It's a wretched and disgusting Super Bowl this year

Are you excited about this Super Bowl match-up?  If so, your from Boston or New York.  That's all.  Only this and nothing more.  There is nothing here for a West Coast guy in Los Angeles to be interested in.

Couldn't be worse if you ask me.  This exactly the match up we didn't need to see.  This is the worst of all possible combo scenarios given our four contestants.  Now we have to listen to endless bullshit about Bellichick getting a shot at redeeming his erstwhile undefeated season.  We have to listen to endless bullshit about the Giants proving that SB42 wasn't a fluke event.

In short, it is going to be absolutely horrendous 14 day period until we can get this goddamn fucking sonofabitch bastard whore season over with.  The NFL Network's viewership is going down by one DVR count.  ESPN's viewership is going down by one count.  I won't be tuning in for any of this.

I'm watching the FoodNetwork, BioHD, and ScienceHD.

I don't need to listen to any of this hype.  I am not interested in the narrative you are about to weave.  I do not need to listen Boston yelling at New York and New York yelling back again.  It's an All-East-Coast food-fight just made perfect for goddamn fucking ESPN.

To all of the Sports Writers of America:  The Super Bowl narrative you are about to weave absolutely sucks.  I'm talking about a raw-red stinker of a lousy sports story.  Fuck you in the ass... twice... hard... with no lube!

I just might skip the Super Bowl this year.  The last time I did that, it was Super Bowl XXIV.  That was a good one to skip, by the way.  Horrible game.  Worst ever.

All I can say is this:  The Giants better win this game.  You know you will never hear the end of the fluke talk if you don't.  If you double-down and jam the Patriots a second time, it will be quite glorious.  You will be able to give Boston the finger forever more.

I have to say, it was an utterly disgraceful win the Patriots got away with.  You know the story.  Everybody has reported on it.  If Lee Evans doesn't drop the game winning touchdown pass, the Ravens go to the Super Bowl.  If Billy Cundiff doesn't follow that immediately with a shanked field goal, we go into overtime.  What a disgraceful and ignominious way to back-door your way into the Super Bowl.  This is highly characteristic of Bellichick.

This wasn't Joseph's fault folks.  He played well enough to win.  He didn't lose this battle for you.

You better be ready for the Harbaugh Bowl II

I have been increasingly sickened by the hype leading up to the AFC & NFC Championship games.  The drivel logic, poppycock reasoning, and bullshit theory I am hearing these days is the purest examples of East Coast bias a-la ESPN and Bristol Connecticut that I have encountered in the past 5 or 6 years.  It is ferociously disgusting and a violent abomination to the eye and ear.

I take great solace in the fact that ya'all are about to have 10,000 pounds of egg on your face.  Not a quantum of solace but great solace.  Better hedge your bets, chumps.

The AFC Championship

Let us begin (in alphabetical order) with the AFC Championship game.  All the fools of football are utterly convinced that Baltimore Ravens don't have a chance in this game.  Why?  Because Tom Brady is better than Joe Flacco.  Believe me, your reasoning is just that simple.  It ain't any better than that.  When confronted by your simpleton-logic, you may attempt to improve on it a bit, or simply defend it, but this is your argument.  Only this and nothing more.  

Well what about the rest of the teams in question?  It doesn't matter, you say.  Brady is better than Flacco.  The Patriots will win.  This is essentially the same argument that was made about the Broncos and Steelers.  Roethlisberger is a clutch guy and much better than Tebow.  The Broncos have a 0.00000000000000% chance winning.  You saw where your logic got you, didn't you?  Still you have not take corrective action and mended your ways.  You have not discarded the super-simpleton theory you cleave to, have you?

You are forgetting that this is always a team sport, the ultimate teams sport, and very seldom a quarterback dual.  One QB does not defeat another.  One team defeats another.  If you don't think so, you are absolutely and completely wrong, point-blank period.

