This Paella is brought to you by Blue Rhino Propane Exchange

If it has a ring-tone, it just isn't a real camera. One of these days I am going to have to go down to Fry's (about 1 mile away) and buy a real camera.

In any case, here are a couple of shots of the paella I cooked on Friday night. My brother, who lives in the SF Bay Area and plays guitar in a rock-n-roll band, flew into L.A. for the weekend. We did some serious cooking.

I kicked things off with a beastly paella. As you can see, it was dark by the time the thing was finished, and I believe the time was around 9:30pm. That is fairly late to get going with a paella party. What can you do? I get home from work around 6:00 PM, and the prep for a paella like this takes some time.

My buddy Colin, who was a member of Ben's graduating class, and journalism team, came over for the feast. These dudes gorged themselves. Too bad there were no ladies at the party! Frankly, my apartment was not up to it at that moment. The joint was in a shambles due to the great balcony reorganization that had taken place a week earlier. Ben and I worked on it yesterday, and my apartment looks good. It is now time to do some serious entertaining.

That Paella was a monster. Here are a list of the ingredient:

1. 24Oz Santo Thomas Bomba rice from Alevante, Valencia Spain, courtesy of Amazon.com
2. 21 threads of Princesa de Minaya Saffron from La Mancha Spain, courtesy of Sur le Table
3. 1 package of Goya Sazon con Azafran, courtesy of the market 300 yards from my door.
4. 150 grams of de Leon hard dry garlicy Spanish Chorizo, courtesy of my local German sausage shop
5. 150 grams of Leon Herradura paprika loaded Spanish Chorizo, courtesy of my local German sausage shop
6. Williams Sonoma House Olive Oil. This is an extra virgin oil directly from California.
7. One whole Rabbit (2.5 pounds) chopped to bits with my F. Dick meat cleaver, and brined for 24 hours in the frige. This was courtesy of Bristol Farms.
8. About 2 pounds of chicken thighs, courtesy of my local store
9. 2 big red bell peppers cut into strips
10. 2 small yellow peppers cut into strips
11. 5 cloves of fresh garlic
12. 2 carrots, chopped fine
13. 2 stalks of celery, chopped fine.
14. 3 Roma tomatoes, diced
15. 4 large oyster mushrooms, sliced
16. 1 very large yellow Spanish onion, diced.
17. 1 large branch of Rosemary, stripped and chopped fine
18. 1 leaf of Savory, chopped fine
19. 1/4 teaspoon of dry thyme (my AeroGarden died)
20. 1/4 teaspoon of dry sage
21. 48 ounces of Chicken Broth
22. 24 ounces of highly purified water, courtesy of La Wateria down the street.

One good tip for you: you need to be careful to select California Extra-Virgin olive oils. Most so-called extra virgin olive oil is not. A lot of the Italian and Spanish products are rip-offs. The stock on the shelves at most grocery stores--this includes Whole Foods--will fails one or all three of the critical tests for extra virgin olive oil.

Don't believe me? You don't have to. Just consider this. The UCD Olive Oil center conducted a series of tests in partnership with the Austrialian Oil Research Labratory, located in South Wales. They selected a wide assortment of recognized brand-name 'premium grade' extra-virgin olive oils. They subjected them to a series of three commonly accepted tests for quality.

The bastards flunked like crazy. Most brands flunked one or all tests. The results of the study are clear: people are paying a lot of money for crap oil that claims to be ultra-high quality Spanish and Italian stuff. Aparently, the Europeans have been panicked by these findings. They are going to hold a conference in Verona Italy focused entirely on achieving and maintaining excellence in super-premium olive oils.

California is making a hard push right now to be recognized as the finest producer of olive oil in the entire fucking world. Yep, that's right Italy and Spain. You are in the cross hairs. The quality of our fruit is amazing high, and the quality control is even higher. These California oils are the best you can obtain right now. As Brett Favre says, you can pay more, but you won't get more.

I removed the steel grills from my Weber Genesis 310, placed the iron paella directly on top of the flavorizering bars, and pre-heated with the lid open for about 10 minutes. That was a mistake. I should have pre-heated with the lid closed for 15 minutes. The Paella was not quite hot enough to begin with. My Weber is powered by Blue Rhino Propane. I like it.

In any case, we dug in, and ate hearty. That is a 17 inch cast-iron Paella from Lodge Manufacturing of South Pittsburgh Tennessee, and it was fully loaded. I would say that the three of us demolished more than half of that Paella in the first sitting. I was surprised at how little was left over after we ate it.

Ben and Colin were pretty stunned. They did not expect to like it so much. They were both a little queezy over the thought of eating rabbit. I had to talk them into it. They changed their minds quick. They went back for seconds and pounded it down with lusty greed. They were thinking about getting thirds, but they knew they were over-stuffed already.

