Through the years, I added to the list. A good joke or two would turn up every year, and if it passed muster I would quickly add it to the list. However, much of this list remains as it was back in 2001.
So, since a reasonable amount of time has passed since Michael died, I thought it was time to post this up for the record. I am working on some new Post-Mortem jokes. The collection and repair process is going well. There are some new slammers coming to this blog soon.
For the record, the original Michael Jackson master list of jokes looks like this:
Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and acne?
A: Acne doesn't come on your face until you're at least 13.
Q: Why are Michael Jackson's dates like McDonald Hamburgers?
A: It's always a 50 year old piece of brown meat wedged between two 10 year old white buns.
Q: What's black and white and cums in small cans?
A: Michael Jackson
Q: What is soft and brown and often found in the diapers of baby boys?
A: Michael Jackson's dick.
Q: What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
A: They both leave little boys' bedrooms with empty sacks.
Q: What's "black-white" and purple?
A: Michael Jackson's dick after a slumber party with a bunch of 6 year olds.
Q: You know how Michael Jackson walks around with one glove on singing "Beat it"? What happened to the other glove?
A: It is stuck in McCaully Caulkin's ass.
Q: Why did Michael Jackson invite McCaully Caulkin over to his house?
A: Because he wanted to fuck him.
Q: Why did Michael Jackson invite Emanuel Lewis over to his house?
A: Because he wanted to fuck him.
Who knew that when Michael Jackson wrote PYT that he was actually thinking about McCaully Caulkin.
Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?
A: Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon. Michael Jackson rapes you boys up the ass. That's the difference.
Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Bill Clinton?
A: Bill Clinton is the former president of the U.S.A. Michael Jackson rapes you boys up the ass. That's the difference.
Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson and Rick James?
A: Rick James was a great singer/song writer. Michael Jackson rapes you boys up the ass. That's the difference.
Q: Why did Michael Jackson contact Boyz2Men?
A: He thought they were a delivery service.
Q: How many Michael Jacksons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Trick question: Michael only screws little boys.
Q: What do Michael Jackson and Gaylord Perry have in common?
A: It's an open secret that they lubed up a lot of little balls with their spit and vasoline.
Q: What do Michael Jackson and Willie Shoemaker have in common?
A: Both ride 3 year olds.
Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson and Willie Shoemaker?
A: Willie can ride 3 year olds legally.
Q: What is Michael Jackson's idea of a perfect 10?
A: Having two 5 year olds in his bed at once.
Q: How do you know it's bedtime at Neverland Ranch?
A: When the big hand touches the little hand.
Q: Why did Pepsi kill Michael Jackson's endorsement deal?
A: They caught him downing a Squirt.
Q: What is Michael Jackson's favorite fast food?
A: Bob's Big boys.
Q: What is Michael Jackson's favorite dish?
A: Creamed shrimp.
Q: Why does Michael Jackson hate eating at Taco Bell?
A: Because he doesn't want to think outside the bun.
Q: What did Michael Jackson order at the Chinese restaurant?
A: Cream of Sum Yung Guy.
Q: Why did Michael Jackson get food poisoning?
A: He ate a nine year old wiener!
Q: Did you hear that Michael Jackson was taken to the Emergency Room?
A: He was choking on a small bone!
Q: Why did Michael Jackson rush out to K-Mart in a frenzy yesterday?
A: He read that they had "Boys pants half off".
Q: Why does Michael Jackson like twenty eight year old boys?
A: Because he's got 20 of them at once.
Q: How can you tell when Michael Jackson is having a big orgy sex-party at Neverland?
A: The drive way is packed full of tricycles.
Q: They say Michael Jackson has no sense of humor about these jokes. Why do you think he is so thin-skinned?
A: Because he had all the black layers peeled off.
Q: Why are Michael Jackson's kids like U.S. veterans?
A: They all get fucked in the end.
Q: What is the title of the docudrama/biopic about Michael Jackson's life?
A: "The African Queen."
Q: What does Michael Jackson have in common with an XBox
A: Young boys turn them on.
Q: Why was Michael Jackson fired from his post as a cub scout leader?
A: He was smoking one pack a day.
Q: What's Michael Jackson's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Little Boy Blew.
Q: What were Michael Jackson's baby's first words?
A: Which one's mommy?
Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
A: One is white, made out of plastic, and dangerous for kids to play with; you use to carry your groceries.
Q: Have you heard about the foundation that Michael Jackson and Richard Pryor have started?
A: It's called the Ignited Negro College Fund.
Q: How can a guy like Michael Jackson stand on stage and sing "I'm Bad" with any honesty or integrity?
A: Because he has licked every boy in the hood.
Q: Why is Michael Jackson's album new entitled "Bad"?
A: Because he couldn't spell "Pathetic".
The lyrics to "Bad" say it all:
Your Butt Is Mine
Gonna Take You Right
The Pope has issued a proclamation on Michael Jackson.
If he hears any more allegations about child molestation,
the Pope says he'll have no choice but to make Michael the
Cardinal of Boston.
Q: Why is Mr. Potato Head so jealous of Michael Jackson?
A: Michael Jackson has so many plug 'N play noses to choose from.
Q: Why does Michael tour with a huge road crew?
A: He always has a lot of shit to pack.
Q: What is the chorus of the new duet by Michael Jackson and Elton John?
A: "Don't let your son go down on me."
Q: What is the title of the music video Michael Jackson shot with his pet chimpanzee?
A: I'm forever blowing Bubbles.
Q: What do Michael Jackson and Shamoo the killer whale have in common?
A: They are both black and white and live in amusement parks.
Q: Why did Michael go to college?
A: Because he wanted a Bachelor of Arse degree.
Q: What college did he go to?
A: Bring-em Young.
Q: Why is sex so easy to get for Michael Jackson?
A: It's child's play; like taking candy from a baby.
Q: Did you hear the title of Michael Jackson's new radio show?
A: The Anus of Andy Show.
Q: Why has Michael Jackson been doing so many children's shows lately?
A: They give him a lot of chances to plug.
