to find a special candidate to wow her with this one.

The one and only quibble I will toss in there is that I like my steak medium well, not medium rare. As we all know, this is ultra-subjective, and just a question of cook time.

I especially like the fact that he used the cast iron pan and the mandolin slicer in this episode. Cast iron has become an obsession with me. I would have liked to see him pull out the one with the grill on it, but it would not have developed that good crust he spoke of.

The mandolin is one of the least-utilized pieces of equipment in the arsenal, and that's a shame, because it is really great at making perfectly uniform slices. In truth, highend food processors have stolen it's thunder. If you get a big wide-mouth unit, you can get the same effect even faster.

This one is not going to require much tinkering. You don't mess with perfection. This is pretty damn close to the perfect meal plan.

Kyocera advanced ceramic blades

About a year or two ago, I saw an amazing episode of "How it's Made" regarding the world's greatest knives. They elected Kyocera advanced ceramic blades, and showed us just how they are made.

I was more than stunned. I had no idea that there was any such thing as a ceramic knife. I had no idea Kyocera made knives. I knew them only as the manufacturer of my then-present cell phone. I was amazed that these blades (that looked like white plastic disposable knives) were actually the sharpest things on earth this side of a laser beam. I could not believe steel had been surpassed by another material. It was all stunning.

Kyocera blades are made from cubic zirconia. You may know this substance as fake diamond; the stuff they make fake jewelery out of. Don't let that turn you off. Whilst cubic ziroconia may not fit your cultural prejudices regarding high-quality jewelery, it is an absolutely superb industrial material. Specifically you can make pretty outrageous knives out this stuff.

Cubic zirconia, when refined in a proper manufacturing process, is the second hardest material known to mankind. It is second only to real diamond. You can only sharpen these blades with real diamond. They will cut through steel sharpeners.

You can put an absurdly fine edge on these blades. They are more than a match for surgical scalpels. They are almost a match for the (extremely fragile) cracked obsidian blades ancient man used to use during the stone age. Those remain the sharpest edged tools man has ever used, but they last 10 minutes and they are gone. Kyocera edges last a very, very long time. I have been putting mine into a dish washer for almost 2 years now, and they still cut like straight razors.

There are more things to love about these ceramic blades. They are utterly non-reactive. They never absorb or carry the flavors of the items you cut. A simple wash and wipe and the substance is utterly gone. The pores are just too microscopic for infiltration. Unlike steel blades, no shards or particles will get in your food. Acid and base does nothing to cubic zirconia, unlike steel. This means you get the flavor of your food, and nothing more.

I don't know what it was about that short documentary, but it was pretty overwhelming. I was not that into gourmet cooking at the time. However, I was convinced beyond conviction that these were the greatest knives yet made by man. I had to own some. I grit my teeth, gulped hard, and spent a few hundred dollars on amazon.com.

It didn't take long for me to realize I made the right choice. The blades were pure murder; ungodly sharp right out of the box. The interesting thing is that I have never cut myself with one of these knives. I used to (accidentally) cut myself every now and again with steel blades. I think that is because of the force and effort it took to cut with steel Ronco blades. It takes little effort to slice anything with a Kyocera. I never struggle with anything, ergo there are no thrashing efforts. Everything is now an easy stroke.

With all this in the rear view mirror, I have been stunned that I have never seen any chef on the Food Network work with or advocate ceramic blades. They like big heavy steel blades. Alton Brown strongly endorses Shun, which is an amazing Damascus steel blade made in Japan. Tyler Florence seems to do it all with a single 7 inch Chef's knife from God knows who.

Lately I have been learning why this is so. Kyocera Ceramic blades are unbelievably light. I like this. I am used to it. Master Chef's don't like that. They are trained from day #1 of school to use a fast rocking motion in their prep. This technique is entirely predicated on using the weight of your blade to execute that cut. They like heavy blades. Within reason, they heavier the better.

Heavy blades make it easy to cut things like carrots. I stick carrots in the food processor, or I use a Kyocera mandolin slicer. It is a question of approach. There are different approaches.

Just to see how the other half lives, and to try the amazing Damascus steel Shun makes, I bought Alton Brown's signature weapon. It is a damn nice knife. I can rock with it like crazy. With that said it is not as sharp as my Kyoceras.

Just two days ago, when I was slicing up some pancetta for Bolognese sauce, the Shun got pretty tiresome. As the pancetta warmed, it became harder and harder to cut with the Shun. I could have done it, but I got frustrated. I reached for my Kyocera meat cleaver. The job got done quick. Believe me, that 1/2 pound of pancetta was diced inside 1 minutes.

I think I will get another Shun or two. I want the Ken Onion 7 inch Santuko, and I know where I can get it at a steep discount. I may get the Chef's knife also. That would be the ideal rocker.

To you guys at the Food Network: Give Kyocera a shot. It has been scientifically proven that these are the hardest and sharpest blades.