I have to say that brining the rabbit for 24 hours is the key. The rabbit was moist and tender; it was falling off the bone really. If you have not had a well prepared rabbit, you are missing out on the finest white meat on the market. It is better than chicken. I don't say that lightly. I am a big fan of chicken. I love chicken. However, in this case, the rabbit was the star of the show.

Paella Power! Spain 1 Netherlands 0!

How 'bout dem Spaniards! First Pau Gasol brings the Lakers their second consecutive title, busting up the hated Celtics in th process, and now Spain has won the world cup! I bet Pau is one happy dude today. I hope there is no bad news to spoil it.

I want to go on the record and say that it was the Paella what done it! Yep, the paella is responsible for this victory. You are what you eat, and this is the lunch of champions. Saffron is the key to vigor and health. The pistil of the crocus is the key performance enhancing agent here. It's totally legal too.

You guys really don't know what you are missing out on.

I should have grilled one yesterday evening, but the mission was not entirely successful. Both the Weber Genesis 310 and the Solaire made it to my balcony last night, but I had two strange problems.

First, the simple one. I think I got the wrong propane can for the Solaire. I got a chubby round stout one. I think I needed the long and skinny one. I am still learning about Propane tanks. I never used this stuff in my life. I am visiting with my vendor today at lunch to confirm that this is a simple error and not a real problem.

Second, the weird one! The Weber fired up without problem last night, as expected. I was preheating the paella and grill together, when suddenly I began to hear the unmistakable squeal of metal fatigue. WHAT?!?!? METAL FATIGUE?!?!?!?! Yep metal fatigue.

I opened the lid, and I swear I could see the left stainless steel grill flexing. WHAT?? Yep flexing just a little bit. I shut down the burners, and tried to remove the grill. It was hard. The grill had warped. It was stuck hard. I hauled it out of there with some force. You can clearly see that this heavy-duty stainless steel grill is now warped compared to the other. They are manufactured identical, and if you overlay them now, one is clearly warped and the other is straight as the barrel of a gun.

I boggled over that one for about an hour. This is obviously a defect in materials. There has to be something wrong with this sample of steel. This cannot happen under ordinary circumstances. I guess I am just lucky (1 in 25 million) bastard who got the defective steel. I am sure my vendor is going to freak out when he sees this. I bet he's never seen anything like this before.

Incidentally, if you know about these Weber steel grills, you are probably freaking out right now. This is the most rugged steel grill I have ever seen in my life. It could easily double for prison bars and hold a gorilla. When you first lift or carry one of these things, you cannot imagine it bending or warping in any way. Nevertheless, the warped grill is in my trunk right now. It's going back to the vendor at lunch.

What fresh hell is this!

Anyhow...

I am sure I will be grilling that Paella tonight... unless I grill a Tagliatelle Bolognese instead. I would also like to grill a Beef Bourguignon stew just as soon as my 12 quart Dutch Oven arrives in the mail.

Dave's Gringote Paella

So I am going to publish my first original recipe. Don't bother to tell me that it is not authentic. I already know that the fully authentic Paella was invented in Alevanta, Valencia, Spain by rice farmers. I know it features chicken, rabbit and snails. I know it features a simpler soffritto. I know there is no Tumeric, Hot Sesame Oil, or Fish Sauce.

I have done the fully authentic thing several times, and I like it. I have done the even more authentic thing, which is to go off on a wild tangent and riff on this melody. I have come up with yet another distinct Paella type which I think is pretty sensational. Try it, if you like, for a little variety in life. Remember, variety is the spice of life.

All of these ingredients are scaled for a standard 15 inch paella. You can expand the ingredients to fit any pan by application of simple geometry. Yes, geometric logic does apply here,

The Oil Mixture

1. 2 ounces of extra virgin olive oil, preferably from California
2. 1 teaspoon of chili sesame oil
3. 1 tablespoon (0.5 ounces) of Thai fish sauce
4. 2 good shakes of Chipotle Tabasco sauce
5. 1 teaspoon of Tumeric

You should have just under 3 oz of fluid there.

The Rice mixture

1. 24 ounces (3 cups) of parboiled rice. Bomba would be better, but it is Goddamnably expensive.
2. 1 tablespoon of sea salt (not Kosher salt). This is much better for you and tastes better also.
3. 1 tablespoon of hot smoky Paprika. Accept no substitutes. Nobody beats the Spaniards in this game.
4. The leaves of one moderately large fresh twig of Rosemary
5. 20 threads of real Saffron

Soffritto Robusto

1. 1 Large Red Onion, diced up
2. 5 cloves of garlic, crushed
3. 1 large fresh light green Anaheim Chili, cut into thin strips
4. 1 Fresno Chili, chopped fine
5. 2 Yellow bell peppers, cut into large strips
6. 1 relatively small carrot, chopped fine
7. 2 stalks of celery, chopped thin
8. 1 large Portabella Mushroom, cut into large strips.
9. 8 ounces of tomato paste

Meats

1. 1 pound of custom ground veal (you can substitute chuck if you prefer.
2. 1 pound of fresh ground pork sausage, no skins
3. 13 oz of Aidell's Sun Dried Tomato Sausage

The Wet Stuff

1. 2oz of dried Porchini mushrooms, reconstituted in hot water and red wine
2. 72oz of beef broth (not stock).

