The Synastry Files

Why Libra...?

So the research project continues with very interesting results. The Libras occupy the top 6 slots of the leader board. The scores are pretty well off the chart. Regrettably, so too are the aggression scores. Terrifying...

Another interesting finding seems to be emerging. The Aquarians are starting to show up strong. I haven't found one that can crack the Libra hegemony over the top 6, but the Aquarians are starting to show scores in the 180-220 range, which is remarkable, to say the least. The Aquarian reports also show high aggression scores, similar to the Libras, but in the 300 range.

Oh well, Tom Landry and Rodger Staubach didn't always get along. They blew their cool around each other a few times. They still formed one of the most famous partnerships in NFL history, and Landry is still Staubach's biggest fan. Incidentally, I happen to have Staubach's jersey hanging up in my cubical at work, so I think pretty well of him also.

I have not yet run the Gemini charts yet, but I am expecting those to show strong scores also.

Why? I am formulating a theory about this with the help of several websites. Many astrological sources will tell you can't match sun signs with sun signs per se. The logic is foul. You can only match whole charts with whole charts, looking at complex aspects. Nevertheless, certain common patterns do emerge.

Common pattern #1: Opposites attract. You heard the Paula Abdul song. In romance, the key principle is called erotic complementarity. In genetics the principle is called hybrid vigor. She brings something to the pot luck. You bring something else. Together, you put together a complete program. Since romance is a function of reproduction, and reproduction is a genetic thing, you need to think of this as you would DNA and RNA. Any biochemist worth a damn will tell you a strand of RNA is the exact mirror opposite of it's DNA counterpart.

You see, my thinking has been entirely wrong up to this point. I am a predominantly earth guy. I have 5 Virgos and one Taurus in my chart. After that, I have three key fire signs: Aries moon, Leo Venus, Leo Mars (just like Tim Tebow). The rest is water; one each of Scorpio, Pisces, Cancer. I haven't got the slightest shred of air in my chart.

Ergo, I should go after a predominantly air-girl, with little or no earth in her chart. She brings something to the table I don't have. I may bring something to the table she doesn't have. Together, we have compliantly. It's supposed to work.

I thought it was other way around. I thought I would be best off with an earthy girl, preferably of the Capricorn clan. I have been dismayed by how many mediocre/average scores I have seen comparing my chart to Capricorn women. I like them, and they don't exactly hate me, but evidently they don't think it's a hot match up. They are luke-warm to say the least. The story of my life thus far...

If these scores are to be believed, the air girls do think its a (real) hot match-up. Libra is an Air sign. Aquarius is an air sign. Gemini is an air sign. The approaching series of Gemini tests will be the critical key in qualifying this theory.

If some sources are to be believed, the Gemini scores will be hotter than the Libra scores. Mercury rules Gemini and Virgo. They are supposed to be the most mental signs of the Zodiac, with Aquarius coming in 3rd. Ergo, it is a hot match. Really?

I doubt this theory. First of all, how much hotter does it get than 357 to 371? Higher than this is nearly inconceivable. Second, I have never had a liaison or affair of the heart with a Gemini girl. Third, my Grandma was a Gemini. Despite the fact that I was her grandson, and I loved her, I have to tell you we didn't see eye to eye about a lot of things. This is where those fearsome aggression numbers would seem to manifest themselves. I used to make grandma plenty mad, and visa-versa. Finally, some of my least favorite stars (read Angelina Jolie) are Geminis.

How a Capricorn like Brad Pitt hooked up with a Gemini like Angelina Jolie... Brad, you are letting your earth brothers down.

Still, if there happens to be some magnificent Gemini chick waiting around out there for me...

What I have seen this preason...

The first two weeks of this pre-season pretty well blew past me without much of a notable result. Everything went exactly as I expected. In particular, Tebow flashed strong immediately, and the Rams offensive line flashed weak immediately. Other than that, nothing impressed me much in week 1 or 2 of the preseason.

That changed this week, and it is well it should. The third preseason game is the so-called "dressed rehearsal" for the regular season. I saw a number of things that impressed me a great deal. Let me count them down for you.

Javid Best is going to be the AP Offensive Rookie of the Year in 2011

The kid is looking flat-out dynamic so far. I am seeing flashes of Marshall Faulk all over the place. The sky is the limit for this kid, and Matt Stafford can't be more overjoyed about it. Now with Calvin Johnson, Javid Best and Matt Stafford, I am wondering whether Detroit is going to get up off the carpet and make one hell of a surprise run.

I have been soooo impressed by this kid, that I have already purchased his #44 jersey in white. I intend to wear that Jersey for the very first time on September 2, 2010, to celebrate my 44th birthday. Congrats kid! You impressed me so much that you convinced me not to wear the Dallas Clark jersey, and I think the world of Dallas Clark.

The Ravens look like the Super Bowl 45 champions

You better watch out for these guys. They are looking scary. This could be the most impressive end-to-end team I have seen this preseason. The super-duper off-season the Ravens had impressed me a great deal. I made them the tentative-prohibitive favorite [if that makes any sense] in the AFC based on their fantastic off-season.

That high-quality off-season is generating tangible yields, right now, in the 2010 preseason. The Ravens look very strong to me.

The main problem with the Ravens these past two years has been their own internal distrust of their passing game. They have wanted to bring Flacco along slowly, not putting too much on his plate. Now they seem to trust Flacco and are willing to put the team in his hands. Now they are showing flashes of a dynamic offense that can throw well and run like hell.

They will also beat the shit out of you defensively.

This is a goooooooood looking football team. I am mighty damn impressed by these guys.

The Saints look more than prepared to defend their crown

There ain't no sign of a let-down in New Orleans. I must say, it does might heart good to think they might defend their title. If so, they will be the first NFC team to win back-to-back titles since the Cowboys did it in 1995. I have to say: It couldn't happen to a nicer bunch of fellas and better city.

I am hoping you will pull it off, New Orleans.

The Packers look like they have a Hurricane offense, but a somewhat suspect defense.

The Packers offense look like the 1st Air-Cav division: death from above. Aaron Rodgers is shooting the lights out with a 141 passer efficiency rating. If you watch the film, he looks better than the rating sounds. I saw him make effortless tight-window throws against the Colts' [pretty elite] defense. He made it look easy, and those were not easy throws. 9 out of 10 quarterbacks in this league would have had trouble making all of those throws.

Aaron Rodgers will replace Payton Manning as the NFL's All-Pro QB and MVP in 2010 if this continues. There ain't no doubt about it. He is that good. There is a reason why he is the #1 guy in everybody's fantasy pool right now.

The one problem is a suspect running defense which has given up a number of big runs this preseason. I see some deficiencies in the fundamentals of tackling here. I saw visions of Vince Lombardi screaming "GRAB! GRAB! GRAB! NOBODY'S TACKLING!" You also need to be concerned about the fact that a less-than-physical Colts O-Line shredded your front-7.

I see flashes of the Super Bowl looser's jinx on the Colts

Folks, it ain't just one thing either. First, 49ers tie one on them. Now we see that the NFL has messed up the Colts' much feared no-huddle offense. Just as their running game begins to impress us all, Joseph Addai goes down with a concussion.

Understand that the Super Bowl loser's jinx began in the year 1970 with a Don Shula,/Johnny Unitas Baltimore Colts team. That Colt team was at least as good, and probably better, than this Colt team. You can argue they were better coached by Shula. Just immediately after going 13-1, that Colt team finished 7-7, and struggled all the way. The next year (1971) those Colts would return to the Super Bowl, and win it all against the Cowboys.

That was an historically great team that struggled psychologically after loosing the big one. The Super Bowl loser's jinx is real and powerful and effective. The Colts know all about it. You know more about it than I do.