I bought mine in black.

Enameled Cast Iron?

Lately, I have been looking into upgrading my cookware. I do a lot of cooking for myself. Pretty soon, I will have to cook all the time. When I have that Gastric Bypass surgery, there will be no more adventures out for eats for yours truly.

The educational courses I have already had warn us to forget about eating out for about a year or so after the surgery. There is no way it will ever work out. You will either have to carry out 80% your food, or you will throw up. In either case, you will be malnourished. You have to watch your micro-nutrients very closely when you have this surgery.

We have been warned they everyone throws up at least once. Sooner or later, your co-workers lure you out to McDonalds for a Happy Meal. Surely you can eat something as small as a child's happy meal, right? Nope. The grease will make you sick immediately. Remember, they bypass the upper intestine where that grease is processed. You will throw up violently, and then the mere smell of McDonald's hamburgers and fries will make you sick.

No more ventures out for food. Consider cooking for the rest of your life. It will workout better for you that way.

Well... if I am going to cook every damn meal, I intend to get the most out of it. I am going to do the gourmet thing. I am watching the Food Network now more than ever. I am mastering at least one new dish per week. This week I am cheating. I'm learning Alton Brown's apple pie.

Next week Paella. The week after that, engagement chicken.

This brings us back to the topic at hand: Enameled Cast Iron. Just what the hell is it? I am sure you all have seen old-fashioned black cast iron pots and pans. These are the ones traditional american settlers used to cook on the Prairie.

Enameled Cast Iron contains the same core black iron pot or pan. The difference is that they coat it with a robust layer of porcelain enamel. We're not talking about just any old enamel either. We're talking about the good stuff; the same material they make Glock handguns out of. The same material dentists use to make the most robust surgically implanted artificial teeth.

Why would anybody coat iron in enamel? First of all, you get the toughest non-stick surface you've ever seen. It's much more robust than Teflon, which is a cheap substitute. Second it is way more non-stick than Teflon. Teflon is easier to clean than Steel or Iron, but it still isn't easy to clean. Enameled Cast Iron usually wipes clean with a plain cloth. I'm not joking. I tried it. It's stupid easy to clean these things. If you hate washing the pots and pans, try this. It will take the surgeons 3 hours to get the smile off your face.

Just think of how easy it is to clean your toilet brilliant white. With a simple spray and a quick wipe, it's clean. Just think of what it is subjected too. This is what porcelain is capable of doing for you. Toilet porcelain is not good quality stuff either. This is cheap porcelain.

Second of all, enameled cast iron works with induction. I am going to have to write a piece about induction cooking soon. Suffice it to say that electrical coils and gas ovens are obsolete. You know that Viking Oven everybody used to want? Forget it. Totally outdated and outmoded.

Induction is a trip. You put you pot or pan on top of an electromagnet cranking waves at up to 1,800 watts. The electromagnet never gets hot. The pot or pan does. The pot or pan is the heating element. The entire pot or the whole pan becomes the heating element. It doesn't have one hotspot. Chefs who try it praise the amazing evenness of the cooking they get out of induction. They usually switch.

Now the problem with using electromagnets to heat metal is that you must use a metal that responds to magnetism. You have two options: Iron and Steel. No bloody Aluminum. No bloody copper. No bloody glass. This is a shame, to a certain degree, because copper has marvelous qualities to recommend it.

Enameled cast iron is iron. It works fine with induction. You'll love it.

There are some other reason to go with enameled cast iron: acid and base. Lime and Lemon are two very important ingredients in a lot of recipes. Oranges and tomatoes are also. All of these pack a corrosive whallop. They will degrade Teflon and Iron. Tobasco and hot sauces will rip these materials to shreds. Stainless steel is mostly immune if it is good quality stuff. Enameled cast iron survives just fine thanks.

For a guy like Tyler Florence, Bobby Flay, or Alton Brown the choice is simple: 18-10 Culinary Stainless Steel. They claim they don't like anything else, although everyone of these guys has at least one enameled cast iron Dutch oven. Every time they have to braise something, the enameled cast iron comes out from under the counter.

Some of the cooks on the Food Network have been making the switch to enameled cast iron lately. Giada DeLaurentis has been using this gear for her latest shows. She has good reason too. This is is really good gear.

So why the hang-up on stainless steel? There are some reasons, good and bad:

1. Stainless can take pretty extreme heat. This is presuming your recipe requires extreme heat, which is almost never. This also presumes your grill can produce extreme heat, which is almost never.
2. Alton Brown claims that you cannot make a pan sauce on a non-stick surface. He's mostly talking about Teflon. He's partially talking about Porcelain. You need sticky steel to produce all that good nasty brown stuff that makes a good pan sauce. I will admit: I like a nice pan-sauce, but I am not at all certain it is impossible to do with a porcelain surface.
3. Stainless is the traditional weapon of choice. A deep bias in favor of Stainless steel is bred into professional cooks who go to cooking schools. They demonstrate this bias every day on the cooking shows. The bias is passed on.
4. Steel heats faster than iron. Enameled cast iron takes longer to heat than regular iron. This is mostly a thing of the past. If you intend to use induction, this is not much of an issue. Enameled cast iron heats up very fast under induction.

