Sunday, July 12, 2009

The NFL's Top 10 Gunslinger QBs

So I just got done watching the Top 10 Gunslinger QBs for the second time. What did I think?

Well... as always. I found some things disconcerting and irritating. First off, there is no proper definition of what Gunslinger is. This is one of those very loose expressions (like Riverboat Gambler) which is adjectival. It just modifies a verb. It isn't a noun, even if it looks like one. It helps describe the action of a certain play where a QB goes into a high risk situation and knocks out the play.

If I followed this documentary correctly, I would have to surmise that a Gunslinger QB is all or most of the following:
  1. A guy with a strong arm
  2. A guy who throws it deep
  3. A guy with big passing statistics
  4. A guy who may or may not have a good passer rating
  5. A guy who takes massive risks.
  6. An Evel Knievel daredevil quarterback.
  7. A guy who makes you scream "NO! NO! NO! YES!! YES!!!"
  8. A guy who may or may not have some country boy nasty habits
  9. A guy with a loosing record in Championship games or didn't make it to the big one.
So in essence we are talking about a second tier kind of quarterback who is exciting to watch, but has serious blemishes and negatives also. We are talking about Evel Knievel quarterbacks who risk life and limb and break their bodies and bones in dangerous stunts.

By that token, certain men like Automatic Otto Graham, Roger Staubach, Johnny Unitas, Joe Montana, Steve Young, and Peyton Manning don't show up on the list. These guys got winning records in the big one, and they have no significant weaknesses in their game. Great quarterbacks, one and all, but not gunslingers. These guys don't take risks.

In contrast, the #1 gunslinger of all time, Brett Farve, has a .500 record in the Super Bowl. He has very well documented defects in his game. Definitely a crazy gambler, and everybody knows it. I don't think Brett would even be interested in trying to deny it.

Conspicuously not mentioned are dudes like John Elway, Fran Tarkenton, Ken Stabler. You may eject Tarkenton and Stabler for weak arms and shorter passing skills. What about Elway? He gets ejected because he was way too damn good to be on the second tier list.

By that token, I am not to pleased to see certain men like Kurt Warner, Dan Fouts and Dan Marino on that list. Yes, Kurt is 1-2 in the Super Bowl. He also has the second highest pass efficiency rating of all time behind the one and only Steve Young. He is a high precision passer. Marino had no known weaknesses in his game. He threw some interceptions, and some costly ones, but he was far more deadly than costly. This was the exception not the rule. Dan Fouts was an almost godlike quarterback, who taught most of the modern guys how to throw the ball. He doesn't belong on the second tier. None of these guys do.

So in short, I think this is a fucked up list. I don't know anything about Slingin' Sammy Baugh outside of his legend, but if he is one of the top 5 players ever to play the game, and the greatest player of the early era, you just can't put him on the second tier of QBs. That's a fucked up thing to do to the guy.

Warren Moon is another borderline case. The Run 'N Shoot makes this very murky muddy water indeed. I had the feeling Moon could have run the West Coast and had insane efficiency numbers like 109.6 for his entire career. However, this is a maybe. He ran the Run 'N Shoot. As a consequence, he ran an offense that was a gambler and gunslinger offense. It was a system subject to occasion catastrophic breakdowns. Too many option routes. When the QB mispredicts the WR, or the WR misses a read: POW, BAM, SLAM! Massive interception for a defensive touchdown.

How might this list be corrected?

Take Marino, Fouts, Warner and Baugh off the list. Substitute Stabler, Tarkenton, Randal Cunningham and some other guy on the list. Tony Romo is a gunslinger. Put him on the list.

One very key point of note: I just about had a heart attack laughing when we got to number 1. The first report on this selection came from Miss America. That "Uuuuuummmmm!!!" she gave looked to me like she had just taken a bite of delicious chocolate ice cream or something. I just about lost my bladder there. A minute or two more and my buds would have had to call 911 and scream "He's not breathing!" I laughed so hard I had stomach cramps. I almost passed out. I couldn't get a breath of air in.

Miss America gave us a look of delight, appetite and satisfaction all at once. That is what my mom used to call a yum yum! look. Mom used to tell me I need to watch girls for the yum yum look. This is how I would know for sure... Girls just can't fake the yum yum look, said my mom. Most won't even think about trying to fake that look.

Incidentally, my brother calls this the chocolate eye. The eye expression girls have when they bite into really good chocolate.

Seeing a chocolate eye yum yum look on Miss America's face vis-a-vis Brett Farve was totally unexpected. She looked to me like she would like nothing better than to bite down on Brett Farve's ass and be dragged to death. If Brett wants to have a few more kids, he knows where to throw his balls.