The Cowboy offense looks like shit

During the deep-off season, I joined many in thinking that the Cowboys had to be a mild-favorite to win the NFC. With a sharply weakened NFC-East, and an improved passing attack, I thought the Cowboys might enjoy a cake-walk to home-field advantage throughout the playoffs, including the Super Bowl.

Right now I am officially off the Cowboys' bandwagon. What I have seen is an ugly-struggling offense that has not pierced the end-zone this preseason... at least the 1st stringers haven't. Most problematic is the offensive line. It looks like you guys inherited the curse of Alex Barron. Now your offensive line looks like keystone cops at a Chinese fire-drill.

I am being a little facetious here. Alex has actually looked pretty good for Cowboys so far, but the rest of the line, particularly the interior looks like abject and absolutely reprehensible shit. There is no way you guys are going to go to the Super Bowl with a line that looks like that. You got some work to do, and it might be as difficult as the work the Rams have to do.

The Patriot defense looks like shit

And I mean wet, running, stinky, nasty, stenching cat shit too! If you think otherwise, you have a lot of explaining to do. Some say that the Patriots never show you anything but a 'vanilla look' during the preseason. Folks, that is not sufficient to explain what I saw against the Rams.

Understand that the NFL's 32nd ranked offense, an offense that averaged only 10.9 points per game last season, an offense that was shutout by the Redskins and the Seahawks (bottom 10 teams) just went up to New England and popped 17 points on the board before you got up to take a piss.

The Rams went on to score 36. The Patriots kept Tom Brady in the game until the 4th quarter, trying to make it look closer than it actually was. The Patriot broadcast team heaped praise on Bradford to avoid heaping condemnation on Bellichick's defense.

The praise for Bradford was mostly ledgit, but you dropped the ball by failing to condemn the Patriots defense. They looks pretty damn slow and unathletic to me. That defense just doesn't look competitive. They are more than suspect at this point.

Right now, I think 2010 is the year the wheels fall off of that Patriot defense. It would make sense. The hoodie has been keeping it going with smoke and mirrors for the past year.

Jesus looks like shit

So, I trust we are all familiar with the pecular story of Charlie Whitehurst, correct? My favorite piece on BleacherReport.com was titled "Jesus Christ to start at Quarterback in Seattle". I wrote that piece, by the way. The Seahawk fans dug it. I got a lot of nice praise for that humorous piece.

I wanted to make the point that there ain't no way in hell Charlie Whitehurst is the future of the Seahawk organization. I knew that when the trade went down. Whitehurst is a short-term stop-gap solution for the Seahawks for those occasions in 2010 when Matt is injured. Matt is often injured, by the way.

I fully expect the Seahawks to go after a certain fellow by the name of Jake Locker in this upcoming 2011 draft. He is the hometown hero, and he is being developed by Pete's buddy and former offensive coordinator Steve.

Incidentally, more than 60% of the Seahawk fans agreed with me. The polls indicates that they believe Jesus... errr... Charlie is a stop-gap, and Jake Locker is the man of the future in Seattle. Many of them are begging for this outcome. The only doubt comes from those who just don't think the Seahawks will be in a position to take Locker. They all want him.

Charlie is not giving them a reason to stop begging. He's got a QB passer rating of 61. I know he has thrown for a lot of yards, but he has not looked good doing so. Right now, he does not resemble a starting QB in the National Football League.

The Cardinal look poised for a fall, regrettably.

What I say now, I say with a heavy heart: The Cardinals look like they are going down. Not only did they deal Anquan, not only did Kurt Warner retire, not only did Larry Fitzgerald get hurt, but now Derek Anderson is looking like their top QB with an efficiency rating of 70.2. In the immortal words of Herm Edwards, "I'm calling Kurt Warner".

This is not good. I enjoyed watching the Cardinals compete over the past two seasons. I do not like seeing teams occupy the post of "perennial doormats". I enjoyed seeing the Cards get up and make a Super Bowl run.

Now it looks to me as if they are going to rejoin the cellar dwellers at the bottom of the heap. They may want to compete with the Seahawks for Jake Locker. In the meantime, you need to get Sage Rosenfels from the Vikings.

The Rams do look better, but the Jim Plunkett 2.0 remake is still on schedule

The Rams flashed a strong offense against the Patriots, but don't get too hyped about that just yet. All along, I have been warning of a Hollywood remake of the Jim Plunket story.

Do you remember that story? A brilliant Heisman trophy winning passer gets selected #1 by a football team with a shit-ass offensive line. He flashes strong, winning rookie of the year, and even defeating the mighty Raiders. All the way along the line, he takes hit after hit. Eventually the hits take their toll and he starts getting injured.

Fortunately, Jim's career had a happy ending. Mr. Al Davis put him behind one of the finest offensive lines in league history, and he detonated.

Ram fans need to be keenly aware of this historical example as we watch the Sam Bradford story unfold. Already Donnie Avery has been lost for the season on a fluke ACL tear. Lost in the turmoil of the injury was the fact that Sam Bradford got ax-handled on the very same play. I am talking about a high-velocity hit that launched Sam off his feet and pancaked him. He shook it off, just as Jim Plunkett did after so many hits. That fact is cold comfort for Ram fans.

Former 49er Randy Cross praise Bradford's poise, and warned that the Patriot defense was "massaging his chops" after every throw. Things are out-of-order on the Rams offensive line. This needs to be fixed, real soon.

The Rams also need to trade for a certain receiver in San Diego, but you didn't hear this suggestion from me. If I suggest it, Devaney will never make the deal.

The Kroenke era begins with a boom. The Georgia curse has been ended.

Surely you jest! Surely you are pulling my leg! Nah! Not true! Are you serious. The Rams defeated the Patriots 36-35 in Boston? NAH!

I want to carefully qualify my remarks. I do not believe the Patriots are the ruling dynasty of the NFL. I do not believe they are a Super Bowl contender this season. Nevertheless, I do expect them to post a winning season. I do not expect the same thing from my Rams.

Still I cannot deny the reports the NFL Network is throwing at me. Evidentially, my 1-15 team just went into New England and scored 36 points against the Patriots. Do you understand that this was the 32nd ranked offense in the NFL last season? This was an offense that had trouble putting 11 points on the scoreboard, and was shutout by the Redskins and the Seahawks, both of whom were bottom 10 teams.

How did you fuckers give up 36 points? Mel Kiper was more right than I though he was, and I thought he was pretty accurate on this question. The New England Patriots have real problems on defense. I haven't seen a lot of things that impressed me this preseason (except Javid Best) but this impresses me.

You mean to tell me that Sam shot 15 for 22 for 189 yards and a pair of touchdowns behind one of the most... er... ah... lines in the league? That is a pretty good QB rating there kid. Keep it up.

I don't know what to say. I guess my guys have gotten better and yours have gotten worse. If I were the Patriots, I would pretty intensely humiliated by this.

Hallelujah the Georgia curse has been lifted! The Kroenke era begins with a bang.

Good job guys.

Bouy... starting to doubt these Synastry tea leaves

After having several weeks of fun comparing my chart to those of innumerable famous and not-so-famous women in this world, I decided to train Kepler 7.0 on some of the football personalities I seem to pay so much attention to.

The results seem pretty askew from reality, or at least the way I perceive it. You never know about people until you work and live with them for real, so who can say?

Still I find these reports questionable.

For the record here is the key to decoding these scores:

Above 150 is very high. This trait is VERY strong!

125 to 150 is above average. The trait is strong.

115 to 125 is slightly above average. The trait is slightly strong.

85 to 115 is average.

75 to 115 is slightly below average. The trait is slightly weak.

50 to 75 is weak.

50 or lower is VERY weak!