The Wet Spices

1. Sage (fresh or dried)
2. Savory (fresh or dried)
3. Basil (fresh or dried)

The Preperation

To prepare this Paella you will need two pieces of cookware (1) a 5 quart Lodge Dutch oven, and (2) a 15 inch Lodge Cast Iron Skillet. Everything tastes better when it is cooked in plain naked iron. Only a fool cooks with high carbon steel. You will get a better Maillard Reaction using naked iron, and your Socorrat with be priceless.

Steps

1. Fill your dutch oven with the 72 ounces of beef broth. Throw in your dry spice. Begin heating. It need to be brought to a light bubbling boil.
2. Spread you oil prep over the Skillet. Apply maximum heat for at least 5 minutes. Heat until the oil is popping.
3. Throw in your meat. Stirr and brown the ground beef and sausage until you have a nice brown Maillard effect. You may season with salt and pepper to taste.
4. Clear the meat to the outter edges of the skillet.
5. Pour down the soffritto in the middle of the skillet. Stir and brown it for approximately 3 minutes until you have a gravy-ish consistency.
6. Throw in your rice mixture. Brown your rice in the soffritto mixture for at least 3 minutes.
7. Begin ladling in your beef broth. Just cover all the contents of the pan, which shouldn't take more than 2 or 3 cups of fluid.
8. Allow that to boil off, then re-cover the contents with more fluid. Repeat this process until all fluid is gone.
9. Turn your heat up full-blast for 1 minute to create a Socorrat.
10. Kill the heat entirely, and let the Paella rest for 15 minutes. It will cool, dry and set in this time.

Commentary

If you like, you may add peas or green beans to the surface of the Paella after adding the fluid. The veggies will be steamed by the broth as it boils off.

The main features of this Gringote Paella is

(1) The use of red meats and beef broth rather than white meats and chicken stock. This is accentuated with Porcini mushrooms

(2) A very robust soffritto with a lot of ingredients

(3) The use of exotic spices such as Tumeric, Chili Sesame Oil, and Fish Sauce.

(4) There are also more savory spices than mere Rosemary (which is great)

If you give it a shot, I think you will find it is a flavor explosion. It will blow your jock off. There are a lot of special glutamic acid compounds in here that will blow your frickin' brains out.

One key tip: If you prepare this outside on a hot grill, you are better off. In doors, your cooktop will be challenged severely by the need for heat. My Tappan range absolutely sucks. I need to position my Lodge Skillet over two burners and turn them both up to full blast to get sufficient heat to make this dish happen. This tip may help you.

Any grill will produce more heat than just about any stovetop. Remember: Paella should be cooked Al Freco! This means on a grill, outside.

The plot to grill...

Boy, Meats, Grill... That is the way it should be been spelled. Why didn't Bobby Flay see the obvious extra-double?

I have a confession to make: Never been much into grilling or barbecue in my life. I have no objection to eating plenty of the stuff, I just haven't cooked much of it. Yes, I know that makes me a wanton communist. You can't be much of an football fan if you don't grill. If I have an excuse, it is merely that apartment life has its limitations.

Recently, I have decided to get around those limitations. I can't precisely put my finger on the moment. Maybe it was when I learned that Paella is a grilled dish. Maybe it was when I failed to achieve the perfect Millard reaction when attempting Tyler's ultimate cowboy steak. Maybe it was when I learned that my cheap-ass, apartment provided stove had a maximum BTU rating of 8,000 per burner. In case you didn't know, 8,000 BTU sucks. Maybe it was when I learned that Viking burners can hit 16,000 BTU easy. That is exactly twice the heat of my top burner. Maybe it was when I learned that Lazyman Grills can deliver a walloping 60,000 BTU per burner, for around $400. Yep, that's right, per burner. Be careful with that, sounds terrifying and intriguing. Maybe it is the good spirited full I see Bobby Flay engaging in all the time on Grill it! and Boy Meets Grill.

So I have developed a list of good reasons for purchasing a quality grill.

