Saturday, June 26, 2010

Favre Watch 2010

For those of you who occasionally tune into the NFL Network during the deep-off-season, there is one truth that simply cannot be denied. They are always conducting a Favre watch. So far, in the past two weeks, I am 4-5 in hitting the Favre watch when tuning into the NFL Network. I don't know why I am so unlucky. Certainly, they must be showing some other programming at some point... or maybe not.

Certainly, this is the most worthless story of the off-season. Not just this off season, but every off season. Jim Rome openly mocked the last event of the Favre watch stating succinctly that Brett held a news conference to say he hadn't yet made up his mind. That's it. Perfect summary. 'Nuff said.

Just to help the NFL Network understand that the Favre watch really isn't a good news story, I went around the Los Angeles area conducting interview-based research to see how much the people like this story. What did I find? It just might break your heart, Rich

In honor of the fact that Twilight Eclipse is the most important chick flick since 27 Dresses, I decided to start with Kristen Stewart. When asked how she likes the Favre watch she responded in the following manner:

I guess she doesn't like it.

So I asked a cute Japanese chick who was just a bit down the street what she thought of the Favre watch. She said the following

So I asked an old lady in the coffee shop, and she said the following.

As I began to tire of chicks throwing down the digitus imputicus, I decided to ask Sister Mary Teresa of the St. Ignatius church what she thought of Favre watch 2010.

After being shocked by this Nun's response, I wondered what Jesus would do. I went in the church, genuflected in front of the blessed sacrament, and said a short prayer. I didn't like what I saw.

I think it is safe to say that Jesus is not into the Favre watch at all. He was in no mood at all for this kind of question. I thought it would be best to ask God the Father for a second opinion.

After so many rejections I thought it would be good to ask a real football man about the Favre watch, so I went to Bud Adams, owner of the Titans.

That was downright disappointing. At that moment I was fortunate enough to bump into former POTUS George W. Bush, so I asked him what he thought of the Favre watch.

At this point I understood that the Favre Watch was in serious trouble. Trying to obtain a fresh perspective, I asked a little kid what he thought of the Favre Watch.

At that point I thought it was a good idea to ask Clyde, star of Clint Eastwood's Every which Way But Loose, what he thought of the Favre Watch 2010.

I conducted many more ad-hoc interviews, and snapped many more photos, but the results were the same in all cases. I could go on but why labor the point. Perhaps at some point I will update this piece and publish some additional results from this survey.

There is a moral to this story. I love morals. I think morals are good for yah! Don't you? The moral is simple: it's tough to trump up a non-story and make it a story. Generally, the people just won't buy into it.