Only four facts need to be evaluated to understand why the Ravens are going to win this game:

1. The Ravens have the most elite defense in the NFL, point-blank period.  It doesn't matter what the bullshit yardage stats say.  Four of the NFL's top 25 players are concentrated on that unit.  They are the best defensive unit in football.
2. The Patriots do not have anything approaching an elite defense, and they don't have anything approaching a top 25 player either.
3. When the Ravens play an elite team, they rise to the occasion and win.  They defeated playoff teams like the 49ers, got two wins over the Texans, two over the Steelers, two over the Bengals.   This includes clutch-QB play from Joe Flacco, who brought them back in the final moments against the Steelers.  When they play an inferior and rebuilding squad, like the Chargers, they have a tendency to look past the opponent and lose.  I don't think they are looking past the Patriots.
4. When the Patriots play a playoff team, they mostly loose.  Consider back-to-back losses to the Steelers and Giants.  They were also had by the Bills.  They nearly lost to both the Cowboys and Redskins.  When it comes to beating playoff teams, they have beaten the Broncos and the Broncos.  That's it.  An 8-8 squad that wasn't even supposed to contend this year.   The Patriots are not a powerful team, no matter what Bristol Connecticut and ESPN would like you to believe. 

Since the Ravens are not talking much trash right now, I will do it for them.  

Tom Brady will be checking his prostate after every play in the early going of this game, just to make sure it still up in there.  That's because the Raven defense is going to be knocking it loose.  This will cease sometime during the second quarter because Brady will have a bird's-eye view of that prostate after T-Sizzle shoves his head up his ass with one violent thrust.

Say what you will about Tom Brady, but I don't think he can throw the football very accurately with his head shoved up his arse.

As far as I am concerned, the Patriots are the longest of the long-shots still left in this tournament.  This is the one team that doesn't have a chance.  This game features one heavy-weight and one rooty-poot.  In case you were wondering, the Patriots are the rooty-poot.

The NFC Championship Game

After witnessing the massacre of the Patriots, we can move on to a truly epic contest:  the Giants vs. the 49ers.  Everybody knows this going to be the game of the day.  This is going to be the nail-bitter and the big drama.   This is the one where both teams can win.  This is the heavy-weight fight.

In terms of record, the 49ers are clearly the better team.  On paper, the Giants are clearly the better team. Eli looks like the better QB.  However, Alex Smith is astonishing everybody.  Both have very violent defenses.  The 49ers are much higher ranked, but the Giants are peaking right now.

I think the 49ers win.  I'll tell you why.

Everyone is talking about how the Giants are peaking right now, but I will tell you the dirty little secret ESPN is keeping in the closet.  The 49ers are peaking right now also.  They have never played better than they did in there last game.  Further, they are the more consistent team.  Finally, they are at home.

I think this is going to be an epic contest.  We have to muddle through a poor AFC Championship game so we can get to a real contest.  I am looking forward to this one.

In conclusion, you better be ready for the Harbaugh Bowl.  It's going to happen.

I sure hope the NFL doesn't fine Peyton Manning

Manning Bowl II was a bust. The Colts destroyed the Giants 38-7. It was a pretty horrible game from the viewpoint of a casual observer. Worse for guys who chose the Giants, like me.

The most interesting thing about the game was the disturbed, worried look of concern on father Archie Manning's face as the game wound down. Eli did not have a good game. None of the Giants did. Archie's younger son took one hell of beat-down on the scoreboard and on the field. Archie was not happy, and you can understand why. He wasn't precisely mad at Peyton, but he was concerned about Eli.

It turns out Peyton was also concerned. Peyton politely declined to do interviews after the game. That is a first. The reason was obvious. For a guy who just had a great night, he had a terrible night. He might have had the worst great night a great QB ever had.

The body English was pretty clear. He looked a little sick to his stomach. I am sure he didn't enjoy inflicting a major league humiliation on his little bro in front of a national audience. He had to have mixed emotions about the whole affair. I am sure he declined all interviews because he didn't want to wax poetic about his team just axe-handled his little brother's team. Tony Dungy confirmed all this after the game.