Billy Devaney and David Leon

Category Totals

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1. Similarity of Interests and Temperament: 229

2. Mutual Success and High Achievement: 85

3. Problem Solving, Communication, and Mutual Understanding: 117

4. Mutual Kindness, Friendliness, Pleasantness, and Peace: 70

5. Aggressiveness, Competition, Power, Success, or Violence 96

6. Adventurousness, Surprises, Disturbances: 142

7. Shared Creativity, Imagination, and Inspiration: 135

Shocking... but then again it is not. Devaney has his sun in Pisces and his Mercury in Aquarius. That is very formative. I know these people well. My brother Ben, my cousin Ana Julia, my former business partner John Z, my favorite evangelical preacher Jimmy Swaggart, and couple other you wouldn't know. All of these people have their Sun in Pisces and Mercury in Aquarius.

Yep that's right, Devaney and Swaggart...

While somewhat low, the mutal kindness is higher than I would have predicted. The aggression score is lower than average, which is remarkable.

For the record, Pisces is in my 7th house. This means my business partners and my future wife are all supposed to come from the Pisces clan. Certainly, several of my realtives do. Virgo/Mercury is one of only two signs that can run with Aquarius/Mecury.

Steve Spagnuolo and David Leon

Category Totals

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1. Similarity of Interests and Temperament: 229

2. Mutual Success and High Achievement: 137

3. Problem Solving, Communication, and Mutual Understanding: 118

4. Mutual Kindness, Friendliness, Pleasantness, and Peace: 43

5. Aggressiveness, Competition, Power, Success, or Violence 78

6. Adventurousness, Surprises, Disturbances: 80

7. Shared Creativity, Imagination, and Inspiration: 88

Wow... pretty good scores there. No wonder I like the guy. Incidentally, Spags is a major league Sagittarius. It may not be friendly, but it isn't violent either.

David Leon and Dick Vermeil

Category Totals

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1. Similarity of Interests and Temperament: 29

2. Mutual Success and High Achievement: 131

3. Problem Solving, Communication, and Mutual Understanding: 3

4. Mutual Kindness, Friendliness, Pleasantness, and Peace: 115

5. Aggressiveness, Competition, Power, Success, or Violence 377

6. Adventurousness, Surprises, Disturbances: 176

7. Shared Creativity, Imagination, and Inspiration: 132

Damn... That breaks my heart and wounds my soul to the core. Of all the guys I have held in high esteem over my life as a football fan, Dick Vermeil is pretty damn close to #1 on my list. It kills me to think that we have no mutual understanding and aggression score of 377. The mutual success score is reasonably strong. Understand that this could flip the aggression score and make it a success score. If so, that score is outstanding.

The temperment is totally different though. He is a very emotionally expressive dude. I am not. I have a poker face in pressure situations that just won't quit. Dick is not like that.

I admire the guy so much I doubt we would have that level of violence, but you never know until you work together under pressure.

David Leon and Stan Kroenke

Category Totals

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1. Similarity of Interests and Temperament: 0

2. Mutual Success and High Achievement: 32

3. Problem Solving, Communication, and Mutual Understanding: 131

4. Mutual Kindness, Friendliness, Pleasantness, and Peace: 67

5. Aggressiveness, Competition, Power, Success, or Violence 316

6. Adventurousness, Surprises, Disturbances: 140

7. Shared Creativity, Imagination, and Inspiration: 157

Wow... well, he is a billionaire. They say these fellows have a totally different mindset all together. Working with them and thinking with them is ostensibly like working hand-in-hand with aliens from another world. The aggression score is once again disturbing.

They say fights happens when strong willed people with strongly held ideas get together...

Dick Vermeil and Stan Kroenke

Category Totals

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1. Similarity of Interests and Temperament: 143

2. Mutual Success and High Achievement: 187

3. Problem Solving, Communication, and Mutual Understanding: 100

4. Mutual Kindness, Friendliness, Pleasantness, and Peace: 68

5. Aggressiveness, Competition, Power, Success, or Violence 264

6. Adventurousness, Surprises, Disturbances: 146

7. Shared Creativity, Imagination, and Inspiration: 151

Look at 'dem apples. They have pretty damn good scores until you get to kindness and aggression. Whilst not as bad as my scores, those don't look too... pleasant. Nevertheless, you can see why there was ground there for a successful business partnership.

Perhaps it is just the very nature of the beast. Football is so damn aggressive, violent, and competitive that you just can't have an afternoon tea party environment, even in the best situation. The pressure is horrendous.

Dick Vermeil and Sam Bradford

Category Totals

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1. Similarity of Interests and Temperament: 171

2. Mutual Success and High Achievement: 182

3. Problem Solving, Communication, and Mutual Understanding: 161

4. Mutual Kindness, Friendliness, Pleasantness, and Peace: 44

5. Aggressiveness, Competition, Power, Success, or Violence 196

6. Adventurousness, Surprises, Disturbances: 180

7. Shared Creativity, Imagination, and Inspiration: 50

Interesting... the two Scorpions have very good scores together until we get to kindness and aggression. The mutual success score is so good that it suggests that the aggression score will flip and become success. If I was Kroenke, I would take note. But then Kroenke is not interested in any of these things.

Just for shits and giggles I decided to throw in a few NFL Network personalities to see how this works out.

Rich Eisen and Jamie Dukes

Category Totals

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1. Similarity of Interests and Temperament: 29

2. Mutual Success and High Achievement: 167

3. Problem Solving, Communication, and Mutual Understanding: 98

4. Mutual Kindness, Friendliness, Pleasantness, and Peace: 266

5. Aggressiveness, Competition, Power, Success, or Violence 96

6. Adventurousness, Surprises, Disturbances: 176

7. Shared Creativity, Imagination, and Inspiration: 109

The similarity of interests and temperment score should send up red flags. Perhaps their temperments are different, but I suspect they have many common interests. They do seem successful and pleasant together. There is some adventure and surprises in their business. There may be some aggression and competition, but it is below average. I would agree with that.

Rich Eisen and David Leon

Category Totals

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1. Similarity of Interests and Temperament: 171

2. Mutual Success and High Achievement: 12

3. Problem Solving, Communication, and Mutual Understanding: 80

4. Mutual Kindness, Friendliness, Pleasantness, and Peace: 152

5. Aggressiveness, Competition, Power, Success, or Violence 0

6. Adventurousness, Surprises, Disturbances: 61

7. Shared Creativity, Imagination, and Inspiration: 107

Wow... very similar interests and temperment. No success and no aggression. Interesting...

Jamie Dukes and David Leon

Category Totals

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Similarity of Interests and Temperament: 0

2. Mutual Success and High Achievement: 117

3. Problem Solving, Communication, and Mutual Understanding: 104

4. Mutual Kindness, Friendliness, Pleasantness, and Peace: 121

5. Aggressiveness, Competition, Power, Success, or Violence 101

6. Adventurousness, Surprises, Disturbances: 126

7. Shared Creativity, Imagination, and Inspiration: 110

Wow... now that aught to throw the whole scheme in doubt. How in the world can I have a shared interest score of 0 with Jamie Dukes? I guarentee you that isn't correct. The rest of the scores are moderate average scores, but the top score must be wrong. I have always felt a great kinship with Jamie Dukes. I think we think similary. Not the same, but similarly. Since we are both interested in football and bariatric surgery, the score must be higher than zero. I guarentee you we have some shared interests. That just has to be wrong.

Now he was a center and I was a nose tackle...

So the Kroenke era begins...

