Oh God, how I hate twitter!

Of all the preposterous foolishness the Internet has given rise to, Twitter takes the cake. I know that is saying an awful lot, but I believe it is true. I can just here my critics now saying, "Oh come on, Dave! The Internet gave rise to the German Scat flick! Surely Twitter is not that bad." No, Twitter is worse.

Do you realize what this is? It is collection of Morons writing three lines of bullshit a couple of times each day. That is all. Only this and nothing more. You follow people who write three lines of bullshit several times per day. This is evidently a public diary, and the new spin on social networking. People boast that they have 20,000 people following their tweets. They boast that they are one of the top 1,000 twits on twitter.

WTF...?

Do you really believe that 20,000 people read your 3 bullshit lines 3 times per day? If you do, I have a nice bridge on the moon I would like to sell you. It has a lovely view of the lunar sea and thousands of commuter cars must cross it each day... at a nice toll.

Do really believe that any of the celebs are actually letting you in on anything truly personal, private or intimate in their lives? Do you believe they are psychologically naked before you? Do you really believe you are closer to the celebs because of this? If you do, you probably also believe that the Republicans are conservative, and that the Democrats are liberal, and they are really opposed to each other on the fundamentals.

All of this would be okay for the genetically impoverished fucktards of the world, save 2 serious problems.

1. The NFL network is covering the tweet of the day. Goodell is also tweeting (allegedly).
2. We now have absolute assholes on websites reporting on twitter, these blogs about micro-blogging events are polluting and corrupting my custom news page on new.google.com
3. There is a heavy flow of this bullshit appearing on the default new.google.com

I cannot believe the NFL network is wasting time with the tweet of the day. I cannot believe I am going to have re-jigger my custom news page to eliminate any and all rubbish from twitter.

So why fight it, Dave? Why be upset about it? Because they are wasting my time with meaningless babble about nothing. I do not care if you are all into it, and sharing a delicious (but brief) fad-mania with each other. I don't want to waste the minutes of my life discovering:

• That a Corner Back from Tampa Bay had to available between 9:00am and 4:00pm for the arrival of the Cable TV man. Rich Eisen was wonderful enough to pitch that in for his buddies at the DirectTV company.
  
• That my main man Steven Jackson is "totally being fatty-boy" or that he had a good workout and dropped 6 pounds.
• That Kim Kadashian has a new workout DVD called 'fit into your jeans by Friday' and she wants Reggie Bush to try it out.
• That Heidi Montag and Miley Cyrus are in a twittermance... WTF...?

If you want to see the insane level that this depravity has reached just have a look here. The notion is to get people to visit the MTV website by insinuating that Heidi Montag and Miley Cyrus are beginning a lesbian relationship, when nothing of the kind is actually taking place.

But the Ultra-Gay clientele of MTV would like that, wouldn't they?

Let this be a lesson to you twits out there: If you cannot express yourself clearly in writing, you should not be writing. Anything you jot down in twisted, misshaped, incomprehensible English can and will be used against you in the court of public opinion. You may wind up on the cover of public scandal mags for no valid reason.

You know, I am totally ashamed to admit that Twitter is the very first showcase of the Scala language. It was originally done with Ruby on Rails, but the message queue performance was so bad, they had to abandon ROR. Ruby fans are still consternating about that one, explaining how ROR could have been saved with the use of any open source message queue, but the real-world architects of this website think otherwise.

It is unseemly that such a state-of-the-art language is going to be showcased for the first time in such an incredibly bullshitish fad.