Oh well, Peyton, it was a dirty job, but you had to do it.

Now the only drama is whether the League Office is going to do something really, really stupid like send a FedEx envelope to Peyton's locker with one of those nice fine letters. Technically, all the star athletes are supposed to make themselves available to national media after nationally televised games. Technically speaking, Peyton didn't do that.

The NFL front office would do well to leave this one alone.

The NFC East is going to be competitive?

So I heard the guys on NFL Total Access agreeing that the NFC East was going to be the most competitive division in 2010. I have on thing to say to that: Nope, fuck no.

Let's get this straight. The Redskins were dog-shit in 2009, finishing 4-12 and drafting #4 overall. The one modestly good looking unit on the team was the 4-3 defense they had. So, they fire the defensive coordinator, blow-up the ship, flush the 4-3 down the toilet, and convert to the 3-4. They are now in the 1st year of a big QB transition, which is always traumatic, a new offensive system, and a new defensive. All this is true, and you expect them to be competitive?

Ha! Nah! Nope! Not going to happen.

So the Eagles have blown Donovan McNabb out the door, and they are in the first year of a quarterback transition, which is always traumatic. They are going to this young kid Kobb, who is a major X factor, and you expect them to be competitive? Let us remember, the Packers fell from 13-3 to 6-10 in the first year of their transition from Favre to Rodgers. That was quite unexpected, and they did have an excellent to superb kid ready to come in and play for them.

So the Eagles are going to compete? Ha! Nah! Nope! Not going to happen.

Now we have the Giants, the first authentic possibility on the list. The Giants were crushed by the loss of Steve Spagnuolo last season. Their proud defense fell to #30, and was worse than the Rams, a fact I still find shocking as hell. I haven't been able to stuff my green eyes back in their sockets since I saw those stats. Shocking as hell!

If the Giants have found a good defensive coordinator to replace Spags, they might be on their way. They had a nice draft. They got some nice free agents. I like what they did.

It all comes down to Perry Fewell. The weight of the New York Giants is upon his shoulders. If he does a good job, the Giants could rebound big-time. So what about Perry Fewell? I know absolutely nothing about him. He is a complete X factor in my book. He is an unknown quantity.

So, as you can see gentlemen, it all comes down to the Cowboys. This is their division to win. I think only the Giants have a prayer of challenging the Cowboys. If Giants don't challenge, the Cowboys will have a free and unobstructed run to the playoffs. They will cruise to a division title in a non-competitive NFC East.

Until I see every 1st quarter of the pre-season, I will stick to my guns and declare that the Cowboys are the mild favorite to win the NFC. Plenty of challenge may from from Green Bay, Atlanta and New Orleans.

Let's not rule out the possibility of a surprise story in the NFC. It would shock the world if a team like Detroit got up off the carpet and made a 1999 Ram or 1981 49er run.

My take on the McNabb trade and the NFC East

So, I have to eat some crow. The McNabb trade did happen. You punks in the media are lucky. I was going to beat you down at the start of the 2010 season. You have avoided an ass-whipping of historic proportions. I wanted to be noted that Mike Florio is still a liar, and he was totally off base. The truth has come out and the Rams were never in the hunt for McNabb. His talk of "...McNabb being in St. Louis as early as Friday [several weeks ago]" was utterly wacko.

So what's my take on this trade?