Last night the NFL Network broadcast limited information on the NFL owners meeting taking place at the Ritz Carlton Buckhead in Atlanta Georgia. They did mention that there was a vote on Stan Kroenke. It was not precisely clear whether he won or not. I immediately looked it up on News.Google.com. The answer was yes, Stan has been approved as the new majority owner of the Rams. The facts of the case are these:

1. The approval vote was unanimous
2. Commissioner Goodell gave Stan a very nice endorsement.
3. Stan will be the 7th Ram owner in 73 years.
4. Many sources are reporting that Chip Rosenbloom and Lucia Rodriguez will still retain some interest in the team
5. Reports conflict, but VanRam states that Kroenke bought nearly all of the remaining 60% of the Rams for the sum of $450 million.
6. It is unlikely Chip Lucia will hold more than token stock in the Rams.
7. Stan has been given a grace-period to divest himself of the Nuggests and the Avalanche.
8. Regrettably, the NFL has not done away with the cross-ownership ban, or given Stan a pass. Rather he has a temporary exemption so that he can get into compliance with the rule.
9. Stan has until December of 2012, or until the end of the world, which ever comes first.
10. NFL Executive Vice President Eric Grubman says the Nuggests and Avalanche will be passed over to John Kroenke, the 30 year old son of Stan and Anne.
11. The spectre of a potential move to Los Angeles was raised immediately by the Atlanta media.
12. Stan said he would never lead the charge out of St. Louis, but he has to remain competitive, and to be competitive he needs revenues.
13. VanRam is reporting that the first item on Stan's agenda is a new Stadium and a return to profitability.
14. Certainly, a return to profitability is a critical aspect of the rebuilding project. You can't keep operating at a loss. You either staunch the bleeding or die at some point.

According to my fading memory, Stan began this trek back in late 1993 and early 1994 when a couple of guys named DeBartolo and Jones has spent Georgia under the table. The Rams were in considerable financial difficulty back then also. Georgia had no real money of her own. She was a Las Vegas Showgirl who had been married 5 times. She had nothing more than the money she inherited from Carroll Rosenbloom. While sizable by ordinary middle class terms, that fortune provided no means to compete with real billionaires like DeBartolo and Jones.

As an erstwhile NFC contender, the Rams needed to spend like the 49ers and Cowboys if they were to have any hope at all of launching a Super Bowl run. Georgia was basically forced to find a partner. Stan made it pretty clear he wanted to buy the whole enchilada outright. Georgia wouldn't sell the Rams outright. Eventually, they struck on a deal in which Stan bought 40%.

The first-refusal right Stan negotiated in that purchase contract made it absolutely clear that he was waiting on line to buy the rest of the team. Yesterday, 15 years of waiting in line came to an end. He could have made this process a year shorter, but with such monumental problems to grab hold of, why rush?

His timing makes sense. He will have approximately 4 calendar years in St. Louis to work out a new stadium deal before he can move to Los Angeles, if no progress is made. It should be noted that Stan could move the team tomorrow. He would simply have to pay penalties for breaking his lease early. No one expects him to do such a thing. The L.A. County stadium, either in Industry or downtown, is not ready yet.

It is unclear just who the progenitor of the move to St. Louis was in 1994. Stan is from St. Louis. Georgia was also from St. Louis. The city of St. Louis itself was beckoning a team. Some say that former President Shaw was the key exponent of the move. It's clear that Georgia finally made the move because she was (is) deeply hated by the people of Los Angeles, who believe she hijacked, then ruined the Rams. Georgia summed it up best when she said "I want to go where I am wanted."

You would be hard-pressed to find a more hated figure in Los Angeles sports history than Georgia Frontiere.

One thing the world must acknowledge: The Rams are now owned by the world's greatest sports Mogul. We'll see if he can return us to old form again.

I have to tell you, this news has had a strangely tranquilizing effect on me. I feel my heart strangely warmed, as John Wesley once did... I feel as if the Babylonian captivity has come to an end. Why do I feel that way? Well, let me tell you about it.

The subject of the first ever episode of PBS Frontline was the seamy, lurid and nasty side of sports. They spent a large block of time dealing with the very strange death of Carroll Rosenbloom. This is a fact not a theory. Check out the documentary.

Carrol was a guy who kept uncomfortably close ties with gambling men in Las Vegas. So close were these connections that he actually hooked up with their ex-wives. That would include Georgia. You see, Georgia was a Showgirl who had been married to a few managers of Las Vegas enterprises during the course of the 1960s and 1970s. You know what that means.

On April 2, 1979, Carrol decided to take a little swim in the Atlantic Ocean, off his private beach in Florida. There, he mysteriously encountered heart problems and drowned. PBS Frontline showed videotape interviews with mobsters who claimed Rosenbloom had been dragged under water by the legs and held down until he drowned. Steve Hartman of L.A. Sports talk fame, frequently claimed he had seen photos skin divers swimming away from location moments after Rosenbloom died. There were many gruesome autopsy photos taken of Carroll. Some of those photos alleged show electrical burn marks on one of his ankles.

Shortly thereafter, Georgia had Carroll's body cremated (something you never do to a Jew), she inherited the team, fired step-son Steve Rosenbloom (who was doing an absolutely fantastic job) and moved the team to Anaheim.

We all believe Georgia had Carroll hit by some of her ex-husband(s)'s associates, not to put to fine a point on it. Steve Rosenbloom always believed the same thing. Still does, according to what I hear.

In any case, the spectre of Carroll Rosenbloom's death/murder has hung over the team for a very long time. Whilst I doubt he would have objected to son Chip running the team, I hope he can rest in peace now that clean hands own the Rams.

Hey Kim...

So, I have a new favorite video game, and it's not Starcraft II (yet). It's called Kepler 7 and Janus 4. I have the download trials for those applications. Don't worry, you guys are going to get paid. I love yah!

So what is so fun about these software packages? The name of the game is Synastry. Have you ever imagined how things would go if you had a potential romatic shot with celebs, or other individuals you find attractive? Of course you have. You do it all the time.

With these two applications I am able to compare my natal chart to that of others and generate a score for potential friendship or romance. The score ranges go from 0-150. Anything over 150 is extremely strong. You get a variety of scores. Supposedly this tells you how similar you are in temperament, how you would affect one another's success, how sexual and romantic it would be, how much aggressiveness, competition, power or violence there would be, etc.

I tell you, you can waste scores of enjoyable hours typing in names, birthdays and locations. It's almost like the thrill of gambling. You type in the name of somebody you find drop dead gorgeous, and you get some kind of score. The results are life on the moment, just like in craps when you toss those dice. You are either crushed, or elated.

I have started up an Excel Spreadsheet which I call my Leader Board. The top synastry scores at the top, the lower ones are at the bottom. I don't keep track of anything lower than 145. I've been playing this game for a few days now, and it is both hilarious and intriguing.

Just a moment or two ago, I rolled out a result that knocked me out of my seat. I literally fell off my stool I cracked up so hard. My face was exploding with laughter.

Just what was that result? Well, let me give you a bit of background before I reveal that result.

Shockingly, there are not a whole lot of Taurus and Capricorn women on my leader board. I have tried at least 100 names for each, and the results are usually poor. I am greatly gratified by the few names that do appear here. I have a romantic and sexual attraction score of 179 with Paz Vega. I would say my side of the equation is more like 565. I was also gratified to see that I have a 175 with Michelle Wild. Further, Janus 4 indicated that Michelle would have had a "love at first site" experience with me.

{How much fun is that!}

The stunning news comes from the Libra camp. The Libras love me to death, and I had absolutely no idea that this was the case. Whilst I have been wasting time on Pisces and Capricorn, the Libras have been pining away for me. 7 of the 23 names on my leader board are Libras. The top 5 scores on my leader board are all Libras. The scores are pretty stunning.

Holy crap... and I had no idea...

