Tuesday, May 25, 2010

In Honor of New York Getting the Super Bowl

I have decided to recast that magnum opus known as Escape from New York. I know this has to be on everybody's mind now that the NFL has fucked up big time and awarded Super Bowl 48 to New York... or Flushing Meadows NJ... or whatever. Turd, crap, shit, it's all the same material anyhow.

Of course, this is a necessary chore now that the powers that be have announced that they are going to commence production on the remake of Escape in 2011. So here is you doubly-linked list of players:
  1. Snake Plissken => Kurt Russell => Jason Statham
  2. The President => Donald Pleasence => Kevin Space
  3. Hauk => Lee Van Cleef => Michael Ironside
  4. Cabby => Ernist Borgnine => Danny DiVito
  5. The Duke of New York => Issac Hayes => Laurence Fishburne
  6. Brain => Harry Dean Stanton => Edward Norton
  7. Maggie => Adrienne Barbeau => Eva Mendez
  8. Rehme => Franke Doubleday => Timmothy Olyphant
  9. Girl in Chocked Full o' Nuts => Season Hubley => Lindsay Lohan
  10. Rehme => Tom Atkins => Ray Winstone
I really wanted to cast Paz Vega as Maggie, because it is my goddamn movie, and Paz Vega just might be my favorite chick in the whole damn world. However, I was convinced by others to go with an American Actress having somewhat better acting chops. You can't go wrong with Eva Mendez. That's one hell of a woman there.