The 5 types of movies I dislike the most

1. Saturday Night Live Spin-off comedies

Saturday Night Live is not funny. Saturday Night Live is extremely stupid. People laugh at SNL skits because they smoke dope and drink beer on Saturday Nights. They may also be watching the show after sex, which means that they are in a good mood. In short people laugh at this 'humor' because they are fucked up, not because the comedy is good.

The humor itself is template, stock, off the shelf, re-heated in the microwave, cliche, obvious, non-insightful rubbish. Often it is extremely stupid implementations if cliche & rehash jokes about political figures or events. By no means and under no circumstances does this humor push the envelope. It is completely rule-bound, and governed by the laws of political correctness as handed down by University Professors across the nation.

The foremost practitioner of this crap is Will Ferrel. I avoid his intensely stupid movies like the plague.

2. The Chick Flick

Fried Green Tomatoes, Steel Magnolias, Hope Floats, The Notebook, The Wedding Date, The Wedding Planner, Bride Wars, Serendipity, Hannah and Her Sisters, Micky Blue Eyes, Enchanted, Must Love Dogs, etc.

Did you know that--by Federal law--a movie cannot contain references to brides, weddings, grooms, and dates without officially being a chick flick... under penalty of false advertisement? Chicks like movies that are steeped in dialog. They want dialog in which characters don't decide what is going to happen. Things just happen, and the characters talk about how the feel about it. They also like movies where the guy and girl instantly know that they are going to have sex. The subsequently spend 95% of the movie talking about it, and 5% of the movie doing it... Behind closed doors.

These are chick flicks. Does that sound good to you?

3. JAFECS -- Just Another Fucking English Class Story

These movies include everything and anything written by Jane Austin or including Helena Bonham Carter in it. Essentially, you have a story in which a lower class female marries-up into a higher class family. Much drama ensues. Love usually conquers all. Dady is rich. Mama is good looking. Everybody is finally happy by the end... even if Junior missed his chance to marry a rich woman. Even 65 year old women find these films charming.

There are other forms of JAFECS which follow Marxist lines of social analysis. These are usually more interesting, but far more toxic, as some people think they actually have a strong bearing on reality.

4. Woody Allen Movies

Even proponents of Wood Allen admit that he has 3 basic templates for movies. He keeps making the same 3 films over and over again. Detractors of Woody Allen, like me, will tell you he has 1 template for a movie, and he keeps making the same film over and over again. Every movie Woody Allen has ever made has been a remix of Manhattan and Annie Hall. He is truly a one-string guitarist, sitting in the corner strumming 1 note all day long.

Some New York wise guy should have done the job on him by now.

5. The prestige picture

Honestly, the things the Motion Picture Academy thinks are cool bother me to no end. The things they regard as interesting, I do not regard as interesting. The things they regard as important, I do not regard as important. The things they think are artistic, I regard as rubbish. The strange bandwagons that get rolling in Hollywood are incomprehensible at best. I can dispute most of the best picture nominees and winners for the past 10 years. The last time I totally agreed with a best picture winner, it was 1995 and Braveheart won it all.