1. My stove is deficient.
2. I am apartment dweller, and cannot replace my 'management provided' stove
3. I have a balcony which has gone unused for three years. I've never been interested in it. It is much larger than I ever realized. I can put a grill there.
4. A good grill is better than a good stove. No bullshit. They cost less and crank out much more heat.
5. Propane trumps Methane. Methane is the natural gas your gas company pumps into your house. All chemists will tell you that Propane is better fuel and more earth-friendly also. Propane = 2,488 BTUs per cubic foot, methane = 1000 BTU per cubic foot
6. If I move my cooking operation outside, I will not heat-up my apartment. The dog-days of summer are coming. I do not want heat up my apartment or pay $200 per month in electrical bills per month, as I did last year.
7. You are supposed to grill Paella
8. You are supposed to grill cowboy steaks

Being a fan of induction, I was originally planning to take a Fagor portable induction unit outside. That plot died for two reasons. First, the portable Fagor units don't have much push to them. The BTUs are low. Only your best-quality indoor induction cooktops can compete with a good gas-grill in terms of BTUs. Also be warned that it is difficult obtaining BTU ratings from Induction vendors. They want to quote watts, which is basically meaningless. One guy's Induction range is more or less efficient than the other, so watts don't translate hard-and-fast into BTUs.

Second, there are no electrical outlets on my balcony. Yep, I know, that's pretty wretched. I would have to run some sort of an extension cord out of the apartment to the balcony, or get the company to make a mod for me. I do not want to do take either approach. It isn't worth it. A good propane grill will out-perform the Fagor induction system, and they generally requires no AC outlet. Electrical starters are usually done with a few AA batteries. Just a little spark will do it.

I reached a series of intriguing initial conclusions:

(1) I can get a grill which is better than a stove

(2) I can get it for less than a stove

(3) I can put it on the balcony and do something with that space finally.

So now the next question that logically follows is: Which grill do I buy? This is a super question. This is the question posted on a billion blogs and reviews all over the frickin' web. I will take my swing at this question next time. You can expect me to follow a logical path to an optimal solution also.

Attack of the robot rice makers! Fight!

It would seem that the ultra-hyper-extreme robot rice maker has become the ultimate status symbol throughout all of Asia. We're not just talking about Japan anymore. We're talking all of Asia. This is one subject my Chinese buddy from work and my Korean roommate from college can discuss endlessly with great enthusiasm. One is CS trained website developer from Shanghai. The other is Korean oral surgeon, trained at UCSF, who grew up in my hometown of Fresno. This one enthusiasm gave us all something to talk about recently.

Frankly, the escalation of the arms race in rice making can only be compared to one historical sequence of events I know of: The evolution of nuclear weapons. If you have ever seen the incredible documentary Trinity and Beyond, you know what I am talking about. We went from a tiny 15 kilo-ton bomb that blew up all of Hiroshima to a 5 megaton bomb which the Russians used to blow up their own Siberia... thus making the world safe for socialist liberation. We did all that in just a few decades.

I might compare this to the GPU wars between ATI and nVidia, but that progress is too slow. The competitors are much more lazy and much less ferocious. Also, there is no sense that national security and patriotic pride are at stake in the GPU wars.

Something very similar to the Arms Race is in progress in the rice maker world. Japan and Korea are locked in a mortal cold war. They are throwing progressively more and more resources into a super-technological battle. The faster it progresses the faster is progresses. The pace gets more and more frenetic each month. No stone is left unturned. No possible refinement is left out. No discovery is left un-applied. Price is no object. Logistics are everything. Win the war first. We'll figure out how to pay for it later.

This is a point of honor, you know. The Japanese absolutely cannot abide the notion that the Koreans might ever be regarded as the designers and manufacturers of the ultimate rice maker. For the Koreans, it is an absolutely intolerable state of affairs that the Japanese are commonly regarded by Chinese and the Burmese as the makers of the ultimate rice makers. Korea must win this battle.

To wit, a raging pitch battle has ensued. The contestants are indefatigable. This is the 20th round and they are still swinging for the fences. These cats make the 300 Spartans look like pussies.

Back in the 2002, I moved into a tiny apartment in Pacoima on a Friday. I would start work on the next Monday at a petrochemical plant just 1 mile down the road. This plant was riding extremely well through the tough 9/11 recession, and it looked like safe harbor, which it was. I didn't like the 'hood, but I liked the rent, and I wanted to be close to work; literally walking distance. It was only suppose to be for 6 months, but it wound up being 12 months.

I was unable to get the gas hooked up that weekend. The electricity was already flowing. I had spent a lot of money on the move, so I was in no mood to eat out every meal that weekend. The Fry's insert that weekend showed a nice little rice maker from Aroma for the paltry sum of just $9.95, no rebate required. The advertisement said it would make 3 cups of finished rice. I was very curious.

I had never seen an automatic rice maker before in my life. This device was clearly low-end, but the sales man (a Mexican fellow) said he had one and it worked great. He looked totally sincere as he said he loved it, and made all types of Mexican rice with it (there is more than one style).

That was enough for me. I slapped my $11.00 on the counter and took it home. I doubted it would work as I tried the most basic recipe I could abide: 2 cups rice, 4 cups water, 1 tablespoon of sea salt, and 1 teaspoon of tumeric. I flipped the mechanical lever down. I was shocked when just 20 minutes later I heard that same mechanical lever go "POP!" signifying that my rice was finished.