As I trolled through late September and early October birthdays on IMDB.com, a familiar name came up: Kim Kardashian. I had no idea she was a Libra. The next sound heard was a burst of laughter. I expected this to be the Libra that hated me. The two of us have basically nothing in common. Well... maybe we were both pulling like hell for the Saints this year.

Strictly for the hell of it, I typed in her name, birthday and location. The next sound heard was me clicking the mouse button. The next sound after that was me hitting the floor laughing.

Romantic and Sexual Attraction: 357

This officially makes Kim the #1 score at the top of my leader board. She clipped the next closest score by 66 points. Now have a look at this

Aggressiveness, Competition, Power, Success, or Violence score: 525

Jesus Christ! Brad & Angelina one moment, Mr & Mrs Smith the next... Actually, I believe the aggressiveness score is bullshit. Rico, one of my buddies at work, is also a Libra and we have an aggression score of 505. I assure you, no machine gun fire has been heard in the workplace. There are no voiles of cannon fire. We are not tossing grenades.

If you take a look at my chart, you will see that I am a very nice guy. I don't fight like that with anybody.

My buddy at work Mr. Tabish Sayed is going to kill me. He loves Kim. He is going to be jealous enough to strangle me right on the spot!

So, the real question becomes this: Do I gird up my loins, and find the nad to go to Kim's Boutique in Calabasas? For those of you who don't know. I work in Agoura Hills. I work (literally) 3 miles from her boutique in Calabasas. Me and Rico have lunch very nearby frequently.

Do I have the guts to put this software to the test?

The really hysterical part is that I recently saw a commercial for "Keeping up with the Kardashians" in which Kim's mom declares that Kim is the only unmarried sister, and mama is going to have to take an active roll in finding her a man.

You know, mama, I have a 357... For the record here is the result set:

Compatibility Scores for

Kim Kardashian and David A. Leon

Data for Kim Kardashian: Data for David A. Leon:

October 21, 1980 September 2, 1966

12:00 PM 6:05 AM

Daylight Savings Time observed Daylight Savings Time observed

Los Angeles, California Fresno, California

34 N 03 08 118 W 14 34 36 N 44 52 119 W 46 17

Tropical PLACIDUS Tropical PLACIDUS

Time Zone: 8 hours West Time Zone: 8 hours West

Sun 28 deg 32 min Libra Sun 9 deg 37 min Virgo

Moon 28 deg 56 min Pisces Moon 7 deg 13 min Aries

Mercury 19 deg 49 min Scorpio Mercury 2 deg 09 min Virgo

Venus 19 deg 40 min Virgo Venus 22 deg 04 min Leo

Mars 6 deg 50 min Sagittarius Mars 5 deg 02 min Leo

Jupiter 28 deg 53 min Virgo Jupiter 25 deg 43 min Cancer

Saturn 3 deg 42 min Libra Saturn 27 deg 33 min Pisces

Uranus 24 deg 13 min Scorpio Uranus 19 deg 21 min Virgo

Neptune 20 deg 35 min Sagittarius Neptune 19 deg 41 min Scorpio

Pluto 21 deg 58 min Libra Pluto 17 deg 56 min Virgo

Asc. 0 deg 05 min Capricorn Asc. 3 deg 32 min Virgo

MC 18 deg 34 min Libra MC 29 deg 54 min Taurus

Category Totals

1. Romantic and Sexual Attraction: 357

2. Similarity of Interests and Temperament: 86

3. Mutual Success and High Achievement: 126

4. Problem Solving, Communication, and Mutual Understanding: 50

5. Mutual Kindness, Friendliness, Pleasantness, and Peace: 61

6. Aggressiveness, Competition, Power, Success, or Violence 525

7. Adventurousness, Surprises, Disturbances: 114

8. Shared Creativity, Imagination, and Inspiration: 267

Given above are your compatibility scores in 8 different categories. A score of 100 is average. A score above 100 indicates that the trait is strong, and a score below 100 indicates that the trait is weak. More specifically, you can interpret the

scores as follows:

Above 150 is very high. This trait is VERY strong!

125 to 150 is above average. The trait is strong.

115 to 125 is slightly above average. The trait is slightly strong.

85 to 115 is average.

75 to 115 is slightly below average. The trait is slightly weak.

50 to 75 is weak.

50 or lower is VERY weak!

I don't know if I can eat another hot dog ever again...

Ground beef either. So, in the past 48 hours, I had the misfortune of watching several documentaries I've stacked up on the DVR. These were "How it's Made" and "Man Made Marvels" documentaries. I recorded them months and months ago, but never got around to them until the past 48 hours. They went into great detail about butchering, hotdog & sausage making, and good 'ole ground beef.

Politicians have an old saying on this subject. There are two things you should never watch as they are being made: sausage and legislation. This is one of Hillary Clinton's favorite sayings. She quotes it often. Many others do also. Regrettably, I totally understand this saying now. Further, it applies to hot dogs and good 'ole ground round also.

Unfortunately, you can observe a lot just by watching, as Yogi Berra taught us. I am the most observant dude in the Zodiac, and I don't like anything but practical information. Sooner or later, this was bound to happen.

Bouy... the look on the face Armour hot dogs representative was one of profound discomfort and unease as he began to guide the camera men through the Chicago factory where your kids' hot dogs get made. He explained the process hesitantly, and his eyes shifted frequently to look at the faces of the videographers he was talking to. He looked very ill-at-ease as presented the process. Obviously, he completely understood what impact this would have on the audience. He was probably was afraid of loosing market share, or botching the market outright.

I used to wonder why my dad used to go off like a bomb about hot dogs. When he wanted to deride child abusers and neglectful parents he would say things like "These are the kind of parents who would feed hot dogs to their children." He would say things like "The poor stupid bastard can't learn anything. He was malnourished in childhood. His mom only gave him hot dogs to eat."

I used to think these comments were borderline crazy. He obvious had seen the factory, or saw documentary films like this long before I ever did. I am now inclined to agree with him.

Folks you don't want to know the cheek, gums, lips, eyeballs, intestines, scrotums, sphincters, organ meats, and hoof gelatin fillers they throw into your hot dogs and hamburgers. I used to wonder why Alton Brown insisted on buying chuck steak and having the butcher grind it for him. I used to wonder why they called hot dogs "throw away meats". Goddamn nasty stuff there.

No more for me. I am done.

Only select German sausages, Spanish Chorizos, and ground chuck for Dave from now on. Don't worry about the price. I can afford it.

Proof positive that Virgo and Aquarius can get along

So I've been slagging the Aquarians quite a bit, according to some. A lot of my favorite people do happen to be Aquarians. Believe it or not, there is concrete positive proof that Virgo and Aquarius can, in fact, get along. Have a look at the indisputable photographic evidence right here.

Here are a few of my favorite Aquarians.

1. Rutger Hauer
2. Oral Roberts
3. Paul Newman
4. Wayne Gretsky
5. Mozart
6. Anton Chekov
7. Tom Selleck
8. F.D.R.
9. Vanessa Redgrave
10. Jackie Robinson
11. Sir Francis Bacon
12. Clark Gable
13. Farrah Fawcett
14. Christie Brinkley
15. Dan Quayle
16. Alice Cooper
17. Hank Aaron
18. Babe Ruth
19. Ronald Reagan
20. Zsa Zsa Gabor
21. Rip Torn
22. Tom Brokaw
23. Charles Dickens
24. Garth Brooks
25. Lana Turner
26. Jules Vern
27. Jack Lemmon
28. Joe Pesci
29. Burt Reynolds
30. Abraham Lincoln
31. Charles Darwin
32. Lorne Greene
33. Chynna Philips
34. Kim Novak
35. Jack Benny
36. Hugh Downs
37. Thomas Malthus
38. Charles Schwab

So as you can see, the Aquarians make the best actors. They also make controversial but important presidents.

