The Wolfman rocks! See it at the best possible theater!

So yesterday I played hookie from work and went to see The Wolfman. I saw it at 2:00pm at the AMC16 theaters in Woodland Hills. In short, I loved it. I dragged a friend of mine named Colin out to see it at 7:00pm. I am glad I saw it a second time, immediately, under different circumstances. This will soften the scortched earth polemic I was going to write against the movie critics. Don't worry, those jokers are going to catch some bullets, but I was planning to nuke them.

The first time I saw the movie, it was at a state-of-the-art movie theater. I am talking about Sony 4K DLP projectors, and maximum quality THX sound. It had stadium seating with reclinable chairs. In short, it is a circa-2000 theater, and everything we would expect from a quality theater. The second time I saw the movie, it was in a circa 1971 movie theater with old-fashioned film projection and no THX sound. We had old fashioned seats. This theater provided a different and inferior experiance.

The first time around, I could see no reason at all for many of the criticisms leveled against this movie. Even now, I no evidence for most of the criticism. However, some shots stuck in the old-fashioned theater. Several critics have accused Benicio Del Toro of giving one of his most mumbling performances in recent memory. The first time around, I felt that was a straight-out lie. Every word out of his mouth was perfectly inteligible. The second time around it seemed like three different actors were all mumbling indestinctly. The first time around I though Emily Blunts performance was just fine to outstanding. The second time around she was a bit flatter. I still didn't agree with those who said she gave a lifeless and off-key performance. Rubbish!

The moral of this story is simple: This is a fully modern movie, designed from square one for the fully modern digital cinema. Do not see it in an older theater. See it in the most recently constructed, most state of the art facility you have. In my neck of the woods, this means Arclight, Muvico, or Mann Chinese. Analog does bad things to this movie. I am fairly sure that there is going to be a sensational Blu-Ray effect when it is released.

Now for the critics. Heyhehehehehehahaha... {evil laugh} You guys are loosing your street cred right now as we speak. A flat-cold disagreement between the people and the critics is taking place on Websites like Metacritic.com and imdb.com. The people love this movie. The critics do not. Ergo, the critics lose. I love it!

You guys need to get off your faggotty high horses and ditch the art-school bullshit you were taught. It has warped your minds, and your judgment. Enjoy movies as natural men and women uninfected by crappy doctrines of art. See it from our point of view. Get rid of this monumental bias that Gay romance constitutes an A film, and werewolf movies constitute C or D material.

False reports about this movie:

• The pace is poor: Bullshit! Bull fucking shit! This movie is very fast paced. It takes just 22 minutes to get to the point where Lawrence is bitten. It takes just 45 to get to his first transformation. It takes just 1 hour to get the point where he is werewolf running around London. It only takes 80 minutes to enter the climax sequence. At 98 minutes the movie is over. This is a fast-pace movie. I love the fact that it doesn't waste any time or even frames. Every 1/24 of a second counts for something. I love the efficiency.
• Benicio Del Toro Mumbles: Not in a good theater he doesn't. Sorry you saw it with piece of shit film projection there boys.
• Emily Blunt is flat as a pancake: False. Not in a good theater she isn't. Her performance is just fine.
• Anthony Hopkins only gets a little devilry: Rubbish! This is his best badguy role since Hannible Lecter. He gets a chance to really cut loose, and he is a tremendous bad guy in this movie.
• The other performances are flat: Excuse me, did you see this movie? What movie did you see on that drunken night? Hugo Weaving gave one of the best performances of his career here! That was a stand up and shout performance. He was great.
  
• It's super gory: What? What movie did you see? Have you seen Saw or Hostile? That is gore. There is some monster gore in this movie, but it is brief, and not celebrated.
• The guys in Werewolf suits look dated: They did that to keep the spirit of the original alive. Believe me, these are good suits. It is the dated approach, but if you saw the originals, you know why they did this. This critique is off-point.
• They don't understand Goth: Say wha...? This was arguably the most gothic movie ever! This is a gothic masterpiece!
• Rex Reed says that "Sometimes the monsters hunt you!" is a howler of a bad laugh: Rubbish! There is nothing funny about that line. Rex, you are getting pretty old. I think 4th stage dimentia due to advancing Azheimers disease is getting to you. Some false connection went off in your mind as the result of an organic malfunction. But then again, you always were off point.
  

In short, you can see that I totally and vehimentally disagree with critics on just about all major points. I think we have a classic monster movie here. It is at least twice as good as Francis Ford Coppola's Dracula. Maybe three times as good. If you liked that movie, you will love The Wolfman.

Ignore the critics. Go see this movie. See it in a state of the art digital cinema.