It was perfect. Not to wet. Not to dry. No burn at the bottom. It was perfect. Tasted great also. I was shocked. This little bastard did a great job. I had no idea how this might work. How could a crude little $10.00 device sense when the rice was finished?

I knew it had to have sharp limits. I decided to fuck it up. I would make a psuedo-paella next. I threw onion, garlic, chicken and sausage in there, knowing the little Aroma couldn't handle it.

Guess what? The outcome was excellent. The finished product was delicious. Once again I was shocked. How could this little fucker do so well? How does it know? How can it monitor? How does it decided? This is still a mystery.

That little rice maker worked overtime until it died 3 years later. It had a good life. It severed me well. I got more than my money's worth.

When the time came to get a new one, I was ready to spend some money. If some is good, more is better. If the little one worked great, the big one will be sensational. I bought a Panasonic next, which I absolutely hated. It didn't work well at all for me. Tech support insisted (in broken English) that I just needed to learn to use the settings correctly. No. I was using the settings correctly. Panasonic just sucked. Maybe they are okay now, but they sucked then. It cost me 10x the price of the little Aroma, but it failed completely to replace it.

I inquired at several Asian cooking forums who might make the best rice maker? The answer was almost unanimous: Zojirushi. When I saw the price tag, I was pissed. My Zojirushi cost about $350 at the time. Correspondents insisted that this was the grand ultimate rice maker of the universe. I bit down hard and bought it in early 2006.

That Zojirushi does one hell of a good job. It did successfully replace my Aroma. It does everything that the Aroma did... maybe a little bit better. I can make enough rice for an army. It sings nice little tunes to indicate transitions from one stage to another. Through the past four years of basic satisfaction, I have often wondered if my Zojirushi was really worth 35x the cost of the Aroma.

I frequently set this troubling thought aside.

About a year or two ago, a Korean company named Cuckoo came to my attention. Cuckoo is a Korean manufacturer. As a point of pride, the Koreans point to Cuckoo as the maker of the ultimate rice maker now. According to rumor, no wedding among South Koreans is complete unless the bride's family gives the new couple a solid Cuckoo rice maker. In North Korean, elites somehow get a-hold of these imperialist tidbits and give them to their daughters at their weddings.

If you don't have a good rice maker, you are low-class scum. The better your rice maker, the better your kitchen, and the better you are. If you have a great rice maker, you're a solid family unit. If you don't, your fucked up. You are what you eat. This is now the ultimate class-status symbol, and this theory is spreading throughout all of Asia.

This fever combines Asian passion for high-tech with thousands of years of tradition in rice making and eating. It also helps very busy people to continue eating perfect rice without so much time an effort into the process. They love it... more than baseball and Starcraft put together.

I studied the Cuckoo in some detail. It seems that the key difference was pressure cooking. My Zojirushi is not a true pressure cooker. There are new models that are. Mine predates these newer and more advanced models. Cuckoo introduced pressure cooking to rice making. Cuckoo insisted that through the judicious application of pressure cooking (meaning less than 30 psi) rice making could be greatly improved.

I bought the sales pitch. I went to Super H-Mart in Diamond Bar, a classy Korean enclave her in Los Angeles, and I purchased one of the top-end Cuckoos. The Korean sales woman was absolutely delighted when she heard me say "I've been persuaded that this is the state-of-the-art". No haggling, no quibbling. I knew I was going to buy it. I knew what the device did and could do. She knew I had studded the Cuckoo before deciding to buy. I told her several things about it.

She was borderline estatic when she found out I already owned a Zojirushi and was now going to buy a Cuckoo. Mark one down for national pride there. The white guys are learning about Cuckoo. I saw a few smiles on a few Korean faces as I carried my prize out door. The people seemed delighted to see a round-eye buying a Cuckoo.

Well folks, the Cuckoo works good. It makes beans better than anything I have ever tried. My Zojirushi can't make beans... but... in terms of basic rice making, I would be hard pressed to say that it is better than my Zojirushi... or my old Aroma.

You gotta be fucking kidding? Nope. All of them make really delicious rice. I can't honestly tell you that the Cuckoo's rice destroys the Aroma. I can't tell you that the Zojirushi destroys the Aroma. They sure are neater though. Ultra-wiz-bang technology. You know advanced technological wizards invented these devices.

Three events brought the ceremonial-nature of this rice-maker combat into clear focus. First, there have been several escalations since my last purchase. My Zojirushi is now very outdated and outmoded technology. Zojirushi has adopted pressure cooking, and they have even more expensive models now. Second, Cuckoo has been eclipsed by an even higher-end Korean manufacturer named LiHom. LiHom busted the $400 barrier. People are buying it also.