The Bradford era begins now

Another screed about the Rams. I fear this will go down as just another screed about the Rams. It is like being a man standing on top of wooden post in the middle of Indian Ocean, shouting at the top of your lungs, but there is no one around for thousands of miles, and nobody is paying any attention.

I have shocking news for all Rams fans: A.J. Feeley was injured during the 2nd preseason game against Cleveland. He jacked up his thumb and his elbow on his passing arm. A defensive lineman blasted him just as he was throwing. The strange thing is that the O-Line just can't keep those QBs clean in St. Louis.

Gheez... how the hell did that happen? Gheez, I wonder why?

We still await the results of the MRI, but it took only 2 preseason games for the first significant QB injury to manifest itself in 2010. So now the Sam Bradford era begins. How long is he going to last? Not longer than 7 weeks in the initial campaign.

Folks, I am not the crazy one in the room. You are, if you think it will go longer. Have a look at the CBS Sports forums here:

"Sammy is already taking a beating"

"Bump it up for 50 sacks by midseason"

"Not many starting rookies from week 1 make all the way through"

"Starting rookies with a porous offensive line could even spell the doom for the rest of their careers, much like David Carr""

"Watching Bradford trying to survive is scarier than having Freddie Kruger on a rampage."

Folks, the objective world sees things much as I do. I knew this would happen *_before_* the draft. I knew this was the way it would play out. Any rational, honest man watching the Rams play for the past 30 years must, perforce, come to the same conclusion. I vehemently objected to selecting Sam because I knew damn well we were (and remain) utterly unprepared to receive him.

I also knew that throwing him head first into the shark tank (naked as a jay bird) would very probably result in David Carr syndrome. Call me foolish, call me irresponsible, call me a dreamer, but I just don't think you take a kid #1 to turn right around and flush his career down the crapper.

Most serious fans of the NFL, who are objectively detached from the Rams, don't think Sam is going to make it through this season. Many don't think he will make it in this league specifically because the Rams drafted him.

The cheerleaders and apologists have just one thing to say: Don't panic. Let me spell this out for you and make it perfectly clear. This is not a question of panic. It is a matter of knowing the unavoidable eventuality here.

Right all the time... Sometimes I hate being right all the time. It's a mostly a matter of hating the state of psychological denial the organization is in.

It's not a matter of being a swammy or a guru or being clairvoyant, or having psychic powers, or an astrology chart. You just have to be brutally honest with yourself. You gotta look yourself in the mirror in the morning and say "You know, Dave, you could stand to be a little more authentic and honest with yourself and other people today."

Most people already regard me as one brutally honest bastard. I still say that to myself each and every mornings.

Self deception is a hell of thing. It is worse than self pity. You are never going to make any progress in this world if you are not absolutely brutally honest with yourself about where you stand. The first step in the 12 step program is come to a full realization that you have a real problem. If you don't do that, no other steps towards recovery are possible.

Right now, I see the Rams locked in death spiral. A few years ago, we had one of the worst management situations the NFL has ever seen with VP Jay Zygmunt and GM Charlie Armey. The forces of Zygmunt, Armey, Linehan utterly destroyed the Greatest Show on Turf. Georgia dies. Now the Rams are between ownership regimes. The Rams now have three minority owners, which is to say that the Rams have no owner. In the interregnum between owners, Billy Devaney has taken command of the ship.

The Rams flush everybody in 2008-2009. We make a bunch of additional bad draft decisions. Then the Rams make a really bad decision in hiring Pat Shurmur, possibly the worst offensive coordinator currently employed in the league. In 2009 the Rams field an offense more reminiscent of the 1976-1977 Bucs than anything else. They look like keystone cops at a Chinese fire drill as they score a total of 175 points in 16 contests. That's a mere 10.9 points per game folks.

Why did that happen? You can start with the fact that the Rams has a quarterback rotation by medical triage. The least wounded guy started. All Ram quarterbacks got injured. All Ram quarterbacks missed time. By the end of the 2010 season we had a banged-up 7th rounder starting at QB. Buldger finished with a broken leg.

Given so many QB injuries over the past several years, and so many offensive line injuries, you might think that some brilliant fellow, paid millions of dollars a year to get the facts straight, might tweak on the logical inference: The offensive line requires a full-scale Marshall-Plan. When I say Marshall-Plan, I'm not talking about drafting a guy in the second round and grabbing a former undrafted free agent who has been cut by his last two teams. I'm talking about a full-scale Marshall program to rebuild the line with All-Pro and Pro Bowl talent. By that I mean guys like Alan Faneca.

Did Devaney get that right? NOPE! Devaney does the cheap and easy thing: He blames the quarterback for our offensive woes. Buldger is responsible for the Rams offensive problems. The Rams cut Bulger and draft Sam Bradford. This works well with ignorant fans. The quarterback always gets too much credit: Too much blame for a loss, and too much glory for victory. Smart fans know better than to believe this pile of crap.

Let me think... You go through one era of absolutely terrible offensive production due to (A) injured/fragile QBs and (B) a very poor offensive line. You don't fix the O-Line. You flush the toilet on one fragile QB and select a new fragile QB (who is surgically repaired already) and you expect everything to change and get better.

SMART! DAMN SMART!

Buldger failed because the Rams allowed his receiver corp to dwindle down to shit, and his line to dwindle down to shit. Now you stick Sam Bradford in nearly the same pile of shit and you expect him to succeed where Buldger failed?

STUPID! ABSOLUTELY STUPID!

You cannot convince me that there is any rhyme or reason to that rebuilding program. There is not the slightest trace quantity of logic in this program. Ergo, I have no confidence in the current rebuilding program. I lost confidence in Devaney shortly after the 2010 draft finished on that Sunday evening.

Some have suggested that there is perfect rhyme and reason to this program. You just have to switch Paradigm. There is an NFL Draft philosophy known alternately as Assism or Buttism that states "A college players value in the draft is exactly equal to the number of asses he will put in the seats." There are a number of corollaries to this philosophy. Big, ugly, sweaty, dirty, smelly offensive linemen don't put any butts in the seats. The Rams found that out last year when they finished 29th in attendance.

Now drafting a QB is an entirely different proposition all-together. That will put some asses in the seats. This is a very splashy, A-List, box office, public relations move. It's something a casual (read ignorant) fan can get into and get behind. It will bring people into the stadium. It just might help with the attendance figures.

But what if this isn't a sound strategy for building a future winner? Many denounce Assism as lousy blueprint for building a quality winning program. I certainly do. What if you need big, ugly, smelly, dirty, filthy, foul, nasty offensive linemen who won't put any butts in the seats? What if that is what you really need? You better sack up your nuts, and a find enough nad to go to New York and select some offensive linemen.

There are rumors in the wind that Dick Vermeil will return as President and possibly GM of the Rams, if Mr. Kroenke should complete his acquisition of the Rams. If that happens I will fall on my face and weep tears of joy. You have no idea how much I want to see Dick Vermeil return. You have no idea how bitter I was after he left, or was pushed out, or retired, or whatever.

Until then, it is the interregnum of our discontent.

Sam, if they make me the boss, I promise you a full-scale Marshall Plan for the offensive line. I doubt that you and Steve will object to that notion.

Giada De Laurentiis

So, as you all know, I am big fan of the Foot Network. If I am not watching ESPN, or the NFL Network, I am watching the Food Network or the Cooking Channel. That's how it goes at my place.

As you all know, Giada De Laurentiis is the reigning Diva of the Food Network. With all due respect to Alton Brown, she is probably the most popular figure the network has ever had. If you walk into any Target, you cannot go past the cooking gear or the groceries without seeing her face at least 20 times. Here is just partial list of some of the things I have seen with her face and logo it.