Personally, I have gotten to the point where I have been convinced that enameled cast iron is the way to go. If you are going to get an induction cooktop, or if you have one already: Consider enameled cast iron.

So how did I discover enameled cast iron? Two pathways of research simultaneously converged on enameled cast iron. First, I was looking hard at induction cooktops. Second, I discovered this French brand of enameled cast iron cookware called Le Creuset at Whole Foods.

Le Creuset pots and pans sell for outrageous prices. The tags say $200 and $300 per piece for each one of these things. I wondered just why the hell rich people would be stupid enough to spend that kind of money for colorful cookware. Well, it turns out there are a few reasons. They claim these enameled cast iron pieces are so durable they will last for generations. Your grandkids can use them. Second, they work with induction. Third, they wipe clean with a paper towel. No need for the washing machine.

It turns out there are several more vendors of enameled cast iron out there in the world. There is a little Tennessee company called Lodge that has been in business for over 100 years that does this cookware also. They do it for a fraction of the cost of Le Creuset. They make good stuff also.

So I am going to buy a bunch of Lodge enameled cast iron and help Tennessee to recover from the flood.

My blender cup is made out of Lexan. Is yours?

So, as I am preparing mysefl for duodenum Y gastric bypass, I decided to invest in a top quality blender. I purchased the Blendtec Total Blender with the 96 ounce cup. I chose this make and model primarily because the 96 ounce cup comes equiped with a 4 inch blade (if you want to call it that) which features some pretty radical geometry. Other blenders don't even come close to these specs.

When you have bypass surgery, you will eat out of blender for 60-90 days before you can take solid foods. you blender will become a de facto component of you digestive tract, so you had better chose your gear extremely carefully.

I was willing to spend money to guarantee superior results. I spent nearly $400 on this device, a fact which most would consider preposterous. I am more than happy with this purchase. This device has completely exceeded my expectations, and with $400 on the table, I had some pretty stellar expectations.

Whilst I still have a stomach, I have been perfecting my tagliatelle bolognese. Tyler Florence claims the key to the bolognese sauce is the texture. It should be ultra-smooth, like baby food. Believe me, you never had it smoother than I do it. The Blendtec utterly devestates the raw hard vegetables (not to mention bacon) and turns it into a puree you just wouldn't believe. It takes just 50 seconds. From hard carrots, garlic, celery, onion, olive oil, mushroom bacon, herbs, parsley, bell pepper, tomatoes, tomato paste, wine, and milk down to puree bolognese in just 50 seconds of blending.

I feel sorry for any chef who does it any other way. I got you whupped in terms of speed and efficiency. This thing is the Brandon Marshall of blenders. It's a game-changer.

You should check out some the (very) funny videos on a website called "Will it Blend?" The videos busted me up sever times. They are amazing and even sometimes sickening. That's my blender, or a version of it, at work. I love the look on the old guys face as he destroys air guns, iPads, hockey pucks, electromagnets, golf clubs, etc.

I love tools that are massively over-engineered, and make short work of a task. I don't like laboring. I don't like wondering if my tool can get the job done. I want it to be more than capable. This is the case with programing systems, computers, and kitchen gear. I don't like fucking around with rubblish.

Believe me, when it comes to over-engineered, you've never seen anything like this before. This blender has a 3 horsepower, 1560 watt engine. To put that in perspective, very powerful garbage disposal units frequently have 0.75 horsepower engines. Yep, my blender is 4 times more powerful than a very strong disposal.

The most powerful food processors by Cuisinart and KitchenAid only boast a 1,000 watt engine. Many are only 700 watt. My blender is between 156-223% more powerful than these food processors.

Isn't that overkill? Yep, and I love it.

My blender cup is made out Lexan. What is Lexan? Lexan is a hyper-tough plastic they use to make aircraft windows & canopies, space helmets for astronauts, and bullet-proof windows for limos. If you watch those videos, you will see my blender destroying iPods, magnets, golf balls, hocky pucks, steel golf clubs, etc. The cup is hardly damaged at all by the process. The reason is simple: It is made out of Lexan.

The blade is patented, made out of some secret composite steel, and doesn't look anything like any blender blade you've ever seen. It's pretty radical. The speed exceeds 300 miles per hour at top speed at the tips. The blade is 4 inches long. Most blenders boast a paltry 0.67 inch blade. Yep, that's amazing.

The best thing about it is that it is the sensor microwave of blenders. It senses resistance to blend process. When resistance falls, the blender shuts itself off. It senses when it should stop.

All this will pay off handsomely when the doctors cut my guts out.