Finally, I finally made that fully-authentic Paella I have been mentioning. I did it with plain gas burner and $17.00 high-carbon steel Paella direct from Valencia. Dude... it wildly exceeded my wildest expectations. That Paella was officially the most delicious rice dish I have ever eaten in my life. I think it is the most delicious thing I have ever made in my life. I am talking about a flavor explosion.

To be fair, I should try to cook these ingredients in the Cuckoo and the Zojirushi before pronouncing the death sentence. However, those deep in the art and the science of the Paella know it will never work. The combination of frying and wide-open boiling is the key to the Paella. This cannot be equaled or replicated by closed-lid pressure cooking process. The results may well be very tasty, but the dish will not explode in your mouth like the real Paella.

I have to give you my clear conclusions: This rice maker war is a status symbol battle, more like car ownership than food prep. You can get equal or better results with a $15.00 Aroma, or a $17 Paella pan.

But I also like status symbols....

The High-Tech Paella

So this week, I am going to nail down the Spanish paella dish. Paella is basically a rice casserole dish. It was developed on the east coast of Spain, in a strip of Mediterranean coastline known as Valencia. The Valencians use a lot fish and shell fish in their Paellas. The rest of the Spaniards tend to prefer chicken and rabbit.

I am not a big fan of sea foods. I was raised in the desert of California. We don't eat a lot of funky fish products there. For this reason I think I am going to go for rabbit and chicken. I think I ate rabbit once in Germany. It was good. It was breaded with seasoning like shake-n-bake chicken. I enjoyed the flavor.

I have never attempted to cook the old hossenfeffer. This will be a first. I am sure somebody in Los Angeles sells rabbit meat. I just don't know who. This will be a challenge.

Besides the rabbit meat, there are a number of other key ingredients which you have to obtain, or you won't have a legit Paella. Here they are enumerated:

1. Calasparra Bomba rice.

So-called Bomba rice is a variety that was developed in Calasparra under the Moores. It is a short grained rice that takes a long time to grow, vis-a-vis other rice varieties. This stuff is expensive. I just bough 11 pounds (5 kilos) of imported St. Thomas Calasparra Bomb rice imported from Spain. It set me back $70 bucks. Most Asians in California would scoff at that.

It is a big chubby grain. It is the preferred type of rice in Valencia. It has two key characteristics: It can absorb 300% of its mass in water, and it is very non-sticky. Ever since I've been cooking rice, I've added water and/or broth at a 2:1 ratio. Not with Bomba. Bomba requires a 3:1 ratio.

Bomba is unique among rice because it can suck up 150% of the liquid other rices can without getting sloppy. It's the ShamWow of rice. It can absorb more chicken broth, of clam stock, or beef broth, than any other variety of rice. If you intend to use chicken stock, and I do, this means more flavor in every grain of rice. Cooks shower this rice with praise, calling it the rock-n-roll star of the rice world.

2. Smoked Spicy Paprika

I am told that Paprika is the staple spice in the Spaniard's diet. Consider it like black-pepper in our American diet. You throw it on everything. I find Paprika to be very weak, even in the hottest form. You have to add a punch, like two tablespoons full, to obtain a result. It adds color, but not much flavor unless you heap it on. Then you should expect everything to be red. I am told you add a full tablespoon or more to a good 15 inch Paella.

3. Extra Virgin Olive Oil (cold pressed)

We like to season a fry pan with butter here in America. Not so in Spain. You do it with olive oil, just as you would in Italian cooking. The Spaniards claim they have the very best olive oil. The Italians dispute that. I cannot tell whether there is a difference between the two. Rather, let me rephrase that. I have cooked with both, and I cannot taste or smell any differences in the end product. I would rather use California olives not exposed to Chernobyl radiation.

I think an olive is an olive. As long as you make sure you get extra virgin cold pressed oil, your good to go.

4. Slow Roasted Roma Tomatoes

I am not buying them canned. I am going to roast them myself. It's pretty easy. You just set the NuWave Oven on low and let it run for 60 minutes. Roasting vegtables has a way of browing the skin, adding flavor, and evaporating water, concentrating the good stuff (sugars and oils). This brings out a lot of flavor.

5. Broth/stock

Paella is not cooked in plain water. Broth gives it distinction. The broth you use depends on the Paella you are going for. Sea food Paella should have fish stock, or clam stock, or something like it. Chicken based Paellas should have chicken stock. A beefy Paella should have beef stock.

6. Roasted Piquillo peppers

Supposedly, these need to be imported from Spain. I don't think so. I think red bell peppers and red Serrano's will work just fine. I might even try an Anaheim here. They're all going into the NuWave Oven Pro. I am roasting them myself.

7. Saffron

Now we come to the real featured performer of the show: Saffron. In their most honest moments, Spaniards will tell you that you can mess around with all the ingredients of the paella except two. Two are sacred. The first is the Bomba rice. The second is the Saffron. Without these two ingredients, you just didn't get it right, and the product cannot be called a Paella.