1. The Eagles were crazy to deal McNabb for an unproven commodity like Kevin Kolb.
2. The Eagles' situation is not comparable to the Favre+Packer situation. McNabb is a lot younger than Favre, and he never did the "I'm retiring/I'm back" disco dance.
3. The Eagles will now enter a rebuilding/transition phase. They will win less games not more. The Eagles were 11-5 last season, I doubt they will be close to that this season. Perhaps they will finish 8-8.
4. Consider the Packers. They had a super QB sitting on the bench in Aaron Rodgers. Nevertheless, a team that was 13-3 in 2007 fell to 6-10 in 2008 largely because of the transition. Of course, the defense had much to do with it, but the Packer offense was not nearly as explosive in 2008 as 2007.
5. Do you think Kolb is as good as Rodgers? The Philly homer may want to say yes. The objective observer from the West does not think so. Rodgers may very well prove himself the best QB in the league this season, provided he stays healthy. He looks like one of the most deadly QBs in the league from my point of view. If the Packers can just cut the damn sacks down from 51 to 30, Rodgers may well take the MVP title from Peyton Manning this season. I seriously doubt Kolb is close to that level. Maybe I am wrong, but in my experience, a QB that good rarely comes along. I doubt we will see two such powerful QBs emerge so quickly in succession.
6. If Kolb is substantially less a QB than Rodgers, expect the Eagles transition to be worse than the Packers.
7. Dealing your QB within the division is stupid and borderline suicidal. Take it from me, a Ram fan. We dealt Jim Everett--a QB who lead a parallel life to McNabb in many respects--inside our division to the New Orleans Saints. Everett crucified every time we played against him. He knew our defense inside and out. He knew who was weak. He knew how to burn him. He knew all this from countless hours of scrimmaging against our defense, and hear the DC complain about guys.
8. Consider Sonny Jurgensen, a distant relative of mine on my mama's side of the family. The Eagles dealt him to the Redskins and he immediately threw 5 TD passes against the Eagles at the first opportunity. Believe me, history repeats itself: The first time as tragedy, the second time as farce.
9. Consider what Favre is doing to the Packers right now. I realize that Jared Allen was a major key to victory in both those games, but they would not have out-scored the powerful Packer offense without Favre in either case.
10. Consider the fact that Shanahan is now in Washington. Sorry to inform you of this, but Shanahan is better than Reid. It isn't just because of the 2 rings that I say that. They already have a fairly nasty defense. Now Shanahan and McNabb are going to boot-strap his offense into the picture. You have much to be concerned about.
11. The Eagles now have a lot of picks, but this has been the case for the past several years. The pattern is pretty clear. Most of the offensive choices do well. Most of the defensive choices don't. There are exceptions on both sides, but this is the pattern. If the pattern holds, a significant number of 2010 picks will be wasted on defensive players who don't pan out.

In conclusion, I see the East as a two-horse race. The Giants are rebuilding their defense, but they will chase the Cowboys from behind. The Cowboys now have to be the prohibitive favorite to win the East. If the Cowboys don't win the East, the 2010 Cowboys will be an utter disgrace to the lone star of Texas. If they don't win its a shame.

I expect some back-biting, recriminations and drama once the Eagles get into the heavy water of 2010. I wish you well, but I think you just jammed your dick in the door and slammed it. Like Mayock says "Be careful of what you wish for, because you just might get it."

O.S.I. Umenyiora

So, the rumors have it that O.S.I. Umenyiora is in trouble in New York. Umenyiora was benched before the Cowboy game for a lack of production. The move was attributed to he head coach Tom Coughlin, but it is rumored to have to come from new Defensive Coordinator Bill Sheridan. As you know, he was coach Spagnuolo's replacement in New York.

Osi bounced back well after the benching, but the Giants did not defeat the Eagles. The Eagle defense hung a 40-burger on the once-proud Giant defense. Every media outlet in New York is weeping and lamenting the loss of coach Spagnuolo and they are pointing the finger at Bill Sheridan. The funny thing is that Sheridan is pointing the finger at guys like Osi, whilst Osi is covering Sheridan's ass. Osi has tried to exonerate Sheridan in media stories like this one.

Rumor has it that the Giants may release a guy like Osi rather than fire a guy like Sheridan. That would be a mistake. Still, it could be an extremely profitable mistake for the Rams. Do you think Mr. Umenyiora would like to play for Coach Spags again? Do you think he is lamenting the loss of yesteryear? Do you think the Rams could use Umenyiora regardless of whether Leonard Little retires or not?

I am almost certain Coach Spagnuolo is watching this developing situation with great interest.