Monday, March 28, 2011

Sucker Punch is a catastrastroke

Zack Snyder's 15 minutes just might be over. He made a spectacular debut with 300, and it's been pretty much downhill since then. His career is perishing on the rocks of his unhealthy obsession with crappy graphic novels put out by DC Comics. If he doesn't get over this obsession, it's going to be all over, real quick like.

I don't want to mislead you in anyway: Sucker Punch is an unmitigated, unadulterated cinematic catastrophe. The only good thing I can say about it is this: They honed in on their target audience very sharply. I am sure that this movie will inspire every sex worker who has ever been committed to an insane asylum. There may be 20 or 30 girls living in the San Fernando Valley who will love this movie.

What about for you an me? Well... not so much.

I told my aunt that takes a heck of a lot of hallucinogenics to write a graphic novel like Sucker Punch.

"You don't seriously think they used hallucinogenics while writing it, do you?" she asked.

"Oh yes I do. I really do. I am sure magic mushrooms, peyote, Salvia-A, and plenty of LSD were involved in the production process. There is no other way to explain a chain-reaction of such bad ideas. There is no other explanation of how they could look at this pile of shit and think it was genius."

Folks, I want to level with you. I was a big fan of DC comics when I was a kid. I read everything they published. I stopped when I turned 14. This was a full decade before the graphic novel movement if of 1990s. My brother was reading comics during that epoch of history, and he collected many graphic novels. Some of the better ones, such as The Sandman, he passed over to me. I had little time for that stuff. I was finishing my degree at UCLA.

Later, as I started my career, and began to have free time and zero disposable income. I tried to read a few of these graphic novels for entertainment during that time. I found most of the 'books' to be rubbish. Pseudo intellectual, pseudo artistic, pseudo political, pseudo relevant, pseudo hip; they were mostly bullshit drivel. These were failed attempts by poor artists to try and achieve something great.

Probably the worst of them all was The Watchmen. I couldn't stop laughing when I heard Time Magazine elected this piece of shit to their top 100 books of all time. That was the end of their street cred. I now wipe my ass with Time Magazine. That's all it's good for now.

Regrettably, Zach Snyder doesn't agree with me. Evidently, he is deeply inspired by this drivel. He picked a good one in 300 to kick off his career. Then came The Watchmen. I consider that an epic failure. Now we have Sucker Punch. This is a catastrastroke.

The failure is not in the implementation. Rather, it is the inception. The story ideas themselves are crap. You can't polish a turd. No matter how well directed, a bad story is a bad story. If it ain't any good on the pages of the screenplay, it won't be any good on the screen.

The pitty is that Zach is a very talented director with very poor taste in material.