Just what the hell is Saffron, and why does it cost $300 per ounce? Saffron is a spice derived from the Saffron Crocus (Crocus Sativus). Flocks of Spanish women walk over the hillsides where millions of these flowers grow, and they hand-pluck the stigmas out of the carpel of these flows. Each flower has only 3 stigmas. The stigmas are dry roasted, mostly by hand.

When you buy Saffron, the good vendors will literally send you a bunch of dried out flower stigmas in a tin can or a bottle. Saffron has long been the most expensive spice in the world. Once again, the Spaniards claim they have the best stuff, despite the fact that this flower is native to Asia. Spain is European Union country. They get paid in Euros, and they have a pretty outrageous set of labor laws that make any kind of work, expensive. So get ready to pay through the nose, consumers.

When you throw a bit of this stuff in your Paella (1/4 teaspoon for a 3 quart dish) it will color your entire rice dish saffron-yellow. It also adds a lot of flavor. People who try it, like it. I find Turmeric does a fine job coloring rice yellow, and adds a better flavor, but I wouldn't dare mess with the tradition. My dad claims Saffron is 90% bullshit hype; but you have to put some Saffron in the dish. You can also use some Turmeric.

Traditional Chinese medicine declares that there are 252 medical aliments that can be treated with Saffron in your diet. Consider this a bonus. Western medicine has determined that Turmeric has the greatest cancer-fighting power of any dietary product known to mankind. Consider using them both together. They are good for your health.

Prep-tech

Paella is supposed to be cooked out-doors, over an open wood fire. It takes a long time; 3 hours in most cases. They usually use a cheap steel Paella (which litterally means pan). It is typically made out of a low-grade of stainless steel. This is not 18-10 culinary stainless surgical steel.

I'm not going to go that route. I have picked out a 5 quart casserole dish from Le Creuset, which is made out of enameled cast iron... of course. That puppy is going on top of a Fagor portable induction cooktop I have. This sucker cranks at 1600w and turns the entire pan into a heating element. It destroys gas in terms of CO2 output, and crushes electric radiants in terms of energy efficiency.

I am banking that enameled cast iron and induction will combine to produce the best results. A Paella purist would not approve, but I don't give a damn about that. I intend to get better results.

Paella is a dish that is cooked in an open pan. Unlike almost every other rise dish known world-wide, you never cover the paella pan. Let the water evaporate off naturally in an open pan. This dish is cooked over low heat for a long period of time. Typically it is brewed over a small open-fire at low temperature for something like 2-3 hours. This is a comparatively slow cooking process.

Set your induction cooktop for something like 150 to 160 degrees.

Update

I just found a source of rabbit meat. The source is Harmony Farms 2824 Foothill Boulevard, La Crescenta, CA 91214-3499. The also claim that they have Alligator meat. I suppose that is legal. There are now too many of those critters dwelling in limited habitats in the south. To prevent incursions into human territory, they are issuing licenses to commercial hunters.

Adding some Gator to the Paella would be interesting. According to the rumor, Gators have the most succulent meat.

The High-Tech Paella

So this week, I am going to nail down the Spanish paella dish. Paella is basically a rice casserole dish. It was developed on the east coast of Spain, in a strip of Mediterranean coastline known as Valencia. The Valencians use a lot fish and shell fish in their Paellas. The rest of the Spaniards tend to prefer chicken and rabbit.

I am not a big fan of sea foods. I was raised in the desert of California. We don't eat a lot of funky fish products there. For this reason I think I am going to go for rabbit and chicken. I think I ate rabbit once in Germany. It was good. It was breaded with seasoning like shake-n-bake chicken. I enjoyed the flavor.

I have never attempted to cook the old hossenfeffer. This will be a first. I am sure somebody in Los Angeles sells rabbit meat. I just don't know who. This will be a challenge.

Besides the rabbit meat, there are a number of other key ingredients which you have to obtain, or you won't have a legit Paella. Here they are enumerated:

1. Calasparra Bomba rice.

So-called Bomba rice is a variety that was developed in Calasparra under the Moores. It is a short grained rice that takes a long time to grow, vis-a-vis other rice varieties. This stuff is expensive. I just bough 11 pounds (5 kilos) of imported St. Thomas Calasparra Bomb rice imported from Spain. It set me back $70 bucks. Most Asians in California would scoff at that.

It is a big chubby grain. It is the preferred type of rice in Valencia. It has two key characteristics: It can absorb 300% of its mass in water, and it is very non-sticky. Ever since I've been cooking rice, I've added water and/or broth at a 2:1 ratio. Not with Bomba. Bomba requires a 3:1 ratio.

Bomba is unique among rice because it can suck up 150% of the liquid other rices can without getting sloppy. It's the ShamWow of rice. It can absorb more chicken broth, of clam stock, or beef broth, than any other variety of rice. If you intend to use chicken stock, and I do, this means more flavor in every grain of rice. Cooks shower this rice with praise, calling it the rock-n-roll star of the rice world.

