So I cleaned out my desk today

So I cleaned out my desk at work today. I did that just in case the boss wants to fire me tomorrow.

I took down my Jim Brown and Roger Staubach jerseys, I disassembled the Aerogarden, I packed up the protein powder and Bullet mixer, I carted out a wagon load of computer books. I also threw away a ton of junk and scrubbed the place down. Three big boxes, one Radio Flier, two full waste baskets and 30 Lysol wipes later, the joint was clean. I will take a photo of it tomorrow and post it here for your viewing pleasure.

There are only two articles left in that cubical that belong to me. The first is a Wacom Intous3 touch pad that I use in lieu of a mouse. The other is my custom-made Canadian Lifeform executive chair. I can unplug the touch pad in split second and walk out the door with it. Transporting my Lifeform chair will prove much more problematic. I will figure something out. The chair and the touch pad are the only two things [of mine] that I need to function until the day split for good.

This created quite a buzz at work. Three coworkers asked me what the hell was going on. They wanted to know if I had found a new job, or... or... or... "Not yet", I answered rather ambiguously. The two fleas, who have been sucking blood out of my ass for the past four years, were visibly shocked. There was no mistaking the meaning of those expressions. Neither dared to ask what I was doing. I suppose they were/are crushed that I am leaving them.

It may not be time to go just yet, but we just got the two minute warning and I am in my four minute offense. I am grinding the clock down. I am just making sure that everything is ready so I can sprint off the field when the final gun sounds. I got the lead and you can't have it.

I'm not the only character who is unhappy in this mix. Everyone of my teammates has a plan. We're like the 1960's Rams Al Davis once targeted: Everybody wants to leave the team. Everybody's got an escape plan. Some are sharing, some are not. We're all working on leads.

I've already got an offer on the table from what was formerly Country Wide and is now Bofa, and it is for a sizable pay increase, but who the fuck would be stupid enough to accept that position? It's literally right down the street from my present job, but this is no career move any wise man would make.

Right now I am big-game hunting. Getting the white lion may require a move to Livermore California. I am up for it, if that is what it takes.

Positive steps towards a good change in employment

The employment market is very difficult today. Making a smooth & successful transition to a better position is far from easy. What does a man need to do to maximize his chances of success? I've given that some serious thought, and I have developed the following list of items:

1. Polish up that resume. This is everybody's first step in getting that next job. I'm going to have to look at what is trendy right now in resume righting. Of course, a computer programmer's resume must be bloated with all of the latest buzz words.
2. Hold until late July. Make ready to get underway until then. Continue weight loss unabated. It will take some time to execute all the steps on this list. Give yourself a modicum of time to get it done.
3. Get a custom tailored business suit. The cloths make the man. In SoCal, it's all about style over substance. The moto is "You are your image; you must control your image or your image will control you." It is an odious and egregious fact, but in the glamour capital of the universe, personal appearance means more than any skill or merit.
4. Get a professional photographer to take executive portrait shots of you. In line with position #1, many employers want to look at you in the way casting directors do. Does this man look convincing in the role? If I take still shots of this guy, will he convince anyone he is the character we cast him as? I have been told that one way to land a big desk in a nice office is to have a Hollywood photographer do portraiture of you behind a big executive desk. First impressions are lasting impressions. If the first shot an employer sees of you is a man in custom tailored business suit behind an executive desk, odds are this will become the frieze chiseled in the mind's eye.
5. Be open to a move out of state for new and better employment.
6. Look in cities such as San Francisco, Miami, Dallas, Phoenix and Las Vegas.
7. Get Bump. Bump is a little phone app that allows you to exchange business cards with people you meet by simply bumping your smart phones together. It automatically adds these individuals to your database of contacts and keeps their business cards in an orderly fashion.
8. Get a FaceBook.com account. Folks, this tip comes straight from Monster.com. Why should they recommend another website other than their own? It is an odious and egregious fact that more and more employers are seeking information about their prospects from social media. If you don't have a FaceBook.com account, some treat this fact as a lack of ID and credentials. This is particularly true in the hipster-huckster bleeding-edge technology market. This is not entirely without merit. You can recognize a problem case based on certain key warning signs found in social media. Still, it is vastly more difficult to assign positive merit points based on what you see in social media. Regrettably, many employers do both today.
9. Get a Twitter account. Regrettably, many placement agencies are using Twitter these days. They use it for communication purposes. I don't particularly like this idea, but it you will either play or pay for it.
10. List yourself on Dice.com. Dice remains a leader in placing technology professionals. I am going to have to see there is something better these days.
11. List yourself on Ladders.com. Most of us have seen the commercials for Ladders.com. Should we believe the hype? I don't know, but I think it is worth having a look at this site.
12. Consider joining the Masonic Lodge. I know this going to sound wacky to some people. When all is said and done, the Masonic Lodge is just an old-boys network. This is a back-slapping club in which the men pledge to help each other in their careers. I have two uncles who made it to the 33rd degree in Scottish Rite. There is some power in this outfit. It is not what it used to be, but there remains something to be said for it.