1. Giada De Laurentiis Pasta
2. Giada De Laurentiis Pasta Sauce
3. Giada De Laurentiis Cookware
4. Giada De Laurentiis Cutlery
5. Giada De Laurentiis Cutting boards
6. Giada De Laurentiis Utensils
7. Giada De Laurentiis Cookbooks
8. Giada De Laurentiis Table sets

So forth and so on. Amazing... Giada has conquered the world. Not only this, but my buddy Colin is head-over-heals in love with her. I mean bat-shit crazy in love. He has been for several years now. It is just one of those crushes that just won't go away. He is a Cancer guy, and his Taurus wife really doesn't cook. Now you know the rest of the story. Do you remember what the Star Goddess had to say about this subject?

The funny thing is that I never knew Giada back in college. Neither did Colin. Why is that a strange thing? Giada happens to have a B.A. degree from UCLA in Social Anthropology. The date stamped on her diploma is 1996. The funny thing is that I happen to have a B.A. degree from UCLA in Anthropology 1995, although my focus was more biological. I was one year ahead of her.

I find it particularly strange that I never met Giada because Dr. Anna Simons sat on my B.A. Honors thesis committee. I was in her office regularly. What does Anna Simons have to do with this question? She was the reigning social anthropologist in our rather small department. Anna held the seat in Social Anthropology. Giada must have worked with Anna. I am surprised we never bumped into each other... at least I never noticed her. I think I would have noticed her.

Colin has chastised me several times over the past several years saying "Shame on you for not remembering Giada!" I usually retaliate by saying "See, if you had majored in anthro rather than history, you would have met Giada yourself." He turns grey-green like a corpse when I say this to him. Incidentally, Colin graduated from UCLA with a degree in history in the year 1997.

Of course, there is a the propofol problem, and the 89mm subdural hematoma Katy Perry inflicted on me, but since our first discussions on this subject predate my first knee surgery and the subdural hematoma, I am pretty sure we never met. This is not just a case of memory loss.

When Colin first brought her to my attention, my first impression was that she was a created media figure, a glam girl for the kitchen set. Nope. I was absolutely and completely wrong about that. Upon further review, I discovered that the woman has serious skills and more training than just about anybody on the Food Network.

Not only does she share a degree in anthro with me, but she shares a degree in culinary arts from the prestigious Le Cordon Bleu in Paris France with many 9th degree black belts. Folks, that's about as good as it gets. You must admit, this is a pretty good block of training for what she does. Not only that, but the training shows.

She has not influenced me a lot, primarily because she loves to make cofections: Cakes, pies, cookies, candies, you name it. She spends a lot of time doing this. I can see and understand why she is the femme super heroine of our day. The girls must love watching her show. Still, I respect the remarkable skill and knowledge she brings to the stand mixer.

Her skill and technique should not surprise anyone. She has her Mercury in Virgo, just like me. The most brilliant people always do.

I used to jest that a degree in Athro from UCLA and $1.00 would buy you a 12 ounce can of coke. After seeing the way my fellow Bruin anthropologist has conquered the world, I may have to reconsider this saying.

By some flukish roll of the dice, today just happens to be Giada's 40th birthday. Strange that I sat down to finally scribble out this blog entry today. I've been considering writing this entry for several months now. In any case, my best wishes for a happy 40th birthday today. The malady struck me down almost 4 years ago now, and in a week or so I will be turning 44 myself.

Damn... how did we all get this old this fast?

Super ultra hyper giaganto-titana-saurus-megalopolis scorpion

Dear friends, it would appear that I have made a dreadful and catastrophic mistake. Katy Perry is no Capricorn. The mistake is totally understandable. I had one hell of a concussion at the time. The report of the MRI indicated an 89mm (3.5 inch) subdural hematoma on the left hemisphere of my brain. It's tough to get the facts straight with that kind of brain damage.

Well, here we are a few weeks later and I have healed up. The error has been discovered. Katie Perry != Katy Perry. There is a Katie Perry who is a fashion designer in London, and she is of Australian parentage. She is a Capricorn. There is another Katy Perry from Santa Barbara, who is indeed a California Girl, and sings pop music. She is a Scorpio, and we're not just talking about any Scorpio either. We're talking an super ultra hyper mega Scorpio.

Have a look at the very nice Natal chart I have drawn up on Katy Perry. Terrifying, is it not?

In case you have forgotten Janet's words on the subject of Scorpios, I will refresh you memory.

Wow... Damn... The Star Goddess wasn't just whistling Dixie.

Incidentally, no other authorities I know of will corroborate Janet's take on Scorpio women. They are not great conquistadors. All indications show that they are pretty monogamous, and like to go deep. Highly intense sex is a form of surgery that allows them to get down to the core of the guy's being. That satisfies the intense need for intimacy that they 'so desperately crave'. These are not quick hitters with an on-deck circle. They are more like spiders who wish to ensnare you in their web, so they can drain all of your precious bodily fluids... after you have seasoned a bit.

Janet must have gotten burned by a Scorpio rival at some point or another.

Yeah, she's a bombshell, but I would be less than frank if told you that this new information didn't set off a red alert. Virgo-Scorpio is purported a pretty decent match-up, so I am not quite sure why this information has rattled my cage. Still, it has. Danger! Danger Will Robinson. Be careful with this one.

So, I already suggested that Tim Tebow should get himself a triple Scorpion. Is Katy Perry the one for Tim? I did an inquiry using a piece of Software called Kepler 7.0. The results of the Synastry analysis were great for a friendly rivalry, terrible for love, romance and sex. Consider the following results.

Compatibility Scores for

Katy Perry and Tim Tebow

Data for Katy Perry: Data for Tim Tebow:

October 25, 1984 August 14, 1987

12:00 PM 12:00 PM

Daylight Savings Time observed Standard time observed

Santa Barbara, California Manila, Philippines

34 N 25 24 119 W 42 12 14 N 35 121 E 00

Tropical PLACIDUS Tropical PLACIDUS

Time Zone: 8 hours West Time Zone: 8 hours East

Sun 2 deg 33 min Scorpio Sun 20 deg 51 min Leo

Moon 20 deg 26 min Scorpio Moon 24 deg 39 min Aries

Mercury 12 deg 15 min Scorpio Mercury 14 deg 22 min Leo

Venus 6 deg 45 min Sagittarius Venus 18 deg 21 min Leo

Mars 14 deg 32 min Capricorn Mars 24 deg 30 min Leo

Jupiter 7 deg 50 min Capricorn Jupiter 29 deg 41 min Aries

Saturn 17 deg 07 min Scorpio Saturn 14 deg 33 min Sagittarius

Uranus 11 deg 26 min Sagittarius Uranus 22 deg 52 min Sagittarius

Neptune 29 deg 13 min Sagittarius Neptune 5 deg 32 min Capricorn

Pluto 2 deg 05 min Scorpio Pluto 7 deg 21 min Scorpio

Asc. 2 deg 11 min Capricorn Asc. 20 deg 40 min Scorpio

MC 21 deg 16 min Libra MC 20 deg 39 min Leo

Category Totals

1. Romantic and Sexual Attraction: 4

2. Similarity of Interests and Temperament: 200

3. Mutual Success and High Achievement: 248

4. Problem Solving, Communication, and Mutual Understanding: 92

5. Mutual Kindness, Friendliness, Pleasantness, and Peace: 27

6. Aggressiveness, Competition, Power, Success, or Violence 241

7. Adventurousness, Surprises, Disturbances: 30

8. Shared Creativity, Imagination, and Inspiration: 119

Given above are your compatibility scores in 8 different categories. A score of 100 is average. A score above 100 indicates that the trait is strong, and a score below 100 indicates that the trait is weak. More specifically, you can interpret the

scores as follows:

Above 150 is very high. This trait is VERY strong!

