- The Watchmen
- Paranormal Activity
- Inglorious Basterds
The Watchmen Redux
Jesus! This movie is far worse than I remembered! I thought I would give it a second chance on the possibility that I might have missed something. Well... I did. This movie is far more absurd, preposterous, and laughable than I remembered it.
There are a large collection of terrible scenes in this movie; scenes that caused a lot of bad belly laughs this time around. I can't really blame Snyder for it. These scenes are all in the graphic novel as well. When you try to shoot these preposterous scenes with a serious and dramatic tone, they only come out more laughable. Regrettably, the tone of the novel is serious as well. Zach was just being faithful to rubbish.
Consider the pivotal scene on Mars. Laurie Jupiter (Silk Spectre II) has to convince Jon (Dr. Manhattan) to save the world from nuclear amageddon. We have a completely nonsensical scene full of dialog about predestination. They argue about his bizarre perspective on life in the universe. Laurie insists that Jon "do that thing" he does, and make her understand his bizarre perspective. Manhattan complies, touching her forehead in a Vulcan mild-meld.
Rather than understanding Manhattan's perspective on life and the universe, Laurie has an Opra moment of psychoanalytic breakthrough. She recovers a lost memory of her childhood in which it was revealed that the Comedian (a hero who once attempted to rape her mother) is her actual father. Mama got together with papa later to let him finish the job.
Now how in the fuck did this happen? How did Manhatten's attempt to communicate his perspective cause her to remember her repressed memory of childhood? How does A connect to B? Only through some series of logical fallacies promoted by the use of hallucinogenics, I am sure. Alan Moore was that kind of a guy. By all accounts, he believed mushrooms were a great aid to one's creative imagination.
But wait! There is still more! Laurie, an ordinary female without super powers, strikes a crystal wall of Dr. Manhattan's... er... apparatus... and the whole thing comes tumbling down. Boy! She's a lot stronger than she looks. Laurie says her entire life is a joke. This is emblematic of her father. Jon shocks the audience by 'realizing' that the improbable miracle of Laurie's chaotic origins proves that humanity is worth saving. Say what...? And he is not even mad that she smashed his... er... apparatus.
But wait! There is still more! The artificial 3d effects camera pulls back from this scene on Mars to show that the destruction of Dr. Manhatten's... er... apparatus has left a huge land-scar on the surface of Mars. This land scar is in the shape of the Comedian's happy face logo. Yep, I am sure that can occur naturally when a crystal apparatus get's smashed on Mars. I am sure Dr. Manhattan would want to do something like that also. Jesus that is a stupid idea! Who had that fucking idea? Oh yeah, it was mushroomhead Moore again.
This incredibly botched concept for a scene is both pivotal and emblematic of the problems with the rest of the movie. There are a whole lot of bad ideas found here. Many of them brought out belly laughs the second time around. [Especially the scene where Rorschach wards off a SWATT team with a can of Lysol and a matchbook.]
Then we have the obnoxiously bad ended. I already complained about this at some length. Hard to believe it is true, but Zach Snyder cleaned up (i.e. changed) an even worse ending found in the original graphic novel.
Bottom line folks: Watchmen is a steaming, stinking, stenching pile of wet and runny doggy poo-pooh. I regret the fact that Zach Snyder, a very good film maker, got involved with such a poor project as this. Terry Gilliam, of Monty Python fame, was wise to drop the project. It may be billed as the most celebrated graphic novel of all time, but that is 100% bullshit.
Paranormal Activity
Now we're talking! I am glad to say that Paranormal Activity lived up to its billing. It is a good and scary story. It is another one of the slew of camcorder movies which include Cloverfield and Quarantine. I liked these movies also. The story is very simple: A young woman, engaged to be engaged with the man she is cohabitation with is being haunted by a daemon. This daemon has been following her throughout her youth. Without much of any effects budget, cameras or actors, they bring off a very nice supernatural suspense thriller. This one raises tension very nicely.
Reports of this movie stated that women found it utterly terrifying, throwing their popcorn in the air and jumping out of their seats. I think these reports are believable. These women probably related closely to the chubby--but good looking--protagonist who seems to have found Mr. Right only to go to the edge of ruin because of something horridly evil chasing her. I know this movie would utterly kill my mother and my aunt. The second the Ouiji board appears on camera they would both duck and cover. They both have a fear of those things. Fortunately, the odds of getting them to watch this film are slim and none.
Inglorious Basterds
Well... it's a fun movie, and it is pretty well made. The leading villain, Christopher Waltz, makes this movie work. He is very interesting villain to watch in action. By now, I think it's safe to assume everybody knows that this movie re-wrote the end of WWII. You'll have to get over that. If you can, the movie is fun, but it is not more than that.
As is the case with a lot of Quentin Tarantino movies, I believe this movie is over-rated. Tarantino makes B-flick exploitation movies, and he knows it. I, generally, like this kind of thing, but I fail to see why he is celebrated so much when others are celebrated so little. Why is Tarantino good and John Carpenter bad? Critics cannot explain this to me.
In any case, this movie is worth watching.
