So, as I am preparing mysefl for duodenum Y gastric bypass, I decided to invest in a top quality blender. I purchased the Blendtec Total Blender with the 96 ounce cup. I chose this make and model primarily because the 96 ounce cup comes equiped with a 4 inch blade (if you want to call it that) which features some pretty radical geometry. Other blenders don't even come close to these specs.
When you have bypass surgery, you will eat out of blender for 60-90 days before you can take solid foods. you blender will become a de facto component of you digestive tract, so you had better chose your gear extremely carefully.
I was willing to spend money to guarantee superior results. I spent nearly $400 on this device, a fact which most would consider preposterous. I am more than happy with this purchase. This device has completely exceeded my expectations, and with $400 on the table, I had some pretty stellar expectations.
Whilst I still have a stomach, I have been perfecting my tagliatelle bolognese. Tyler Florence claims the key to the bolognese sauce is the texture. It should be ultra-smooth, like baby food. Believe me, you never had it smoother than I do it. The Blendtec utterly devestates the raw hard vegetables (not to mention bacon) and turns it into a puree you just wouldn't believe. It takes just 50 seconds. From hard carrots, garlic, celery, onion, olive oil, mushroom bacon, herbs, parsley, bell pepper, tomatoes, tomato paste, wine, and milk down to puree bolognese in just 50 seconds of blending.
I feel sorry for any chef who does it any other way. I got you whupped in terms of speed and efficiency. This thing is the Brandon Marshall of blenders. It's a game-changer.
You should check out some the (very) funny videos on a website called "Will it Blend?" The videos busted me up sever times. They are amazing and even sometimes sickening. That's my blender, or a version of it, at work. I love the look on the old guys face as he destroys air guns, iPads, hockey pucks, electromagnets, golf clubs, etc.
I love tools that are massively over-engineered, and make short work of a task. I don't like laboring. I don't like wondering if my tool can get the job done. I want it to be more than capable. This is the case with programing systems, computers, and kitchen gear. I don't like fucking around with rubblish.
Believe me, when it comes to over-engineered, you've never seen anything like this before. This blender has a 3 horsepower, 1560 watt engine. To put that in perspective, very powerful garbage disposal units frequently have 0.75 horsepower engines. Yep, my blender is 4 times more powerful than a very strong disposal.
The most powerful food processors by Cuisinart and KitchenAid only boast a 1,000 watt engine. Many are only 700 watt. My blender is between 156-223% more powerful than these food processors.
Isn't that overkill? Yep, and I love it.
My blender cup is made out Lexan. What is Lexan? Lexan is a hyper-tough plastic they use to make aircraft windows & canopies, space helmets for astronauts, and bullet-proof windows for limos. If you watch those videos, you will see my blender destroying iPods, magnets, golf balls, hocky pucks, steel golf clubs, etc. The cup is hardly damaged at all by the process. The reason is simple: It is made out of Lexan.
The blade is patented, made out of some secret composite steel, and doesn't look anything like any blender blade you've ever seen. It's pretty radical. The speed exceeds 300 miles per hour at top speed at the tips. The blade is 4 inches long. Most blenders boast a paltry 0.67 inch blade. Yep, that's amazing.
The best thing about it is that it is the sensor microwave of blenders. It senses resistance to blend process. When resistance falls, the blender shuts itself off. It senses when it should stop.
All this will pay off handsomely when the doctors cut my guts out.