125 to 150 is above average. The trait is strong.

115 to 125 is slightly above average. The trait is slightly strong.

85 to 115 is average.

75 to 115 is slightly below average. The trait is slightly weak.

50 to 75 is weak.

50 or lower is VERY weak!

Note that there is no strict dividing point in the scores so a score of about 115, for example, is at about the point where the trait is noticeably above average. As with most things in life, like height, weight, intelligence, etc., there is a gradual

continuum of scores, but these dividing points are fairly good indicators of when a trait stands out as being strong or weak.

Just as a final teaser: I ran Tim's data against that of over 1,100 charts in my celebrity, family, and friends database. The purpose was to find him a good matchup. [See, I told you I feel paternal toward the kid.]

You would never believe who came up as the #1 match. When I say you would never believe it, I mean you would never, never, never, never believe it. Utterly mind boggling. I am considering whether to reveal this information to the general public, but I am leaning heavily against it.

She is female, one year older than Tim, purportedly from Buffalo New York, and I don't know her personally. That's about all I am willing to say. The stats show this would be one hell of a good matchup, although I find this difficult to believe.

Have a look at Tim Tebow's natal chart

So, just for fun I decided I would have a look at Tim Tebow's natal chart. As dedicated and committed Baptist, he would not approve of this, but I thought I would give it a shot anyway.

The look is pretty stunning. Two things jumped out of the HTML and bit me on the nose right off the bat. My first reaction was "look at 'dem triangles!" My second reaction was FIRE! FIRE! FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!

If you didn't already know it by now, Tim is one fiery guy. He is a quadruple Leo (cardinal fire) a triple Aries, and a double Sagittarius. He has multiple planets in all three fire signs, the most dominant being Leo, the leadership sign.

Naturally, this yields some amazing aspects. having so many planets in these compatible signs, all of the same element leads to zero confusion in the kids mind. He's got purity of intend and purpose without a lot need for analysis to figure out what he wants to do in life.

The kid has Venus in Leo and Mars in Leo, just like me. He's also got Moon in Aries, just like me. No wonder I feel a great paternal feeling for this kid. Any prospective wife better watch out. This kid is a fiery Lion. He may be keeping it bottled up right now, but just wait for the damn to break.

My advice to you Tim: Seek a triple Scorpio woman. She needs to have her Sun, Venus and Mars in Scorpio. That's about the only creature on God's Earth that's going to be able to keep pace with you.

Name: Tim Tebow

August 14 1987

12:00 PM Time Zone is AWST

Manila, PHIL

Rising Sign is in 20 Degrees Scorpio

You tend to be quiet, reserved, secretive and, at times, quite difficult to understand. Others notice your deep emotions and feelings and wonder how to draw you out. Stubborn and tough, you fight for any position you believe in. You are very resourceful and formidable when you become angered or upset about something. You enjoy living life at the cutting edge -- for you life must be experienced intensely and totally. Quite courageous, you are willing to take calculated risks. Easily hurt by others, you often strike back with bitter sarcasm. Sensitive and curious, you are concerned with the deeper mysteries of human psychology. Once you have become interested in any subject, you pursue it with total fanaticism.

Sun is in 20 Degrees Leo.

More than a bit of a showoff, you love to be the center of attention! But others do not usually mind because they tend to enjoy your genuine warmth and affection. Very spirited and willful, proud and self-important at times, you demand your own way. You are quite honest, however, and the respect of others is very important to you. You never compromise yourself and you pursue your goals with persistence and dedication. Your regal presence and demeanor draws you to positions of leadership and authority. But beware of being overly hardheaded, domineering, ostentatious or patronizing or you will lose the goodwill and admiration that you enjoy. Very theatrical, you live life on a grand scale wherever and whenever possible. Your strength and energy vitalizes those who come in contact with you.

Moon is in 24 Degrees Aries.

High-spirited and courageous, you are a fighter when your emotions are aroused. The degree of force and drive that you can bring to any effort sometimes surprises others. You have hair-trigger reactions to specific stimuli and tend to "let it all hang out." You sometimes act before you think and do things on the spur of the moment, and that sometimes gets you into trouble. Your moods change quickly -- you have quite a temper, but you don't hold grudges. Very independent, with an extremely strong and forceful personality, you are known for being impulsive, careless, reckless, foolhardy, rash and daring.

Mercury is in 14 Degrees Leo.

You are usually quite convinced that your own ideas are correct and you enjoy persuading others that they are. At times, you are very stubborn and proud of your beliefs and principles, and you get very defensive when they are challenged. You appreciate truth and honesty -- you practice it yourself and expect it in others. You have good talent for organizing, directing and planning. You delight in being asked for your advice and counsel.

Venus is in 18 Degrees Leo.

You have a striking, regal appearance and demeanor that attracts others to you. Your friendship is highly sought and you tend to take friendships quite seriously -- you remain loyal and true to those to whom you are attached. For you, love is mixed with pride and respect. Relationships are over when you lose respect for your partner. Be careful of a tendency to relate only to those who make you look good -- the powerful, important and influential. This can lead to arrogance and selfishness, and neither of these qualities becomes you.

Mars is in 24 Degrees Leo.

You are a very proud person. Strong, bold, courageous and self-possessed, you love to be the one to initiate significant actions. When people expect a lot of you, you respond positively and will work hard in order to maintain their respect. But when your dignity or pride is threatened, you tend to become sarcastic, arrogant and domineering. Try not to take any challenge or resistance that you meet as a personal affront. You are very stubborn about your right to live your life according to your own principles.

Jupiter is in 29 Degrees Aries.

The way that you grow and develop is by being an uncompromising individualist. You have a great need to be yourself and to explore your latent talents and abilities. Do not be afraid to let yourself go and develop self-confidence and pride in your accomplishments. But try not to become so self-centered that you ignore the needs of others. Also, you may have to build up your self-discipline in order to focus your energies properly.

Saturn is in 14 Degrees Sagittarius.

Basically quite conservative, you respect traditional authority figures and are very thankful and supportive of the laws and institutions which govern your life. You learn and accept new ideas only after having very thoroughly examined them. Ideals and abstract concepts are important to you only if they can be used in some practical fashion. You are so practical and so orderly that you have natural skills in planning, administrating and organizing.

Uranus is in 22 Degrees Sagittarius.

You, and most of your peers, have the tendency to think that all ideas, customs and traditions from the past are outmoded and irrelevant. You are attracted to radically new ideas, philosophies and religions that will, hopefully, cause sweeping changes throughout the world.

Neptune is in 05 Degrees Capricorn.

You, and your entire generation, will idealize work, practicality and the ability to attain reasonable goals. But, because you will also stress the need to be selfless and giving, you may find it difficult to attain your goals unless you have lowered your expectations on all fronts.

Pluto is in 07 Degrees Scorpio.

For your entire generation, this is a period of intense research and discovery in areas that were heretofore considered mysterious, remote or taboo. The root causes for many complex occurrences will be unearthed due to the intensity and thoroughness of the search.

N. Node is in 03 Degrees Aries.

You're at your most comfortable when involved in group activities outside of your immediate family circle. You delight in getting involved with others in neighborhood civic or political activities, especially if you can be a part of the leadership of the group. Your zeal and overabundant energy bring out your real creativity when you can work toward tangible results -- things that will immediately benefit those around you. You have a real gift for getting the most out of charity drives and community benefits. Take time out between projects though, because you tire out easily and your effectiveness becomes greatly diminished when your energy is depleted. Also, don't even think of trying to get involved at a peripheral level -- you need a total commitment to feel personally fulfilled. Let others bake the cookies and set up the chairs -- you should be the one to tell everyone what to do and when to do it!