2. Smoked Spicy Paprika

I am told that Paprika is the staple spice in the Spaniard's diet. Consider it like black-pepper in our American diet. You throw it on everything. I find Paprika to be very weak, even in the spice form. It adds color, but not much flavor unless you heap it on. Then you should expect everything to be red. I am told you add a full tablespoon or more to a good 15 inch Paella.

3. Extra Virgin Olive Oil (cold pressed)

We like to season a fry pan with butter here in America. Not so in Spain. You do it with olive oil, just as you would in Italian cooking. The Spaniards claim they have the very best olive oil. The Italians dispute that. I cannot tell whether there is a difference between the two. Rather, let me rephrase that. I have cooked with both, and I cannot taste or smell any differences in the end product. I would rather use California olives not exposed to Chernobyl radiation.

I think an olive is an olive. As long as you make sure you get extra virgin cold pressed oil, your good to go.

4. Slow Roasted Roma Tomatoes

I am not buying them canned. I am going to roast them myself. It's pretty easy. You just set the NuWave Oven on low and let it run for 60 minutes. Roasting vegtables has a way of browing the skin, adding flavor, and evaporating water, concentrating the good stuff (sugars and oils). This brings out a lot of flavor.

5. Broth/stock

Paella is not cooked in plain water. Broth gives it distinction. The broth you use depends on the Paella you are going for. Sea food Paella should have fish stock, or clam stock, or something like it. Chicken based Paellas should have chicken stock. A beefy Paella should have beef stock.

6. Roasted Piquillo peppers

Supposedly, these need to be imported from Spain. I don't think so. I think red bell peppers and red Serrano's will work just fine. I might even try an Anaheim here. They're all going into the NuWave Oven Pro. I am roasting them myself.

7. Saffron

Now we come to the real featured performer of the show: Saffron. In their most honest moments, Spaniards will tell you that you can mess around with all the ingredients of the paella except two. Two are sacred. The first is the Bomba rice. The second is the Saffron. Without these two ingredients, you just didn't get it right, and the product cannot be called a Paella.

Just what the hell is Saffron, and why does it cost $300 per ounce? Saffron is a spice derived from the Saffron Crocus (Crocus Sativus). Flocks of Spanish women walk over the hillsides where millions of these flowers grow, and they hand-pluck the stigmas out of the carpel of these flows. Each flower has only 3 stigmas. The stigmas are dry roasted, mostly by hand.

When you buy Saffron, the good vendors will literally send you a bunch of dried out flower stigmas in a tin can or a bottle. Saffron has long been the most expensive spice in the world. Once again, the Spaniards claim they have the best stuff, despite the fact that this flower is native to Asia. Spain is European Union country. They get paid in Euros, and they have a pretty outrageous set of labor laws that make any kind of work, expensive. So get ready to pay through the nose, consumers.

When you throw a bit of this stuff in your Paella (1/4 teaspoon for a 3 quart dish) it will color your entire rice dish saffron-yellow. It also adds a lot of flavor. People who try it, like it. I find Turmeric does a fine job coloring rice yellow, and adds a better flavor, but I wouldn't dare mess with the tradition. My dad claims Saffron is 90% bullshit hype; but you have to put some Saffron in the dish. You can also use some Turmeric.

Traditional Chinese medicine declares that there are 252 medical aliments that can be treated with Saffron in your diet. Consider this a bonus. Western medicine has determined that Turmeric has the greatest cancer-fighting power of any dietary product known to mankind. Consider using them both together. They are good for your health.

Prep-tech

Paella is supposed to be cooked out-doors, over an open wood fire. It takes a long time; 3 hours in most cases. They usually use a cheap steel Paella (which litterally means pan). It is typically made out of a low-grade of stainless steel. This is not 18-10 culinary stainless surgical steel.

I'm not going to go that route. I have picked out a 5 quart casserole dish from Le Creuset, which is made out of enameled cast iron... of course. That puppy is going on top of a Fagor portable induction cooktop I have. This sucker cranks at 1600w and turns the entire pan into a heating element. It destroys gas in terms of CO2 output, and crushes electric radiants in terms of energy efficiency.

I am banking that enameled cast iron and induction will combine to produce the best results. A Paella purist would not approve, but I don't give a damn about that. I intend to get better results.

Update

I just found a source of rabbit meat. The source is Harmony Farms 2824 Foothill Boulevard, La Crescenta, CA 91214-3499. The also claim that they have Alligator meat. I suppose that is legal. There are now too many of those critters dwelling in limited habitats in the south. To prevent incursions into human territory, they are issuing licenses to commercial hunters.

Adding some Gator to the Paella would be interesting. According to the rumor, Gators have the most succulent meat.