"There's nothing wrong with the Chargers", said Jamie Dukes recently. "They lost that playoff game because Nate Kaeding missed a bunch of field goals."
"And Nate Kaeding is an All-Pro kicker, so he's not going to do that again", added Tom Waddle.
Oh Bouy... I don't like slagging Jamie Dukes. He's one of my favorite guys, but when he is off-course, he's really way off.
There are a couple of legendary literary figures that came to mind when I heard these two guys discuss the Chargers.
One is Pollyanna, who likes to play "The Glad Game", a cheery and optimistic game orphans play. It consists of finding something to be happy and grateful for in every situation no matter how bleak.
The other is the great Dr. Pangloss found Voltaire's Candide. Pangloss likes to quote Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz "all is for the best in the best of all possible worlds." Leibniz said that when he wasn't busy inventing infinitesimal Calculus and binary mathematics (the basis of all computers today). Dr.Pangloss has some rose colored glasses, which means everything's coming up roses. I can hear Ethel Merman belting it out now.
So here is Dr. Pangloss (Jamie Dukes) and Pollyanna (Waddle) tell us that there is nothing wrong with the Chargers.
Now hear this: Fuck that shit! There is plenty wrong. Let us count the ways.
- Shawne Merriman never really recovered from his knee surgery, and the lack of steroids in his game is really showing. When it comes to steroids you either have it, or you've had it.
- You have 6 soon-to-be haircut restricted free agents who are going to pissed off and disgruntled with the unhappy contracts they've been forced into.
- L.T. just got released.
- Even with Ryan Matthews, a very good prospect, I am not sure that Chargers will have a running game.
- I am fairly certain that Charger O-Line is not what it used to be. I don't know that they can run-block the way they used to, even if Norv will commit to the running game, which I doubt he will
- The Chargers just cut their starting Nose Tackle Jaamal Williams. I once believed that they had a replacement. Now I strongly doubt that.
- They just threw Antonio Cromartie out the door for siring 7 bastard children and other disasters. That would be wonderful, except for the fact that I don't think they have a replacement on hand. No, Nathan Vasher doesn't get it done.
- And then we still have Norv... Jamie may say that Norv is a great coach, but it is only true at the OC level. This guy has never been a solid head coach.
There's nothing wrong with the Chargers...? There's nothing wrong with the Chargers?!?!? What the fuck do you mean that there is nothing with the Chargers?!?!?!?
Folks, I still have every reason to bet the Chargers will win the AFC West in 2010. The division is otherwise vacant. They will win by default. They will probably scratch together a 10-6 record. They will also be one-and-done, a quick-out, in the playoffs.
Last year, a better Charger team could not overcome an inferior Raven team, and they barely beat the Bengals 27-24. This year an inferior Charger team may be up against a superior Bengal team in the first round. I don't like 'dem odds. If by some miracle they win that game, they should get smacked up like little bitches by the Ravens.
The Chargers will not sniff the Super Bowl in Dallas. They were overdue two years ago. They are not overdue now. The window has now closed.
